Are you scared?

hye guys,

This is a bit of a personal one but I just wondered how many of you guys are scared of things right now and how things will turn out in life? i am scared of stuff for sure, I have made a lot of mistakes in my life and when i reflect on them it scares me, how about you guys?

thanks

Wait until you have kids. That scared feeling multiplies by thousands!

I am always scared. I am really afraid of getting old. I know that sounds stupid, and it is inevitable, but I am still afraid of it. I don't know why. I am also scared that the world is going to eventually kill itself off, and no one seems to care too much about it. And, of course, having this disease makes me scared for me and my kids. What if something happens and I don't get to the ER in time, I die. What will happen to my kids? Sure, I have a will in place and all, but I am thinking emotionally. Most kids expect their parents to pass when they are all grown up...but not when they aren't even teens yet.

Alot of things scare me. And when I look back at the things that used to scare me when I was a lot younger...well, they still scare me, but now, especially with kids, alot more "deeper" things scare me. But, if you let yourself dwell on that...would you really ever want to leave the sanctity of your safe and secure home??? Nope, not me!!!!!!!

Good question!
Donna

DannyB said:

hye guys,

, I have made a lot of mistakes in my life and when i reflect on them it scares me, how about you guys?

thanks

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totaly agree with that dannyb, im scared of what tomorrow might bring, life scares me more since becomming ill, because ive looked at things differantly

Sometimes I guess I am a bit afraid, but really I realize I have no reason to be. Things are fine now, and there is no reason that will not continue indefinately. Also worrying is not the most productive use of my time, so I would much rather be using my time for things I enjoy .

Whatever will happen will happen. I am not going to spend my time worrying about it.

I fear no Whiskey.... Yeah I know that may make me sound like a drunk, but I'm not.


I really don't get scare.... I'm either to dumb to realize I should be scared or I am just really stressed up and numb from all of lifes little pain in the rear situations that I really don't feel like I want to be scared. I don't know if that made any sense to any of you but it did in my head.

I don't really get scared about much anymore. Mainly just disappointed in human behavior and actions. I include myself in this group of course, I'm far from perfect. The disappointment ranges from seeing someone sell themselves totally short all the way to how brutally people treat each other to how people react towards me with the crohn's (and others with chronic illness). Does all of that count?

I get scared all the time of the future and if the decisions that i made in the past were right and the crohns thing dosnt help at all it just adds even more uncertancy to my life

I have my worries from time to time about things very much important to me in my life but ive learnt to not stress it too much and when it comes to the crunch i can handle pretty much anything that life can throw at me concerning just me coping with it.Its family and friends well being that worrys me and i pray they all lead happy and healthy lifes.

I am definitly scared, surgery scares the F#$@ out of me. And the thought of not being physical able to live out my dreams and desires really freaks me out. Sure, maybe the Pred will put my CD into remission within the next year or so, but 99.9% for sure it will come back. Unless they find some miracle drug with minimal side effects and no long term health issues that succesfully controls CD, i am basically always going to be scared. I try not to think about it but things like backpacking, sports, weight training, boxing/mma are so intertwined into my life the thought of never being able to do those things again freaks me out big time. And the fact there is really nothing i can do about it is definitly a piss off....but ya, scared for sure

I don't get scared I just get FREAKED out. Most of the time I live my life as if it were the last day I would ever live. But other days I go to the why am I here for craze that makes me hate life and everything around me. O am not usually like this but once every so often.

Yeah I get scared.. not of this illness, I've lived with it so long it holds no surprises for me anymore... but yeah I get scared when I think about the future.. I'm scared about how my decisions in life will affect my boys, scared that what I do for them isnt enough.. having kids is a scary business for sure!

Also when I'm feeling down i feel scared that things wont improve.. that I'm gonna be stuck in a rut for ever! But thats just on the bad days!

the answer is yes for me. I wish that I didnt but I do, cant seem to help it. I think too much, way too much, and it tends to get me in trouble. I wont go into the boring details of what scares me. lol

Man, if i wasnt scared i might be normal! With the way my CD has been who knows what tomorrow brings!, shoot i was dead on the table in febuary so now i live life one day at a time and i think thats the best way right now... Im afraid to goto bed at night most of the time, then its like my birthday when i wake up!

