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11-03-2013, 05:14 PM   #1
afidz
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Just venting

I am tired of pretending to be the happy person that everyone thinks I am. I am angry, upset, depressed and sick of being sick. I found pictures from my junior prom. Thinking back, my junior prom was the last bit of normalcy in my life before I got sick. What I would give to go back to that moment and live it up for a day.
Honestly, I don't think I am mad that I have Crohn's. I am angry about what it has done to me. I am tired of having surgery. I am tired of looking pregnant because of the hernias. I have absolutely no confidence. I get anxiety when I leave the house because I am so embarrassed to be in public.
I was looking through pictures from the last year, and I just started crying. I have gained 40 lbs since last summer because I have retained so much water, I don't have the energy or stamina to excersise, and I am in so much pain all the time that all I want to do is sleep. And of course eat because I am depressed. I have let myself go.
Friday in school I was confronted by a classmate (an ignorant one at that) She decided to tell me that I look like shit and no one my age should have the health problems that I do. I explained that I am mid flare and my blood counts are probably off causing my completion to be pale. She basically discredited my illness by saying "so basically its like IBS" and "you don't have to live with it, you can do something about it and get rid of it". I relentlessly tried defending myself and explaining what Crohn's is and why I look the way I do right now. I then explained that I am waiting for my insurance to approve treatment and I should start feeling better soon. She told me that I need to seek alternative methods and I need to leave my doctor because he is suggesting I poison my body. And then she said that I am too young to know any better.
Since that conversation on Friday, I have not been able to shake my bad mood. I shouldn't let it get to me, but I am. I am just so sick of everything. I want my life back.
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Crohn's since 2007
15 Abdominal Surgeries since 2008
Severe Non-repairable abdominal hernia
Ankilosing Spondylitis
Inflammatory Arthritis

Failed meds:
Humira
Remicade
Asacol HD
Cimzia
Methotrexate

Last edited by afidz; 11-03-2013 at 05:37 PM.
11-03-2013, 05:22 PM   #2
KayleighMeek
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I'm so sorry you are suffering so badly and dealing with such stupid people. If there was an easy solution we would all do it people just don't understand. She was saying that you are too young to understand but she is a classmate so I guess she is the same age who so she to judge.
It is hard to look and feel your best when you are sick and when people like that are around it makes it much more difficult. I find at least here you don't have to pretend to be anything, anyway sending you big hugs x
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11-03-2013, 05:35 PM   #3
afidz
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She is definitely older than me, maybe in her 40's? I am not really sure. You would think because she was older she would have the common decency to keep her thoughts to her self because she doesn't know what its like to be me.
11-03-2013, 05:52 PM   #4
KayleighMeek
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She should really know better unfortunately some people go through life being completely ignorant to what is going on around them. I have started to get to the point where I try and shut people out that are like that but it can be hard to not take what they say to heart.
11-03-2013, 06:43 PM   #5
Trysha
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Do not be upset because of such ignorant comments made by an ignorant person.
Remember that no one can upset us unless we allow them too.
Very hard to do when we feel so poorly, but it will work if you let it----just shut them out.
Walk away from them and give no answers.
It has happened to me at the GI desk clerk, when booking the next appointment she said to me"you don't look ill" and I was very troubled by this comment from one who should know better.I walked away and prayed that she will be replaced.
However I will not accept a comment in the future .
Appallingly ignorant people.

Feel better soon
Hugs and best wishes
Trysha
11-03-2013, 09:28 PM   #6
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Wow that stupid person has clearly never suffered eh.
screw her she has no idea. You know that youre doing what is best for you. Stay strong I know how you feel really youre not alone when you sign into this forum, vent away if it is what you need!
as for that woman just because shes older doesnt mean she has the life experience to know better. Its sad, but its sad on her part because she is the one lacking the knowledge and social empathy. Shes lucky b3cause many people me included would have put her in her place

stay strong dont let stupid people get you down
11-03-2013, 10:19 PM   #7
SarahBear
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It always amazes me how sweet and kind a person you are. I would have loved to have been there to tell her off for you, because I absolutely couldn't have listened to that without saying something (a lot of somethings, actually). If I could, I'd fly down there and follow you to class just to do so. 96lbs of fury right here.

It goes without saying that she is the one who doesn't know better. I'd love to know what medical conditions she's dealing with and how she so miraculously overcame them - I'm guessing what, a cold that she cured with bullshit extract?

