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Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Vent Away » This is annoying!


04-29-2006, 04:17 PM   #1
Jenni
 
This is annoying!

I dont know if any of yall have this problem, but alot of people tell me how "its all going to get better" and theres some reason that this is happening but its gonna work and its so i can help someone else with this problem or watever. and i know its because they dont know wat to say but maybe they just should say i hope u feel beter or something! gah its like maybe all of that is true and in fact i know it is but wen ppl start repeatedly telling u that and u keep going threw really hard things and they dont know how u feel it gets old!
another thing that bugs me is wen ppl sugar coat things because "u have a problem" like ppl have goten mad at me before and told it all to my best friend becuse of my "situation" and they didnt want to hurt my feelings and bla. its like im still a person so treat me like it! i didnt die gosh! ok im done but sorry its just i dont think ppl kno how to handle things sometimes... yah does anyone agree? or have anything like this happened to u?
well thanx for reading my complainin haha
Jen~<3
04-29-2006, 05:06 PM   #2
ReeRee
 
Oh Jenni, I SO agree! I get so tired of hearing those comments. And like you, I know people mean well and they're only trying to help. But sometimes I want to just scream at them "I'm NOT going to get better!".

I have this one cousin who constantly fusses at me because I don't go anywhere unless I absolutely have to. She knows that I like staying home, not only because I just like being with my kids, but because I know where my bathroom is. Say nothing of the face that I live so far out in the country that the nearest grocery store or WalMart or anything is a 45 minute drive thru FOREST and last time I checked, there are no public bathrooms in the FOREST! And swamps, can't forget the gater infested swamps.

It's mightly hard to squat behind a tree on the roadside when you're worried about getting your butt bitten off by a gator.

Anyway, I feel your pain Jenni and you're not wrong to feel that way. It's kind of like the stupid things people say at wakes and funerals. They don't know what else to say, so they say something so dumb it makes you want to scratch their eyes out. You wouldn't believe the people who, just because I've gained some weight, say to me "Oh I'm so glad your well!" or "I'm so glad you got over that sickness". Invisible illnesses are the worse. I get sick of hearing "but you don't LOOK sick" too. Grrrr.

Hang in there girl. Come here and vent all you need to. We're here for ya.
04-29-2006, 06:34 PM   #3
Jenni
 
thanx. and i have that problem with ppl saying but u look so healthy too! its like well u dont kno everything thats going on. and i dont blame about the not goin out much thing specially a 45 minute drive! gah that could b not pretty we all knothat! and its almost like ppl arent even listening to you wen u talk. i told someone recently yeah i just got out of the hospital and im still pretty sick.they go o its so good ur out of the hospital and well! and thats happened alot im like gosh dont listen to wat i say!
04-29-2006, 06:47 PM   #4
mikeyarmo
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I SO know what you mean Jenni. It gets really frustrating, escpecially as when people believe that now I am out of the hospital I am "normal" or healthy again. Of course I am now, but I still need to take medication and I still need to be careful about certain things.

I just try and remember that people just can not really relate to what we are going through, and they say what they think will help. Even though they want to help, whatever they say or do makes things worst. I just try and realize that no one can know what to say, so I try and understand that they are trying to be supportive. Of course you can always correct people if what they are saying is untrue or hurtful, but I try and realize that most people can not and will not ever understand.

I know that is probably not what you wanted to hear, but hopefully writing everything down made you feel a bit better. Of course we are always here, and we won't get tired of hearing your complaints (hopefully we do not give you bad responses like the people you know eiter ).
04-29-2006, 06:49 PM   #5
Tami Lynn
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Location: Ocala, Florida
Jen,

I think you're right about people just not knowing what to say sometimes, so they try to say things like, "this is all happening for a reason" etc...

As far as everything getting better... who can honestly say? With this disease, I think we just have to take one day at a time, enjoy the good days and pray that God will give us the grace to make it through the bad ones.