I guess I'm scared. Things in my life right now are kind of in a downward spiral. No Job, no insurance & sick. I'm on a job search now but am afraid that it will be yet one more that I loose because of being sick. I wish I could wait until I am better...much better, but as I said, downward spiral. And I'm hoping that a job will get me up & moving...have something to look forward to; a reason to go outside (even to take a shower).
But more than scared, I'm angry. I hate being sick. Saying I'm sick. And, most of all living in a country that doesn't take care of the sick. I bet if we had a better "system" more people would be healthy and our enconomy wouldn't be going to hell in a handbag.
I'm also confused. Why did this happen to me? I am a good person. I don't do harm. I treat others just as I would expect to be treated. I eat right. What did I do to deserve this? Is it some kind of test? If it is I am certainly failing.
I've had Crohn's since I was 18 (I'm 35 now). I think back to the times when I wasn't sick. Jeez! I was a crazy-running-around-drinking-partying-fool. Why is that? Why is it that now, when I'm older and more responsible does this have to hit me OVER & OVER?
OK, so yes, I'm scared.

i think the ability to fear kicked in when ellie was born lol. before bel arrived i was carefree and had no fear, i was jumping 5ft fences on my horses and partying with my friends, then bel popped into the world and i became a total wimp!!!!!
its scary being a parent especially now im doing it alone, to know that everything you do could change the way a person grows up and to have someone totally dependant on you and you alone is terrifying.
im scared of crohns too, not knowing what each day will bring and knowing that its something ill have for life is a big part of it.

Parenting is not scary. I think its a blast. Kids can be so much fun. My son has truly been the greatest joy in my life. Being alone though....I'm terrified. I'm a 32 year old guy with Crohn's. Yeah that sounds appealing? What's next for me I don't know. I tend to alienate myself from others in order to not have to explain my condition to people. The reason being- other than my sisters and mom, No one seems to really give a sh*t about what i'm going through. It's a lost topic. I fear I will be alone on this journey. I really don't want that
STEVE

That loneliness factor is what kicked me in the but too Steve. I always prided myself on being independent. I live in Florida and the rest of my family is in Ohio. It was just by happenstance that they were visiting the first time that I got sick. They came back the second time I was in the hospital. The next 12-15 times I did that junk on my own and it was too much.

It was an odd feeling because I wanted someone to be there for me, but I did not want to bring anyone else into such a horrible situation. Quite a dilemma.

So to answer the original question -- yeah, I get scared. I have been able to handle everything so far but since getting this condition, I never know what could be coming up.

The thought of having to have an ostomy keeps me up at night. I'm afraid of having to be on my own in a few months.

Why will you be on your own?

Its not shameful to be scared. I have been through everything and I'm scared still. Its normal. I've had between 15 and 20 colonoscopies, I'm still scared, I've had 3 resections with my colon removed(kept my rectum), illistomy placed on the 2nd surgery, 3rd surgery was emergency for porforated bowel, and they removed 11cm of illieum, and replaced my illiostomy.

I've been overdosed a few times. I've also had my blood pressure drop to 59 over 37.

I've had my bone marrow suppressed by 6mp, which forced me to be isolated in the hospital wearinga mask, and everyone in contact with me wearign a mask.

I've had 7 kidney stones in 2 months, all of them except 1 to big to pass, and one of the two big to pass ones I still passed, because of being on PCA pump of 10mg of dalaudid and hour, 40mg of oxycontin CR every 12 hours, and 35mg of regular Oxycontin every 4 hours. That is how I passed that one lol. I even seen it splash in the toilet, laughed and paged the nurse, the docs came in just to seee it in the toilet.

Can you imagine a kidney stone that SPLASHES?

Its normal to be scared...IBD is chronic....but you still dont get used to being different.

The physical pain is not what gets to me so much... it is the mental anguish. I am so glad to be in remission now. When I did get sick and hospitalized often, the worst part of it was living every day like "Will I have to go the ER today?"

plagueius said:

Why will you be on your own?

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I'm going to school in 3 weeks eeeek. Whatevs, it's not so scary anymore. They have a really good disability program and have been way accomodating:thumleft:

Glad to hear that Janet.

