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12-14-2010, 08:07 PM   #1
Nica
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I seem to LOVE this thread!

I just popped on my husband and son. I had been cleaning the kitchen for 2 hours, made dinner and was trying to get a batch of cookies going. I walk into the living room to get my pain meds, I was really hurting at that point my back is just killing me and my guts have been iffy today. They still had dirty plates on the coffee table and were both talking about what game they were gonna play. I started with I have been ill for months now, I am trying really hard to make a holiday here and no one is helping at all.

I guess I got through, they both started wandering aimlessly trying to pick stuff up, I wonder if I would have to turn purple for them to dust and vaccuum?

Does anyone have tips on getting kids (he is 13 old enough to help) husbands and cousins to help more without being a nag? I don't want to be that person but I can't take the mess anymore. I have hired a cleaning woman only for all three of them to complain. So out went the maid and no one does anything unless I scream, yell or cry. I just can't get it done and my mother will be here Christmas Day and expects a family holiday meal. I love to cook so thats not a big deal but I can't have the house like this and have ANYONE over.

I wish the docs would stop this back pain so I could do more without crying. Going grocery shopping is a nightmare right now, anything that involves standing, walking or bending can get me in almost tears within 15 minutes. I am not old enough to feel this way. The pain is getting through the pain killers now, so only way I don't feel it is to lay down.

Is it not enough I have to watch every thing I put in my mouth or see it come out? That I live with symptoms constantly so that if I am only at 5 BMs a day or 1 every 3 days I am OK with that(the beauty of opiates). I look pregnant more than half the time and you all know thats NOT COMFORTABLE, I now have nausea constantly (thats new, thank god for Zofran and phenegren) and heartburn. Now I have all this stupid joint pain too.

Sorry for this rant, I feel like crying or screaming I just don't know which.
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12-14-2010, 08:13 PM   #2
katiesue1506
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You need to designate a day/time period where you guys all stop everything and clean. My husband and I usually do this Sundays after we wake up. We will vacuum, dust, clean the bathrooms, sanitize the floors, and get the trash ready to go out. We usually also take care of the laundry.

It makes it easier because everyone has an understanding of WHEN they are supposed to clean and what is expected of them. Plus it goes faster with everyone helping out.
12-14-2010, 09:39 PM   #3
Mountaingem
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I asked my husband about this. He said telling a man to clean is too abstract for them; they deal in specifics. His advice? Try giving him a specific job instead. Like, for the husband "Please load the dishwasher and mop the kitchen floor" and to your son "Please pick up the shoes and clothes and put them in your room" rather than "Clean the kitchen" or "Pick up the living room".

I hope this helps you out! I also try not to be critical about how they do clean. I know it's super hard, but as long as my husband isn't, say, using water to mop the hardwood floor, I just let him be, and what starts out looking like a disaster turns out pretty good.

I really like to cook too. For me though, little things add up. Maybe so you won't be so tired, ask someone to brink a salad, another person drinks, another maybe appetizer, you get the idea. It really makes a difference even though it doesn't sound like much.

I know some people think it's tacky, but I always get paper plates; I don't have a dishwasher and am usually too exhausted to do dishes for everybody. I get the "nicer" ones from Costco lol. That way I'm not too tired and end up looking foreward to everyone going home so I can sleep.
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12-15-2010, 01:17 AM   #4
jboi85
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I have to admit, that I was exactly the same when I lived at home with Mum! Other than her shouting, and getting mad with me, the only other way she could be sure to get me to do some cleaning was bribery! Now when I go to visit her house, I can't help but tidy up anything that needs doing! I feel guilty for all those years of laziness now though.

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling poorly Nica You don't deserve this. I do hope you feel better soon, but to do that you must, MUST tell your husband, and son how much you need their help, or more to the point, that you need them to start pulling their weight, so you have a little more time to relax, and concentrate on you.

I get awful back, and joint pains, and one of the best things I find to ease it for a while, is a very hot bath, as hot as I can take. I get out bright red! Sounds silly, but it really works, plus you get to relax there too, which helps. And try not to get too wound up if they don't give you the help you ask for, getting mad is only going to make you feel poo.

I don't really have any real advice to offer on how to get them to do more I'm afraid. Say you'll poke them in the eye or bang their heads together or something if they don't pull their fingers out, and give you a hand!
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12-15-2010, 07:57 AM   #5
Nica
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I like the idea of torture about now. I am going to write up a specific list for all three of them to do this weekend. They are not getting bribed ( I normally bribe) because frankly the bribery is whats under the tree. My 20 year old cousin lives here as well she is going to nursing school. Yes it is nice to have a nurse in the house she gives me my Humira!

I feel a bit better today, like I might actually get something done! We shall see. Tomorrow is doctors all day, 2 specialist appointments I will prolly come home and pass out after that. Then Friday is busy with a cousin in town from Wisconsin.

