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04-21-2014, 06:10 PM   #1
Ki3
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I've given up on everything

I'm so depressed right now. My crohns is ok since surgery but everything else has gone backwards. I am doing online school because of anxiety and I refuse to go to real school, everywhere I go I'm bullied, stared and laughed at. I've lost nearly all my friends and the only friends I have are in different country's. My dad promises me things but never keeps them, my sibling is an ungrateful twat that I hate so much words Can't describe and I have started self harming.

I tried to go to the doctors and ask for counselling for PTSD and anxiety but was too nervous to talk and didn't get any help.

I just want to be able to go out somewhere without people yelling "tranny" or "gay" at me. I want to be able to talk to people without shaking and sweating. I want to go and meet my best friends ever but flights are too expensive. I want to be able to get through life without cutting my skin.

I just feel broken and hopeless. I don't know what to do anymore.
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Kitty
Diagnosed January 2013- Crohns Disease
Currently on: Azathioprine(imuran), Infliximab(remicade)
Had a temp Ileostomy (now reversed)
16 ~ Female ~ SouthEast England
Always here to talk!
04-21-2014, 06:25 PM   #2
nogutsnoglory
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I'm so sorry you feel so depressed ki3 *big hugs*

Sometimes life seems like everything is going wrong and there is no hope for a change but honestly it can turn around as quickly as things dropped. Don't give up hope that you will solve your problems and be happy.

You are very mature and intelligent for your age and kids can be mean to anyone different. So many brilliant and famous people had horrible upbringings.

Those kids calling you homophobic or transphobic terms are the real losers. It might not seem that way now but I'm confident you will be leaps and bounds ahead of them in no time at all.

Is there a special school you can look into that works with kids with anxiety or bullying issues. It might be a safe haven and environment for you to flourish.

Can you go back to a counselor and try to talk about what's going on? Do you have friends to meet or talk to on the phone?

FYI, I moved your post to mental health and copied it to the GLBT section too since your post touches on those subjects.
04-21-2014, 06:29 PM   #3
Orchid
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There is no worse creature on Earth than the Common Teenager (homo horriblus) I promise as you get older your peers become more respectful on the subject of LGBT issues. Have you considered looking for local support groups for LGBT teenagers? I know socialization can be so scary but often really helps when you know you're in a nonjudgemental enviroment, and sometimes just listening to people with stories similar to your own is helpful because it makes you feel less alone and isolated. I know how crushing PTSD can be for socialization and if you need to talk to a transperson with PTSD you can PM me and I'll do what I can. I hope things get better for you.
04-21-2014, 06:34 PM   #4
theOcean
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I'm so sorry to hear that you're so depressed. I totally know what you're going through, though. Some time after my diagnosis, I dealt with crippling social anxiety, frequent panic attacks and depression. I hated every minute of school, and took a fair amount of time off of it and started looking into online schools because I didn't want to interact with people face-to-face. Are you finishing high school, or are you looking into universities/colleges?

I was bullied a lot all throughout school, and the majority of my friends have been ones I've had online ever since I was maybe eleven, twelve years old.

Even if you're nervous, I think it would be really good to go to counseling. I've actually been seeing a psychiatrist since January 2011, and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself. Psychiatrists especially would be a good idea for you, because they have a medical background and would understand your illness and medications, too.

My psychiatrist is someone I'm so comfortable with, that she actually turned into a good friend for me over the years, and I really enjoy seeing her. She also helped me get over my anxiety and helped me get back into school at a local college, and I feel so much more comfortable about myself now.

I'm sorry you've run into such awful people, and people who clearly don't understand you. Do you have good support from your friends online, at least? Are they able to talk you through things?
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Diagnosis: Fistulizing Crohn's, 2011 (originally Dx as Ulcerative Pancolitis)
Past Medication: Pentasa, Remicade, Prednisone, Imuran
Current Medication: Humira (biweekly), 100mg 6mp
Unrelated Medication: 36mg Concerta, 75mg Pregabalin
Currently: In remission!
04-21-2014, 06:51 PM   #5
Axelfl3333
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This probably won,t help much but I support much of what has been said on previous replies teenagers are generally twats and should be kept in cupboards till they grow up and they eventually get embarrassed by stupid,hurtful remarks they,be made.I,m not gay myself but have have 2 life friends who are I,m 52 known them since primary school it's such a none event now I can,t really understand why people cast it up!there probably weak individuals.ignore it,it,ll eventually go away concentrate on health and well being.all the best good luck
04-23-2014, 04:33 PM   #6
valleysangel92
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Oh sweetie Im so sorry you're having such a hard time

Orchid is right, teens can be so cruel. I know its hard to believe right now, but things will get better, the people that are being horrid to you are the ones who will miss out in the future. You'll be happy with a happy life and a good job, and they'll be lonely and miserable because they will have pushed every decent person away with their vile personalities.

Could you talk to your dad about him breaking promises and tell him how it makes you feel? Maybe ask your parents to set up a time once a week or something where you get to do something fun, and you get to choose what it is.

I'm sorry that your so called friends have let you down, but honestly, its probably for the best in the long term. People that will turn on you like that are not worth your breath, you can do so much better.

Remember that we are here for you whenever you need us, and you can drop me a message if you ever want to chat.

