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12-26-2013, 07:16 PM   #1
Cross-stitch gal
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We spent 2 days (tue & wed) with my folks and sister for Christmas. Thankfully, today husband and I had a recall notice we had to take care of for our car. So, no family today! However, we got an email today in which I am ready to absolutely scream over!

Every time we get together with my parents my mother tells me about her coworker that supposedly has some sort of IBD and has used a certain remedy that works so well for her. She's so sure that if I try it that my Proctitis will be healed. Usually it includes some rediculous diet changes even though my mother is the worst one when it comes to eating healthy.

My sister is a librarian at a small college in CA. Plus, she has an interest in geneology tracking relatives back to practically when God created Adam and Eve! Unfortunately, she seems to think we need to hear everything that she researches along with any other stuff that isn't necessary for us to hear and never shuts up! Plus, she always tries to top us with whatever we're doing even up to our painting the house and donating stuff to goodwill. She tells us that she's donated even more than we ever have from an apartment.

Every year my mom flies my sister home for Christmas so she can have her family together. The folks admit that they have too much Laura time. But, mom loves to try to guilt trip husband and I into spending every waking moment with them as long as she's here. If it tells you anything. We're so wound up with the thought of spending another weekend with my sister that we're looking to continue our painting early just for an excuse to not get together with them. Plus, I've been flaring and because of all the stress from family it seems to be getting worse. Needless to say, I've been getting good use of my bubble shooter game!!!
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Ulcerative Colitis/IBD 1996, Iritis 2001, Ulcerative Proctitis 2013, Indeterminate Colitis 2016, Remission 2017, Hand Eczema

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12-26-2013, 08:38 PM   #2
Jennifer
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I'm sorry Cross-stitch gal. Holidays or family get togethers are just about the same way with my family. My grandparents always have some miracle cure or treatment that they heard about from "who cares, I stopped listening years ago."

And I think many of us know someone who just has to one up you no matter what. In my family its my oldest uncle. No matter what your issue or how good of a time you had, he has it worse or did it better. Everyone in the family knows it so what you have to do is take shifts. Can't leave anyone alone with him. You have to walk up, pretend you're listening with a lot of nodding and verbal agreement based off of his tone, make eye contact with the person who felt trapped letting them know that they can go and then hope that someone comes to your aid soon. No matter who walks up my uncle continues the story from where he left off and doesn't pay any attention to the person leaving. This system works for us, give it a try if you haven't already.

I'm sorry you haven't been feeling well. Back in the day when visiting family, there were so many people it was easy to slip into one of the bedrooms and watch TV for a while. Hopefully you have a place you can slip off to every now and then.
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Diagnosis: Crohn's in 1991 at age 9
Surgeries: 1 Small Bowel Resection in 1999; Central IV in 1991-92
Meds for CD: 6MP 50mg
Things I take: Tenormin 25mg (PVCs and Tachycardia), Junel, Tylenol 3, Omeprazole 20mg 2/day, Klonopin 1mg 2/day (anxiety), Restoril 15mg (insomnia), Claritin 20mg
Currently in: REMISSION Thought it was a flare but it's just scar tissue from my resection. Dealing with a stricture. Remission from my resection, 17 years and counting.
12-26-2013, 08:52 PM   #3
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OH god can I relate. You should be thankful though that you and your hubby at least feel the same way.
12-26-2013, 08:53 PM   #4
Cross-stitch gal
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I'm sorry you haven't been feeling well. Back in the day when visiting family, there were so many people it was easy to slip into one of the bedrooms and watch TV for a while. Hopefully you have a place you can slip off to every now and then.
Your Uncle seems to describe my Sister and my Dad's Brother-inlaw to a T! We try a different subject and she just gets louder with her previous conversation! However, great ideas! Might have to try it. Lately, we'd love to attempt to leave mom and sister together and go to another room if possible...

As far as my medical situation goes. My husband and I are taking a week off from work from 1/7 through 1/16. So, am hoping that might help some of the stress. Originally the time off was to be spent finishing painting the house, but since mom's been insisting on getting together so often, the painting has been rushed a bit. (By the way, as we speak my husband's painting the living room and says the best way not to get together with my sister next week is by painting the kitchen & dining room). Plus, my sister will have flown back to CA by then so no pressures for sibling vacations. Hope you can have some relaxing time too Jen.
12-26-2013, 08:55 PM   #5
Cross-stitch gal
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OH god can I relate. You should be thankful though that you and your hubby at least feel the same way.
I'm not quite sure I can put a thanks to that! But, I can say that I can sure feel your pain!