And really, all you can do (this is for everyone to use) is plan what to do in an emergency, and realize that you have done everything you can to prepare for the worst. Then it will not matter if you are or are not scared, as either way you are prepared. I think there is a line like the only way to plan to fail is to fail to plan. If you know what to do and steps to take in an emergency, you will be okay.

The doctor's and surgeons know what to do if someone comes in with an emergency surgery need, so you just need to trust them and let them do what they need to do!

I still get scared all the time. but now Im scared x2 lol.. Jonny is here, so I have to worry about him as well right?
(Im afraid to let him do anything.. he didnt get any travel/medical insurance before coming.. poor boy, Im sure Im a pain, lol)

Sometimes yes we all are.. My major fears are not for myself though but for my family... My dad was diagnosed with colon cancer earlier this year... He is doing ok now but one day things will turn for the worst... When that day comes were going to try to easy him from this life and into the next as quickly and painlessly as possible... He won't easy out of this life though if I'm still having all my problems...

Currently he pays for my insurance, my bills, my rent well everything until I'm well enough to work again and get a job that gets me FULL benefits.... I'm trying to do that... If I do all of that then I feel he could slip on peaceful and not fight it when the long dark night comes...

I also worry about my grandmother.... She is in and out of the hospital all of the time... I would hate for her to see my Dad die... That's one of a parents biggest fear is seeing your kid die before you do... Doesn't matter if it is a 56 year old or a 5 year old it hurts all the same...

As far as me I don't worry about me... I know I'm doing the best I can to get better... I'm taking the best suppliments, eatign the right foods, and I'm on the right meds... It just gonna be a long long long hard road till I am normal again...
Sometimes I stumble along that road but that is what friends and family are their for...

So keep a postivie outlook.... Things may be bad now but they won't be forever... And things will get better the more efforot you make into improving your life... Just don't push yourself too fast though or else you will trip and fall and be back at the bottom of the hilll again... I have learned all my lessons the hard way.... Lets hope you don't have to.... Granted if you learn things the hard way you are MUCH more likely to remember what to do and not to do next time.

Okays time for pills and t.v. and food

Cya later

Daniel

When I first got diagnosed, I was scared. I was scared that any bite of food would be the one to put me in the hospital having the piece with strictures cut out. I was scared of leaving my farm to my husband for a week. I was scared of the painful recovery. But, when I started feeling better from the mangosteen juice and my symptoms started to back down, then I quit feeling scared. Now, there is only one thing to scare me, that's fire because I live in a foothill region that gets very dry in summer. Maybe I'm deluding myself and should still view myself as a ticking time bomb, but I feel so good that it is hard to hang on to that fear.

I think a lot of medicine in my opinion is psychological. Meaning the meds that have that 50-50 chance, like remicade, a medicine that usually either works for you or doesnt work for you, I feel if you go into it with an open mind, your more likely to be on that good side of the 50 percent. Does anyone agree with the psychological impact of meds?

Skinsfan1229 said:

Does anyone agree with the psychological impact of meds?

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I definately agree.. esp with something as big and scary as remicade. when your told "OK this is your last resort drug..."
that can make it a bit scary to say the least.. my remicade nurse is a very special lady though, and reminds me every time Im there to work with it.. and her, and we can do this. without her support and encouragement Im not positive it would have worked for me.. I went in with such a bad attitude, assuming since nothing had ever worked before why would this?

I understand velentina, I went into it thinking it was great though. I heard great things from my doctor about it so of course I trusted him and I'm glad he made it seem that way to me.

