Share Facebook


 
02-05-2013, 08:44 PM   #1
mwkwmn
Forum Monitor
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Kentucky
Spouses

I have been fighting Crohns for 20 years and most of that time I was either dating my wife or married to her. In 20 years you would think she would know when I am sick and what happens when you get abdominal pains nausea vomiting and the big D. For the last couple of years she has refused to take me to the hospital when I was admitted she refused to come visit me and has actually left me vomiting and very dehydrated just so she could go out while she is saying I was faking so she wouldn't go somewhere. as we all know we have no control when we are going to have the symptoms of Crohns. I guess I'm very frustrated at her and I'm thinking that it's more than just the Crohns that is bothering her. I could never treat another individual like that especially not my spouse. Ok I'm sorry for the rage I just had to get that off my chest.

Any advice is welcomed
__________________
mwkwmn
Dx
Crohns 1993
Adrenal insufficiency 2005
Blood clots 2006
Low testosterone 2006
Osteoporosis 2011

Meeds
Prednisone 7.5 mg
Lortab
Zoloft
Coumadin
Entocort
B 12 inj
Testosterone inj
Citrical with D
02-05-2013, 09:32 PM   #2
Ya noy
Senior Member
 
Ya noy's Avatar
That is pretty cold, and it does sound like it's more than just the Crohn's.

I am so sorry.
02-05-2013, 10:38 PM   #3
tiloah
Senior Member
 
tiloah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Seattle, Washington

My Support Groups:
If it's more than just the Crohn's you need to have a discussion with her about what it is. Have you considered couples counseling?
02-05-2013, 10:46 PM   #4
Jmrogers4
Moderator
 
Jmrogers4's Avatar
Definitely sounds like more than the crohn's. We will have been married for 20 years this October and my hubby just had his 20th Crappy Anniversary. I can't imagine ever leaving him like that. I will say I have gone out while he has stayed home and in those cases it was more a case of he had diarrhea and it was usually a family function where the kids and I would make a brief appearance and head home, he usually wants to be left alone near the bathroom at that point anyways but after 20 years I've learned when I can leave for a few hours and when I need to stay and take care of him.
I can't even imagine not taking you to the hospital or visiting. I'm usually the one that makes him go.
-
__________________
Jacqui

Mom to Jack (18) dx Crohn's 2/2010
Vitamin D -2000mg
Remicade - started 1/9/14; 7.5ml/kg every 6 weeks
Centrum for Him teen multivitamin
Past meds: Imuran/Azathioprine; allopurinol; methotrexate; LDN; Prednisone; Apriso; Pentasa; EEN

Husband dx Crohn's 3/1993
currently none due to liver issues
02-06-2013, 12:16 PM   #5
mwkwmn
Forum Monitor
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Kentucky
I appreciate the advice and I agree it's more than my illness. We tried counseling and I've tried everything I know to do but I physically am so tired I can't fight anymore. I recently had a flare that is starting to get better, fortunately I have some very good friends and a daughter that has helped. I hate to feel like I depend on someone but there are times when I feel so bad I just can't get going. I guess it's true as to when you are sick and you need someone the true friends are always there regardless.
02-28-2013, 12:16 PM   #6
Hope345
Forum Monitor
 
Hope345's Avatar
MWK..,

Just checking to see how you are doing?
I hope things are going better. You do not deserve that, and i hope your wife has come around. It makes me very sad to think you have been left to take care of yourself at such a time.

You may not be able to make someone love you, but you dont have to put up with such treatment!!!

Let us know how you are doing and if your wife has come to her senses.
03-01-2013, 12:35 PM   #7
mwkwmn
Forum Monitor
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Kentucky
MWK..,

Just checking to see how you are doing?
I hope things are going better. You do not deserve that, and i hope your wife has come around. It makes me very sad to think you have been left to take care of yourself at such a time.

You may not be able to make someone love you, but you dont have to put up with such treatment!!!

