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Crohn's Disease Forum » General IBD Discussion » Sex and the lack of desire to do it?


10-15-2010, 11:29 AM   #1
countrycoffeehouse
 
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sex and the lack of desire to do it?

ok.. I am 36 supposed to be in the prime of my life and have NO desire to have sex. My husband is awesome and we have a great marriage. Heck sex is great when we have it. But I am in a huge flare and have been for months and just don't have it in me. My husband is understanding but he is a guy after all. My biggest problem is that I have hemroids and a fistula and fissures in the rectum area and they are so swollen they are near the vaginal area.. I know TMI TMI.. I know I could be more creative.. I don't do oral sex so that is out and I just don't have the energy to put into it. And how the heck does one feel sexy with all the Issues going on in that area.. am I alone on this one?
10-15-2010, 11:32 AM   #2
Lisa
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Nope...you are not alone!.....can't get into much more right now.....but it is NOT easy dealing with all the crap we deal with, and sex on top of it.....
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10-15-2010, 11:34 AM   #3
Manzyb
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Totally not alone. I'm like that a lot also. I tend to just suck it up and do it, I know its important in relationships, not the most important thing but lets face it it is up there, and he's very understanding, but sometimes I think you just have to take one for the team and just do it! LOL I know its really hard to do especially when you feel so "shitty" and your arse hurts and all of that, but I really try to put all of that aside and do a good acting job to make him happy. i know its rough, and trust me, that doesn't happen like every day or anything like that, but sometimes I do just act like I'm into it to make him feel better and important also.
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10-15-2010, 12:28 PM   #4
CyCrohn'sGuy
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Sex!!! Wow, I remember that!

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10-15-2010, 01:12 PM   #5
kildare crohnie
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get out the whips and handcuffs...lol
10-15-2010, 01:20 PM   #6
rottengut91
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Oh CCH....we are mirror images of one another. I have the exact same issues as you and sex isn't the last thing from my mind, but it's the last thing my body wants to do. I've been missing the intimacy with my hubby, but with the situation on my back side, I just don't ever feel clean enough to get nekked with my sexy guy. He hasn't complained, and frankly probably never would say anything, but I feel bad that he has to do without because of how I'm feeling. Boy, I know I'm lucky he's so understanding.
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10-15-2010, 02:28 PM   #7
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Maybe being old and being married forever isn't such the bad deal I thought it was.. hahaha! j/k

I'm not sure I even REMEMBER what sex is like!!!!
10-15-2010, 04:57 PM   #8
Rob
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Believe it or not
even guys with cd an flaring can't be stuffed with sex

I've been in a flare for approx 16months now an I couldn't give a hoot about sex right now
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10-15-2010, 08:15 PM   #9
slice
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It's actually strangely comforting for me to hear that even the guys suffer this side effect as well. I definitely have issues with feeling really guilty about it but this helps reassure me that it is related to the CD.
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10-15-2010, 08:44 PM   #10
Mountaingem
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I think it's both a physical and a mental thing for me-not only do I have fistulas, but it's just hard for a girl to feel sexy when you're bloated and mean from prednisone
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10-15-2010, 09:12 PM   #11
Sue-2009
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I hear you! When I'm flaring..I'm not even thinking about sex...I just try to make the most of it when I'm not! He probably is more understanding than you are of your situation...if that makes sense. I hope you feel better. Sue
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10-15-2010, 09:20 PM   #12
Crohn's 35
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Sex... I think I heard of that once or twice..
10-15-2010, 11:30 PM   #13
Manimation
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Certain meds have killed my drive before. even when healthy I have to keep up with my girlfriend. I've told her it's not going to do anyone favors turning sex into a stressfull quota filling job. She's been pretty understanding luckily. I give oral when I'm not feeling up to anything else to try and keep her satisfied.

Last thing we need is something like sex being stressful. It's supposed to be healthy and relaxing damnit!

Why don't you "do" oral? I figure with the details we share on this board that's not an out of line question at this point heheh.
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10-15-2010, 11:48 PM   #14
dstaples
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Wow I thought it was something wrong with me
10-16-2010, 12:05 AM   #15
kello82
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hey CCF...also remember that its not just that you dont feel well or sexy, there are usually legitimate physical reasons WHY your body is not having the natural desire.
whatever is going on inside....being inflamed, infected, anemic, losing weight, etc etc, our bodies go into survival mode, doing everything it can to keep your heart beating and lungs breathing. so at times like that? your body doesnt give a crap about procreation lol. our bodies are smart like that, being able to make sacrifices in order to keep other things going,
oh its like for example hypothermia....as that happens your body pulls the blood from your extremities and dedicates it to your major organs. yeah, you may lose a hand because of that, but the body knows how and when to make those sacrifices for its overall preservation.
same with sex drive, least thats how i see it. instinctually our systems make the sacrifice of reproduction (chicks lose their period, normal hormones and messages stop being sent) in order to protect itSELF. automatic self preservation thing that i think we have farrrrrr less choice in than we blame ourselves for.

get what im saying? so dont blame yourself or feel weak for not being able to just push thru it. look at it like this, for the time being, your system is not much different than how it was prepuberty lol. there was no interest in sex as children because our bodies didnt care! the underlying instinct has to be there and if its not there right now, that is in NO way your fault. no more your fault than it was when you were 7 and had no drive. haha right? it is exactly the same.
just here you know it will return someday when your body has the resources to care about makin babies =]
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Last edited by kello82; 10-16-2010 at 12:10 AM.
10-16-2010, 12:12 AM   #16
Mountaingem
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Wow, excellent point Kello...I never thought of it like that; but it totally makes sense. You're such a smart cookie!
10-18-2010, 01:09 PM   #17
Sue-2009
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Kello--so young, but so wise! Sue
10-21-2010, 11:14 AM   #18
countrycoffeehouse
 
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good point Kello. And Manimation I just get grossed out and throw up and gag.. 18 years of marriage and I still can't do it.. I do not for the life of me understand how girls can do this without throwing up.. he's ok with it though.. for the most part.
10-21-2010, 12:50 PM   #19
brenda1
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My poor hubby....not only do I have chron's and rarely have any desire or energy to have sex, I also have a very bad arthritic hip that is going to get replaced next month. Try imagineing sex with a painful hip. not fun! So to say the least he doesn't even try anymore, I feel bad but he is very understanding and I love him even for for it.
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10-21-2010, 02:19 PM   #20
Manimation
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CountryCoffeeHouse - I suppose I understand. As I mentioned, I have a terrible gag reflex as well from having to do those tube feedings every night as a kid. Removing that tube each morning made me throw up the majority of the time.
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