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Having second thoughts

Well, scheduled for surgery for small bowel resection next Thursday. I'm really starting to second guess this whole thing and keep thinking maybe I shouldn't do it! I keep thinking this is all in my head and I don't feel as bad as I think I do. Anyone else have second thoughts about having surgery?? I may just be nuts.... my husband thinks so anyway!!
 
Ho man. I used to have second thoughts like that, and I think that's what led me to needing surgery! I didn't press how many symptoms I was having because whenever I wasn't currently experiencing them I would be in denial about it. Like during my pain I would say "that's an 8/10," but in the office when I wasn't in pain, I would lower that number, telling myself it wasn't that bad.
 
Definitely not!

I must say if your doctor agrees with you needing surgery, I doubt it is unwarranted.

This disease has really shown me just how great my capacity for denial is. I had no idea! Especially when I'm in remission/getting good treatment. I like to tell myself I don't even have it or it will never really affect me. Yeah, from a person who has had 7" of her colon removed. XP

This is why visible/tangible symptoms bother me so much. It pushes me out of my happy denial bubble.
 
I do the same thing. I mostly put on a front to friends and family.
I try to convince myself that everything is ok and my meds are working and I wont need surgery at any time.
But then reality comes crashing through when I cant get out of bed in the morning, or I am in tears by the time I get to the top of the stairs due to joint pain.
I agree with Nic that if your surgeon thinks you need surgery you need it.
I find out on Friday when I will be having surgery.
Fingers crossed for you and I hope it all goes really well. Just think how much better you will feel after.
Sharon xxxxx
 

DustyKat

Super Moderator
Oh Amanda...:hug:

You aren't crazy hun! Although I have never had surgery I always second guessed myself about surgery, well Matt's anyway. Hell I second guess myself about every aspect of their care and treatment! :eek2:

Just read over your older posts here and on fb hun and you won't be left guessing about whether you need surgery or not. :wink:

Much love, :heart:
Dusty. xxxxxxxx
 
It makes sense having thoughts about having surgery like that. Its a big deal to have a surgery like that. However, I know that I am definitely happy with having done it. The amount of pain I was in then was unbearable at times on a good day. Now, I rarely have any at all. So it is worth it, but I think you would be crazy if you werent second guessing it.
 
Oh Amanda...:hug:

You aren't crazy hun! Although I have never had surgery I always second guessed myself about surgery, well Matt's anyway. Hell I second guess myself about every aspect of their care and treatment! :eek2:

Just read over your older posts here and on fb hun and you won't be left guessing about whether you need surgery or not. :wink:

Much love, :heart:
Dusty. xxxxxxxx
Oh good point Dusty. This is actually one of the reasons I started documenting my experiences on this forum. Because when I read an account of it while I was going through it, it was more accurate than my recollection of it later on.

I think we all second guess ourselves about our treatments. They are some tough decisions to make since the consequences are so important.
 
I didn't want to have surgery so much that I denied that I was sick for years. Then when I finally did it, I was so glad and wished I had done it years ago (this is for the first surgery). I also deny how bad I am unless I am in the middle of a spasm or in the bathroom in pain.

The main reason I blog is so that I can look back at the symptoms to see any improvement or worsening, because unless I am experiencing it that second, I will deny it.
 

braveheart

Passionate Dreamer
As soon as I scheduled my surgery I started "feeling better". I think it is part of the fear I felt before the surgery.
Then I didn't regret my desicion, everithing was much better a couple of months after the surgery.
 
I was like this the day before. I tried to convince myself that I could put it off but realized I had already invested so much of my self and time into the operation that it wouldn't be smart to bail out. Especially sinse you are very fortunate to be getting it. I just had mine a few days ago. It only hurts bad for the first couple of days and then the pain starts to decrease more and more as the days pass. I also. tried to convince myself that I tried to make myself seem sicker then I actually was/am and I didn't really need it but when I look back to before the surgery now I realize I was really miserable. I think it would be worth it to just get it now.
 
tishbite - that is what I think I do as well. Been trying to convince myself I am sicker than I am to convince myself that I do need surgery. Makes me sound like I am nuts or something! Its only been since I have stopped all meds and been allergic to the stronger ones that I now realise how poorly I have been the past year.
 