I really miss the Me who worked 60 hours a week, sold avon on the side and managed to keep the house done and cook every night. It is quite frustrating to have to slow down to keep from flaring, and then the pain stopping me at every turn.
12-15-2010, 11:17 AM   #6
glum chump
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My brother and his kids are a bunch of lazy sods, so my sister-in-law devised a chore list and the day by which it has to be completed. So, my niece is responsible for vacuuming and she has to get it done by Sunday at 2pm. My sister-in-law doesn't care if it's done Friday afternoon or Saturday morning or Sunday at 1pm, but it HAS to be done by 2pm Sunday. If the kids don't do their chores, there are penalties that she has outlined. If my brother doesn't do his chores, she doesn't do her chores that affect him. This means that since she cooks, if he doesn't get his chores done, she cooks for herself and the kids, and he has to fend for himself. He can't cook worth crap and he loves to eat.

They've devised this system for the past month...the first time my older niece lost her cell phone privileges for a week, you can bet the laundry got folded and put away and the vacuuming has been completed on time every time!

I don't know if this would work for you at all, but if I remember correctly, teens seem to enter an attention deficit bubble at about 13 that can last anywhere from between 4 years to eternity...At least that has been my experience!

Good luck, Nica...its hard to be in pain and try to be Wonder Woman (maybe you should get yourself a lasso?)
12-15-2010, 01:05 PM   #7
Nica
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LOL I like the lasso idea! I might ban them from all gaming systems, tv and computers that would get them moving! I can do something evil like hide all the power cords!!
12-15-2010, 03:25 PM   #8
Astra
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Hiya Nica
not had chance to say hello!! so hello!!

oooooooooo I feel your pain hun!
My daughter (19) has just come home for the hols from Uni, and her room is now like the Gaza Strip! She whirls round like a bull in a china shop! Cups and dishes with growths on, towels on the floor, and her dirty washing just where she stepped out of it, usually on the bathroom floor! Her clothes aren't hung up, they're on the floordrobe (that's my new name for her wardrobe)
She's only been home for 5 days! I bollocked her, told her this isn't the halls of residence at Uni, clean up or get out!
And last night I had a dicky fit, gathered all her dirty stinking clothes and put them in her bed and covered them over with the duvet. You can imagine the sound of the screams!
I've come home tonight and thought I'd come into the wrong house! She's tidied her room, and I promptly fainted! And the dishes were washed!
It's hard when you're ill, you've got to have a house meeting, get a rota, everyone has to muck in, my son (16) God love him, tries his best, but he's male and can't multitask!
God, they're weirdos teenagers aren't they?
Anyway about your joint pain, get some Amitriptyline, it's fab! I'm a huge fan! I feel sooooooooooooooo much better and sleeping thro the night!
Good luck with everything!
xxx
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12-15-2010, 06:35 PM   #9
Nica
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Hi Joan!

It sounds like you have your hands full as well. I think it all just adds up and makes moms go POP this time of year.

I asked my doc about Amitriptyline. He did not like the idea gave me all sorts of reasons why it was a bad idea and put me on cymbalta. I am afraid to switch up my depression meds this week though with the big day looming and all the crap I need to do, so me going into a fit of depression just know would be terrible.

I am afraid of my sons room, there are clothes everywhere, clean dirty all mixed. He has growths going on in cups, his fan looks like it was caked with dust even. If I see the floor in there I am happy lol. I had to go in today because we ran out of clean towels. I had 2 in my room, mine and my husbands hung up, my son had 12. yes 12 still damp towels on the floor. SIGH!
12-16-2010, 04:54 AM   #10
jboi85
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my son (16) God love him, tries his best, but he's male and can't multitask!
Astra, how wrong you are, I am male, at least I was last time I checked! And I do majority of the housework, cooking, and, childcare in my house, because my girlfriend is not well. I can do the dishes, make breakfast, get the children ready, and make sure everything's in order elsewhere at the same time, could probably do it with my eyes closed!

So, I will accept your apology in advance
12-16-2010, 08:30 AM   #11
Nica
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You my friend are the ODDITY your mom did SOMETHING right. I swear I had to retrain my husband and I have FAILED.

My husband just does not see the things I see. If I give him something to do he will do it, and better than I do, but he never sees what needs to be done ahead of time. I swear he would stop existing if I wasn't here!
12-16-2010, 09:27 AM   #12
bethyd78
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I can identify, I have this awful belly to back pain. I have to rant and rave bf my husband will help. Sometimes it feels good to have a good shit fit. It really gets them going
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12-16-2010, 10:55 AM   #13
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Regarding the grocery shopping you mention. We're seriously thinking about doing our shopping on-line. We can do it in the UK so I presume you can also do it in the US. You order the stuff on-line and it's usually delivered within a two hour time slot... even in the middle of the night if you want. There's a delivery charge of 5, but I think that would be more than made up for in fuel costs and by not buying all those extra things you don't need as you walk around the shop.