I think I should probably admit to playing this bubble shooter game while my folks and sister were here. Needless to say, they were hearing a bunch of exploding bubbles!!! However, it didn't stop my sister from talking!
12-26-2013, 09:44 PM   #6
Jennifer
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Maybe you could show the game to your sister and tell her your high score and see if she can beat it. :P
12-26-2013, 09:48 PM   #7
Cross-stitch gal
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Maybe you could show the game to your sister and tell her your high score and see if she can beat it. :P
I did try to give her the game. So, she can get a hold of it if she wants to. By the way. I did mention my scores every time my session ended. Does that count? I could email her my scores if that would help any...
12-26-2013, 09:59 PM   #8
Jennifer
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I mean rather than you playing the game while you're together, she can play it so everyone can have some quiet time. :P
12-27-2013, 05:03 AM   #9
Cross-stitch gal
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After we talked on here, my husband finished his 1st coat of paint in the living room & posted a picture of it for his friends on facebook. My sister is a member on facebook and a friend on my husband's on there. We wonder if she might have seen the picture and showed my mom because we got another email from my mom later in the evening. This one was worded in a totally different tone than the other one. I still haven't written back to the folks as of yet. But, probably will tomorrow. Plus, am sure to be a bit calmer at that time too...
12-31-2013, 08:53 AM   #10
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Is it really that bad to have to hear about geneology or ridiculous diets? I think some people would be genuinely thrilled if that was the kind of problem happening in their family life.

I'm sorry you've had a frustrating time, but I was just wondering - maybe your sister is under the impression you find her talk interesting? Maybe she's short of other people to talk to?

I hope your New Year goes more happily.
01-03-2014, 10:23 AM   #11
mccindy
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I have a SIL who is similar.... this year, after I was diagnosed with my cancer, she accused me of trying to create drama when I asked her for gift ideas for her kids for Xmas. I decided I've had enough of her and completely ignored her on Xmas Eve, which is when we have my husband's side Xmas get-together. We buy gifts for everyone and their kids (except not her and her husband this year), and I was pretty ticked off when I realized that she brought gifts for her kids to open from herself so they'd have more presents to open than everyone else.... I still ignored her. I realized it was better for me and my stress level not to get worked up about her. Everyone else, we were glad to see and we really did have a good time.

I hope that things get better for you and your family, and that you are able to get your painting done and enjoy some quiet time with your husband.
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current diagnosis is undiagnosed (possible Celiac disease)

Colonoscopy done August 2013, no evidence of Crohn's seen, biopsies done and one polyp removed.
Polyp is precancerous adenoma

(Diagnosed with a diffuse astrocytoma (brain tumor) 5/31/13.
Craniotomy with tumor resection performed July 2013. 99% of WHO grade II diffuse astrocytoma removed, MRI scheduled every 6 months to monitor for regrowth.)
01-03-2014, 02:19 PM   #12
Cat-a-Tonic
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Aw Cross-stitch, I can totally relate to what you said about your mother trying to push certain diets on you. My mother is very similar and it drives me nuts! Back when I first got sick, I made the mistake of mentioning to her that my doctor thought it could be something like Crohn's or celiac. Well, my mother talked to some weird distant cousin of hers around that time, and this cousin has celiac. So the cousin apparently convinced my mother that, since there's celiac in one branch of the family tree, that I must have it - and that therefore, my mother must have it too (even though she's never had an issue with gluten). My mom freaked out and went gluten-free and insisted to me that I'll magically have perfect health forever if only I also go gluten-free. Well, pasta & bread are some of my safest foods, and I never thought that I have celiac - I suspected Crohn's/IBD from the start. I know what my trigger foods are, and gluten isn't on that list. I got tested (multiple times, both bloodwork and 2 upper endoscopies w/ biopsy) and according to those results, I definitely don't have celiac - both my GI and GP have confirmed that they feel 100% that I don't have celiac, and I agree with them. So, no celiac, and gluten-filled foods are very tummy-safe for me. But has my mother shut up about the evils of gluten? Nope, she still brings it up almost every time I see her. (For the record, my mother has never been tested but she tells people she's been diagnosed with celiac - yeah, she's nuts.)