Of course things COULD get better... anything is possible (not always probable--but still possible) Then again, (unfortunately) they could get worse too...

That's why we need to keep the faith, hold onto hope for tomorrow and take each day as it comes (for better or worse).

Unfortunately, bad things do still happen to good people, life isn't always fair and some things really can't ever be explained.

Anywhooo...vent away Jen! I think we've all felt like you're feeling at times.

*HUGS*
__________________________________________________ _____

Invisible illnesses are the worse. I get sick of hearing "but you don't LOOK sick" too. Grrrr.
Ree, I agree with that statment 100%! I can't even count the number of times I've heard this one (even from well-meaning people). They just don't get how we can look and seem to be fine one minute and completely incapacited the next.
__________________
-Tami

"The only thing worse than being diagnosed with Crohn's disease 25 years ago, was when my daughter got diagnosed with this dreaded disease 4 years ago and having to stand by and watch her suffer with the same things I've dealt with for most of my life and feeling so utterly helpless to do anything about it!"
04-29-2006, 07:11 PM   #6
jyarmo
 
Oh the dreaded "you look great!"....who cares how you look when you feel like crap!

Jenni I agree with you 100%!

It's great to have a group here that understands the stuff that we have to deal with individually
04-29-2006, 07:17 PM   #7
Jenni
 
thanx guys! i feel a little better about it now. its almost like the more ppl say that the more u lose hope sometiems! but i usually just smile and say thanx. but its irritating! but u are right they just dont kno how to relate or wat to say. another thing that really plucks my nerves is that in my sunday school class. like everyone at my church of course knows that i have UC and such. well wenever i go to sunday school the teacher uses me in front of a huge group of people as the example of pain and suffering. i kno she probably does it to make ppl think about not taking their life for granted but sometiems its like wen ppl point out things it just makes u get depressed or upset and i love my church i really do its a great southern baptist one but i am seriously starting to think about not going to ss anymore because its really starting to make me upset. its like yes ive been really sick but at the same time i try not to let it consume my thoughts because that wont do anything but make me angry or upset. yeah writing all of this out is really making me realize that ppl just dont know waht to say or how to handle situations! lol
Jen
04-29-2006, 10:09 PM   #8
ReeRee
 
You know what's even worse? When people talk "down" to you or oversimplify what they're saying as if it's our brain that's diseased!!! I can't keep my mouth shut when that happens...lol. I always have to come back with "you know, it's my belly that's sick, not my brain, and I am quite educated". Just burns my bacon!!!
04-29-2006, 10:16 PM   #9
mikeyarmo
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Jen, I would really consider speaking with your Sunday School teacher. If you do not feel comfortable doing this writing her a note and giving it to her at the end of one class should do the trick as well.

Bascially tell her (or write out) how you do not like being singled out and being made the centre of attention when talking about pain and suffering. Say how it makes you feel and while you know the teacher is only trying to help, it frustrates you and you do not want it to continue. I am sure the teacher will understand and this will come to a stop immeadiatly.
04-29-2006, 10:22 PM   #10
ReeRee
 
Mike's right. She needs to know that it makes you uncomfortable. Also tell her you just want to be treated like everybody else. She'll understand.

Well said Mike!
04-30-2006, 12:37 AM   #11
Jason M V
 
Even worse is when they say they're praying for you. I'm not one to tell anyone what to believe, but if prayer worked, I would've been cured nine years ago, as the entire tri-state area has been praying for me since 1997. I've gotten to the point where I just say thanks, like you said, but then I walk away really fast, too. Well, actually I run straight to the bathroom and...blow off some steam. A lot of steam. Enough steam to power the world's largest locomotive.

Don't worry; I won't sugar-coat anything for you. You've been wronged by a mean illness, and it stinks. Kind of like the bathroom after you leave it. And after I leave it, too. Heck, it stinks after all of us leave it. But that's okay. Because I say so. Hopefully?

