Share Facebook
Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » So, still like to have a kid or two?


 
07-18-2010, 08:36 PM   #1
Swirl
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: New York
So, still like to have a kid or two?

This bugs me when I'm thinking about my future.

Me I'm 26. I say to myself I don't want kids because there is a good chance they will have IBD one day. I think it would be hard to bring a kid up with this, knowing I knew this might happen and to see them suffer with this. Especially if they have to be home school.

I picture myself living alone in a apartment somewhere thinking a lot about this because I choose not to be involve with anyone and not having any kids. And then the other part of me sees me having a family and all, you know.

I see my cousins my age having a family and getting married and this crap gets me thinking.

I always had health issues growing up too.

This is one hell of a disease.
__________________
Its not so bad
07-18-2010, 10:33 PM   #2
belle1999
Senior Member
 
belle1999's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Swirl, I can relate. I have no children right now and am watching lots of people my age with their kids, having kids, getting married (and in some cases re-married)...and I get sad about it, too. Sometimes I revel in the fact that I am single and can go and do whatever I want. I don't have to worry about kids or husband needs...just my own. But when I was sickest is when I really wished I had someone around to just be with me.
I don't really know what to say to cheer you up, just wanted to let you know that there are those out there with the same thoughts and feelings as you. I just try to take it one day at a time.
__________________
Diagnosed December 30, 2009
Current Meds: Humira, iron, vitamin d, vitamin c, b12, multivitamin
Also have anemia and anxiety disorder

http://www.facebook.com/sarahbelle99
07-18-2010, 10:49 PM   #3
Nyx
Moderator
 
Nyx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Barrie, Ontario

My Support Groups:
One often regrets the things they don't do, rather than the things they do. It's not a guarantee that any child you have is going to have IBD. No one in my family has any kind of bowel issues but me. My bf's daughter is having some troubles right now with constipation (we're all praying that it's not Crohn's) and no one else in his family has it either. It's a gamble. But, if you do have children, and they do wind up with IBD, you'll know what to do, what questions to ask, and pretty much what to expect. It won't be a surprise like it was to me and my family.

This probably wasn't overly helpful, but I'm ever the optimist Nothing ventured, nothing gained...
__________________
Cindy

Crohn's Diagnosis: May 2006
Current meds: none
Surgeries: Colostomy, December 2009

"Never trust a fart." Jack Nicholson, The Bucket List

Oscar is awesome! Loving my life with my stoma (with a hint of poo)!!

07-19-2010, 01:28 AM   #4
Zalanicht
Senior Member
 
Zalanicht's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Penticton, British Columbia
Cocaine's a hell of a drug.. I mean Crohn's a hell of a disease. 10% chance of passing it on to my children makes me not want to chance it.
__________________
28cm sm and L bowel removed, 200 mg Aza, monthly b12 injection,
calcium + vit d. Enjoying my surgery induced remission!
07-19-2010, 01:49 AM   #5
ChefShazzy
Senior Member
 
ChefShazzy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Pointe Claire, Quebec
Hi Swirl. I hear you and understand how you feel completely. I'm 28. I always thought I would be a mom by now. There are a few reasons I haven't gone there yet... Crohn's being just one of them. Like Cindy said - if you have a child who develops IBD, they might have an advantage in that they can gain so much from your experiences and knowledge. Who knows. It is frustrating and scary to think about though. Don't worry, you still have plenty of time.