You are very special, and you are a very important person, look after yourself. One day, you'll meet someone who will make all this disappear, and you'll wonder how you ever felt like this. Keep your chin up. There's light at the end of the tunnel.
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Nicola
coeliac disease/Osteopenia /Crohns/Arthritis/
laperoscopic hemicolectomy 25/06/ 2013

Meds- Vedolizumab, sulfasalazine, Lansoprazole, Vitamin D, prochlorperazine, Oramorph, MST, B12 shots My journey with crohns: http://glutenfreecookiemonster.wordpress.com/

Allergic to - inflectra, aza

Non CD meds - Gabapentin, paracetamol, ventolin
04-23-2014, 05:26 PM   #7
Ihurt
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I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. Those kids that are bullying you are a bunch of idiots! Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad about yourself, ever! You are way stronger than any of those idiots. They are not even worth your time or aggravation.

This board is an excellent source of support and we are all here for you. Hang in there, it will get better. Big Hugs to you!!
















I'm so depressed right now. My crohns is ok since surgery but everything else has gone backwards. I am doing online school because of anxiety and I refuse to go to real school, everywhere I go I'm bullied, stared and laughed at. I've lost nearly all my friends and the only friends I have are in different country's. My dad promises me things but never keeps them, my sibling is an ungrateful twat that I hate so much words Can't describe and I have started self harming.

I tried to go to the doctors and ask for counselling for PTSD and anxiety but was too nervous to talk and didn't get any help.

I just want to be able to go out somewhere without people yelling "tranny" or "gay" at me. I want to be able to talk to people without shaking and sweating. I want to go and meet my best friends ever but flights are too expensive. I want to be able to get through life without cutting my skin.

I just feel broken and hopeless. I don't know what to do anymore.
04-30-2014, 09:23 AM   #8
nogutsnoglory
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How are you holding up my dear? Please don't be a stranger. We are all here for you. You are the cool kid, trust me, those other kids don't hold a candle to you!
05-09-2014, 07:32 AM   #9
Ki3
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Im doing ok, thanks.
I got an appointment with a councellor about school, im meant to bring a list of things that would make school easier. Then they are going and talking with the school about it and we will start trying things out. I just lost one of my close friends from burstow because she didnt realise I was gay and she is very homophobic so it didnt work out.

Next weekend is my brothers birthday and his friend is staying for the weekend which is awesome because she is so nice and I havnt met a friend face to face for ages so im looking forward to it. Sorry that I dont post much anymore, my computer is very dodgey right now. Thank you all xx
05-24-2014, 07:23 AM   #10
Ki3
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Update, Had a counselling session about going back to school and we have a plan. She asked me if I get anxiety outside of school and I was hot sweaty and shaking and I thought "I can't do this again" so I said no I'm fine and she said well then you don't need counselling again as your fine. I was too anxious to admit I needed help and now I feel really stupid.

My mum is going to ring her next week and explain I was very nervous and not good at talking, and that I would like to see her again and try and have a real session. I'll update you when more happens


05-24-2014, 07:52 AM   #11
ce1210
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Best of luck Ki3, sorry to hear what you are going through, I struggle with "social anxiety disorder", according to my doctor and a handful of psychiatrists, and I really understand the shaking, sweating, and nervousness. I hope you can get something more out of your next appointment.

btw, I put social anxiety disorder in quotations because imo its not a disorder. I think it is quite natural to have anxiety about being in a social setting or being around a lot of people, especially if you don't know them. Think about what human beings evolved from and how many more people per day we encounter than our ancestors did 50 years ago, 500 years ago, 5000 years ago even 10,000 years ago...thinking about it this way has helped me a lot instead of having the "there is something wrong with me" mentality, I go for the "there is something wrong with the world" mentality.
05-24-2014, 04:56 PM   #12
Ki3
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Thank you, I think I have something like social anxiety. At every doctors appointment I shake get hot and sweaty and my nurse has complained it's hard to take my blood when my hands are so slippery from sweat.

I'm just hoping they can help.


05-24-2014, 06:10 PM   #13
nogutsnoglory
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You could also have a case of secondary hyperhidrosis if you sweat so much during anxiety provoking situations. It may not be the case but wanted to put it out there http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/e...cle/007259.htm

I think the best remedy for social anxiety is the one people fear most, exposure to the situations that make you anxious. Maybe a support group for young people with social anxiety will be helpful? I know my friends in a group like that and he has gotten better.
05-24-2014, 09:30 PM   #14
wildbill_52280
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consider taking multistrain probiotics to help with anxiety and depression. It may even help some of your gi symptoms.

also, try a B-multivitamin, as most of the b vitamins are created by our bacteria in our gut, and the bacteria in our gut are severely damaged, so you may benefit from large doses of them. Folate has been found to be low in people suffering from depression. Also to note, its ok to be upset about the situations you are going through, but having IBD puts us at risk for more severe emotional reactions to these events, taking care of the biochemistry that is in disarray will make things seem more bearable.

http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/09/gut-feeling.aspx
05-25-2014, 01:29 PM   #15
Ki3
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Thank you both, I have an issue with taking any form of medication/vitamin/supplement, they make me gag and sometimes make me really nervous and feel distressed, after having an NG tube. Kinda like mild PTSD.

On Tuesday we are going to ring the councellors again and see what they say



05-27-2014, 06:30 PM   #16
ce1210
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Thank you both, I have an issue with taking any form of medication/vitamin/supplement, they make me gag and sometimes make me really nervous and feel distressed, after having an NG tube. Kinda like mild PTSD.

On Tuesday we are going to ring the councellors again and see what they say
you may wanna try an anxiolytic med...having trouble swallowing pills myself I have taken alprazolam intensol (liquid xanax) for anxiety before and it works almost instantly and erases anxiety. Only problem is it can be quite addictive and if not used properly could lead to other problems in the future, but it sounds to me (I'm not any kind of medical professional) like you may have enough an "axiety disorder" that could really benefit from medication, it may be worth at least just bringing it up to the doc...
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