Let us know how you are doing and if your wife has come to her senses.
Thank you Julie and I agree as it turns out the day I came home from colon surgery I caught my wife in the hot tub with my younger brother. I later found out they had been having an affair for 3 years. She actually told him to just wait and that I would be dead soon so they could be together. Wow what a shock I was devastated. I am currently going through a divorce she walked out and left me with everything to deal with. She acts as if she has no responsibility and I am having to deal with the banks and foreclosure and trying to get the house in shape for possible short sale. This has been a terrible time in my life as I just got out of the hospital and when I got home found that she had moved out. The next day I was laying in bed recouping from hospital and herbparents showed up with 2 friends and started loading up furniture that belonged to both of us so I got up and ran them off. I'm sorry to vent about a divorce on a crohns forum but I had to vent my frustrations and you guys are wonderful listeners.
03-01-2013, 03:17 PM   #8
CeeCeeGo
Forum Monitor
 
CeeCeeGo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wirral, UK

My Support Groups:
Just take things one step at at a time and remember you have done nothing to deserve this. It is important that you look after yourself especially at this stressful time. Try to take some time each day just for you.
Take care and I hope things start to get better soon.
03-01-2013, 03:46 PM   #9
hannah-rose
Forum Monitor
 
hannah-rose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Bedford, United Kingdom

My Support Groups:
I'm sorry to vent about a divorce on a crohns forum but I had to vent my frustrations and you guys are wonderful listeners.
This forum is for people who suffer from Crohn's to support each other through whatever life throws at them, whether that's illness or something else, we are all here for you and I'm sorry you've had such a hard time, you deserve someone who will be as good to you as you have clearly been to your wife. I hope you;re doing ok and recovering from your surgery well.
__________________
Hannah

Diagnosed 2011
Current meds: 6MP and plenty of exercise!
Previous meds: Metronidazole, Infliximab, Humira, Azathioprine
03-01-2013, 04:28 PM   #10
Hope345
Forum Monitor
 
Hope345's Avatar
MKW,

If we could, a bunch of us would come there and ward them OFF!!

But you do have to focus on getting better and keeping away from people like that. WOW!!

Do you have others that are still helping you when needed?
03-01-2013, 04:30 PM   #11
mwkwmn
Forum Monitor
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Kentucky
MKW,

If we could, a bunch of us would come there and ward them OFF!!

But you do have to focus on getting better and keeping away from people like that. WOW!!

Do you have others that are still helping you when needed?
Yes I have very good friends and my parents. My daughter has been wonderful
03-01-2013, 04:40 PM   #12
Hope345
Forum Monitor
 
Hope345's Avatar
that is good to hear. Just so you know, you have support from all over the world now too

I hope you are able to find the right treatment for you, to get yourself in remission soon.
There is so much information on this forum that is helpful.

We all want to help each other/or our kids get better!!!
03-01-2013, 08:18 PM   #13
tiloah
Senior Member
 
tiloah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Seattle, Washington

My Support Groups:
Yes, I am here and support you in any way you need that I can offer. We all support you. I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. Remember to lean on your support system. You are not a burden, you are worth it. I'm here to talk if you ever need it and the forum is always here for ranting and other such nonsense. Take care of yourself.
03-01-2013, 09:01 PM   #14
Ya noy
Senior Member
 
Ya noy's Avatar
OMG! So, that's why she wouldn't take you to the hospital or visit you!

With your own brother no less, how slimy!

In case her parents come back, rather than furniture, you may want to consider getting a box together with some whips, handcuffs and other embarrassing items to give to them instead, along with the explanation that it appears she and your brother left the box behind, and if they could please get it to them.

