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tale to tell part 3 (colonoscopy)
Telling my tale (pt.3): "The Colonoscopy"
Current mood: annoyed
Category: reflective Life
Back to reality. After 5 days of IV Solumedrol (steroids), my condiditon did not improve. My doctor came into the room on the 5th day and said "your insurance company wants you out of here because we aren't really doing anything for you...I think we should do the colonoscopy today...there is a chance I could perforate your colon because I believe your disease is quite serious at this point." I agreed to go ahead with the colonoscopy, I was desperate to know what was going on, and frankly, I would have said yes to anything at that point (dilaudid induced).
For those who have had a colonoscopy, you know the preparation for one is absolutely horrible. It takes about 12 hours to "prep your bowel" for the test. For those who haven't had one (and you should if you are at risk for colon cancer or notice a change in your bowel habits), the experience is not pleasant. I always said the prep was worse than the actualy test.
To prepare, you must drink this horrible solution mixed with water, soda, etc. If you drink this, drink it with something you never want to drink again, because everytime I taste Pepsi now, I still taste the solution. Basically the solution makes you SHIT LIKE CRAZY. Not little shits here and there, i'm talking shitting and shitting and shitting to the point you are sweating. Be close to a bathroom, because it happens FAST. You have to take 2 doses, one the night before and one the day of. And YOU SHIT (did i mention you shit)? I find it somewhat amusing that one of the common drugs to induce this is called "Go-Lytely." The Lytely stands for electrolytes, but I find it funny because it kinda says "oh, you will drink this and just go to the bathroom very calmly and lightly. Trust me, there ain't nothing "light" about this drug. As I said before, you shit HARD, there is nothing 'light' about it...OUCH!
Once I went as "light" as I could, I was ready for the test. Now, when you have a colonoscopy you are in a state of semi awareness of what is going on around you. They give you a lovely drug called Versed (makes everything happy) and pump you up with Fentanyl (an opiate, not as fun as Dilaudid, but quite strong). Versed is like a "date rape" drug. You don't remember what happened to you, which is good because who wants to remember having a long long tube up your ass all the way up your colon??? I sure didn't. Obviously I don't remember the test, but I remember what happened afterwards.
My mother who was at my side from day 1 and never left (I love her), was told by the doctor that my colon was "a mess and very torn up." She told my mother she "took several biopsies" and that I would probabally be in pain and would bleed. My mom thought that would be ok, because I would stay in the hospital at least another night.....wrong.
That afternoon, the doctor said, "you can go home, call me if you don't do well." We all looked at each other like "what the hell did she just say??" I was sent home without any pain meds.
I arrived home after 7pm that night. I went to my room in my mother's home and lied down. I thought I might be ok at first, but then the pain started and the bleeding really started. I spent the night in the fetal position in pain and when not in the fetal position I was in the bathroom looking at large amounts of blood in the toilet. My mother called the doctor overnight. Instead of saying "bring him right in, he could be bleeding out," she said, "wait until 7 AM and then bring him back in. I'll have him directly admitted, just go to the admissions office. I likely perfed the colon."
At 7 AM the next morning (after spending only 12 hours at home), I went to admissions. I couldn't even speak to the admissions person (I was in the bathroom bleeding). I filled out all the forms while sitting on the toilet. It was a good use of time.
I spoke to my doctor and said to her "do you think I'm going to need an ostomy?" She said "no." She always said that to me because ever since I was diagnosed I was terrified that I would end up with an ostomy. She said I "didn't need one." I was delivered up to a room in the hospital and put back on IV Dilaudid and Ativan (thank you jesus). I had a roommate. The roommate was an alcoholic who was going through withdrawl. He was psychotic, talking to himself, etc. I needed to use the bathroom so much, the hospital finally gave me a private room. My nurse that day was named Jolene. I don't remember Jolene, but my mother said I told her "hey, you know what, I love Dolly Parton and the song Jolene." Mom says I proceeded to sing the entire song "Jolene" to the nurse, who thankfully found my drug induced stupor humorous. Everytime she came in, I'd sing "Jolene, please don't take him even though you can...." Thank God for being high and for Jolene, the worst was yet to come.