I couldn't wait to have surgery as i was in so much pain. And it was SOOOO worth it!!! I have had no pain whatsoever since and that was over 2 years ago. Don't be scared, think of the upside. Let us know how you get on.....
Hugs
Marie x
 

Angrybird

Moderator
Location
Hertfordshire
Your definitely not crazy - just very normal. Who really wants to be cut open?? I was really nervous leading up to my op but as Nic says if the surgeon says this is the way to go then it must need to be done, they don't open you up unless they really have to these days. I did put on a brave face for my family but inside I was shaking like a leaf, was really worried about the pain but in the end it was so much easier than I thought it was going to be :)
 
Thank you for the encouragement!

I know its really needed, its long over due, in fact. I think my biggest worry is that we've been putting so much stock into this surgery making me feel better, that i'm afraid it won't. I'm still going to have active disease in the colon and rectum, but I'm just hoping this helps me out a whole lot!
 
And not being able to hold my baby!! that's a big worry of mine too! She won't understand whats going on, but luckily she's small enough that she won't know what's going on.
 
HI all,

Thanks sooo much for the words. I second guess everything I do. I am facing surgery now and wonder could i have done something different to avoid it. This disease has no clear cut answers, I just have to remember that. Good luck with the surgery Manzyb, I will probably be in your shoes soon, but it will be a colon resection. I am scared and worried, but hopefully with lots of prayer, support and friends I make it through well. My wish for you is a complication free surgery and recovery! Hugs

Kit
 
manzyb geez you took that right out of my head. I have my small bowel series on tuesday and then my dr will tell me when he would like to do the resection and i too have been thinking is it really that bad?

I got symptoms at 13 and waited till i was 21 (with a bowel obstruction) to go to a dr. & now here i am out of options with scar tissue that is too bad to treat with meds and im kicking myself in the butt for it maybe if i had gone to get help sooner i wouldnt be in the surgery boat just yet. & i have to look at this the same way. I need to stop avoiding the truth, and the truth is that if we dont admit there is a problem and do something about it CD will rip us apart. So im going to do it im going to get this resection and hope to God it helps and if it doesnt well i tried and im moving on to the next solution.

I hope yours goes well please please please keep us posted because im right behind you.
 
You know, even if you would have gotten treatment sooner you could still be in the same boat. I've done everything they've told me to since I was diagnosed at 15 and have been nothing but sick the last 12 years. don't kick yourself too hard about it! Just do what needs to be done now :)

Will keep you updated!
 

DustyKat

Super Moderator
I know its really needed, its long over due, in fact. I think my biggest worry is that we've been putting so much stock into this surgery making me feel better, that i'm afraid it won't. I'm still going to have active disease in the colon and rectum, but I'm just hoping this helps me out a whole lot!
I'm hoping, praying and wishing too Amanda! :hug:

Sending you loads of love and luck and squishy hugs to your gorgeous Sadie!

Dusty. :heart:
 
I know its really needed, its long over due, in fact. I think my biggest worry is that we've been putting so much stock into this surgery making me feel better, that i'm afraid it won't. I'm still going to have active disease in the colon and rectum, but I'm just hoping this helps me out a whole lot!
I felt the same way before my surgery and I really do feel so much better. So, so much better. I hope you do too. It sounds like your case is not as straightforward as mine was, but I really hope it makes a big difference for you.
 

DustyKat

Super Moderator
@Kit and stephanied...:hug:

I hear you both. My daughter went undiagnosed for 18 months which resulted in emergency surgery and her diagnosis. I have been over that time so, so many times thinking if I missed something, did I push hard enough and on and on it goes. To save my sanity I have had to drop it and move on, focus on the here and now. I can't change anything and if the truth be told I really don't think I could have done anything different based on what I knew at the time and I think it is most likely the same for you.

Then on the other side of the coin there is my son. Five years down the track from my daughter and one very informed mama, :lol:. I acted on symptoms that were so minor and vague that under other circumstances you would dimiss them outright. We had a diagnosis in two weeks, it sucked but everything pointed to mild disease. Well everything went downhill from there and the next 6 months were hospital stays, drains, specialist visits, bloods, bloods and more bloods and finally surgery. Phew!

As you say Kit, this disease has no clear cut answers so take it day by day and follow your instinct. The decisions you make, and have made, are based on what you know at the time not by what you know with the advantage of hindsight. :)

Dusty. xxx
 
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