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Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Vent Away » My mum text me she's gonna kill herself. Help!!!!


12-20-2010, 09:19 AM   #1
Jenny06xx
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Cwmbran , gwent, United Kingdom
My mum text me she's gonna kill herself. Help!!!!

I need some help here
My mum is an alcoholic, spends all her cash on drink and I end up buying her gas electric food fags u name it I buy it!
Just last night I went there in the snow (it's only 12ish miles) in the car got her fags milk loo roll coz she was pissed and run out , now I got a text this morning HELP ME but it was sent at 11pm last night so I text her what's wrong and her reply was
I've got no electric I'm snowed in I've had enough I want out now.
Ok so I've rang her all day she won't answer I've text she won't reply I'm snowed in I cannot get there at all !! I know it's probably the drink talking and attention seeking but I can't take the risk!!
I've text that she's got 1 hour to contact me or answer me or I'm sending the police there.
I don't know what else to do, if she thinks this is funny she's sick! It's 5 days till Xmas how can someone do this at 59 years old !!! I'm freaking out here I don't want to get on trouble for waiting police time cos she will deny saying!
I feel like I'm the mum here it's not right !
__________________
diagnosed with crohn's disease September 2010 symptoms since 2003
Acute pancreatitis 2003
gallbladder removed laprascopic 2003

Meds

Budesonide finished again !!
Pentasa 2g 2x a day
Pred 40mg
Ensure plus ( no longer needed)
Dihydrocodeine 120mg slow release 3 a day
Dihydrocodeine 30mg 2.. 4x day
Tramadol 50 mg 2 ...4x a day ( stopped coz it's not helping )

Waiting for fist appointment at pain clinc I hope it helps !

Last edited by Jenny06xx; 12-20-2010 at 09:26 AM.
12-20-2010, 09:33 AM   #2
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Jenn... don't wait the hour, please!!

first of all, calm down, and think logically.. all the emergency services would rather be contacted within time to help someone than too late. there's many a time i've been to A&E, ended up apologising because the situation settled within a couple of hours of being there, and been told i was right to go, to seek help when i thought i needed it.

if i were in your situation right now, whether it was a relative or even just anyone i knew, i would ring the police straight away, tell them the whole story, and get them out there.. give them permission to break in if need be.

your mum may be asleep/drunk, or she may need help right now, and you'll never know if you don't send someone.

i hope everything will be ok... please post back in here and keep us updated.
12-20-2010, 10:28 AM   #3
Jenny06xx
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Cwmbran , gwent, United Kingdom
I got hold of her !!
She said she is in bed(drunk) and I'm disturbing her what do I want!!
I told her what she had text an that I'd been ringing all day y would she do it etc
She told me to go away an put the phone down.
Then she text me
Your the selfish one
I've got no electric or paracetamol an u won't help me what's a better solution?
I'm snowed in FFS!! What can I do fly down there!
I know she's just pissed an trying to make me feel guilty but it's just not on !
I can't cut all ties but I can't keep bailing her out and having this to deal with!
My husand an I argue over her wanting money all the time an I always give it to her ( not cash I get what she needs ) but I end up looking the fool when she then uses her money for drink when she was supposed to be skint !!
Seriously how can I say no when she's crying I got no fags etc it makes me feel terrible!
I know it's not my responsibility but how can I ignore it ?
12-20-2010, 12:58 PM   #4
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Join Date: Oct 2007
wow.. ok, firstly i'm glad she's ok for now, and not carrying out her threat...

you need help with this from an outside source - there has to be an organisation where you are who can support you as well as her, and take some of the responsibility off your shoulders, particularly as you're not well yourself - the last thing you need is this kind of stress and worry to cope with solely on your own.

i wouldn't know where to start though, maybe having a chat with your gp would be a good place? or the local church organisation? even the samaritans, i'm sure they would have some phone numbers of people who could help.

lastly, i know this is probably the hardest advice to take, but try not to let her words hit you physically... she is venting at the person closest, it's normal, and none of this is your fault.

((hugs)) - i hope you can get her and yourself the help that's clearly needed here..
12-20-2010, 08:26 PM   #5
glum chump
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Location: British Columbia

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Hi Jenny:

Wow, that's a lot to go through...it's hard to resist the manipulation and other games your mom pulls when you care so much about your mom.

I talked to a friend of mine who lives in Wales and is a counsellor. She just emailed me that there's a 24 hour helpline for families and those who care for people who have an addiction. My sense is that your mom isn't in a position to get help, but you may want to reach out for your own sanity and for some peace in your relationship?

The number she gave me is 0808 141 0044 and it's a toll free number. Their website address is http://www.dan247.org.uk/ if you want to check them out.

I hope you're able to find some support for yourself as you try to deal with all the chaos..

Good luck and stay well.
12-21-2010, 04:33 AM   #6
Jenny06xx
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Cwmbran , gwent, United Kingdom
Thank you XX
I'll try anything right now !
12-21-2010, 07:44 PM   #7
ameslouise
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Pottstown, Pennsylvania
Jenny - This is a horrible situation you are dealing with! I agree with glum that you should get help FOR YOU. Here in the states we have Al-Anon for families of alcoholics and it teaches you how to deal with their games and manipulation.

We also have adult protective services - maybe you have the same type of social service over there. Send them over to deal with your mom because she is a danger to herself.

Don't let her make you feel guilty, and don't let her games get in the way of your marriage. You can be a good daughter without being a slave to her disease.

Good luck! -Amy
12-21-2010, 08:13 PM   #8
tiloah
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Location: Seattle, Washington

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Your mother is emotionally manipulating you. It also sounds like she has some mental health issues. A counselor would definitely be good (for her and you, maybe also both together).

I think it is important that you stop "enabling" her by responding to her manipulations and buying her things. I know it is EXTREMELY difficult to make the choice (I see this behavior every day), but it will be the best for you AND her in the long run if you do it. Especially if you make it clear you will have nothing to do with her unless she gets herself help or it involves you getting her help.

I know first hand how tough these situations can be, and how guilty they can make you feel. But you have to recognize that when you respond to her guilt trips, you are not doing her any good. Does that make sense? I hope so. In any case, I hope you know this is not your fault and you both find some peace.
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