Zalanicht - hahahah! I'm Rick James...
__________________
-Sharon
_______________________________
Diagnosis: Crohn's Disease (May 2007)
Meds: Double-dose of Remicade, every 6 weeks
*I'm going to start saying I'm in REMISSION now! Three years since my last hospitalization!*
07-19-2010, 02:27 AM   #6
Zalanicht
Senior Member
 
Zalanicht's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Penticton, British Columbia
hahahah I knew someone would get that!
07-19-2010, 02:46 AM   #7
Guest
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
this is a difficult call... particularly if you're one of those people who really want to be a parent. there is the chance that we may not pass Crohn's on.. like others have said, i am the only one with Crohn's in my family, but there's no guarantees. similarly, we could have a child which goes on to develop something completely separate from IBD - it's all an unknown territory. there's no such thing as ordering a perfectly healthy baby. i think it comes down to whether or not you could cope if your child developed Crohn's, which takes a lot of self-questioning and soul searching.

there is always the option of adoption or fostering - we have so many babies and children in this world who are desperate for a loving, stable, family life. maybe this is something to consider seriously - you'd be helping a child already here.
07-19-2010, 11:40 AM   #8
Cat-a-Tonic
Super Moderator
 
Cat-a-Tonic's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Madison, Wisconsin

My Support Groups:
Swirl, I can definitely relate. I'm 30 and have no kids, although I am married. My husband wants kids, but I was already on the fence about kids before I got sick. I told the hubby that I can't even consider having kids until I at least get diagnosed and figure out what my chances would be of passing whatever this illness is on to the next generation. If I do have IBD, I'm the only one in my family for a few generations with it (my great-grandfather had UC). If this is Addison's disease (I'm being tested for it later this week), I have no idea what my odds are of passing it on or if it even has a genetic component, and nobody in my family has it. And if this is something else entirely, then who knows!

So I need to get a diagnosis before I can even consider being a mother. And even then, I just don't know. I dislike most children - they're filthy messy loud selfish germ factories. I can't see myself going to the trouble of creating a person who's going to first make me barf and get fat and put me in pain for hours during pregnancy, and then is going to require round-the-clock care for the first couple years and require some level of care until they move out on their own, and they're going to cost me a ton of money and resent me for ruining their life (and that's if I have a healthy child!) The whole thing just sounds like so much work and so overwhelming, and there's no guarantee that your kid will turn out okay or will be healthy or won't grow up to hate you. I don't think I want any part of that, at least not where I'm at in my life right now.
07-19-2010, 11:50 AM   #9
Lisa
Adminstrator
 
Lisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York

My Support Groups:
On the flip side....I was umm.....thirty-someting when I found out I was pregnant with my first child....totally unexpected, unplanned, but oh boy is she LOVED!

I was actually HEALTHIER when I was pregnant - in fact I got pregnant not long after a flare/hospital stay (hence the BC NOT working!).....no complications, had a c-section due to fistulas and Crohn's history....came through that with flying colors....nursed, went back to work - started to flare.....went on Remicade which took care of flaring, and the fistulas.

So far Tori is a very healthy little thing - she turned 5 in March.....would I not do this if I could turn back the clock? NO!.....can't even really think about life 'BT'.....neither can my husband......she is the best thing that has ever happened to me and makes every day worth while.......
__________________

30 plus years and counting with UC/Crohn's!
on remicade since 11/05

While my experiences may not be what everyone has had- I feel it is worthwhile to share any and all experiences that may be beneficial to others.
07-19-2010, 11:54 AM   #10
Silvermoon
Moderator
 
Silvermoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Alberta
this is a difficult call... particularly if you're one of those people who really want to be a parent. there is the chance that we may not pass Crohn's on.. like others have said, i am the only one with Crohn's in my family, but there's no guarantees. similarly, we could have a child which goes on to develop something completely separate from IBD - it's all an unknown territory. there's no such thing as ordering a perfectly healthy baby. i think it comes down to whether or not you could cope if your child developed Crohn's, which takes a lot of self-questioning and soul searching.

there is always the option of adoption or fostering - we have so many babies and children in this world who are desperate for a loving, stable, family life. maybe this is something to consider seriously - you'd be helping a child already here.

I am with Ding on this one.... Life is a crapshoot (pardon the pun)....

I know many people out there who have IBD and go on to have children with absolutely no problems whatsoever.... I know other people (like my mom) who have been totally healthy their whole lives...no previous history of disease in the family, and has two kids with IBD....