I am so sorry. You deserve so much better.
03-02-2013, 03:49 PM   #15
mwkwmn
Forum Monitor
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Kentucky
Thanks to all of you for your support. What is so sad she has lied to her parents and they think I'm making all of this up even when they know my brother has confessed to everything. Her father accused me of being gay and one of my best friends who is happily married and a good Christian. The only other thing he said to me was that I was going to have to pay dearly in child support and that I was worth nothing. I have gone through so many emotional feelings and even felt that no one would ever want me as a husband due to having crohns and from all of the negative things they said and then on top of that having my brother sleep with my wife. Oh and that's another issue my brother when I last talked to him told me that everybody was laughing at me cause I was having a hard time losing my wife and that he was the one that stole her away from me.
I'm sorry for the long rant but I'm very confused sad and really hurt over everything that has happened. I'm not sure as to what to do next but I'm slowly trying t hold up my head and just get through it. Again I thank all of you for your kind words and support it's good to know that there are good people in this world and a lot of them are on this forum.
03-02-2013, 05:09 PM   #16
Hope345
Forum Monitor
 
Hope345's Avatar
MWK,

Do not try to rationalize their insensitive insanity.
YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. It is time to get MAD!!! Kick them out of your life and embrace new friends and the loved ones who care for you.

For your own health, happiness and the future wife you WILL meet someday, move on past them as soon as you can. There are many loving people out there and many happily married people with Crohns.

You sound like an incredible guy!!!

Sometimes we literally have to push people away and that is OKAY.

sending all the support I can,
julie
03-03-2013, 10:33 PM   #17
mwkwmn
Forum Monitor
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Kentucky
I know someday I will look back on all of this and understand the why's and the what's. But right now it's hard to evaluate the magnitude of what has taken place. As I read about other people and their struggles and see how there spouses support them and are there along side this horrible journey I have to say I am envious to a point. I have come to sppreciate all of you ( spouses) habging in there and supporting your loved one in sickness and in health. For those of you who have a spouse or family or friend that has been there with you to support you please let them know how much you appreciate the things they do for you even the small stuff, because when you are dealing with a chronic disease itbplays a role on you not only physical but emotionally and the smallest of things can mean so much to us that struggle every day for just a smile. I am so happy to have found this forum and to read about all of the good things each of you share with total strangers, to me that is a miracle itself. Take just a minute and thank those that share in your journey whether you've known them for a long time or just chatted with them on this forum because there is no value as to the role they have played in your life.
God bless everyone and a special thank you to all of the fighters here on the forum you guys are awesome.
03-03-2013, 10:58 PM   #18
Hope345
Forum Monitor
 
Hope345's Avatar
You may never figure out why people do and say the things they say. But one day you are going to have a loving family that you never have to wonder if they care, love you or if they are going to leave. I am not saying people dont have their ups and downs but most people are nothing like the ones you have had to deal with. Believe me, you did nothing wrong. You dont have to tell the ones that love you that you appreciate them all the time.... she just didnt care about anyone but herself. A kind word to each other goes a long way, but mothers, wives, and husbands take care of their loved ones.

How is your IBD? Are you doing better?
03-03-2013, 11:03 PM   #19
mwkwmn
Forum Monitor
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Kentucky
I have to have a scope on April 1st my GI thinks I have some inflammation going on and my D has picked up quite a bit. I'm still having abdominal pain and the nausea and vomiting. I know the added stress has contributed to my symptoms but I just can't do anything about that now. I know traveling through hard times makes you appreciate the good even more and I know there are good days ahead but boy do I want to get off of this train.
03-03-2013, 11:15 PM   #20
Hope345
Forum Monitor
 
Hope345's Avatar
I know what you mean. I use to be fine with boring, and now I even want it back more

I have two ideas. Just so you know, I always have ideas

First one is to maybe try Kefir. I just started my daughter on it today and I am very hopeful. It makes sense to slowly introduce good bacteria back into your system.

