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11-11-2013, 10:12 PM   #1
afidz
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Complaints on Facebook

I understand that healthy people are not subject to what we are subjected to everyday. But sometimes, I just want to smack people in the face and tell them to stop complaining.
This girl on my facebook is counting down the days until she has a cyst removed on her wrist. She is very nervous about this surgery. Everyone needs to pray for her. She also needs to be congratulated for going to the grocery store to buy food for her kids.
Its so hard to sit back and hold your tongue. I am sure if I didn't have the health problems I do, and I haven't had so many risky surgeries that I would have sympathy for her, but I do, and I have. So she needs to shut the hell up.
Anyone else have a hard time biting your tongue?
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11-11-2013, 11:08 PM   #2
nogutsnoglory
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YES! My friend just had a minor surgery and made the biggest deal out of it and basically wrote on Facebook as if he may die during surgery. It was a no big deal ambulatory procedure.

He had the nerve to tell me now he knows what I go through. Pardon my French but ____ please.
11-11-2013, 11:31 PM   #3
afidz
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A friend (who knows I'm flaring right now) reminded me all day that their stomach was a bit upside down. Insensitivity at its finest.
11-11-2013, 11:52 PM   #4
Crohn's gal since 1989
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I don't really broadcast my life on Facebook, my fellow crohnies here know all about my surgery in September, but only a few select people on Facebook know and that was through private message.

My favourite comment is when someone tells you your're lucky to be sick because you drop weight easy. o.O
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11-12-2013, 06:54 AM   #5
valleysangel92
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Yes! I feel like this all the time on Facebook, one person in particular really gets on my nerves, complains constantly about anything and everything. You would swear that this guy is dying even when it's just a tiny paper cut..

Generally, I think of myself as a pretty sympathetic person, I try to always understand that to them, it is a big thing, even if it's something we wouldn't blink at. People like that though, who will find something to moan about every single day, even when everything is going well for them, really get on my nerves, and I do find myself wanting to just tell them to shut the ____ up and be grateful for what they have.

So glad I'm not the only one, rant over!
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11-12-2013, 07:18 AM   #6
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My problem is that even people with Crohn's don't have my other health problems (or some of the other problems in my life more generally). It makes me lack sympathy, because I don't know anyone else in my situation. If Crohn's were my biggest problem, I'd be thrilled.

Last edited by UnXmas; 11-12-2013 at 10:28 AM.
11-12-2013, 08:49 AM   #7
Ihurt
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I can relate. I mean I know my situation is a bit different, I have many health issues, one of the worst being my IC ( Interstitial Cystitis) which is severe unrelenting bladder pain, urgency, frequency. Well I had a friend of mine once tell me, Oh yeah, I know what you are going through, I had a bladder infection once and was in pain for the whole day! She then said she drank cranberry juice and it went away. I mean really?? How can one even compare the two??

You know what I think it is; I think people who generally live their lives with no health issues aside from your common cold, flu etc...., they do not understand the concept of being chronically ill. They are not use to being sick or in pain all the time. So any little thing that hits them, well they think it is the worst thing ever. I know most of the people on this board probably do not get to riled up over smaller issues like someone who is completely healthy might. For example, I had a killer migraine the other day, I mean nothing would help it. I cannot take NSAIDS at all and Tylenol does not cut it. So I just suffered through it. Honestly, yeah, it sucked, I mean my head was throbbing. But for me, I also am in extreme pain in my bladder All the time. So to me the migraine was kind of like second to the bladder pain and I just did not give it much thought. I just laid down in a quite room and hoped it would pass.. I just think our tolerance is way higher due to being chronically sick all the time.
11-12-2013, 09:15 AM   #8
Axelfl3333
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Moral on this thread don,t let to much out on Facebook and I try not to get angry with friends,acquaintances who try to empathise,they don,t know(lucky gits) wish I didn't,t.i,d never even heard of crohns before I joined the club no one wants to be a member of.when my mum got Alzheimer's I knew nothing but learned quickly it was horrible,had loads of people ask what she did in the home,read,listen to music,they haven,t experienced these things and didn't,t understand she couldn't,t.
These illnesses are a life experience which some people are lucky enough to miss and I,m glad they do in all honesty would we wish these things on anyone?i,m feeling philosophical today I,ll stop.good luck everyone
11-12-2013, 02:31 PM   #9
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This girl on my facebook is counting down the days until she has a cyst removed on her wrist. She is very nervous about this surgery. Everyone needs to pray for her. She also needs to be congratulated for going to the grocery store to buy food for her kids.
That's kind of funny. I've had cysts removed from both my wrists and it's really simple. They usually don't even knock you out for it - that simple. I had my first one done at sixteen - possibly even before I had scopes done (can't remember). For both procedures (I'm hesitant to even call it a surgery, honestly) I got slightly nervous on the day of. That's it. No big deal. If she's so nervous, why doesn't she just have someone smack it with a book instead?