Sorry that was too long, but in a nutshell, I totally understand your frustration! A crazy person who you're related to but still doesn't fully understand your situation (or at least thinks there's a one-size-fits-all "fix" for what you've got), and they won't shut up about a specific diet that you must try and then surely you'll be all better. Yeah, right. You know what'd actually make me feel better? Not having to deal with the stress whenever my mother mentions gluten! Ugh. I just want to walk away from her while eating a big piece of bread every time she starts talking about it. Sadly I still don't think that'd get the point across.
01-03-2014, 02:20 PM   #13
Cross-stitch gal
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Painting is totally done!!! We finished New Year's Eve. However, there were parts of the kitchen that needed to be redone because of a few oops places. We've got two or three boxes still to put away of stuff. But, it's so nice to be done. We're taking about a week off as of this coming tue and it'll be so nice to just relax!

Sister's bday is today and she's leaving for home tomorrow. We were good and called last night to wish her a Happy birthday and hopes for a safe trip home. Talked to both her and my dad. She'd gotten a new movie on one of her and my folks excursions and they were all watching it. So, think might be why didn't talk to mom.

Thanks everyone for your advice and words of support. Have a good day!
01-03-2014, 03:45 PM   #14
GutlessWonder86
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Cross-stitch gal, my heart goes out to you. When I was flaring around the time of my sister's wedding, I heard from one of the bridal party members that my sister was telling EVERYONE I was faking and out to ruin her day. SERIOUSLY?? I was off work a month before as I was in so much pain my GI wanted me to rest at home & wait for the new medication to kick in.

My sister has to be the center of attention. She always thinks the world revolves around her & she is ALWAYS right, never wrong.

When I was very ill senior year and recovering from surgery, she wasn't supportive at all. She'd call me a drug addict or a bag lady(due to my ostomy) BUT if there was family or friends around, she was all nice and kind until they left.

Once I was married, we moved into our home that was an hour and 1/2 away. I don't miss being near my family, sad to say. My sister can have all the attentions he wants. For me, I have peace & quiet where I am plus my husband takes great care of me.
01-03-2014, 05:22 PM   #15
Cross-stitch gal
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Gutless, that's HORRIBLE!!! Hard enough when you don't feel good. But, even worse when the put downs come from a sibling. It sure is nice to have a spouse that is comforting and I'm thankful to hear you have that.

Cat, everytime I turn around it sounds like you and I have similarities! Too bad the two of us don't have time to talk more often! For all our frusterations, I'm sure we could come up with a bunch of laughter too.

Even though it's not the easiest thing for any of us. I'm thankful we all have each other.
01-03-2014, 09:43 PM   #16
Cat-a-Tonic
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Cross-stitch, I think we could definitely find some humor in our similar situations. I like to think that I have to find the humor in the stuff I go through, if I don't laugh about it then I'll just cry! I'm sorry your mother is a similar type of crazy that my mother is. But I'm glad you have a supportive hubby (and that your painting is done, yay!).
01-04-2014, 03:26 AM   #17
Cross-stitch gal
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Yup, I'm sure we could share some good stories!!! Husband can get downright bossy around my mom though. He's determined that she'll listen to him! Actually, it gets kinda funny when he does it.

Yes, thankfully the house is done being painted for about 20 years now. When we take our time off work we'll be able to play instead of staying at home working. I'm hoping the time off will help with my flare too...
01-04-2014, 12:28 PM   #18
Kero
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Family can suck so much. I try and talk to my mom about what is happening and it seems to fall on deaf ears, because of course no one on her side of the family has had as many issues as I have, so must have come from my father's side or something, and she doesn't want to hear about it....She got really upset with me because we weren't going to her house for Christmas, doesn't understand the whole I need to be near a bathroom thing. They live way out in the country with about 45 mins of driving with no rest areas in sight. Sorry, not stopping at -40 to have D on the side of the road, grrrrr

Sounds like you were able to escape at least, lol. I am jealous on the house painting, mine needs to be done soooo bad
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