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Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Vent Away » It's really not my week!! I can't believe friends can be do damn selfish!!!


12-11-2010, 02:44 PM   #1
Jenny06xx
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Location: Cwmbran , gwent, United Kingdom
It's really not my week!! I can't believe friends can be do damn selfish!!!

Ok so I just posted panicking about suddenly coming off tramadol, sorry to hog this forum but....
My so called best mate who I'm maid of honour for next July got her cousin to text me about meeting for drinks in jan to discuss hen plans for may ish what do I have planned etc do I need help, so I replied saying sorry had so much to deal with I haven't sorted anything I'd appreciate the help.
I then text my friend who by the way hasn't spoke to me since September and didn't visit me or text me in hospital and said what I'd said to her cousin and she replied I appreciate your honesty but I expected more help support and excitement from you!!!
How dare she !! I'm crying in anger here, how about some support from her !? How about a text to say how are u? I can hardly move off the sofa some days to look after my kids and she wanted me to organise hens to f ing Spain ! Or somewhere !
Yes it's her first wedding yes I'm honoured to be maid of honour but she's cheated on him 3 times an I don't agree with that at all sorry! Shes told me for 2 years she doesn't want him and then I get shit for being Ill!!!
Well I text her back with...
Sorry it's not that I'm not excited or not supporting you but I practically live between the doctors and hospital at the moment and only managed to put off having more drugs that make me ill till after Xmas when I have more tests and I don't know how i will be when I'm on them and don't want to let you down etc.
Am I being over the top here ? I haven't been nasty I just don't wanna have all the stress of organising hens abroad when I can't even organise my own house at the mo !
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diagnosed with crohn's disease September 2010 symptoms since 2003
Acute pancreatitis 2003
gallbladder removed laprascopic 2003

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Ensure plus ( no longer needed)
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Tramadol 50 mg 2 ...4x a day ( stopped coz it's not helping )

Waiting for fist appointment at pain clinc I hope it helps !
12-11-2010, 02:49 PM   #2
Nica
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You are not being over the top. One of the hardest parts for me of being sick is telling people when I am not able to do something. It took ALONG time to get to be able to do it. I have found when I push myself too hard I wind up in the mother of all flares and in the hospital, again.

It seems like she does not understand that you are truly sick. Do I know how to make her understand, no. I still deal with it from friends who are well meaning. But, NO you are not over the top here and she needs to show some compassion for what you are going through.

I hope you start to feel better soon. Its so hard to not be able to do the basics when you are a mom and wife.
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12-11-2010, 03:28 PM   #3
beth
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That's easy: ask her where her support was when you were in hospital...
12-11-2010, 03:35 PM   #4
ameslouise
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I agree with Beth!!

If you don't feel up to organzing and all of the demands that come with being maid of honor (on top of the fact that you are not really in favor of the marriage in the first place), maybe you should be honest with her and tell her that you are not up to, you don't want to let her down, and while you'd love to be in the wedding, your current health situation leaves you unsure of whether you can manage all that is necessary of this very special honor.

Sounds like to don't need the pressure or the hassle right now. You need to take care of yourself or you won't even be well enough to go to the wedding!

- Amy
12-11-2010, 05:11 PM   #5
Mountaingem
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I'm sorry Jenny! I've been through this numerous times myself. I even had my so called best friend come to see me in the hospital just to tell me "that being your friend is just too much-it's always something with you! It's no fun!"

I'm totally with you on this-completely selfish on their part. You've got kids and a terrible chronic disease, and they want you to be more supportive??? If they don't come to visit you or at least call and check in, well they can put their own party together.

You have to just focus on you and your family, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty or like you're a bad friend.

After this happened to me another friend sent me these lyrics to Mary J. Blige's song Work That, and it's so true:

Let em get mad
They gonna hate anyway
Don't you get that?
Doesn't matter if you're going along with their plan
They'll never be happy
Cause they're not happy with themselves
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12-12-2010, 02:14 AM   #6
GutlessWonder86
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my heart goes out to you. I can understand where you are coming from. My so cld best friend did a number on me a few yrs. ago as well. She said she'd be there for me when I had major surgery and bailed on me TWICE. I haven't spoken to her now in a few yrs.