In general though, I don't mind much when people say things like that. If they say them to me, it's different. I'm also a little offended by people constantly trying to one up everyone else in terms of who is more sick. And "inspirational" advice from other sick people that really doesn't make any sense.
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11-12-2013, 02:35 PM   #10
afidz
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In general though, I don't mind much when people say things like that. If they say them to me, it's different. I'm also a little offended by people constantly trying to one up everyone else in terms of who is more sick. And "inspirational" advice from other sick people that really doesn't make any sense.
Well put
11-12-2013, 02:40 PM   #11
SarahBear
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You know what I think it is; I think people who generally live their lives with no health issues aside from your common cold, flu etc...., they do not understand the concept of being chronically ill.
Also, those things bother me… but they don't really get to me, if you know what I mean. What's the point in caring? Of course healthy people don't understand what it's like to be chronically ill. How could they? There's really no way to understand until you're in that situation. Even healthy people who are family / friends / significant others / caretakers of chronically ill individuals have a very difficult time understanding all the ways being sick impacts our lives. I don't think it's their fault that they don't get it. If I'm feeling generous, it's even great that they don't get it. I don't want others to deal with this just to they can empathize.

Again, what really bothers me is insensitive remarks from people with chronic conditions, because I feel like they should know better and be more supportive of each other.
11-12-2013, 05:34 PM   #12
Axelfl3333
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I,m smiling at the hit a cyst with a book.thats old school,but it works.
11-12-2013, 05:49 PM   #13
SarahBear
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I,m smiling at the hit a cyst with a book.thats old school,but it works.
My doctor actually asked if I had tried that before he removed mine. I didn't only because my hands are so bony I'd be afraid I'd break something.
11-12-2013, 07:15 PM   #14
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I get so frustrated at people. It's like, people don't understand how sick I am, but then the minute they get a sore throat or a cold they demand sympathy. NO!! It's just....wrong. I try not to get so upset about it, but it's so hard. I feel like having Crohn's should give me more compassion, and it has towards the chronically ill, but when it's just something little or that will end soon STOP COMPLAINING TO ME! I have enough problems.

Or when someone tells me I need to push through my illness to do something...they don't understand that getting out of bed is hard on my good days.

That totally made me sound like a selfish mean person, lol. Normally I'm nice, but that is just something that irks me to no end.
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11-13-2013, 01:43 PM   #15
jwfoise
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In general though, I don't mind much when people say things like that. If they say them to me, it's different. I'm also a little offended by people constantly trying to one up everyone else in terms of who is more sick. And "inspirational" advice from other sick people that really doesn't make any sense.
I'm more with you SarahBear. It isn't a competition.

I saw a really good talk on-line recently, about several topics, such as tolerance and difficulties in life and dealing with people. The presenter talked about how people talk about their difficulties being "harder" than someone else's difficulties. There point was we shouldn't get hung-up about who has a harder time, things can just be "hard".

Here is a link to the talk. I will warn people, the woman giving the talk is gay and is talking about coming out (warning if that offends you), but her point is the emotional difficulties apply to us all.

http://www.upworthy.com/a-4-year-old...possible?c=gt1
11-14-2013, 08:54 AM   #16
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I'm more with you SarahBear. It isn't a competition.

I saw a really good talk on-line recently, about several topics, such as tolerance and difficulties in life and dealing with people. The presenter talked about how people talk about their difficulties being "harder" than someone else's difficulties. There point was we shouldn't get hung-up about who has a harder time, things can just be "hard".

Here is a link to the talk. I will warn people, the woman giving the talk is gay and is talking about coming out (warning if that offends you), but her point is the emotional difficulties apply to us all.

http://www.upworthy.com/a-4-year-old...possible?c=gt1
If I've understood you correctly, I think I'd disagree with this. Some problems are much worse than others. Some people have things a million times worse than others. Some people have problems that other people, who have not been in that situation, cannot begin to understand. Some kinds of suffering are not universal.

I agree that sickness shouldn't be a competition though. But anyone with real sickness would never want it. I'm sure some people find the idea of being sick attractive, for many reasons - sympathy, because they feel it makes them stronger, because they want other people to look after them, and many other reasons. I don't think people who believe they desire sickness for this type of reason are necessarily twisted - a lot of them are quite natural things to desire; sometimes we just want others to care for us, and I wouldn't look down on someone who feels they desire illness. But there are levels and types of illness where, in the midst of suffering from it, all you want is for the illness to stop. No matter how much a person desires sympathy, feels that illness makes them a stronger person, or wishes they could just give up some of their responsibilities and have others look after them for a while, there comes a point where an illness is so severe or of a kind so unwanted that all these desires for illness would be trumped by the desire for their illness to go away.

