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10-08-2011, 11:13 PM   #31
outlier
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hmm... I am back on anger or as i've been saying fed up.
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Diagnosed: Crohn's Oct '09
Extraintestinal: scleritis May '08, GERD Aug '09, ankylosing spondylitis Feb '10
Current Meds: Humira, Asacol, Dexilant, domperidone, Tramadol and a whole lot of vitamins
No more sulfasalazine, Methotrexate, Xibrom, Pred Forte and Iron
10-09-2011, 12:25 AM   #32
Slim Johnson
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Indeed Dusty.
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10-09-2011, 12:45 AM   #33
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Not to say my wife is terrible. She has been by my side, from the onset. She does bust her bottom to stay on top of things.. I think much of her anger comes from the powerlessness of watching me deal with this illness. She has worked two jobs to support the family since '09. Even after I received my SSD, she is still working both jobs, albeit less than before. I just don't know what to tell her about that anymore. For me, that time is passed, and we have new battles to face together, rather than with each other. Even having to argue is so taxing... I have been dealing with regular flares since '09, only going to the ER once in that time; until maybe June of this year. That was when the Missus was eligible for insurance. Since then, it's been a small bowel follow through, small bowel CT scan, a series of Cipro, and Prednisone. Not to mention two doctors giving up their preferred vernacular to tell me that; "You're a mess, you need surgery." Also: "You are a time bomb! No fiber, No juice, No veggies, No rice..." (the list goes on.) All of this within a few weeks. Only to determine I need surgery, and have for at least two years... UHG!... I hope to have the op in January. Hopefully not sooner. I couldn't sleep the first week after I talked to the surgeon. This is the second.

*Rant Over*
10-09-2011, 12:57 AM   #34
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I understand Slim. I know you weren't being disrespectful to your wife. You are going through a very difficult time and that means it can become overwhelming and all consuming.

You need to be able to vent mate.

Dusty. xxx
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10-09-2011, 01:00 AM   #35
Slim Johnson
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I understand Slim. I know you weren't being disrespectful to your wife. You are going through a very difficult time and that means it can become overwhelming and all consuming.

You need to be able to vent mate.

Dusty. xxx
10-09-2011, 12:38 PM   #36
allieinwonder
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I have been dealing with so much anger over the last few weeks. From the refusal to treat letter, to my wife's own preoccupation of what she isn't getting from me (as a result of my illness) with regards to intimacy, and affection.

I have explained to her SO many times, that I have an illness that has robbed me of my life, and that I am doing my best by her. Still, when I get depressed, and sad about what I am dealing with, she turns it into something along the lines, that I don't give her what she wants, and that I am distant.... Well no SH!T!! I am afraid of the upcoming op, as well as the seeming lack of understanding in the medical community with regards to Crohns. I am depressed that surgery is not the answer, but merely a bandaid. I am angry that I am unable to please my wife, even though I work through the abuse that comes from a spouse that doesn't seem to get what I am going through, or thinks that I am faking it to get out of doing something... WTF?? SERIOUSLY!?!?! Sometimes I just want to put a bullet in my head... The problem with this, I have 2 children that need me. I fear for what they would have to go through with their mother if I wasn't around.

All of this is depressing. And no, I won't be putting any bullets in my head. Not that I don't daydream about it...
You and I are going through the exact same thing. My spouse is treating me the same way for my illness. We are trying to work through it, but he is being very stubborn. My husband doesn't think I'm faking it, but he gets very angry thinking I do more for others than for him, which is not true. I am also going through the depression, and I know how hard that is as well. My husband and I have made a breakthrough in realizing he hasn't accepted the illness, and I'm hoping that realization puts us on the road to recovery. He is also going to counseling on his own to try and sort it out, and when I get back to Germany (I'm away from him right now finishing my degree) we are going to do marriage counseling. I hope you and your wife are able to find a middle ground as well!
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10-09-2011, 08:45 PM   #37
Slim Johnson
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Actually, Alienwonder, I had a big meltdown with my wife yesterday. It seems that her typical response to my illness is anger. Which aggravates my CD like no other. I have taken it upon myself to seek counseling for myself. I can't pine over my wife's decision to turn her back to my illness. I have children who need me. I have me who needs me. I can't juggle my illness, children, and her insecurities, and selfish needs. I don't have the wherewithal. I just hope the therapist will be able to help me cope with things until my OP.
10-09-2011, 08:56 PM   #38
allieinwonder
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I am so sorry. I am continuing to try with my husband, but I completely understand where you are coming from. The stress his negativity causes makes my illness worse as well. I guess I just sit here and hope he just realizes he hurts my feelings with taking his grieving out on me, and I hope he changes his ways and calms down. We did have a turning point when we talked and I told him he wasn't accepting my illness...he agreed and apologized, which was wonderful. I'm hoping we make little improvements like that, and slowly but surely accept this new life and get into a better routine.

