Life threatening

Long story short, I am a 33 year old male. My life was fantastic and blessed. From scratch up I build my own business and was succesfullat it ,madé alot of money and had work that I loved. Also alot of love For my costumors and employees. My house is beautifull, I have great friends and a mother who is simple the best mother any sun could wish For.

But yet I want to be dead. Crohns disease has simple Saïd destroyed my life. For two years plus in a row I have severe pain everyday. I am on very high dosage of painkillers, really extremely high. But no effect. IVe had radical ammounts of Remicade, Azathopirine and antibiotics to treat the disease withoute any positive effect. Besides the medicine I underwent 50 surgical procedures, placement of a stoma, drains and seton drains. Me my Family and friends searched For the best centra Europe has to offer but in four of the best they couldent help me. Actually the situation got worser. Now I also have a severe skin infectiehaard surrounding the sound, lower part of colon is inflamed AMD a damgerous bacteria.

There are two things I can do but both wont give me a guarantee For healling. 1. Resection of rectum and lower part colon with a permanent stoma. 2. Resection lower part colon with a gracillus flap to fill up the abces. Option 2 gaves a chance For the stoma to be removed.

For me the stoma is the worst thing ever I hate it and it doesnt allowe me to life my life how I like it. Also the gracillus flap will mutilatie my body because they will cut out a muscle (gracillus muscle) in my legg.
After 50 Operations I dont trust to get any better so right now I am concidering sewiside. The last 15 Operations I didnt do For me but For all those who love me and want me to stay allive. For me my biggest wish would be to be healthy but it see,'s that this is impossible. So I a, contactimg the coorporations that help people to make the last steps.
I have no depression and no disire to be dead but there are no possibilities For me. Some people think it is fine to live with stoma but For me it is hell.

Crohns desease has been in my life For 20 years now and I am 33. Probally IVe seen it all. But the amount of pain and the horribleness of this episode is hell.

Sorry For the negatieve post guys and girls...

I know things seem horrible now and like nothing can work but you never know what great things lie in the near future. You may find the right dose or the right medication and you will be living relatively pain free and normal. There is even discussion about new technologies that may eventually eliminate ostomies even for those with permanent ones. We are in an shaving time with such scientific growth. Please don't give up hope that your suffering may be soon solved.

nogutsnoglory said:

I know things seem horrible now and like nothing can work but you never know what great things lie in the near future. You may find the right dose or the right medication and you will be living relatively pain free and normal. There is even discussion about new technologies that may eventually eliminate ostomies even for those with permanent ones. We are in an shaving time with such scientific growth. Please don't give up hope that your suffering may be soon solved.

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How can one eliminate ostomies when your rectum, anus AMD colon are removed?..

The article I had read was talking about a future of transplants.

have you thought about research programs ? like the ssi or some other nobel approaches ? you never know... maybe its worth trying

You have had a very tough time. I think you should see a counsellor to talk through your feelings. I know you say you are not depressed but I still think antidepressants might help you see things more clearly. I was suicidal when I had a temporary stoma many years ago, but now I wish I had kept it. Think about what your loss would do to your family, I know you are tired but you need to keep on fighting. I had a really rough time when I was young but now I have a great job, friends and social life.

I'm sorry you've had to suffer so much.

worriedboy said:

have you thought about research programs ? like the ssi or some other nobel approaches ? you never know... maybe its worth trying

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Whats the ssi?

Here's the link that talks about the Site Specific Immunomodulation/SSI trial: http://www.crohnsforum.com/showthread.php?t=60661

You still have options so please do not give up on life. Crohn's has many ups and downs but there's always a chance to get better even if it takes a long time to get there.

Afidz has also have many surgeries and even though they aren't stoma related she has and is still dealing with constant pain so she may be a good person to talk to about how hard this disease can really be.

Like Jennifer said, I've been through a lot in the last few years. I only have one more chance to make it right. Pm me to talk. Our situations are different but they are also very similar. I'm sorry you have gone through so much, would love to talk is your willing

I am so sorry. You are not the only one who has felt like he/she has been through hell and back and hell again. I have felt horrible, too. We are similar age. Please don't give up. You are doing your best. You sound strong. Don't let the stupid disease win. Hold on, breathe, keep holding on. I know that sounds easier said than done! My mom is awesome too. Hang on for your great family and especially your mom.

Daisy123 said:

You have had a very tough time. I think you should see a counsellor to talk through your feelings. I know you say you are not depressed but I still think antidepressants might help you see things more clearly. I was suicidal when I had a temporary stoma many years ago, but now I wish I had kept it. Think about what your loss would do to your family, I know you are tired but you need to keep on fighting. I had a really rough time when I was young but now I have a great job, friends and social life.

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My stoma should also be temporary but iTS there For longer then a year now. They want to do a gracillus flap with resection of rectum. Then attach the colon to the anus to make a new rectum. And they use the gracillus muscle to fill up the fistula and abces. Its a 2 in 1 operation wich is horrible. After the 50 operations I already have had still there is an infection, fistula, abscess and since one month my whole rectum is also inflamed. To me it is unbelieveble that the situation only got worser instead of better after two years of treatment and surgery! Also they told me that in my situation ANY other patiënt already would have chosem For the removel of the rectum and permanent stoma. Afcouse this is not what they wisheid For but it is the result of everything they tried now. Withoute any good pukcode.
I am not going to do antidepressants iTS no good For your Brian. IVe seen a counselor and antidepressants in my situation are not likely to help. Also no signs of depression or other mental issues.
Everyday I have so much pain and discomfort this is no way of living. And a real Solutions For my problem is not at hand. ITS just happends to be that in life there are some problems with no solution. And I have one of those problems.

iriechic said:

I am so sorry. You are not the only one who has felt like he/she has been through hell and back and hell again. I have felt horrible, too. We are similar age. Please don't give up. You are doing your best. You sound strong. Don't let the stupid disease win. Hold on, breathe, keep holding on. I know that sounds easier said than done! My mom is awesome too. Hang on for your great family and especially your mom.

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Big respect For your mom and For you!

Jennifer said:

Here's the link that talks about the Site Specific Immunomodulation/SSI trial: http://www.crohnsforum.com/showthread.php?t=60661

You still have options so please do not give up on life. Crohn's has many ups and downs but there's always a chance to get better even if it takes a long time to get there.

Afidz has also have many surgeries and even though they aren't stoma related she has and is still dealing with constant pain so she may be a good person to talk to about how hard this disease can really be.

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Thx For your post I will pm her now! But the chances For me are so minimal.. :-(

Flarkie it may also help to at least talk to other members on the forum who have a permanent stoma. I used to have the same views as you about having one when I first joined the forum but after getting to know other members who have one it's changed my views on getting one if it were needed to give me a better quality of life and to stay alive. Nyx was a great inspiration to me so feel free to ask everyone questions or at least share your concerns and fears and maybe they could help. http://www.crohnsforum.com/forumdisplay.php?f=46