The other is somewhat controversial and our daughter is too young and doesnt really fit the criteria: THC (cannabis). . It has done wonders for people including helping with pain, diarrhea and inflammation... you gain some weight back and you could use the "destress affect" too. There is a lot of information on this site if you are interested. It is medicinal.
03-05-2013, 07:05 PM   #21
Ya noy
Senior Member
 
Ya noy's Avatar
Hope,

We drink kefir, every day. Have for many, many years and make our own for raw milk (only we pasteurize it ourselves first.). My husband actually hasn't had any flare since he started drinking kefir with me, but has other health issues.

Mwkwmn,

And I agree with Hope. Time for you to get mad, along with some righteous indignation.

Takes a pretty cruel and inhumane individual to find anyone's divorce amusing. I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy, and I doubt seriously there's any truth to his claim that everyone is alighting at you. More likely, they're horrified he has the nerve. If your brother had any decency, he'd be ashamed of himself.

No one wants to see themselves as the "bad guy", no one. Rather than accept responsibility for their own actions, they just "villainize their victim" so they can blame them instead.

This is what your brother and ex are doing. They're turning you into the "bad guy", so they absolve themselves, which is about as despicable as it gets. It's also a lie, and they're not just lying to you, but to themselves as well. Don't buy into their BS.

I am so sorry you are having to deal with all this. Please take care of yourself and remember, this too shall pass.
03-05-2013, 07:19 PM   #22
mwkwmn
Forum Monitor
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Kentucky
I really really appreciate your kind words and support. It's nice to hear that other people can see what is happening. I have been thru hell and I am the type of person that is very careing and would do anything for anyone to keep them from being hurt. I know I have to harden up my heart and stand up for myself and try to take in everything that both of them have done. Believe it or not it's hard for me to get mad even when they have hurt me so but I have reached the point where I am so tired of being hurt. I agree they have lied to themselves to me and everyone else and trying to blame me for what they have done. It's sad when you love someone so much that you belittle yourself to begging for any type of affection and you just get slapped in the face. I guess its hard for me to understand how people can treat you that way when I couldn't even imagine doing that to someone. I know I'm a good person and I didn't deserve this but the hurt is still real and hard to imagine the person you loved and trusted could do this. Life is strange and it seems that the people you love so much can do the most damage. Again I really appreciate your comments and I welcome any and all support because it's going to take everything I can mustard up to get through this.
03-05-2013, 11:22 PM   #23
Hope345
Forum Monitor
 
Hope345's Avatar
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said "I have reached the point of being so tired of being hurt." that is the point. You do not have to be a door mat to be caring. matter of fact when we care about ourselves, then we can care more for others. (I am talking to myself too).

What is it about some of us that we torture ourselves all day long over what they did, while they dont even have a conscience about it? Everyone has a right to be happy, but not at the expense of others.... so we have to move on!!!

I love this forum. Every one on here is so helpful, supportive and caring.
You have all of us, and now we have you

I know, I am way to mushy!!!
03-10-2013, 11:07 PM   #24
tots
Senior Member
 
tots's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Austin, Texas

My Support Groups:
It must be part of our disease, I think a lot of people here feel the same way.


I don't like it...


Lauren
__________________


Diagnosed= 1992 and again Feb 2012 Confirmed with
CT enterography May 2015 !!


Waiting for the ok from my Ins company to restart Remicade. Will also start Imuron to get into remission!
I know it's out there somewhere and I WILL find it!


:


Ok, my family Dr told me to cut down on the stress- a husband, 3 kids, and 3 dogs!
03-15-2013, 10:58 AM   #25
Karen
FRIEND 4 1 & ALL
 
Karen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Ohio

My Support Groups:
mwkwmn ... I have been married to my husband for 35 years { in about ... 17 days from today } and so we have seen a lot of rough patch's over those many years ... he was there for me when I was pregnant and then he was there with me when I had my miscarriages and he was there for the day that I found out I was diabetic and that my friend was one of the hardest days for me ... But there has been a lot of good times between us as well ... watching our oldest son get married ... watching our youngest get engaged to a wonderful and very loving young man.