Helathy parents give birth to children with, or who develop, chronic illnesses all the time....diabetes, IBD, asthma, or any infinite number of problems that can arise.....

My hubby and I have been married for 12 years...never used birth control, and still no children.... I am now closing in on 40 (OMG....am I THAT old already?!?!?! LOL!)... and have made a conscious effort to have my tubes tied.... I have been on tow many meds and now am too sick to carry a "parasite"...lol....

As Ding said, there are SO many children out there who need good homes... I hope one day I can bring one (or more) of THEM into my life....until then, I find joy in the children around me....

My advise to you, however, would be, if you are seriously concidering children...do it now, while you are young, and while you can still manage.....

I hope you find your answers soon.....
__________________
My Story
07-19-2010, 12:03 PM   #11
Keona
Senior Member
 
Keona's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Hamilton, Ontario
...interesting thread
__________________
Dx GERD 2008
Dx Gastritis & hiatal hernia Feb 2010
Dx non-definitive Crohn's June 2010
Dx Endometriosis April 2011

"if nothing changes - nothing changes

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=530585394
07-19-2010, 02:06 PM   #12
silver
Senior Member
 
silver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
I'm getting married in 7 weeks and children are the big thing that me and my fiance have discussed...there's no history of Crohns in my family (i'm the first lucky me) or in his, i've decided to throw caution to the winds because at the end of the day, if I do have a child with Crohns then we'll be on the lookout and get it sorted early so they can have as normal a life as possible.

I agree with Dingbat, it's personal to you, and if you wouldn't be able to do it then there are plenty of alternatives.

I hope you find a solution soon...
07-19-2010, 02:10 PM   #13
Rob
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Myself I can't see children in my near future
I'm single so that don't help lol an in middle of a bad flare so gettin out meetin ppl a no no - plus the wonderful pred side effect that I now ressemble a sumo def don't help lol

anyway with what you're saying is that your worried for your childs health, not if you're unsure of loving them etc

well the only thing I can say is the fact YOU hav crohns would mean that IF they did (hoping they don't) develope crohns or crohns like problems, you would know exactly what they are goin thru and know sone ideas u hav learnt etc to help
also you will know how to push for a dx more etc
as at first we all seem to allow the drs to sometimes brush us off

I think a child that has crohns an no other family members with the disease will be a bit more icsollated an missunderstood etc than a child that has a parent or sibling or uncle etc with the disease
atleast they would hav someone to confide in an talk to, relate too
and you would know you would try your best to make sure they understand there disease an help anyway u can
__________________
Now on Vedolizumab MLN0002 - woohoo!! Hope this works
--------------------------------------------------------------
200mg immuran daily
1500mg mesalazine salofalk daily
Somac 40mg daily
NO MORE PRED YAHOO!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Tried remicade and didn't work
07-19-2010, 02:35 PM   #14
Entchen
Chief Dandelion Picker
 
Entchen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
This is coming from someone who made the decision years ago not to have children (unrelated to Crohn's):

(A) There are many future partners/spouses out there who are also not looking to have children. What could be the impact of shutting yourself out of dating/marriage/etc. based on a decision not to have children?

(B) Everyone has SOMETHING. When our Crohn's symptoms are really bad, that's all that we can see and it seems that nobody understands. However, everyone understands having challenges in their life, whether it's a chronic illness or something entirely different. Your child will have something. There's a chance that it could be Crohn's -- severity unknown, age of diagnosis unknown, course of the illness unknown. There's a substantially larger chance that it would be something else (or many somethings else).
__________________
Dx: Moderate Crohn's in 3 locations
Doctor's orders: 200 mg Imuran
Have used: 4500 mg Pentasa, 4500 mg Salofalk, Flagyl, Cipro, 50 mg Prednisone, 9 mg Entocort.
Turned my Crohn's life around: ginger for nausea.
Claim to fame: "loopy and floppy" colon
07-19-2010, 02:52 PM   #15
MapleLeafGirl
Senior Member
 
MapleLeafGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Hamilton, Ontario
Again coming from someone who decided NOT to have children well before diagnosis and having nothing to do with my health - I strongly believe in what was meant to be, will be. I am very happy with my decision, especially now. I have two step kids and they are my biggest source of stress - is it a coincidence that when they both hit high school my Crohn's kicked into high gear - who knows.