Jason
04-30-2006, 12:33 PM   #12
Jenni
 
for me its not the fact that people r praying for me..i really do appreciate that because i kno without prayer i would b worse than i am now and in fact would probably still b in the hosptial with a picc line giving me my nutrition. well wat bothers me is wen people pray for me out the fact that it makes them look good or look like they care so much, but i by their prayer can tell that they dont. or wat really bugs me is wen and this has happened a few tiems is wen ppl pray this "and God please help the drs find out wat is wrong with Jen". The last time that hapened was in my History class at school.after the girl stopped praying i practially screamed(but i didnt i was rather calm if i do say so myself) "excuse me the doctors do know wat is "wrong" with me. but its not that simple...i have a disease and it just doesnt go away. so thanx for prayin for me but if u thought the drs didnt kno why didnt u just ask me before basically telling the whole class that wat i have is a mystery." i kno she was just being nice but i feel like if she really cared she would maybe kno the story? idk it just is annoying wen ppl say how much they care and then dont even kno wat the heck is goin on with u!!!lol.
04-30-2006, 04:35 PM   #13
Kossy
 
So the things I get old when people tell me are as followed...
1. Hey you look healther.. you've gained some weight and you look good.
Well I feel like shit, the weight is from Predisone, and the drug is reaking havitc on my body in so mean other ways.
2. So when you're better now? Are you cured? (I only get mythed when it's the same person asking me this)
NO it's a life long battle.
3. Have you tried the Makers Diet, they said it's the Cure for Crohns!
GRRRRRRRRR I hope I am eating a ice cream cone at the time they say this so I can just smash it in their face! I know they mean well but I am sick of hearing about it.
4. Here let me get that for me or "Ron can't do that, he has Crohn's"
Hello..I AM GOING TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO AND DO THEM TILL I AM STUCK IN THE HOSPITAL AND UNABLE TO.
5. Are you able to do... (any easy task) because of your Crohn's?
I just rather them ask me to do something and if I can't do it I'll say so.

Last edited by Kossy; 04-30-2006 at 04:38 PM.
04-30-2006, 07:12 PM   #14
Kate
 
HAHA at lest people ask you guys about yours everyone i know dont even ask me a thing they pretend i dont have it .... although when i comes to food and im out with a friend and its just to two of us they make sure i can eat it otherwise its huh ur sick?? type of thing. I spose its the Kiwi way
05-01-2006, 03:46 PM   #15
ncgirl
 
I always hate when people (sometimes the same ones over and over again) see you and ask "so how are you doing?" And they ask it like you're dying...like they're saying...now how much longer do you have to live?
Lately, what's been annoying me is the "Why, you've gained weight!" Ah, thanks, I hadn't noticed!! LOL
05-01-2006, 03:55 PM   #16
Kossy
 
ncgirl said:
I always hate when people (sometimes the same ones over and over again) see you and ask "so how are you doing?" And they ask it like you're dying...like they're saying...now how much longer do you have to live?
Lately, what's been annoying me is the "Why, you've gained weight!" Ah, thanks, I hadn't noticed!! LOL
Oh Amy, I get the same DAMN thing.... Oh you've gained some weight... It's like thanks. Like I'm not self conscience about it, wait a sec.. I am, very much so.
05-01-2006, 07:57 PM   #17
Donna
 
I think its like with any other chronic illness....or other sad thing, like when someone passes away....most people don't know what to say. And because they are in a situation that makes them uncomfortable in the first place, they just blurt out the usual "polite" (sometimes polite) things. Also most people have never even heard of Crohn's disease, so they know nothing about it and therefor say something off the wall, like "you will get better if you change your eating habits". I have often thought about handing out pamphlets. lol.

However, if I hear one more time that if I lost weight, I wouldn't have this illness, or that they actually had it once, but thankfully for them, it went away, I will probably either crack up laughing at them, or bopping them on the head!!

I actually had someone tell me that their dog died from it! Can you imagine??!!

