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Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender » The gay community doesn't get it?


09-28-2014, 10:08 AM   #1
nogutsnoglory
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The gay community doesn't get it?

I find that many in the gay community are so active socially, lead healthy lives and are involved with working out and sports and are very active travelers. Anyone else find it hard to date or be friends with gay people? They are living great lives and I feel like they can't relate to my suffering.

Maybe I'm bitter, I know I'm generalizing and commiting the cardinal sin of embracing stereotypes but it just seems I cannot find gay people who are my age but really have the body and mindset of a senior citizen. I am too weak and tired to go out much and I'm unhealthy but my mind doesn't correlate with my body .

Where can I find the gays like me for friends or that dreamy relationship? Maybe I'll start a chapter of gay seniors who happen to be in their 20's!

Last edited by nogutsnoglory; 09-29-2014 at 08:24 PM.
09-29-2014, 10:49 AM   #2
UnXmas
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I found that among straight people, when I was at uni. I think it has more to do with age group than anything else. Most young people are healthy. When I was at uni, it seemed like everyone was doing sports, had the energy to want to go clubbing at night despite having had lectures during the day, and were going off on trips during holidays or even just weekends.

Maybe you could try socialising with older people?
10-05-2014, 06:53 PM   #3
ILDan
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
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Being young and sick sucks; gay or straight. No one can truly understand. Your crappy body has given you maturity and insight that your age peers simply do not have.

I found that entering the workforce after college gave me more older friends who understood failing bodies a bit more.

I think you are doing the right thing by reaching out to this type of forum. Your odds of finding someone sympathetic and your age are higher.

Good luck and if you'd settle for a straight, 42 year old friend who remembers his 20's, you've got one.

All my best, Dan
10-06-2014, 09:27 AM   #4
nogutsnoglory
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Could just be a young person thing but it does seem to be that the gay community typically is very fitness and travel oriented. I know that the travel industry does millions in advertising to LGBT consumers.

I also find that my gay friends are sympathetic but they can't relate and not that straight healthy friends can relate but I feel they are a little less lively if you will.
10-06-2014, 01:29 PM   #5
Kev
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If it's any consolation, I don't think you're experiencing a phenomenon exclusive to the gay community. I'm old, straight, and dating, socializing, keeping up with people my own age is impossible. My health went south on me this past spring, and I gave up looking just because getting out of my home is impractical, almost impossible at the moment. Just before I got ill, I'd been having the odd date or two, but my relapse put an end to it. However, I tried to keep the lines of communication open with the few people I'd seen.
But, as time passed, and my situation failed to improve, this communication dwindled down to a single individual. Bear in mind, none of these had gone past a second date. One lady simply stopped returning my messages... the other.. in her last correspondence.. detailed how worried she was about her financial future .. before she too seemingly evaporated. But the third... despite knowing of my ongoing fight with an incurable disease... continued to maintain contact. And, the truly miraculous thing is... the more information we convey back and forth... the more it seems that our specific quirks, likes, dislikes, beliefs, etc., seem to dovetail at an astonishing level and degree.

Now, I don't know what tomorrow may hold. I could fall down an elevator shaft. But, I do know... that if I can get back on my feet again... the 1st thing on my agenda is to ask the lady out for a 3rd date. It might be months away, or it might never happen... but the thing is.... if it hadn't been for my relapse... leaving just old fashioned correspondence to rely on... she and I might never have discovered our remarkable similarities, etc., etc..

Call it what you will... fate, coincidence, kismet, pure dumb luck... but the world is full of surprises, wonder. Some of them are atrocious, shitty... but some of them are wonderful.
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Dx'd July, 2006
Meds: Flagyl, Cipro, Pred, AZA.. to no effect
Low Dose Naltrexone Nov 2007 - May 2014
Remicade June 17th, 2014
10-07-2014, 05:30 AM   #6
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If it's any consolation, I don't think you're experiencing a phenomenon exclusive to the gay community. I'm old, straight, and dating, socializing, keeping up with people my own age is impossible. My health went south on me this past spring, and I gave up looking just because getting out of my home is impractical, almost impossible at the moment. Just before I got ill, I'd been having the odd date or two, but my relapse put an end to it. However, I tried to keep the lines of communication open with the few people I'd seen.
But, as time passed, and my situation failed to improve, this communication dwindled down to a single individual. Bear in mind, none of these had gone past a second date. One lady simply stopped returning my messages... the other.. in her last correspondence.. detailed how worried she was about her financial future .. before she too seemingly evaporated. But the third... despite knowing of my ongoing fight with an incurable disease... continued to maintain contact. And, the truly miraculous thing is... the more information we convey back and forth... the more it seems that our specific quirks, likes, dislikes, beliefs, etc., seem to dovetail at an astonishing level and degree.

Now, I don't know what tomorrow may hold. I could fall down an elevator shaft. But, I do know... that if I can get back on my feet again... the 1st thing on my agenda is to ask the lady out for a 3rd date. It might be months away, or it might never happen... but the thing is.... if it hadn't been for my relapse... leaving just old fashioned correspondence to rely on... she and I might never have discovered our remarkable similarities, etc., etc..

Call it what you will... fate, coincidence, kismet, pure dumb luck... but the world is full of surprises, wonder. Some of them are atrocious, shitty... but some of them are wonderful.
Can she not come and visit you at home?
10-07-2014, 05:53 AM   #7
Kev
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Well, in my current state of health, my normally spotless home looks like Hurricane Katrina hit it. I can barely manage my day to day stuff, keeping up with the housework isn't in the cards. Some may think I'm being fussy, but the thing is... I was a single Dad (24/7/365) and I was held to a pretty high standard... many thought a man couldn't raise kids on his own... and the fear that my cooking, cleaning, housework or parenting MIGHT not meet whatever criteria a family judge, or case worker, or teacher might decree left an indelible impression. So I wouldn't let God himself in my door until I'm healthy enough to clean it up a tad. Besides, I've only one bathroom, and I avg about a dozen trips a day with little/no warning. Right now, me and my place just aren't in showroom condition.
10-07-2014, 08:06 AM   #8
baistuff
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Plenty of gays with IBD and other ailments as well. The beauty of medicine is that while it is true that some conditions are more common in certain races/ethnicities or genders, medicine is the great equalizer. No one is spared.

Cholesterol plaques clog the arteries the same way in a white as a back, as a jew or a muslim, a straight or a gay person. One tour of any hospital and you will learn quickly that illness does not discriminate. I really feel badly for those who waste their lives anger filled and hating others for no reason. Illness and the practice of medicine is a nice daily reminder of how fragile, special, and similar we all are.
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