Hey everyone. I have to say it feels amazing being able to talk to people with my condition or similar to it. I appreciate all your advice. Really, thank you.
I went to the ER, actually, two days ago (after my posts). This was the 2nd visit to the ER in the same week. According to this particular doctor, I have a big hemorroihd inside. The thing is, and I didn't mean to be disrespectful to him, I asked him if he was sure it was a hemorroihd or accumulated poop. He gave me attitude and told me he knew what he felt. I have my reasons not to believe his word 100% because he only stuck his finger in my butt (which made me scream like no business), and he could've just felt the poop. He had an a$$#$% attitude, so I don't know. I guess this also affected my trust in him.
It's gotten to a point where I feel like I'm going to die from this. I haven't given up, it's just that each day is honestly a rough path and I don't even feel like getting up to go to work. It's not just the stuck poop, it's also the pain I feel when something starts coming out. I don't know if it's an anal fissure, or a hemorroihd, or what, but the pain is so sharp and horrible that I can't continue pushing. I worry about messing the area even more even for trying. I also feel that the sphincter muscle is very tight and the area around it feels swollen. Oh, and after I TRY, even if nothing actually comes out, I flare up afterwards (correct me if I'm using the wrong term). For me a flare up is when the area, whatever area that is, starts burning and throbbing a lot. For this, I usually put some ice in my butt or... ... take a sedative to avoid dealing with this whole situation, in this case, Vistaril or Ambien (or both at the same time, LOOL. I only did it once). The latter is a pill my dad uses, but in my desperation, I take it too to be able to sleep. Some nights the burning is so much I can't even sleep. Vistaril, however, was prescribed by my gastro.
Some other days, I get regular butt pain. It's mostly burning, but not as strong as a flare up. When this happens, I can barely move. Getting up from a chair or the bed takes me a couple of seconds, instead of being immediate actions. Walking sometimes is also hard. Whenever I use the anal muscle, on purpose or not, or I clench it for whatever reason, I feel a lot of pain. So I move very slowly these days.
My girlfriend and I get very frustrated and there are days we just cry because I'm not getting any better. I'm losing weight and I'm barely eating my mother's food, which I love to death. I love food overall!! There are days in which I don't eat because I'm scared it'll make more poopie. I could be wrong about this. I could make poop even if I don't eat... I don't know. But in my fear, I avoid it. The sad thing is, I know... I know I have to eat. Some days I only have one meal. I drink Boost in the morning, then the meal, and then water. Eating is a nightmare as well. When I do eat, I follow the protocol... fiber, water, and nothing spicy or irritating. I take fiber supplements as well. And if I eat junk food as my one meal of the day, I avoid spicy stuff, coke, and condiments. I even cut down coffee (just in case) and alcohol (even though I was never really a fan of it, hehe). I have Clearlax at home and milk of magenisa. My concern is that regardless of how hard or soft the poop is, the pain is still excrusiating. So, to be honest, I stopped using stool softeners. Let me know if it was a mistake. I've also avoided laxatives because of my job. I'm a teacher, so... I can't just leave the classroom everytime I feel like going to the bathroom.
Going back to the last doctor I saw, he gave me two shots in the butt. One for the pain (I think it was Toradol) and a muscle relaxant. With this, I was able to poop even though it was painful, but never as painful as before I took the medicine, so I took advantage of the medicine and tried to push out as much as I could. My concern now with Toradol (which he prescribed as well as home medication) is that I read online it's not a good choice for people with GI problems, such as colitis or Crohn's. This presents a new problem as well because it makes me feel insecure of the medication they're giving me. I won't buy it if it's only going to make the pain go away, but then make my condition much much worse. *sighs*
Today I made an appointment for a new gastro to see his opinion. I'm dreading the thought of him sticking his finger in my butt, or any procedure he has to perform. I've heard many stories about procedures for this kind of condition not being anesthesized in any way. The thought alone makes me sweat in fear.
Oh, can someone shed some light on what this is? "Acute Self Limiting Colitis"? What does "acute" mean? This was the first impression the doctor had after my colonoscopy. The thing is, this whole new problem I have now happened after the colonoscopy, so... if I have a fissure or a hemorroihd it didn't show up. *sighs*