(Btw. I don't think you need to warn people that the woman in the video is gay and talking about coming out. Gay people shouldn't offend anyone.)
11-14-2013, 09:21 AM   #17
jwfoise
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If I've understood you correctly, I think I'd disagree with this. Some problems are much worse than others.
Maybe I didn't explain it well. Watch the video, she does a much better job of it.
(Btw. I don't think you need to warn people that the woman in the video is gay and talking about coming out. Gay people shouldn't offend anyone.)
I would wish that to be true, but I suspect it isn't.
11-14-2013, 12:40 PM   #18
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I think it comes down to this - when you consider someone else's past experiences, current situation, coping abilities, etc… a "smaller problem" to them can be just as difficult as a huge problem to you.
11-14-2013, 06:40 PM   #19
afidz
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I feel like the point of this thread has been misunderstood.
I don't think that I am better or worse off than anyone. Everyone has their own battles that we know nothing about. What someone lacks in health, others lack in other parts of their life. I was just humoring myself I guess in talking about the girl on my facebook counting down the days until her surgery.
I kind of feel like an asshole for even bringing it up. It is an event in her life that she needs validated.
anyways, thats all I have to say I guess
11-15-2013, 10:38 AM   #20
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Everyone's problems are relative but having an AI disease like ours puts things in perspective. Having a little cold which may make the next person feel horrible is like a regular day for us. The healthy people take for granted unknowingly their energy and disposition.

My friend posted on Facebook today "I wish I could have my life back". He had a very minor surgery, I'm sure he doesn't feel 100% but I think he doesn't know what it's like to truly have no life and be a prisoner to pain and illness. I think he just wants attention. I never posted about my health problems on Facebook, I don't need sympathy, I just actually pray for a return to life.
11-15-2013, 11:13 AM   #21
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Oh, Lord. Do I understand. I was up at 2:30am the other day due to my prednisone. I was exhausted, nauseated, etc. I had a girl post on my page (get ready for this): "I have a stomach bug, I know what you're going through."

I almost roid raged out on her!
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11-15-2013, 06:34 PM   #22
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I generally only said things about 'my crohns' on fb because pissed off or lots friends are asked me about my health so easy put status so friends and family see.
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11-15-2013, 11:15 PM   #23
nogutsnoglory
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I don't post about my health on Facebook because too truly update them id need to post negative messages everyday and if they really wanted to know I could give them minute by minute live updates on anything from poop to gas, to leaks, side effects and more! I think I'd lose all my friends lol.
11-16-2013, 12:01 AM   #24
Crohn's gal since 1989
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Not only that, but I have a number of high school friends, work colleagues and acquaintances as Facebook friends. While my close circle knows my business, I'm not airing my health concerns to the general public.
11-16-2013, 12:25 AM   #25
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I have come to the understanding that people cannot understand and that telling them what I am going through will just be another hurtful experience in frustration. While sick I will hide inside and not talk to anyone, not wanting to explain.

Where as the general public can be excused due to ignorance, my real anger is at doctors and nurses who tell me I am not as sick as I think. Dehydration is a major issue for me when in flare, and I know if I wait till I am severely dehydrated I will have to spend a week in the hospital. But at times when I go to ER with moderate/severe dehydration I have had doctors tell me I am over reacting and refuse to treat me. No excuse for stupid or lazy doctors IMO.
11-16-2013, 04:12 AM   #26
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I don't post about my health on Facebook because too truly update them id need to post negative messages everyday and if they really wanted to know I could give them minute by minute live updates on anything from poop to gas, to leaks, side effects and more! I think I'd lose all my friends lol.

Firstly, I customize my status on fb so only certain family and friends can see it. Recent status was update about new medication I started.

I do not graphic detail about my toilet, or side affects.
11-16-2013, 07:00 AM   #27
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I don't post about my health on Facebook because too truly update them id need to post negative messages everyday and if they really wanted to know I could give them minute by minute live updates on anything from poop to gas, to leaks, side effects and more! I think I'd lose all my friends lol.
I think this is the thing with chronic illness - when someone who's otherwise healthy comes down with a bug or a temporary injury, and they get sympathy from those around them (and maybe take advantage of the opportunity to relax and pity themselves and give up some of their responsibilities for a while), it's very different from those of us who are just always, permanently ill. Those around us sometimes seem to use up their supplies of sympathy, or perhaps they just get so used to illness being the norm that they just start accepting it's going to be there so it becomes something no longer worth making a big deal out of. And if we want to stand any chance of having a life, we have to keep up our responsibilities even while we're sick. It seems so strange to me that people who contract a moderate or mild illness will take a couple of days of work for it, when in fact, even with their temporary illness they must feel a hundred times better than I feel on one of my good days.

And then of course we have a very un-glamorous disease, so according to social norms we're not supposed to publicise most of its attributes. We could make FaceBook posts about having surgery, or maybe a complaint about the pain we're in, but the days we spend in the bathroom or the times we don't make it to the bathroom on time - those we're not "supposed" to talk about, and if we did post about them, for some reason I suspect that there would be some people would find it funny more than anything.
11-16-2013, 08:30 AM   #28
nogutsnoglory
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Well said unxmas! In a way we are stronger and more prepared, healthy people are taken aback by sick days because it's out of the norm for them, for us it's pretty normal and it's good days that take us by pleasant surprise.

I think if some of these healthy people walked in a crohnies shoes for just 1 day they would shut up about their non-existent problems.
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