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07-16-2013, 10:44 AM   #1
thunderbear1
 
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I can't do anything right

My husbnd has been really awful the past 2 days. I know he's frustrated and in pain and I'm trying everything I can to help but he is being so resistant and mean. I have only been up an hour and already he's yelling. He doesn't want me in the same room with him in the mornings. Last night, I made supper and we sit down to eat and all he did was tell me how inconsiderate I was because yesterday he had a Dr. appt but he wanted me to go. ith my sister cuz she's pregant and they thought she had twins in there.and one was stuck in the tube. We dont have a mom and she was alone and wanted me there. So she would of had to have surgery to remove it. So I went with her. Turns out it was just a cyst in her fallopian tube and her little baby in utero was doing great. I had already texted him about his doc visit and he told me everything was ok. So I didnt ask about it. Then over supper I asked "So what did the Dr. say?" Well he blew up. He started yelling at me saying I was inconsiderate and F you and saying I didnt care about him. It hurts when he says that. All I do is take care of him. I set up all his appointments. He wont even talk to his doctors. He wants me to. I aegue with his ins.companies and make his menus cause he cant eat what me and.our son eats. I food ahop at several different places, running myseld ragged, looking for certiam thingsbthat our grocery doesnt carry (3 diff places for orgamic avacado?!?) . Im burned out. Im stressed out. My mental illnesses have taken a backseat to his CD. On top of that, my fibro is flaring and I am in so much physicall and emotional pain that getting out of bed a lot of self bargining. My ulcer is back. I have been throwing up bile for days. Soon it will be blood. UGH!! I just want to run away. My dad said that if I wanted, me and.my son.can come stay with him this weekend and do.some fishing and swimming to get away but I.know if I do hubby wont take his med. Im so tired.
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Caregiver & wife. Husband dx in 2005 with CD. No surgeries (yet)
Meds past: Asacol, Entocort, Prednisone, Flagyl, Cipro & Zofran
Present: None
07-16-2013, 10:58 AM   #2
scottsma
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You can't be responsible for your hubs taking his meds.It's ok to remind him when you're at home,but surely,as an adult he can do that for himself.Is he holding you to ransom ? I think he's being very unfair.I would got to your Dads.Tell him you need a break,and if he retaliates with "what about me,I need a break" tell him he'll have a break on his own,as nothing you do pleases him.Leave his food and meds.and you go and unwind.Men can be such hard work when they act like babies.I hope you feel better soon.
07-16-2013, 11:07 AM   #3
lizbeth
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You can't be responsible for your hubs taking his meds.It's ok to remind him when you're at home,but surely,as an adult he can do that for himself.Is he holding you to ransom ? I think he's being very unfair.I would got to your Dads.Tell him you need a break,and if he retaliates with "what about me,I need a break" tell him he'll have a break on his own,as nothing you do pleases him.Leave his food and meds.and you go and unwind.Men can be such hard work when they act like babies.I hope you feel better soon.
I second all of that, you need the break for your own health and sanity!! I have a father who uses emotional blackmail to try and get us to put him before our own families so I understand how difficult it is for you when you know the response your husband will give you about going away. My dad wanted me to move 60 miles to live with him, saying I had nothing to keep me in my home, nothing meaning my husband and two children who in his eyes were not as important as him. Please consider going away, I believe it would be a blessing for you. Sending you a very big hug and lots of support. take care.
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07-16-2013, 05:47 PM   #4
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Thanks you guys. I dont know if its my OCD or what when it comes to the meds and food for him. But whatever it is, he has gotten used to it and expects it. I have so many other things that are worrying me besides him and he thinks that he should be the only person I should be concerned about. My little sister is 31 and she has Crohns too. And now shes pregnant and this is the furthest shes gone without miscarraige so shes at high risk. Plus she has genetic hi bp. And like I said, Im the only family she has so she needs me too and of course Im worrying about her. I guess he doesnt understand. I know he is scared about this possible resection and hes been having anxiety, which I def understand anxiety, but I need time to myself. Without worrying about his.blood work his tests his diet and meds and weight. Just time to be me not his cargiver. Sometimes, I dont feel like a wife, I feel like his nurse/doctor. Which is fine but I need HIM to take care of me ya know? I feel selfish when I say that, but its how I feel lately. :'(
07-16-2013, 06:18 PM   #5
nogutsnoglory
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You need to make sure to take care of yourself mentally and physically as well to ensure you are healthy and can be a good caretaker. Please don't let yourself fall apart and you can't blame yourself for his attitude. He is suffering and sometimes it manifests in weird emotions.
07-16-2013, 06:27 PM   #6
thunderbear1
 
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You need to make sure to take care of yourself mentally and physically as well to ensure you are healthy and can be a good caretaker. Please don't let yourself fall apart and you can't blame yourself for his attitude. He is suffering and sometimes it manifests in weird emotions.
I know noguts. I just wish I could make it better for him. Ive tried getting him into therapy to help with these anxieties and depression but he doesnt feel comfortable talking with a T.
07-16-2013, 06:49 PM   #7
kiny
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Why doesn't he want to take his meds?