I have been there for him thru some hard times ... I was there at the Doctor's office when the GI specialist asked me " What do you think is wrong with your husband " I told him " I do believe that it's Crohn's " and he told me " YES IT IS " so I broke down and so however I did go with him when he checked into the hospital but I was there the morning they took him in for his colonoposy and I was also there throughout his time in and so ... I made that promise when we got married " In sickness and in health " so ... I was there for him and even if he had those bad days I was still there for him and so here we are into year 7 and so ... I am still there for him !!

So, what am I getting at ... I will be praying for you both and if you need a friend to talk with ... I am a click away !!!


__________________
03-15-2013, 12:10 PM   #26
Ihurt
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: United States

My Support Groups:
It sounds like your wife is very selfish! What a horrible way to treat you because you are sick. I would NEVER treat my husband that way. She has got issues and I think she is being very self absorbed. I am sorry you are going through all this, it has to be hard with you being sick. She obviosuly was not paying attention when you got married when they say "in sickness and in health"! Maybe try counseling if she will go. I am so sorry. Sending
)))BIG(((hugs your way!!







I have been fighting Crohns for 20 years and most of that time I was either dating my wife or married to her. In 20 years you would think she would know when I am sick and what happens when you get abdominal pains nausea vomiting and the big D. For the last couple of years she has refused to take me to the hospital when I was admitted she refused to come visit me and has actually left me vomiting and very dehydrated just so she could go out while she is saying I was faking so she wouldn't go somewhere. as we all know we have no control when we are going to have the symptoms of Crohns. I guess I'm very frustrated at her and I'm thinking that it's more than just the Crohns that is bothering her. I could never treat another individual like that especially not my spouse. Ok I'm sorry for the rage I just had to get that off my chest.

Any advice is welcomed
03-15-2013, 02:03 PM   #27
723crossroads
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA

My Support Groups:
I know someday I will look back on all of this and understand the why's and the what's. But right now it's hard to evaluate the magnitude of what has taken place. As I read about other people and their struggles and see how there spouses support them and are there along side this horrible journey I have to say I am envious to a point. I have come to sppreciate all of you ( spouses) habging in there and supporting your loved one in sickness and in health. For those of you who have a spouse or family or friend that has been there with you to support you please let them know how much you appreciate the things they do for you even the small stuff, because when you are dealing with a chronic disease itbplays a role on you not only physical but emotionally and the smallest of things can mean so much to us that struggle every day for just a smile. I am so happy to have found this forum and to read about all of the good things each of you share with total strangers, to me that is a miracle itself. Take just a minute and thank those that share in your journey whether you've known them for a long time or just chatted with them on this forum because there is no value as to the role they have played in your life.
God bless everyone and a special thank you to all of the fighters here on the forum you guys are awesome.
Great write MK!!! Glad to hear you are out there and making new friends on here. They are such a blessing, aren't they. Just wish we had a place where we could meet sometimes and just hug!!!
03-15-2013, 02:16 PM   #28
CLynn
Senior Member
 
CLynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Missouri
To my friends here, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! We share so much, which is ironic since most of us have never met in person. Wouldn't want to do without any of you.....
__________________
Cheryl
Diagnosed:1988
Previous meds: Sulfadiazine, Flagyl, Prednisone, Imuran, Pentasa, Asacol
Surgeries: re-section 2004
Currently taking: B-12 injections every 2 weeks, multi vitamin/mineral, fish oil (1000 mg), D3 (5000 mg)

Also lucky enough to have psoriasis as well.
03-15-2013, 02:17 PM   #29
723crossroads
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA

My Support Groups:
I so agree! Consider you true friends and love you!!!
03-15-2013, 02:18 PM   #30
CLynn
Senior Member
 
CLynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Missouri
Exactly!!!
Reply

Thread Tools


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:09 AM.
Copyright 2006-2017 Crohnsforum.com