I try to be polite and say thanks, or whatever polite thing you can say in instances like that, but, it is extremelyyyyyyy frustrating.
05-02-2006, 02:36 PM   #18
Kossy
 
Donna said:
I think its like with any other chronic illness....or other sad thing, like when someone passes away....most people don't know what to say. And because they are in a situation that makes them uncomfortable in the first place, they just blurt out the usual "polite" (sometimes polite) things. Also most people have never even heard of Crohn's disease, so they know nothing about it and therefor say something off the wall, like "you will get better if you change your eating habits". I have often thought about handing out pamphlets. lol.

However, if I hear one more time that if I lost weight, I wouldn't have this illness, or that they actually had it once, but thankfully for them, it went away, I will probably either crack up laughing at them, or bopping them on the head!!

I actually had someone tell me that their dog died from it! Can you imagine??!!

I try to be polite and say thanks, or whatever polite thing you can say in instances like that, but, it is extremelyyyyyyy frustrating.
Yeah I once had Crohn's. I didn't like it so I took it back to the store and got herpies instead. I've heard people tell me stupid crap like this all the time. Not to this extreme but it might as well been.
05-02-2006, 02:41 PM   #19
ncgirl
 
Kossy said:
Yeah I once had Crohn's. I didn't like it so I took it back to the store and got herpies instead. I've heard people tell me stupid crap like this all the time. Not to this extreme but it might as well been.
Now how did you manage that? I keep trying to take mine back but it keeps following me home!
05-02-2006, 02:51 PM   #20
Kossy
 
ncgirl said:
Now how did you manage that? I keep trying to take mine back but it keeps following me home!
I drugged it. I gave it Roofies and it past out it the disease store and I took off like the coward that I am. While I was running out of the store I tripped and knocked over the bottle of herpies and got covered in it. Just my luck you know.
05-02-2006, 09:42 PM   #21
Jenni
 
ncgirl said:
Now how did you manage that? I keep trying to take mine back but it keeps following me home!
lol!!! ah that drives me nuts! all the time ppl go o i had colitis but then they have no idea wat it is!! GRRR ignorant ppl! lol
05-03-2006, 12:44 AM   #22
cagfire
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Trafalgar South, Victoria, Australia
Kossy said:
I drugged it. I gave it Roofies and it past out it the disease store and I took off like the coward that I am. While I was running out of the store I tripped and knocked over the bottle of herpies and got covered in it. Just my luck you know.

Oh my god ha ha ha ha ha what a hoot! I'll have to remember that line
05-03-2006, 02:13 PM   #23
Kossy
 
cagfire said:
Oh my god ha ha ha ha ha what a hoot! I'll have to remember that line
Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
05-04-2006, 09:27 AM   #24
ncgirl
 
Jenni said:
lol!!! ah that drives me nuts! all the time ppl go o i had colitis but then they have no idea wat it is!! GRRR ignorant ppl! lol
If they get on your nerves too much, just tell them it's highly contagious and they might just leave you alone! LOL
05-04-2006, 09:29 AM   #25
ncgirl
 
Kossy said:
I drugged it. I gave it Roofies and it past out it the disease store and I took off like the coward that I am. While I was running out of the store I tripped and knocked over the bottle of herpies and got covered in it. Just my luck you know.
AND just what makes you think it won't find it's way home??? I heard if you fed it good candies it will wander away from home! LOL
05-04-2006, 11:06 AM   #26
Jenni
 
ncgirl said:
If they get on your nerves too much, just tell them it's highly contagious and they might just leave you alone! LOL
lol!!!!!!!!! haha i think i just mite next time!
05-06-2006, 05:44 AM   #27
Kossy
 
ncgirl said:
AND just what makes you think it won't find it's way home??? I heard if you fed it good candies it will wander away from home! LOL

It may find it's way back home but find that I have moved away!!! You have to learn that your always going to be having the runs on the run from it forever.
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