i know i am scared. especially now. less than a month ago i was dx'ed -went on pentasa that same day. then a week later entocort-(still on both-and yesterday at dr appt-he changed the 4 weeks on entocort to 8. no big deal...what got me was-well...getting more tests in a week-(still in flare-and have very bad heartburn and sometimes ab cramps--etc etc)--but..i knew it..since i still bad most of the time-..well-i knew it--he's looking into remicade and maybe 6 mp or aza (with the remicade?..not sure--but i stay on the pentasa regardless) ...just a lot in just a short time...though-i have felt bad for months before-and.."d" for years.
what scares me-i hate putting my family and friends through worrying about me--and yet..i "need" them...but..i hate having to ..you know..bother anyone. my dad just had hip replacement-and is having rotator cuff surgery next week. he had colon cancer 5 years ago (but-cut out-and so far he is ok) my mom has menieres. my best friend is 39 and just about to have her first child--and has been going through complications. but--we are all there for each other--but..as much as being alone would scare me more--putting others through worry--and then worrying myself what is next--when can i work fullp-time again? when can i go out w/o feeling bad? will the meds stop working? cause other diseases? yeah..cant worry about that-just-gotta do what you gotta do-take meds. i trust my dr totally-and go with whatever he says..but..i am scared. i am scared if i go to hospital on emergency that i have to leave my cat..(who has hcm--heart disease-and is on meds--and she is youngish-7-dx'ed about a year ago) i got a petsitter-finally-in case of emergency..but--it scares me-she isn't human--but i love her so so much. and-i need to be sure she'd be ok.
and i get pissed --but..it's only been less than a month..so-i know i need time to adapt to it all still. i am a fighter-and love life-have many things i want to do in this life --but..right now..well..i just miss even the simple things.
what scares me most is feeling depressed about it. i am on meds for depression/add--but..this depression-it is less my "usual" depression..and more a sort of "giving up phase"--and--i wont go there---cant go there--but-it scares me when i feel it..
i want to FIGHT--to live this life as fully as i can-and ..know it is ok to need other people sometimes and say--i'm really really scared--but--that doesn't mean i am not going to fight and be part of stuff. but--this SUCKS.

sometimes i get scared when i think about my hospital bills. i was in the hospital the other day and it cost me 20,000! i was like, this sux, because i had surgery on the day i graduated from college

I'm scared of becoming unable to work and having to become dependent on my son. Everything else, I can handle.

hi i always seem to come on when every ones gone. HOPE EVERYONES OK. Quite a sad one.

oh hi skeet your up late what time is it with you

One masive question is any one else scared that their children have Crohns thats one of my biggest fears. i was diagnosed about 2 years ago but ive been very poorly for many many years. Im well now thankfully but i worry about my two kids

vixen said:

oh hi skeet your up late what time is it with you

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I'm six hours behind East Coast US time. (I think!) Could be five. We don't change our clocks with the rest of the US for daylight savings time and I can never remember what the actual difference is, LOL.

oh ok well youve gone now its about 10.15 here in the evening im waiting for my hubbie to come of shift he comes back at 12 tonight boring. Drinking voddie to keep me sane.

I don't really get scared, not about my Crohn's anyway. I get nervous and anxious but I can honestly say not scared. The only thing I am scared of, which is really pathetic is spiders and moths!!!! sad I know but at least I don't have to live with them. Can't imagine life every day with something I feared. I should imagine its a strange existance

Danny,

I think it would odd if you weren't scared. I'm the mother of Crohn's patients. I have 2 children (sons). Both were diagnosed 1 year apart as they turned 16. So, since 2001, I've haven't been to look at my kids without fear tearing my insides out. The weird thing is no one else in my family has ever had an IBD. We have other immune system issues (MS & RA). Not sure if it could be genetically related.

I spend a lot of time researching what's happening in the Crohn's research world. I have a lot of faith in the brilliant minds of scientists. But, let's face it, it takes time to find answers. I just hope and pray they figure something out before things get bad.

The problem I'm having is my kids are young (mentally and physically). They are boys who still think of themselves as invincible. They are both in college and often skip their meds. I've nagged and put myself in the role of pill police but it doesn't help.

Yep, I'm scared. Good luck to everyone. Talk to your Docs and stay informed. The rest is in God's hands.

The possible side effects of all the powerful drugs are scary. I am weighing the odds of trying more powerful meds which raises the chances of liver problems, lung problems, fatal blood disease, osteoporosis, blindness,or just catch a virus that, because the immune system is so depleted because of these drugs, could cause death. Or surgery, where there are no guarantees you won't have diarhea forever, need more surgery later, complications from scarring, malabsorbsion. Waiting to see if Lortab is enough pain killer to keep me out of the ER needing Morphine or Delauded. Kicking the Prednisone is long, and in my case painful right now since it's the only thing working. Not Remicade, Asacol, 6MP, Flagyl, Nexium. Do I try Methotrexate or am I pushing my luck?

I have no health insurance, can't work right now, and don't know how to pay for this operation. Scared?