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Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Partners, Family, Friends & Caregivers » This disease and steroids are killing our relationship


07-31-2014, 03:23 PM   #1
aideen33
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This disease and steroids are killing our relationship

Im newly diagnosed and flaring, which is a double whammy. Im depressed i know becuase i feel like im worthless and sick all the time and not the partner, person or parent i want and need to be and working to get that dealt with. Im also on prednisone which i know from previous experience (Im also asthmatic) makes me suspicious, angry, volatile and downright mean at times.

I keep saying things that hurt my partner. even i later am like man why did i go there? and now hes hurting, feeling like im always belittling or criticizing him, which to be fair might be true right now but i dont mean to. I dont mean it. I just.... my thoughts are so dark right now and hes unfairly getting the worst of it.

How can i explain this to him, while apologizing, and help him see that it isnt him, i dont mean to and am working on it, without sounding like im making excuses?
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07-31-2014, 03:37 PM   #2
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Aideen. It really isn't fair, it seems. Did you know the writer of the movie, "Alien", had Crohn's and was inspired by his demons/disease within him. It's not me! That's what I tell myself when the devil's tic tacs, Prednisone, mess with my mind and emotions. Sometimes simply being able to categorize it that way seems to help, for some reason.
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08-02-2014, 03:47 PM   #3
seaneoin
 
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Aideen it very hard condition to deal with I list my partner over this condition so if yours been of support to you try not be so hard on him because if he sticks round with this condition you have he is a good man it very hard on you but it's also hard on him
08-03-2014, 10:44 PM   #4
InkyStinky
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Pred is the worst. Period. I'm so sorry you're no stranger to it, but at least you know it's the Pred, not you.

Is your partner interested in researching/reading up on IBD and the meds you're on? Maybe that would help? So you are learning together, instead of both feeling isolated?

Have you talked about your past/current experiences with Pred with your partner? Maybe it would help him (and you) to know that this will pass?

I'd also let your GI know about this right away - perhaps you could discuss if biologics are an option for you - to try to get you off the Pred asap?
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08-03-2014, 10:48 PM   #5
aideen33
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Pred is the worst. Period. I'm so sorry you're no stranger to it, but at least you know it's the Pred, not you.

Is your partner interested in researching/reading up on IBD and the meds you're on? Maybe that would help? So you are learning together, instead of both feeling isolated?

Have you talked about your past/current experiences with Pred with your partner? Maybe it would help him (and you) to know that this will pass?

I'd also let your GI know about this right away - perhaps you could discuss if biologics are an option for you - to try to get you off the Pred asap?
I think i might have made a small breakthrough by pointing out that the pred actually *changes* my thinking. He seemed to be seeing as simply lowering my inhibitions and saying things i was already thinking but honestly, that isnt the case for me. I also opened up a bit about how hard dealing with this diagnosis has been for me because my mother took a diagnosis of a chronic health condition as a reason to give up on life and my dad has always seemed to see illness and medication as weakness so theres a lot of mental turmoil on top of the pred.

My next appt is 11th Aug, and its supposed to be about going on either Imuran or a biologic, i think i want to talk to the doc about going the biologic route in light of how hard the pred is on me, especially now that we know i cant take 30 and had to go back to the 40mg daily
08-03-2014, 11:19 PM   #6
InkyStinky
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So glad you and your partner could talk about the Pred/your dx! This dang disease is so hard on everyone!
08-04-2014, 12:17 AM   #7
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Aideen. Pred doesn't "lower your inhibitions". It's not a margarita, lol. It transforms your thinking, and not for the better. It is a breakthrough to properly categorize those thoughts and emotions as the prednisone and not you. I refuse to own those thoughts.
08-04-2014, 12:30 AM   #8
aideen33
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Aideen. Pred doesn't "lower your inhibitions". It's not a margarita, lol. It transforms your thinking, and not for the better. It is a breakthrough to properly categorize those thoughts and emotions as the prednisone and not you. I refuse to own those thoughts.
Problem is... He hasnt ever taken it. So when he hears me say, this is the prednisone not you and not me, he is thinking of it like drinking. Like "well yeah the drugs made you SAY it but you already thought it" and like you say, it literally *changes* how I think. Im just not sure its possible for him to fully truly understand that having never taken it
08-04-2014, 12:54 AM   #9
lenny
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My mom told me about a guy who told her how ANGRY he got, over nothing, on a drug called PCP. This was in the early 70's, I think, before people knew how dangerous it was. Yet, it demonstrates how a drug can change one's thoughts and feelings.

I saw my son change being on steroids for only 3 days. The change was subtle, but I saw it. He was feistier.
08-04-2014, 01:42 AM   #10
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I don't know if this will help you but I'm currently on prednisone also and have similar side effects with random out bursts of anger over nothing and then have to turn around and apologize for whatever I freaked about. I've been coping better lately by reminding myself I'll probably be over this in five minutes I can wait five minutes if its still bothering me in five I'll bring it up if not then I know it was the pills. Also I always try to thank Tim(my boyfriend) for being so supportive as often as I can it keeps a happy positive buzz between us cause I know he deals with a lot dealing with me and remember this is a safe place if you are mad at him for something you can let it out on here first then go back and read it it may seem silly when you reread it that could really help to let the things that don't matter go. good luck hope we both get off the pred soon!
08-04-2014, 11:03 AM   #11
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Aideen. Have your bf google steroids. Lol.
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