Copyright 2007 Christopher Carozzo (all rights reserved)
Telling my tale (pt.3): "The Colonoscopy"
Current mood: annoyed
Category: reflective Life
Back to reality. After 5 days of IV Solumedrol (steroids), my condiditon did not improve. My doctor came into the room on the 5th day and said "your insurance company wants you out of here because we aren't really doing anything for you...I think we should do the colonoscopy today...there is a chance I could perforate your colon because I believe your disease is quite serious at this point." I agreed to go ahead with the colonoscopy, I was desperate to know what was going on, and frankly, I would have said yes to anything at that point (dilaudid induced).
For those who have had a colonoscopy, you know the preparation for one is absolutely horrible. It takes about 12 hours to "prep your bowel" for the test. For those who haven't had one (and you should if you are at risk for colon cancer or notice a change in your bowel habits), the experience is not pleasant. I always said the prep was worse than the actualy test.
To prepare, you must drink this horrible solution mixed with water, soda, etc. If you drink this, drink it with something you never want to drink again, because everytime I taste Pepsi now, I still taste the solution. Basically the solution makes you SHIT LIKE CRAZY. Not little shits here and there, i'm talking shitting and shitting and shitting to the point you are sweating. Be close to a bathroom, because it happens FAST. You have to take 2 doses, one the night before and one the day of. And YOU SHIT (did i mention you shit)? I find it somewhat amusing that one of the common drugs to induce this is called "Go-Lytely." The Lytely stands for electrolytes, but I find it funny because it kinda says "oh, you will drink this and just go to the bathroom very calmly and lightly. Trust me, there ain't nothing "light" about this drug. As I said before, you shit HARD, there is nothing 'light' about it...OUCH!
Once I went as "light" as I could, I was ready for the test. Now, when you have a colonoscopy you are in a state of semi awareness of what is going on around you. They give you a lovely drug called Versed (makes everything happy) and pump you up with Fentanyl (an opiate, not as fun as Dilaudid, but quite strong). Versed is like a "date rape" drug. You don't remember what happened to you, which is good because who wants to remember having a long long tube up your ass all the way up your colon??? I sure didn't. Obviously I don't remember the test, but I remember what happened afterwards.
My mother who was at my side from day 1 and never left (I love her), was told by the doctor that my colon was "a mess and very torn up." She told my mother she "took several biopsies" and that I would probabally be in pain and would bleed. My mom thought that would be ok, because I would stay in the hospital at least another night.....wrong.
That afternoon, the doctor said, "you can go home, call me if you don't do well." We all looked at each other like "what the hell did she just say??" I was sent home without any pain meds.
I arrived home after 7pm that night. I went to my room in my mother's home and lied down. I thought I might be ok at first, but then the pain started and the bleeding really started. I spent the night in the fetal position in pain and when not in the fetal position I was in the bathroom looking at large amounts of blood in the toilet. My mother called the doctor overnight. Instead of saying "bring him right in, he could be bleeding out," she said, "wait until 7 AM and then bring him back in. I'll have him directly admitted, just go to the admissions office. I likely perfed the colon."
At 7 AM the next morning (after spending only 12 hours at home), I went to admissions. I couldn't even speak to the admissions person (I was in the bathroom bleeding). I filled out all the forms while sitting on the toilet. It was a good use of time.
I spoke to my doctor and said to her "do you think I'm going to need an ostomy?" She said "no." She always said that to me because ever since I was diagnosed I was terrified that I would end up with an ostomy. She said I "didn't need one." I was delivered up to a room in the hospital and put back on IV Dilaudid and Ativan (thank you jesus). I had a roommate. The roommate was an alcoholic who was going through withdrawl. He was psychotic, talking to himself, etc. I needed to use the bathroom so much, the hospital finally gave me a private room. My nurse that day was named Jolene. I don't remember Jolene, but my mother said I told her "hey, you know what, I love Dolly Parton and the song Jolene." Mom says I proceeded to sing the entire song "Jolene" to the nurse, who thankfully found my drug induced stupor humorous. Everytime she came in, I'd sing "Jolene, please don't take him even though you can...." Thank God for being high and for Jolene, the worst was yet to come.
Copyright 2007 Christopher Carozzo (all rights reserved)
