Friends,
[PART1]
I am writing to you from a dark place in my life. I don't even know where to start; the thoughts are a mess. Deceiving the mind. Playing with my soul as if it were a toy. But I shall write about the here and now, I decide.
It's Saturday night. I have been going through a lot lately, getting things ready for my upcoming resection surgery. A battery of tests and insurance papers. Many of you here know the deal. So out of the surgeons clinic I go and among all get into an MRE which triggers an un believable flare up. Not sure if to associate it to the mental toll or to a liter of Avilac they give you to drink right before. I had to go back to pred., which of course now complicated it all even more, as a surgery while on steroids is not ideal. So now I am heading a formula based diet for a few weeks, probably, which hopefully will prevent blockages and allow to taper and stay off the pred for a few weeks. Still got to see the doctor who is going to direct me with the formulas and so on.
Getting back to the mental issue, I had one of those lonely days that day. I decided that I will deal with it on my own and let everyone keep on their daily routines; so I drove to the hospital and went through the MRI, drove back only to come back and collapse on the couch, after hours of fasting, being fed by the anxiety... oh that night my SO came home late. I was kind of broken and went to bed. Hoping for a better tomorrow, not yet realizing that a day and a half later I will not be a able to stand up straight due to the major flare that was waiting around the corner.
The night of the flare up we met my family as I just had my birthday. I felt so shameful to show myself so pale and lost, but I was in so much pain... I had a catch up with my mother, only to tell her all about the surgery planned, which I intended to expose right before the procedure, so the folx won't worry all along. Too bad.
It all came on the background of moving to my own place, but this time for real. Previously, I always kept one foot at my parents'. But I am a big boy and decided that I should not hang on them pre/post surgery, and anyway it's time, really. So after work hours and when not having tests or doctor appointments, assuming I was feeling well enough, I took care of our rented flat, so we can stay there comfortably.
Pred proved its ability once again to save the day. In a few days I got back on my feet and that allowed me to get back to business...
You thought that's it ? Na, it's not...
Till next part, hope you are all well, dear.
[PART1]
I am writing to you from a dark place in my life. I don't even know where to start; the thoughts are a mess. Deceiving the mind. Playing with my soul as if it were a toy. But I shall write about the here and now, I decide.
It's Saturday night. I have been going through a lot lately, getting things ready for my upcoming resection surgery. A battery of tests and insurance papers. Many of you here know the deal. So out of the surgeons clinic I go and among all get into an MRE which triggers an un believable flare up. Not sure if to associate it to the mental toll or to a liter of Avilac they give you to drink right before. I had to go back to pred., which of course now complicated it all even more, as a surgery while on steroids is not ideal. So now I am heading a formula based diet for a few weeks, probably, which hopefully will prevent blockages and allow to taper and stay off the pred for a few weeks. Still got to see the doctor who is going to direct me with the formulas and so on.
Getting back to the mental issue, I had one of those lonely days that day. I decided that I will deal with it on my own and let everyone keep on their daily routines; so I drove to the hospital and went through the MRI, drove back only to come back and collapse on the couch, after hours of fasting, being fed by the anxiety... oh that night my SO came home late. I was kind of broken and went to bed. Hoping for a better tomorrow, not yet realizing that a day and a half later I will not be a able to stand up straight due to the major flare that was waiting around the corner.
The night of the flare up we met my family as I just had my birthday. I felt so shameful to show myself so pale and lost, but I was in so much pain... I had a catch up with my mother, only to tell her all about the surgery planned, which I intended to expose right before the procedure, so the folx won't worry all along. Too bad.
It all came on the background of moving to my own place, but this time for real. Previously, I always kept one foot at my parents'. But I am a big boy and decided that I should not hang on them pre/post surgery, and anyway it's time, really. So after work hours and when not having tests or doctor appointments, assuming I was feeling well enough, I took care of our rented flat, so we can stay there comfortably.
Pred proved its ability once again to save the day. In a few days I got back on my feet and that allowed me to get back to business...
You thought that's it ? Na, it's not...
Till next part, hope you are all well, dear.
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