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Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Partners, Family, Friends & Caregivers » Young, in love, and a bleak outlook...


08-28-2014, 07:39 AM   #1
alarmclock
 
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Young, in love, and a bleak outlook...

Hello forum,

I'm new here and I wanted to introduce myself and possibly find some advice dealing with the symptoms of what is most likely Crohn's disease. My girlfriend is in her early 20s, and has just encountered what seems to be a full-on flare up. She has had tummy troubles her whole life, but never to this extent.

Aching body all over, her joints hurt, stomach pain, blood in stool.... It's starting to take its toll... making it very difficult for her to go in to work, and spending a lot of time in bed.

It just feels so unfair. She just moved in with me after we had been dating long distance for 3 years, and then almost immediately we encounter a flare up. I see her positive energy just sapped out of her, and it makes me feel like our youth is being stolen away by this disease, and that we'll never get this time back, wasted on suffering and stress.

She is still not officially diagnosed, but has some procedures next week that will hopefully get her diagnosed so she can start some sort of treatment. I just hope her symptoms aren't signs of permanent damage and that treatment will help her get into remission.

It's just really hard trying to be a supportive partner when my own life is overwhelming most of the time. I'm still in college and not really established in life so this whole situation is totally throwing us off our track.
08-28-2014, 05:16 PM   #2
Axelfl3333
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Coatbridge, United Kingdom
Hopefully it's not.meantime bland her diet out chicken,white rice,fish,clear broth soup or soup made with stock cubes veggies well cooked and or blended.try pro-biotics a lot of people say they help.good luck
08-28-2014, 11:24 PM   #3
sickofcrohns
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Location: Toronto, Canada
Hello alarmclock,

Been there, done that from the other side -- I was the sick girlfriend. It's great that you're being such a supportive partner.

I know it can be very stressful. Here are some things for both of youto consider:

1. DON'T, and I really mean DON'T, make any major life decisions, if possible, until at least 6 months (and preferably longer) after the stress has seemed to dissipate. It takes a while to process all the emotional fallout of stuff like this, and even if you feel fine, it's better to wait until your judgment is less clouded.

2. DEFINITELY DON'T make any major life decisions when on major doses of steroids or during steroid withdrawal!

3. Is your partner also a student? See if either/both of you can get access to counselling through your (respective?) institution(s). Specify that you want to talk to someone who has expertise dealing with chronic illnesses. You may need to talk to the university-affiliated health centre or the disability/accessiblity/whatever office, or both. And if you don't get along with the first person they send you to, ask to see someone else until you find someone on a reasonable wavelength. There are good counsellors out there who can help you develop coping strategies and reduce stress. They may also be able to negotiate with your instructors to ensure that health crises (including an ongoing state of crisis) interfere as little as possible with your education.

Sick of Crohn's, whose 30s are/were way better than 20s because I learned all this stuff the hard way. . .
08-29-2014, 12:21 PM   #4
alarmclock
 
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Hopefully it's not.meantime bland her diet out chicken,white rice,fish,clear broth soup or soup made with stock cubes veggies well cooked and or blended.try pro-biotics a lot of people say they help.good luck
Thanks, I will try to get her some pro-biotics and see if they help!

Hello alarmclock,

Been there, done that from the other side -- I was the sick girlfriend. It's great that you're being such a supportive partner.

I know it can be very stressful. Here are some things for both of youto consider:

1. DON'T, and I really mean DON'T, make any major life decisions, if possible, until at least 6 months (and preferably longer) after the stress has seemed to dissipate. It takes a while to process all the emotional fallout of stuff like this, and even if you feel fine, it's better to wait until your judgment is less clouded.

2. DEFINITELY DON'T make any major life decisions when on major doses of steroids or during steroid withdrawal!

3. Is your partner also a student? See if either/both of you can get access to counselling through your (respective?) institution(s). Specify that you want to talk to someone who has expertise dealing with chronic illnesses. You may need to talk to the university-affiliated health centre or the disability/accessiblity/whatever office, or both. And if you don't get along with the first person they send you to, ask to see someone else until you find someone on a reasonable wavelength. There are good counsellors out there who can help you develop coping strategies and reduce stress. They may also be able to negotiate with your instructors to ensure that health crises (including an ongoing state of crisis) interfere as little as possible with your education.

Sick of Crohn's, whose 30s are/were way better than 20s because I learned all this stuff the hard way. . .
Thanks for the feedback, unfortunately we just made a big life decision (her moving hundreds of miles away from home, to live with me...a big life change + relationship jump forward) hahah . The stress of change is probably shocking her system! Perhaps I will look into counseling, I know my school does provide options for that.
08-29-2014, 04:23 PM   #5
KMod
 
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Location: Wiley, Colorado

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alarmclock- I understand everything you are saying. I'm on the other side of things too, as I am the sick girlfriend. My boyfriend and I started dating just before I got sick. We were both living and going to school in Colorado but I was forced to move home (to CT) after my diagnosis because I was too sick to work/go to school. So I moved back to Connecticut and we continued our relationship as long-distance. After about a year or so I was healthy enough to move back to Colorado, and we decided that I would move in with him. It has been over a year now that we have been living together. I can tell that my disease is basically his disease too. Except for all the physical symptoms, he goes through it ALL with me. I know that it is not ideal, but we have agreed and understand that if we want to be together, this is something we have got to manage together, for the rest of our lives. Bless him. He is my angel. Just want you to know that you have amazing strength. It is people like you that keep us going strong.
08-31-2014, 01:11 PM   #6
Kaevata
 
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Bedford, United Kingdom
The bowel always reacts to stress, the ........I'm S..... myself comes from it.
The first time I knew I had a problem was after moving house. The bowel can be a swine when it is upset or injured. I hope she some help soon.
Try not to get frustrated with the situation and give her some peacefull snuggly time and lots loving hugs. She needs to settle in her new enviroment, give her plenty of time.
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