The other Kelly is right - there are plenty of people out there who do not want to have kids.

And as others have said - there are pleny of kids out there who need good homes.

Bottom line - to each their own and what is meant to be will be. You'll know what's right for you when it presents itself.
__________________
Kelly

Diagnosed: August 2006
Current Meds: Imuran (125 mg), Budesonide (9 mg)
07-20-2010, 07:30 AM   #16
ameslouise
Moderator
 
ameslouise's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Pottstown, Pennsylvania
I was dx with UC at 27, got married at 31 and had my son at 33. My UC never even played into any of that. I didn't even THINK about the possibility of passing it along to Harrison.

Now that I have been re-DX with Crohn's, I think about it constantly. He suffers constipation and stomach aches often, but I hope that is due more to his picky eating habits than any genetic predisposition to IBD.

Don't shut yourself off from other people. Many of us have found loving, supportive partners who were fully aware of our disease when they said "I do" and agreed to love us in sickness and in health. Many of them have gotten more than they bargained for!

With all due respect, I have read many of your posts and it sounds like you might be suffering from depression. Have you ever seen a psychiatrist or therapist? Perhaps your GI can recommend one that has experience dealing with patients with chronic disease? There are even anti-depressants out there that have the added benefit of helping GI issues. I was on Imiprimine for a short while and it was quite helpful.

This disease is what you have, not what you are. It does not have to rule your life.

- Amy
07-20-2010, 03:54 PM   #17
Swirl
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: New York
ah, I guess if you really want one and decide to go through it all if your kid develops it later.

But the thing is, in a flair, it would be hard to provide 100% support and all to your kids because you're too tied up with pains, bathrooms, hospital.
07-20-2010, 04:30 PM   #18
Mountaingem
Forum Monitor
 
Mountaingem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: California

My Support Groups:
Here's my story...My husband and I married when we were 22 and I was in remission. We thought I had UC instead of Crohn's.

So after four years in we decide it might be a good time to start trying. My husband David's uncle in the meantime comes down with an aggressive form of Crohn's at 45 years old, with an ostomy in one year. We mentioned this to my OB/GYN and she recommended we go to a geneticist. We did some tests and discovered that we had an 85% of passing along a degenerative form of Crohn's, meaning it had potential to be worse than David's uncle or mine.

They did offer some options. The doctor offered to do in vitro and then selective implantation, testing the embryos first and only implanting the ones that didn't test positive for Crohn's, and should any test positive later they terminate. This goes against our beliefs (please, no debating, I'm not judging others), so we didn't try it.
After some soul-searching, we just couldn't risk taking the chance, and here in the U.S. adoption is difficult with a crohnic disease unless your wealthy.

So we just dote on our nephews and neice and spend alot of time volunteering. It's been a hard choice, but in the long run I am comfortable we made the best decision for us. Just keep your heart open and try not to predetermine what will or won't be. When the time comes for you, you'll know what's right for you,too.
__________________
Jeannette

I WILL STAY STRONG
I WILL FIGHT
I WILL WIN


Current Meds: Cimzia, Methotrexate, Prevacid, Sertraline, Nortryptaline, Prednisone, Atenelol
07-20-2010, 04:51 PM   #19
Swirl
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: New York
Ok thanks, that helped a lot.
I'll take that advice. Wont feel so down anymore about this issue.
07-20-2010, 05:02 PM   #20
Mountaingem
Forum Monitor
 
Mountaingem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: California

My Support Groups:
Ok thanks, that helped a lot.
I'll take that advice. Wont feel so down anymore about this issue.
It's natural to feel down, I don't mean to imply it's easy for me. I've shed many tears over this, but just trust yourself to know the right thing for YOU.
07-20-2010, 06:50 PM   #21
RichardSchulz
 
RichardSchulz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Carson, Los Angeles, California
This bugs me when I'm thinking about my future.

