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08-14-2014, 09:08 AM   #1
Zzz
 
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Location: Santa Monica, California

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Everyone back off!!!!!

I'm so frustrated with my family and friends. Everyone treats me as a sick person and everyone has a opinion on how I should conduct my medical treatment. I can't call a friend or my family without them drilling me about my Crohn's. I've asked everyone to support me but not to act like my mother or doctor. I've been very sick lately but I don't complain & I don't identify myself as a sick person. I've now reached the point where I'm telling my family & friends that I'm doing great even though I'm feeling awful & have a lot of serious medical complications. It's easier to go through this alone and silent than to be treated like a baby and have to explain everything I do. BTW, I'm 48, married 20 years, self employed and very capable.

I know everyone can relate to this in one way or another. I don't like shutting people out but this has been going on for too many years and its not helping me. I appreciate any advice or experiences that others' have been through. Thank you.

Last edited by Zzz; 08-14-2014 at 04:55 PM.
08-14-2014, 10:12 AM   #2
Axelfl3333
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Location: Coatbridge, United Kingdom
I,d find it worse if nobody cared,but your right it's a fine line and sometimes if you feel like death warmed over some alone time to lick your wounds is good as well.

Last edited by Axelfl3333; 08-14-2014 at 06:08 PM.
08-14-2014, 01:44 PM   #3
Zzz
 
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I,d find it worse if nobody cared,but your right it's a fine line and sometimes if you feel like death warmed over some alone time to lick your wounds is good as we'll.
Thank you for pointing that out. I'm very lucky to have so many people who care. I need to remember that. Sometimes I feel suffocated by everyone's love and sometimes I'm just too exhausted to explain the personal details of my health to everyone. I appreciate your perspective and it helps me understand that I am truly blessed to have people who care. Thank you.
08-14-2014, 01:51 PM   #4
worriedboy
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Hello,

I, like you, find it easier most times to deal with it alone. I can relate to every word you are saying... everyone has got an opinion, the treatment that cured their cusin's friend, etc. Even more frustrating is that bottom line they 99% of the times dont know s**t about Crohns; for most people out there its like some stomach flu or IBS ...

I know that faking can be exhausting, but I try not to make it an issue anymore; I got my life to deal with and I try to make the best out of them. When socializing I today prefer those non-heavy fellows, who are pleasent and are fun to be and talk with. No questions about Crohns. Nothing heavy.
It was a change for me, but I found out that I feel much better this way.

Having said that, yes, it kinda makes you feel lonely (even when not alone). So you can come here, to the supportive charming friends in this forum, read their stories, share yours, and fade the loneliness a bit.

I got a question though - how is it with your SO ?
08-14-2014, 02:40 PM   #5
DJW
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Hi Zzz. I think I understand where you're coming from. It's hard to explain. I'm trying to put space between me and this disease and people are treating me and the disease as one in the same. Hard to explain. I feel the frustration.

You've got my support.
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08-14-2014, 04:59 PM   #6
Zzz
 
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I got a question though - how is it with your SO ?
I think "SO" means Significant Other.....

My wife is my rock. She survived Stage 4 ovarian cancer and completely understands my situation. I rarely have to explain anything to her. Thanks for asking.

Hello,

I, like you, find it easier most times to deal with it alone. I can relate to every word you are saying... everyone has got an opinion, the treatment that cured their cusin's friend, etc. Even more frustrating is that bottom line they 99% of the times dont know s**t about Crohns; for most people out there its like some stomach flu or IBS ...
Yes you understand. For me it goes beyond that. I shouldn't have to explain to my friends what's in my toilet after I leave the bathroom. They don't need to know how many times a day I use the comode or if I'm bleeding. I don't ask my friends about the consistency of their BM's. That's my personal business. Not sure if I'm making my point but there's a double standard that really bothers me. I'm just sayin'.
08-14-2014, 07:50 PM   #7
Ali29
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Zzz - I have found a way so that my illness/condition today is not brought up every time I speak to family/friends who are aware of my illness. I told them that most days are not good and if anything changes good/bad, I'll let them know, otherwise just consider me the same (I did this in a nice kind way - I know they care). I had to do that because every time it was "how are you feeling/doing today" and I too became tired of having to answer that question. It's so exhausting having it brought up all the time.

I'm thankful that we have people that care but most times I just don't want to talk about it. My mom found it the hardest but she understood and my reasoning, so mostly she just now asks when is your next Dr appt - which I guess is her way of dealing with it so I give her an update after my appt and that makes her happy.

Good luck!!
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08-19-2014, 10:32 AM   #8
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Thank you for posting this. It's made me realise I probably do this to my husband, out of care and concern, obviously, but I wouldn't want to drive him crazy from it. I'm going to speak to him tonight about anything BUT "how were you today".
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