By the way, my wife has got me well trained... she uses the same principles that you'd use to train a dog, so you might want to look up some dog training manuals, it really works.
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12-16-2010, 12:56 PM   #14
Nica
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HAHA I need a book, how to train your husband or a cesar milan of men!
12-16-2010, 01:05 PM   #15
RedReiner
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that really sucks Nica! but I know where you are coming from. Mine is all in a snit cause I didnt clean the kitchen yesterday, I just couldnt. Your back hurting really sucks, mine is hips and back. I see some really good pointers here. its hard to get them to understand just how bad you feel but it can be done! lol. If mine is not getting the hint, a good meltdown with lots of incoherant painful bawling sure changes things around here. I get lots of help then lol. hang in there, they will get it. maybe let them read this thread and they will understand.
12-16-2010, 01:51 PM   #16
Astra
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Astra, how wrong you are,

So, I will accept your apology in advance

ha ha ha OK, I'm so sorry to males out there, you're as rare as rocking horse shit!!
Can you come over to mine, you're not that far away!
The males in my life can't see the wood for the trees!
xxx
12-16-2010, 04:36 PM   #17
GutlessWonder86
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I've been dragging a bit myself as my MD is slowly weaning me off Percocet as I've been on it for 2 yrs. due to chronic pain caused by 3 strictures. After my surgery in 2009 to remove them, I can be taken off of the pain medicine but was told it can not be done cold turkey. But my husband thinks otherwise and doesn't understand that it has to be done gradually. He told me today that I should just stop taking it and to shake off my tiredness. HELLO!!!

I swear some days I just want to shake that man or better yet, have him switch bodies with me for a day. Yes, I am in remission per se, but since my stroke I still am dealing with migraines (which are worse than before) and the lovely side effects of coming off the pain med. Whatever happened to being patient and understanding like he was when I was really sick? Geez...........

Oh, and seeing as it has been freezing out my back and joints have been acting up, I've been slow with the house cleaning, baking,wrapping gifts, decorating and getting the Xmas cards out. (he left the holiday stuff up to me entirely). God forbid if the dishes aren't done ASAP after dinner. He has a hissy fit so I make sure that they are done before I go to bed even if I feel lousy and it's 1 AM and I'm still addressing cards or wrapping gifts.

When will this madness end. lol

Last edited by GutlessWonder86; 12-16-2010 at 04:44 PM.
12-17-2010, 04:39 PM   #18
StarGirrrrl
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Mum & I have a system whereby we each clean up our own messes and share the big jobs. My price is I have to put up with her mess that tips into dirty. It's hard but at the end of the day I get on with it. As for my bedroom, my parents have always advocated that I am the one living in the mess and I can put up with it or clean it.

I'd give your hubby & son the option, they clean or the maid comes back, end of!
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12-17-2010, 06:44 PM   #19
Nica
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We are supposed to be cleaning and wrapping this weekend so HOPEFULLY my house is not a disaster when my mother gets here. Nothing worse than MOM coming and house is trashed.

I just about have christmas shopping done, need to get packages in the mail ok needed to do that almost all week but its been a rough one. Hopefully in the AM I can get it out. I really need help with the Christmas crap!

Oh he (my husband) just came in "should I make something for myself"? lets see I am laying down with a heating pad, have a humira shot laid out and you even ask. BLAH.
12-17-2010, 08:12 PM   #20
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I have 2 step-kids (10 and 5) and when I first moved in here, they were pigs. Dishes in their rooms growing science experiments, leaving their toys all over the house, and just generally being very messy kids! I have a schedule for cleaning. I'm off school on Tuesday and Wednesday so those are the days that I clean the house. The very first Monday night before my big clean I said to everyone "pick your stuff up and put it away because I'm cleaning tomorrow. If you don't, I'll put it in the garbage." Well, I guess they didn't believe me. My stepson left his DS on the floor in the livingroom, and my stepdaughter left all her dolls and colouring supplies all over the kitchen. They went in the garbage. And I haven't replaced them. They haven't been pigs since. Sometimes you have to be a hardass....Don't get me wrong, there was crying and screaming...but I didn't back down. I don't know why people want to live like pigs...lol..but I can't take it. Plus, once it's clean, it's easy to keep it that way. I don't know why people don't get that....sigh

Ok...done with my rant now...lol
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12-20-2010, 11:47 AM   #21
Jessica
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OoOoo... Cindy.. Definitely hardass of you. When my sister and I wouldn't clean our rooms when we were little, my dad would make us leave our rooms while he cleaned it. WITH A TRASH BAG. It would take my dad MONTHS to give the stuff back to us. Just depended on how bad our rooms were to begin with and how well we were able to maintain them.

It worked though! And at no replacement cost to my folks.
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12-20-2010, 06:32 PM   #22
MADiMarc
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Ha! I used to do the same with my younger daughter. Give her a day to clean up and what ever was left out went to good will for little girls that would appreciate (fill in blank). I never had a problem with my older daughter. She is like her daddy OCD.

Nica, talked to my 14 year old nephew. He suggested setting very specific targets for cleaning. Scrub the toliet, scrub the shower, scrub the sink, pick up the bath mat, then scrub the floor. He also said not to take sloppy work but to nicely say thank you for trying but you missed a big spot of mud in the middle of the floor. He told me that he tried to get away with "half assed work" so my sister would just give up and do it herself. HA! She just talked him through it. Now, according to my sister that has 5 boys, all her boys clean like champs.

Good luck and I am so glad I had girls,
Michele
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