It's not worth it. I've come to realize that people like her are 2 faced and very self centered. I have come to see who my true friends really are when I really need them.

If someone can't accept you for who you are as a person on the inside, then it's their LOSS, not yours. It's not your fault that you have this stupid illness. You can only do so much and if they can't be understanding, then tough cookies. You have to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF at the moment as your friend isn't looking out for your well being...only those people that truly care about you are. You are the one with a family and a house hold to run, not her. If she can't see that or get it, then she needs to get a pair of glasses. (I apologize for sounding rude here but you aren't feeling well and need someone to empathize & be there for you right now)

Take one day at a time right now. Ask family members to assist with the chores/kids/holiday stuff while you rest up or go to your doctor visits. Please know that you are not alone this holiday season. You have so many supporters "behind" you. (((hugs))) wishing you a speedy remission. ~Gutless Wonderwoman
12-12-2010, 04:57 AM   #7
Jenny06xx
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Thanks so much all
She didn't bother to text me back after, her loss not mine !! I genuinely thought she would be understanding not bitchy about me not doing enough.
Her cousin wants me down her house for drinks on the 12th jan but I ignored that text. As for starters I can hardly eat an alcohol an girly nights are the last thing on my mind!!
I wouldn't wish this disease on anyone but I'd like to see how she would cope with a quater of what I go through every day, funny thing is I'd have been at her side in hops everyday if she wanted me to, I didn't even get a text!
I'm not gonna stress ne more over the whole thing I just gotta concentrate on myself and my family for a while an getting through Xmas without any hospital visits lol
Thanks again all
Jen xx
12-12-2010, 08:18 AM   #8
Nica
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That sounds like a great idea. Focus on yourself and your family. That was one of the hardest things I had to learn with managing my illness is I can only do so much. Finding out how much that is and not doing more is the hard part!

Take care of yourself try not to let the little things bring you down.
12-12-2010, 01:48 PM   #9
Jennjenn
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I could not imagine calling someone like that a friend! What I call a friend is someone who is there for you. I used to have a more friends than now before I got dx about 4.5 years ago. The people who were there for me and who support me are the people who I still talk with today. I am always there for my friends when they are in need of support and I know that the people who I call friends and important parts of my life do the same for me.
I would tell her the truth! Someone who is that cold of a person, needs to be put in their place and told what reality is.
12-12-2010, 03:26 PM   #10
Jenny06xx
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Jenjen
I really would live to put her in her place trouble is I don't have the heart to, I'm one of those people that gets walked over lol an just sits in silence, but I won't be contacting her again let's c how long it takes her to c how am for a change!!
Jen XX
12-12-2010, 08:21 PM   #11
MADiMarc
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Dear Jenn,
I understand that you do not wish to contact your friend. I agree with that however if you are considering not being her MOH, do you think you contact her to let her know? I understand not wanting to put yourself into a situation in which you will become more upset and again, I agree. I just bring this up as my daughter's MOH do to health issues had to back out about 6 weeks before her wedding. We handled it, was not that big of a deal for us but my daughter was a very "easy" bride. Sounds like your friend is high maintenance.
This is too long, sorry. Just take care of yourself first, or you won't do anyone any good.
Good luck,
Michele
12-13-2010, 02:14 AM   #12
Jenny06xx
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Cwmbran , gwent, United Kingdom
Madimarc
Strangely I don't want to back out of being MOH, I'm actually looking forward to the wedding and hoping I'll be ok by that time, it's just the hen organising I'm not up to right now, don't get me wrong o would have sorted it no matter what but when her cousin text me I thought thank god for the offer of help it takes some pressure an stress off me etc, so obviously I text my friend to say is it ok that she helps me etc and her reply was very rude and selfish considering that I am ill and not managing to well as it is.
I wasn't bailing on her and I won't be bailing on her I'm not like that I just thought she would be more understanding and give me more time to sort myself out first.
Jen
12-14-2010, 08:43 AM   #13
MADiMarc
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Boy, she sounds like a person very wrapped into herself. Well, she didn't say it so I will. I think it was wonderful of her cousin to offer to help. Please don't let her attitude get to you too much. You need to take care of yourself first.
Michele
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