Down, tired and depressed

down, tired and depressed

Hi All!

I just thought I would vent as I really have no one to talk about this stuff to.

My story, i'm 27, male and have had crohns since I was 10, diagnosed at 15 after being told it was all in my head.

I responded well to treatment to start off with but have been up and down ever since. That was until 3 years ago when I was took in to hospital after intense pain and then being told by bowl had perforated.
I had a operation and my large bowl was history, total removal and I ended up with a bag and no hope of any reversal.

My crohns is now gone, I don't get the crippling pain or the vomiting but I still have joint pain and wake up every day miserable.

I wake up every day with expectation of bag leeks, toilet trips, joint pain and the realisation that this can only get worse. My crohns is aggressive and I know its been in the small bowl in the past, I know there is only so much more they can cut out.

How do you deal with this? how am I supposed to deal with the fact I could end up in hospital at any point and loose income, house and everything I hold dear.

Advice? tell me to snap out of it?

Im sorry to hear of your hard times Samsite, its not easy for any of us. This disease is awful, and we all experience it in some way shape or form. I wake up wondering whats next daily....will I be able to care for my children (1 and 3yrs) will I have another allergice reaction to meds and end up with seizures again, how much pain meds do I take today, is all tha blood normal, how can I make this better?? Its easy to get down and depressed, facing surgery...not knowing whats to come, and especially during this hard economy we are all facing. For me, I have to take a Xanax sometimes just to help so I dont slip into serious depression and start crying uncontrollably, or become entirely hopeless. I also have to remind myself that things are bad, but my gosh....they could be so much worst!! Ofcourse worst is different for everyone....if I didnt have faith in God, things would be much worst. I hope that you can find the silver lining in the dark hole of a disease we all share, just remember your not alone, and this is a wonderful place to get support and questions answered. I will pray for you Samsite! Take care and feel better soon~

Hi and welcome Samsite!

There's a subforum in General IBD Discussion for stomas that you might want to check out found here: http://www.crohnsforum.com/forumdisplay.php?f=46

Are you taking any medication for your Crohn's (since you still have your small intestine and its showed its ugly head there before)? For me being on medication takes away a lot of the worrying about when my next flare is going to be. I'm 28 and was diagnosed when I was 9 but I've only had a small bowel resection. I'm sorry you had to lose your entire colon but a lot of the people on here who have had the same surgery have made it seem like a God send. They might be able to help you with any issues concerning your stoma but the rest of us are all here for you.

Edit: How do I deal with it all? One day at a time I suppose. I wish there were forums like this when I was younger but its still helpful now. Helping out other people actually helps me in return. Hopefully it will be helpful to you too.

I take nothing but pain killers for the joints at the moment. I think i'm probably lucky in that respect.
Having had quite a few barium meals in the past I know what's been there in the past.
My inflammatory markers are all fine but my joint pain persists.

I have been to a few doctors who just tell me to get on with it and nothing more can be done.

It eventually builds to the point were I have had to have both knees aspirated in the past I probably have no need to point out this is a tad painful.

I know it could be much much worse, I have a lovely understanding long team partner who has been though everything with me. I hold down a good career and get to work from my home office every day. But i just cant pick my self up

i hear you buddy. your situation is actually what i am fearing at the moment myself, i have an ileo but my colon still intact....but it will prob have to come out. which ok yeah if it makes me feel better, but all the extraintestinal symptoms?? what if THEY dont go away? i am lucky that my small bowel remains unaffected as of yet but since most of my body has been touched by inflammation i worry about it.

like you said, theres only so much they can cut out.

so i really dont have much advice for you =/ just the sort of strange comfort that im in the boat with you buddy.

have you ever thought about therapy or anyuthing like that? i started with cognitive behavioural therapy a while back, actually for issues caused by pain meds, but it has come to help me look at the big picture as well. i have no solutions yet, i do not feel any more hopeful or anything....but...more aware i guess, which helps when you are in despair and just dont even know what to do with yourself. it helps to know how to step back and be objective, even though it doesnt fix anything you know?
i would think about something of the sort. you dont deserve to be hopeless, nobody does. its so hard not to be though, when all other hopes you have ever had have just been dashed away in an instant. how do you hope again? i dont know, but i feel there has to be a way to get on with life. just takes some serious time and guidance with looking at yourself though i guess? it cant hurt to try i guess.

Samsite, so very sorry to hear that you have been through such a hard time. Unfortunately many of us in additional to our stomach stuff struggle mightily with depression and anxiety. I let mine go to far and have lost my wife and in turn the ability to live in my home. Please talk to your gp and tell them how you are feeling before you roll too far down the hill. Good luck and take care.

BLM said:

Im sorry to hear of your hard times Samsite, its not easy for any of us. This disease is awful, and we all experience it in some way shape or form. I wake up wondering whats next daily....will I be able to care for my children (1 and 3yrs) will I have another allergice reaction to meds and end up with seizures again, how much pain meds do I take today, is all tha blood normal, how can I make this better?? Its easy to get down and depressed, facing surgery...not knowing whats to come, and especially during this hard economy we are all facing. For me, I have to take a Xanax sometimes just to help so I dont slip into serious depression and start crying uncontrollably, or become entirely hopeless. I also have to remind myself that things are bad, but my gosh....they could be so much worst!! Ofcourse worst is different for everyone....if I didnt have faith in God, things would be much worst. I hope that you can find the silver lining in the dark hole of a disease we all share, just remember your not alone, and this is a wonderful place to get support and questions answered. I will pray for you Samsite! Take care and feel better soon~

Click to expand...

Goodness.. BLM .. you said it!..
We, Me, Us, all seem to have the inner questions of what if this? or how will that? It is a struggle! For me: this forum has been my saving grace over the past few months, and faith!

I want you to know you are definately not alone! And even though we do not all suffer the same symptoms (well..depending on what your body decides to do on any given day..) we are here for each other! This forum is full of love, laughter (in a good way - its so easy to lose sight of laughter sometimes), insight, good advice, and most importantly friendship and understanding!

my thoughts.. when i need to snap out of it: I look at pics of my nephew and he warms my heart and reminds me that I want to be around and healthy to be a part of his life.. ; and this forum

I wish you well! xoxo ~GirlyGilr~

Hi there

Just wanted to let you know that I also suffer depression and panic attacks. I have down since july 09. I went to my GP and got on a mental health programme and then saw a psychologist that really helped me out. It took me a while to find the right drugs but I take 40mg fluoxetine a day. One at morning and one at night. These strategies have enabled me to cope with working and trying to manage by health. I have ups and downs but they are far more manageable now. Cognitive behaviour stratgies can help, and have helped me and so have the meds. Good luck

I hear ya , i also suffer from depression , but I think I'm starting to get the panic attacks it feels like I'm about to loose my mind , saw the doctor today,,,,