Why doesn't he want to talk to a doctor?
07-17-2013, 03:30 PM   #8
thunderbear1
 
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Why doesn't he want to take his meds?

Why doesn't he want to talk to a doctor?
The Flagyl was giving him nausea. I told him he ha to take them a few days before the side effects went away. And they did. But he thinks if hes feelimg better then he doesnt have to finish the script. I told him if he does that then the bacterial infection in his intestines will become resistant and hard to treat. I told him it could kill him so mow hes taking it. I didmt want to use the fear tactic but it worked.
As far as the docs,, hes not good at all at talking to anyone. Hes introverted. Especially with doctors. He says its cause I know the right questions to ask because I have been studying CD for 8 years. He still doesnt know where his ileum is or what it is cause ge doesnt like to read about CD, it depresses him.
07-17-2013, 04:21 PM   #9
kiny
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He still doesnt know where his ileum is or what it is cause ge doesnt like to read about CD, it depresses him.
I was like him at first, I did not want to read about it, I did not want to hear about it, for a long time I didn't even believe I had it even though 2 hospitals told me I did.

The scare tactic isn't so bad I feel, because it's not scaring, it's the truth, he needs to take his meds or he will be in much more trouble than he already is.

I hope you stick with him, maybe there is another doctor or person who can talk to him and make him open up and realise that he can get better and needs to take his future in his own hands. He's probably a lovely guy, but this disease can make you really unlikable as a person, you tend to push people away from you.

It's really nice that you care for him, I was alone as a kid with crohn's disease, I didn't have any visitors in the hospital and I really wondered why I should keep going at times, until I met a nice doctor who lifted me up and told me that there was a lot more to life than this disease. You have the unique opportunity to be that person for him, I hope you can convince him to improve things.
07-17-2013, 05:02 PM   #10
thunderbear1
 
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I was like him at first, I did not want to read about it, I did not want to hear about it, for a long time I didn't even believe I had it even though 2 hospitals told me I did.

The scare tactic isn't so bad I feel, because it's not scaring, it's the truth, he needs to take his meds or he will be in much more trouble than he already is.

I hope you stick with him, maybe there is another doctor or person who can talk to him and make him open up and realise that he can get better and needs to take his future in his own hands. He's probably a lovely guy, but this disease can make you really unlikable as a person, you tend to push people away from you.

It's really nice that you care for him, I was alone as a kid with crohn's disease, I didn't have any visitors in the hospital and I really wondered why I should keep going at times, until I met a nice doctor who lifted me up and told me that there was a lot more to life than this disease. You have the unique opportunity to be that person for him, I hope you can convince him to improve things.
I plan on sticking with him. 12 years is a lot to throw away over CD. He is a lovley guy. As you know, crogns has a way of making even the sweetest person get hard to live with from time to time.
I am so sorrt you had to go thru that as a child. I hope you have good support now.
07-19-2013, 09:48 AM   #11
If*
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Flagyl can cause very uncomfortable to intense stomach pain/nausea in some. Can you ask the Dr. about omeprazole or a comparable to be taken with it? It can make a big difference for some.
Hang in there.
07-20-2013, 01:48 AM   #12
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If*, he took his last one today. He started back on phenigrin but it knocks him completely out so Im going to see about zofran again. It was more nausea than pain. Altho he is in constant pain anyway from the scarring and inflammation so its hard to tell if the flagyl made it worse. All in all hes had a low pain day. I hope it continues..
07-20-2013, 10:34 AM   #13
scottsma
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I agree that it's good you're caring for him,and you obviously love him,but you have to ask yourself who's going to care for him and your sis if YOU get sick ????I hope you can find a solution soon sweetheart.Could you write your hubs questions/symptoms down for him before he visits the Doc.Go through it with him,so he gets it clear in his head,and maybe he'll feel more comfortable.He needn't say that you had written the list,just that he had,in case he forgot something.Hope you are both having a better day,and everything goes well for your Sis.There is a thread on the forum regarding Crohns and Pregnancy,which may be helpful to you both.Best Wishes.
09-05-2013, 10:45 AM   #14
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hello thunderbear1 --- seems like you are in the same position as me, ungrateful and mean and only think of themselves partner that we are looking after. 10 years now i have been doing this and i lost it this am. so I got on this site to vent and found you . my life has been put on back burner also and my health. I am so tired of cleaning up poo and looking after him but I am not the type of person to leave, he has no one else a situation he has caused himself but of course it is my fault everything is my fault . please send me a pm that is if you want to chat with or be friends privately on here. i sure could use one to talk to hugs
10-24-2013, 12:28 AM   #15
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I understand what you are go through and I sympathize with your husband and you. How is he doing now? Wishing you all health and well-being.
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