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09-25-2010, 11:51 AM   #1
Rebecca85
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Annoyed with my boyfriend

Well, I am not a happy bunny at the moment. Car failed its MOT yesterday, so I booked it in to have some new tyres fitted then back at the MOT centre to get it OKed. Booked in at 8:30, when I arrived was told I would have to wait half an hour. It took over 1 1/2 hours before they even brought it in. All in all I had to wait 2 hours in the freezing cold! Then I still had to go get the MOT certificate and stuff. And pick up some bread and milk because we ran out. So in all I was out the house maybe 3 hours.

And when I get back, he is sat on the sofa watching TV even though he knew my baby niece was coming round at lunchtime and the house needed tidying and stuff ready. He hadn't even done the washing up (which is his job). So then we spent the afternoon with my niece and walked the dog and stuff, and after I had to have a lie down. I asked what he was going to do and he just said 'well not a lot by the looks of it'. But I am furious with him, maybe if he helped out a little more I might have some energy left at the end of the day!
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09-25-2010, 05:54 PM   #2
GutlessWonder86
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Hi Rebecca,

Have you sat down and tried talking with him explaining that when you don't feel well that you'd really appreciate it if he helped out a little bit more until you felt better? Does he realize that this illness is basically a crap shoot where we can feel well one day and awful the next?

Have you suggested that he attend a local Crohn's Colitis support group meeting with you so he can meet others in the same situation to educate himself and learn about this illness? That is what my husband did for me while we were dating. He attended the local CCFA chapter and ostomy support group meetings so he knew what to do whenever I'd have a flare up or blockage as well as being put on a low residue diet, he can whip up bland but tasty meals for me.

Knowledge is power. The more he educates himself, the easier it will be on the both of you in dealing with Crohn's. The United States site has pamphlets you can look up and download (there are newer ones on female issues and surgical issues) and have him read). www.ccfa.org.

Hope the information helps and good luck to you.
09-25-2010, 09:22 PM   #3
Manzyb
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I totally hear you there! I would be furious too. Hang in there! I try to beat the same concept of helping me out some around the house into my husbands head to no avail. He'll do good for a while, and then he slips, and then I have to remind him again that I can't always handle everything myself. We need rest to stay somewhat healthy!
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09-25-2010, 09:28 PM   #4
Jennifer
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I've been there FAR too many times. Luckily with my current boyfriend he helps some but when I'm doing tons of stuff and need help, all I have to do is ask him to do ______ and he'll do it right then. I hate having to tell people what to do but with some people, you kind of have to. :/
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Currently in: REMISSION Thought it was a flare but it's just scar tissue from my resection. Dealing with a stricture. Remission from my resection, 17 years and counting.
09-26-2010, 02:07 AM   #5
Rebecca85
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Thanks guys, I am basically in the same situation as manzy and crabby, if I ask him to do something 9/10 he will do it. But I hate that I have to ask him, it makes me feel like I'm nagging! And it doesn't help when I'm not there to direct him.

And as for the crapshoot, I'm feeling fine one minute then I'm totally wiped out the next. So I can feel fine to do the housework and stuff then I'm suddenly so fatigued if I don't sit down I'll fall down. I had my bloods tested a few months back and apparantly I'm not anaemic or anything, and my iron and vits seem fine so I'm guessing it's just the last symptom to go. It is getting better slowly I think- this week I only had it 4 days out of 7 instead of every day.
09-26-2010, 02:10 AM   #6
Poppysocks
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lay down the law, not acceptable.
09-26-2010, 02:33 AM   #7
Rebecca85
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Gutless wonder- just realised I missed replying to you. I wouldn't feel comfortable going to a support group at the moment, and there is no way my boyfriend would go to one without me. Though I will get some of the leaflets for him to have a look at. And poppy- laying down the law wouldn't be particularly helpful, yes he might help out more but in the long run it would probably cause resentment.

Oh yeah, and his sisters on my side
09-26-2010, 02:45 AM   #8
Dallies
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Hiya Rebecca, sorry you had such a crappy day yesterday. The car failing it's MOT must have been really stressful for you. I am wishing you a much better day today. Lots of love xxxxx
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09-26-2010, 04:14 AM   #9
DustyKat
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Hey Rebecca,

I know where you are coming from with not wanting to sound like nagging but so often it is the case that the guys just don't literally see, or see what we think is important, and so don't know what the big deal is. Yeah I know, it's staring you in the face and they can't see it!!! I have learn't that is far less stressful just to ask for something to be done or before leaving the house set out what needs to be done than wait for the miracle to occur. Also remember, sorry guys, but multitasking is not their forte either.

Dusty.
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09-26-2010, 06:57 AM   #10
Rebecca85
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Well I'm feeling a bit better today, not as stressed! I will definately try just being more direct with him. On a happier note we have just been to get some more fishies for my tank, lets hope they settle in OK!
09-26-2010, 09:44 AM   #11
Astra
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Hiya Rebecca

hope you're having a lovely peaceful lazy Sunday afternoon?
you gotta work tomorrow so get the lazy get off his arse!
Men just can't see the wood for the trees, so tell him! And if he doen't like what you've got to say, just hit him!
So glad I binned mine, all my mess is me own, and I love it!
xxxx
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09-26-2010, 11:18 AM   #12
Rebecca85
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Well I've not done a thing all day! Ordered a takeaway, I'll probably regret it tomorrow but today I don't care. But some of our new fish have disappeared already, thanks to the big bully fish we already had We purposely chose fish that were too big to be swallowed whole, so the bullies bit some of them, and now the newbies are huddled in a corner.
09-26-2010, 01:06 PM   #13
Dallies
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Ahhh Rebecca, your poor fish can you separate them until they get bigger???? Enjoy your takeaway xxxxx
09-26-2010, 01:29 PM   #14
Rebecca85
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They're too big to be separated, they're juvenile fish so won't grow much bigger anyways. We did get some big fish too, the bullies had a go but the big fish fought back and now they're getting along fine, maybe if the little ones survive a bit longer everything will settle down again. And the takeaway was lovely!
10-04-2010, 02:55 PM   #15
Rebecca85
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Well, just a quick update, the new fish have settled in now, not lost any more. But the big fish have remodelled the tank, they keep picking up gravel and moving it round! And they've shifted some of the plants. And my boyfriend is taking good care of me tonight, I've felt fine for the past week or so then tonight I'm just so tired I spent the evening snuggled with the dog and he has helped out!
10-04-2010, 03:01 PM   #16
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Speaking of dog snuggling.. My dogs like the sick me. They get to sleep on the bed with me and watch movies.
10-04-2010, 03:07 PM   #17
Rebecca85
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My dog definately prefers well me, he loves lots of long walks in the countryside, if I'm feeling poorly he's lucky to get a ball thrown in the field near the house.
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