Me I'm 26. I say to myself I don't want kids because there is a good chance they will have IBD one day. I think it would be hard to bring a kid up with this, knowing I knew this might happen and to see them suffer with this. Especially if they have to be home school.

I picture myself living alone in a apartment somewhere thinking a lot about this because I choose not to be involve with anyone and not having any kids. And then the other part of me sees me having a family and all, you know.

I see my cousins my age having a family and getting married and this crap gets me thinking.

I always had health issues growing up too.

This is one hell of a disease.
I have 3 kids no signs of a problem, but here's a real question to consider...
Yes Crohns is one heck of a bugger disease, but, is your life so bad that you would not want to live it?, Yes it's been rough for me, but all that has been blessed upon me outweighs that which has been bad, God is good but we all have a burden to carry.
__________________
Diagnosed:1973 Crohn's
Surgeries: 7 Bowel Resections; Large Bowel total resection; 5 feet of small remaining
Medications:* Prednisone (hate it) * Pentasa
TPN Dependent

Friend Me On Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/richard.schulz

Crohns Disease Sucks
07-20-2010, 07:36 PM   #22
ameslouise
Moderator
 
ameslouise's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Pottstown, Pennsylvania
My son was 14 months old when I went to the hospital for a month... My family kept him from walking so I could be there for his first steps. He hardly recognized me when I got home.

I can't worry about how he or I might be different had I not gotten sick when he was a baby. It's just how it is.

Sure, not how I planned things. But sometimes life throws you a curveball. Are you going to swing or are you going to duck? I try to knock it out of the park every time.

-Amy
07-20-2010, 07:40 PM   #23
RichardSchulz
 
RichardSchulz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Carson, Los Angeles, California
My son was 14 months old when I went to the hospital for a month... My family kept him from walking so I could be there for his first steps. He hardly recognized me when I got home.

I can't worry about how he or I might be different had I not gotten sick when he was a baby. It's just how it is.

Sure, not how I planned things. But sometimes life throws you a curveball. Are you going to swing or are you going to duck? I try to knock it out of the park every time.

-Amy
07-20-2010, 08:01 PM   #24
Lisa
Adminstrator
 
Lisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York

My Support Groups:
There is my little curveball in my avatar!!!.....Do I worry about her every time she tells me she has a bellyache - YES!....BUT.....I still wouldn't change things....

One thing my husband and I DID do was hold off on taking steps to there would be no more unplanned children - in fact HE made the sacrafice......we waited until Tori was almost a year old and shoed NO signs of any ill effects from the meds I was on while pregenant or any other possible chronic or genetic poblems.....does this mean she won't have anything go wrong as she gets older? No.......but my husband and I are happy she is who she is.......

Another thing to consider - and I think it was mentioned already.....how many other things can 'go wrong' with a pregnance/birth/child.....if everyone waited to have a child until everything was perfect, or there was a guarantee that nothing would go wrong.....I don't think we would be here as a species!
07-20-2010, 08:03 PM   #25
Mountaingem
Forum Monitor
 
Mountaingem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: California

My Support Groups:
What you call "ducking" I call dodging a bullet. I don't begrudge you worur decisions, but I do not feel my husband and I are cowards, or somehow aren't living our lives to the full for not risking passing Crohn's on. We haven't regretted our decision after finding out the odds. We visited children in the hospital with Crohn's to see it firsthand, and we felt not having any kids was the right decision for us.
07-20-2010, 08:34 PM   #26
ameslouise
Moderator
 
ameslouise's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Pottstown, Pennsylvania
Jeannette- I hope you don't think I was implying cowardice or an unfulfilled life due to your decision not to have kids. My apologies if there was any offense taken at my post.