Many hugs to you, and I hope the councilor helps you get through this.
10-09-2011, 09:01 PM   #39
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Thanks. I aim to have the same success as you are.
10-09-2011, 11:34 PM   #40
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I'm so sorry Allie and Slim. Times are rough for both of you. I hope that it doesn't last for long. I am very blessed to have an extremely supportive husband. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am. I thank you both for reminding me - but sorry that it's at your expense. I hope you can find the happiness that I have discovered in my marriage. It is so vitally important for our health.
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10-10-2011, 12:32 AM   #41
Slim Johnson
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The importance of family harmony is so often overlooked.

One way to hurt a depressed person, is to ignore their pleas for help. Sometimes, I think I would be better off calling out on the top of Mt Olympus, than to talk to someone close to me..
10-10-2011, 02:03 PM   #42
Jessi
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Unfortunately, Slim, we all end up hurting the people that we love the most. Your wife probably loves you a great deal. I'm sorry that it feels like she turned her back on your illness, but maybe that's her way of pleading for help. *shrug*
10-10-2011, 10:26 PM   #43
Slim Johnson
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Unfortunately, Slim, we all end up hurting the people that we love the most. Your wife probably loves you a great deal. I'm sorry that it feels like she turned her back on your illness, but maybe that's her way of pleading for help. *shrug*
You may be right, her approach is all wrong. I have lost 14lbs since my last Dr visit, and 6lbs in the last week, due to the stress. I was bawling at the Dr office... I feel so ashamed, I am 37 next month, and I thought this sort of suffering was behind me. Maybe you could talk to her? I would PM you her #.
10-10-2011, 10:27 PM   #44
Slim Johnson
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You may be right, her approach is all wrong. I have lost 14lbs since my last Dr visit, and 6lbs in the last week, due to the stress. I was bawling at the Dr office... I feel so ashamed, I am 37 next month, and I thought this sort of suffering was behind me. Maybe you could talk to her? I would PM you her #.
----

She doesn't seem to comprehend, or is in denial about the impact her actions have on me. I love her so much, but she is killing me!
10-11-2011, 09:44 AM   #45
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You may be right, her approach is all wrong. I have lost 14lbs since my last Dr visit, and 6lbs in the last week, due to the stress. I was bawling at the Dr office... I feel so ashamed, I am 37 next month, and I thought this sort of suffering was behind me. Maybe you could talk to her? I would PM you her #.
Maybe we ought to get together. A double date, maybe? My husband has such a grasp on this reality that it blows me away. He may have a strong influence on her way of thinking. He is so good with helping people understand things, and helping people want to care more. He boggles my mind.

Was your wife friends with your friend that passed away? Did she understand better when there were 2 of you going through it? Sorry if these questions are overstepping. I know it's a sensitive subject.

I know you love your wife, and it's okay to cry. I cry all the time. My husband hates it, but I catch him crying, too, sometimes. My disease really scares him, and has motivated him to become a better person.

Anything that we can do to help, we would try our very best...
10-11-2011, 01:11 PM   #46
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Perhaps a double, once I am on amicable terms with my wife. She is VERY angry right now. All I can think is that she can't cope with what I am going through, so she is lashing out at everyone in the house. It is so depressing. I have panic attacks when she gets home, or comes stomping up the stairs to instigate something. Even happened this morning....

Day 2 on 40mg Pred. and I am still super fatigued. Usually I feel like a crackhead when I am on the juice.. I must be worse off than I think.
10-11-2011, 03:03 PM   #47
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I would love to meet the two of you. I know that you are probably not wanting to do anything until you get this flare under some control, but we can make it work. We'll go somewhere where we can sit right by a bathroom.

I'll PM you.