Your health is more important than your physical appearance and it's terrible that someone would be so idiotic to not understand that and to make you feel guilty for it. Of course no one your age should have the health problems you do - no one any age should, but that's not how the world works. She really shows her ignorance with that and the, "so it's just like IBS," comment. If you don't know what you're talking about, shut your mouth. Simple as that. She's a pretty pathetic individual to feel like she has any right to talk to you that way.

I can't stress it enough that you are a wonderful, incredibly kind and amazingly strong individual. Don't let this idiot get you down - she's not worth it.
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11-03-2013, 10:21 PM   #8
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I am so sorry to read about your suffering. Can't do much, but my thoughts and prayers with you. Hope all goes better.
11-03-2013, 11:25 PM   #9
afidz
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Thanks everyone. I am fortunate enough to have everyone's support on here, and I am very grateful for my Crohnie family.
I am seeing some of my family this week for the first time in about 6 months, my health has decreased quite a bit since I saw them last, I am not sure how they will react. I am not sure how well I will be able to hide how awful I feel. Its adding quite a bit of stress onto everything. My family doesn't understand my health, they don't know how to handle me in times like this. I moved to get a way from them so I am super nervous about their upcoming visit
11-03-2013, 11:42 PM   #10
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Honestly she sounds like a b*tch. You don't have to stand there and take that crap from her. She has NO idea what your going through. Props to you for handling the situation well. I would of got pissed off and said or done something stupid. I'm sorry your not feeling well but just remember you're young and still figuring everything out. As I myself am young the best advice I can give you is just be patient. We will get through this in time!
11-04-2013, 03:13 PM   #11
happy
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afidz,
How awful for you to be the recipient of someone's misguided attempt to 'help'. I have been in your place and I know how difficult it is to respond in a situation like that when it is hard enough to just make it out the door.

Do you have some 'live' support nearby. People that care about you because you are you and not because of how you look on any given day? If not, could you reach out to your local Crohn's/Colitis group to find some support. Just to go for a coffee or tea with someone who has been through some of the tough times? People who have not dealt with their own chronic illnesses/disabilities/tragedies or those of their loved ones just have no idea what others are going through.

As for your family--at your age, I had to create some distance with some of mine for a variety of reasons. It was the most healthy alternative for me at the time. Now that I am more able to set my own firm boundaries, I enjoy them mostly from a distance--but that has taken me many years to achieve.

Initially when visiting with them I tried to keep the visits as short as possible and to take breaks when I could (hiding in the bathroom, going for a short walk, zipping out to the store etc.) and reminding myself that the only thing that I could change was how I behaved--I couldn't change their behaviour. However, I could set limits as to what I was willing to discuss: "Yes, I do look different right now, and my health continues to be a concern to me. Thank you for your concern for me, but I just don't want this visit to be about me and my health. Let's talk about___instead". And when they wanted to go back to discussing me, I would say, "Oh remember that I would prefer not to discuss that right now. Thanks."

It sounds easy to do, but initially every time I would have to rehearse what I was going to say and I would get very anxious about saying it and concerned about the response. Eventually people got the idea and stopped asking, even if they still had to make comments about me.
and
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11-05-2013, 01:46 AM   #12
zilla7777
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Wow, what an awful piece of work that woman is. It's hard to even comprehend how someone can be that apathetic! What about children with crippling diseases like MS or Cancer? Would she say the same thing to them? I'm almost stumped for words to be honest how someone can be so ignorant and cruel.

Even if it isn't entirely true, I still say that I'm just in a bit of a rough patch and am in the process of getting better. I feel that it eases the stress on everyone. It tends to decrease the amount of conversation you have to put up with related to it, and even if you still feel like crap, at least you can say the family visit was good. It also tends to work with other people that already know the position you are in, because the positiveness yet ambiguity kinda makes it feel as though it's an area you'd rather not tread.

Hope you're feeling alright!
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Past Tx: Prednisolone, Enteral Nutrition
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11-05-2013, 08:53 AM   #13
DJW
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Hi afidz. Sending you my support. It's frustrating. I've been told my problem can be fixed with yogurt. LOL
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Dave
11-05-2013, 11:21 PM   #14
afidz
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Hi afidz. Sending you my support. It's frustrating. I've been told my problem can be fixed with yogurt. LOL
Ok, now honestly, that one takes the cake! People are so ignorant and clueless.
Thank you everyone for your support, it means a lot to me. I haven't talked to anyone else about what happened on Friday or how I am feeling right now because no one will understand. Its nice to talk to like minded people and know that I am not alone.
11-06-2013, 12:21 AM   #15
zilla7777
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Hi afidz. Sending you my support. It's frustrating. I've been told my problem can be fixed with yogurt. LOL
I feel your pain. I was told that having vodka neat can soothe the stomach.
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