I think the bottom line is that we all are different and we all make our decisions based on our own personal situations at the time....

My situation 10 years ago was UC - very manageable, very under control. It was actually negligable and had very little impact on my life for many years.

I have since been re-DX with Crohns. Had I been DX with Crohn's back then - and if I had been dealing with what I am dealing with now - I probably would have chosen not to have children either, even if my body could have handled it.

- Amy
07-20-2010, 08:36 PM   #27
Lisa
Adminstrator
 
Lisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York

My Support Groups:
To be very honest - my husband and I had NOT planned on having any children- due to my health....

If I hadn't gotten pregnant when I did - we would still be childless.......

Jeanette - I can fully understand and support your decision - and volunteering can be very fulfulling in its' own way.....

I myself would like to be able to foster at some point in the future - my Mom did that, and I remember my 'sisters' - and in fact still keep in touch with one every now and then.....to me that could be really rewarding.......
07-20-2010, 11:01 PM   #28
Keona
Senior Member
 
Keona's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Hamilton, Ontario
I was taking a class on the social construction of disability last year and it never amazes me how heated these discussions can be. My prof adopted a child with Down's Syndrome and she gets really angry when people call her a "saint" for doing so. As if you would have to be a saint to take care of a child with DS. We also talked about genetic modification and a lot of people sided with being able to terminate or preform genetic tests to ensure a "perfect" child. My mother died of cancer when she was 52 - that is young. It sort of scares me to think that I could have been terminated because I have an elevated chance of developing cancer. I like to think of medical advancements and technology ..who knows what the future holds.. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I respect that. It worries me that we are consciously altering the future out of worry or concern out of what could happen... what if's.... I have met some amazing people because of this disease and have experienced some really intimate moments with people because of this disease... Sure, I wish I didnt have it but I do. Those intimate moments I had with people because of spending the night in hospital with someone definitely brought me closer to them. I am very close to a lot of people because of this disease and probably feel on a deeper level b/c of crohn's. I have it... but it hasnt only brought me pain and turmoil.
Like someone already stated, everyone has something whether it be schizophrenia, cancer, loss of a limb, infertile, impoverished/homeless...etc..etc...
Swirl, I wouldn't worry yourself about it now. You have a ways to go before your biological clock stops ticking.
07-21-2010, 01:07 AM   #29
RichardSchulz
 
RichardSchulz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Carson, Los Angeles, California
ah, I guess if you really want one and decide to go through it all if your kid develops it later.

But the thing is, in a flair, it would be hard to provide 100% support and all to your kids because you're too tied up with pains, bathrooms, hospital.
Hi Swirl,
This is one area of the Crohns/Parenting topic that I agree with completely!
When I flair or have complications from the crohns or TPN treatment it can and often does become very difficult on the children and spouse, my average hospital stay is 14 days and sometimes can be as long as 45, so this to should be figured in the equation as well. Good point Swirl...
07-21-2010, 09:33 AM   #30
merrywidow
mum with a dogdy tum
 
merrywidow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: eastbourne, United Kingdom
i was diagnosed when my son was 3 months old, had a illeostomy when he was 5 yrs old, and became a widow when he was 8yrs old. its bloody hard looking after him and there are many days when i dont want to be alive, but i am, but i have to manage and cope. if i have passed on crohns, then so be it, there is nothing i can do to stop that now.
__________________
crohns diagonsed dec 12th 1997

fred (stoma) was born on sept 10th 2003


life is like a loo roll, the nearer to the end you get the faster it goes.

memories are what makes life, life is what makes memories, make them good

sharon x
Reply

Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » So, still like to have a kid or two?
Thread Tools


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:42 AM.
Copyright 2006-2017 Crohnsforum.com