About your prednisone, I was put on 60mg last time with immediate results. I hope 40 works for you.
11-27-2011, 12:59 PM   #48
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I must say I relate to a lot of what you all have written. I have been feeling pretty depressed in the past weeks...but was not sure why. Joined this forum has, in one way, made it worse as I am at the beginning of this illness...and now I can see how bad it can get....I really admire how you all cope! My anger has been at the lack of clarity...I have been prescribed Pentasa, have all the symptoms of Crohns, but have no formal diagnosis... And I can see that many of us are also angry at the lack or clarity that comes with this illness itself. And at the doctors for not having clear answers. But really I guess we are really angry that we are all and have to deal with so much!
I'm not sure how to deal with my depression...but thinking of going on anti depressants.
01-26-2012, 02:47 PM   #49
vonim
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I have been reading these messages on here and thinking of my 21 year old son who has been having symptom of crohns for 3 years and has finally been diagnosed. He is in total denial and I think I'm just scared for him.......... today he was in pain, as I looked at him he looked like a shadow of his former self.......... after being a strong level headed mum and a single parent for many years I confess I'm scared........ very scared and I feel alone.

He cried today for the first time in years and I couldn't "fix him" or take the crohns away, I feel helpless.
01-26-2012, 03:19 PM   #50
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Hi vonim,

I am so sorry to hear about your boy...

Is there anything more heartbreaking and soul destroying than seeing your child suffering and all the while we are helpless to take away the pain and distress? No there isn't.

I know it is small comfort in these dark days but just know you are not alone Mum, we are here and we understand, we have been there and are there.

Welcome aboard hun, there is a load of info and experience on the forum. I hope you stick around, maybe we can help out and make the journey a little less scary and arduous.

Thinking of you,
Dusty. xxx
01-30-2012, 03:36 PM   #51
Slim Johnson
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Hang in there Vonim. It's tough to deal with someone who is in compete denial of their condition. My uncle is going through the motions now for an IBD diagnosis. As far as I am concerned, he has Crohn's.. Sadly, he basically ignores my advice until he hears it from a Dr., then he still doesn't take it seriously.

Only time can make these guys realize what is going on with their bodies...
01-31-2012, 09:11 PM   #52
tiloah
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I was diagnosed when I was 21 (I'm 25 now). There will be some pretty severe downs but there will also be good times. I myself recently had surgery and the time before that was very dark, but post op I am feeling amazing/almost "normal."

Both of you are strong enough to get through it, if you take it one day at a time and keep pushing forward. I wish him well.

Last edited by tiloah; 02-02-2012 at 02:32 AM.
02-02-2012, 01:28 AM   #53
Slim Johnson
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I was diagnosed when I was 21 (I'm 15 now).
What's your secret!!??
02-02-2012, 02:35 AM   #54
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Ha! Oh geesh. Neglecting to revise before posting?
02-05-2012, 12:21 AM   #55
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Reading this thread has made me question the "in ssickness and health" vowel.
02-23-2012, 07:54 PM   #56
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welcome Vonim... you will find a bunch of very supportive people on this forum. My daughter was diagnosed in Feb of 2011. she is in remission right now.. but as you will read; you never really know when they will have a flare up; so even in remission I live with anxiety for her. Be there for your son; he will need alot of support from you and for you to be his anchor. Keep his diet healthy and give him lots of hugs. since we are mom's .. I can't help it; I cry in front of her.. but I try not to and we are lucky; her dad and my husband is very supportive and strong too. it has not been a good year; but certainly is good because she is in remission and gained 13 lbs back and right now she is not on any prescription meds. I pray ALOT... not just for her; but all these people that are affected by this disease..God Bless
02-23-2012, 08:10 PM   #57
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diesanduhr .... it's so neat to see your beautiful face after looking at your back for so long!!
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02-24-2012, 06:37 PM   #58
tiloah
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Awh, thanks!
02-26-2012, 07:08 PM   #59
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I'm stuck in depression. I'm 23 healthiest member of my family I always took care of them and now I'm so tired I barely function. I took on a dual degree and worked no complaints but now I don't know if I can pass the semester. I don't know what to do I feel like no one gets it. I'm sick and it's not going to get better.
02-26-2012, 07:33 PM   #60
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I'm stuck in depression. I'm 23 healthiest member of my family I always took care of them and now I'm so tired I barely function. I took on a dual degree and worked no complaints but now I don't know if I can pass the semester. I don't know what to do I feel like no one gets it. I'm sick and it's not going to get better.
It is going to get better, and if you're stuck in depression, please get yourself to the campus doctor right away! There's plenty of things that the doctor can do to help you get you back on track and back in the driver's seat. It's the key to feeling better, in my opinion. When small problems become large, and large become too large, it's not a healthy way to move forward in your life, especially at your age with all your potential and the best years of your life ahead. Please read this and call your campus doctor's office. You can do it, anomiidae! It might feel heavy right now, but with just a little direction, you can be back in the saddle and on your way.
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