I have been officially diagnosed with Crohns and UC for over a decade now. Although I was having serious problems before that, it took being bounced around a few times between doctors to figure things out. The GI Doctor gave me some of the standard meds everyone here mentions to start with and told to come back in 4 weeks for a followup. No mention of what foods to avoid, what foods to eat more of, or what supplements I should look into. I remember trying to take a multi-vitamin for a week, but bleeding in response to it. I asked the doctor about if I should maybe take a child's vitamin or if he could recommend any thing better. I explained my concern over my body not absorbing enough nutrients. He explained that I shouldn't buy vitamins, by should take folic acid. Which he promptly wrote a script for and advised me to come back for a refill. I believe the biggest thing is, there was no mention of what "normal" would be.
I spent the first half of my 20s trying to get to rock bottom. There's only so much passing more blood in one month than most people see in a life time, that a person can take mentally. I dropped out of college due to anxiety, feeling weak, and the constant stressing about how far away the closest bathroom was. I felt more physically weak than I had ever felt. I was in my 20s and I felt like a very old man. I stayed at a horrible job that I hated, only because I thought that I couldn't do any better. During this time, the doctors tried several different meds and combinations of different meds, none of which helped the symptoms at all. I continued to pass massive amounts of blood every single day.
After a time of this, I was 100% convinced, that I was never going to reach the age of 30. It was a fact, written in stone, that I was going to die soon. I knew for certain that it was all down hill from that point on. Amazingly I never became suicidal. I was actually very happy, in a dark kind of way. Most people can only dream of living like they were dying. Well I was. I was, however, not doing it in the most productive way. I started drinking massive amounts of alcohol every week. I put my financial goals on hold. I avoided any women who I could have long term relationships with, instead concentrating on short term hookups. After all, who would want a person like me? I was a dying old man, in a young person's skin. I'm not sure how to describe it, but there was a general feeling that I couldn't ever get married. After all, how could I be so cruel to let someone marry me, when I was going to die? So I put on a fake mask and hid my rotting insides from everyone. Including myself. Time passed by very quickly and I honestly had some of the best and worst times of my life.
I woke up very slowly one morning and became MAD AS HELL!!! There had been something wrong with my stomach for a while now, a tightness, stress, and pressure that I hadn't felt before. I woke up, tired and weary right down to my damn bones. I HAD to relieve my self very soon. Light headed and weak, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I didn't recognize the person looking back at me. Thinning hair, dark circles under my eyes, cheekbones pointing out, and dead eyes. I didn't see a dying old man. Instead I saw a stupid little child in a man's body. I said to myself,"I'm sick and tired, of being sick and tired" I was sick and tired being sad all the time. I was tired of feeling weak and having no control. I was sick and tired of not having any long term goals and plans.
Somethings you know before you learn them. And that day, even though I already knew it, I learned that deep down people don't grow up automatically. I decided, at the age of 25, I wanted to become an adult.
I started going back to the doctor, being more vocal about every problem I was having with my health. I started researching my own my problems and how to treat them. I put the doctors in charge of the prescription medicine and put my self in charge of treating all areas of my well being with anything that worked. What I found was that there were no set rules. What worked for some people, didn't work for others.
I tried several different types of diets. Most of which didn't work or I reacted badly to. I cut out some things and started including others. I completely stopped drinking. I had never been a smoker, but I found that a good quality cigar once or twice a month would calm my lower digestive track. The Oliva Series V is still my favorite cigar. I found out that spicy food really didn't effect me at all, but kept it out of my diet to be on the safe side. I could eat raw tomatoes with no problems, but would react badly to any type of red spaghetti type sauce.
I started looking for ways to improve myself financially and realized I had to change jobs. I had been only half seriously looking for jobs up until this point. But I seriously started searching and finally got in touch with an amazing professional recruiter. I explained that I had to have a better job and would need one within two weeks. It had to pay more money, offer health insurance, and be relevant to the direction I wanted to head in professionally. One week later I took an extended lunch to sign papers to start a new job the following Monday. I took a huge risk went for three months with no health insurance, and started in a full time job at an amazing and growing company.
I started looking for ways to improve my self mentally. I read any book, website, and new article I caught my eye. Most of it was all BS or didn't apply to me. But I took one or two things from them all and applied them to my life. I started dating an amazing younger woman, who I decided was a person I wanted to put the work in with.
It all came to a head when I turned 30 years old. I was the most content I had ever been in my life. I was living in a small 1 bedroom apartment with the younger woman, who admitted that she was nervous about me turning 30. She was joking out about me no longer being in my 20s and me being an "old man". A very close friend of mine, who's birthday was close to mine, called me and explained that he was very depressed about turning 30. He felt he had very little to nothing to show for himself and felt sad. I explained that I didn't feel the same way. It was less than a week away and I was getting happier everyday. I told him, exactly what I had told my gf.
The following is what I told them both, and what I tell you now:
There was a time in my life, when I knew, beyond a shadow of doubt, that I was going to die before I turned 30. I was very scared by this idea, and reacted badly. Over time I decided to reject this idea, and that I wanted more out of life than 30 years. I had spent the last 5 years growing up from a child into a man. I thought I would never catch up, even though I didn't know what I was trying to catch up with. I realize now, that I was trying to catch up with myself. I explained that I was the healthiest and happiest I had ever been in my life. I explained that I was better today in all areas of my life, then in any point in the past. I explained that because of this, that this year and every year, is the best year of my life.
In the past I was a young, stupid, sad, and dying child. And that at the age of 25 I had torn myself down to the very foundation of my soul. And I started building. I started to build walls on that foundation, to protect my self from bad and negative things getting at me. I built doors into the walls, so I could go out and let others in. I built in windows, so I could always see and be aware of world around me. I built a strong roof to protect my self from the harsh storms to come, because they always come. I explained that starting with very little, I had to build myself, brick by brick, into the man I am today. I explained that I had a lot of help along the way from people, and that I am eternally grateful to them. I explained that most men in my family don't reach 70. Add in my health issues and I don't expect to reach 60. Did that mean my life was half over I asked? No, it meant that I had half of my life to come. Some times I get sick, or have a flare up, but in the long run, that doesn't matter. Besides, I may decide that 60 years isn't enough and aim higher. Because my life has improved every single year, since that morning I looked in the mirror so many years ago.
I still remember that child looking back at me through my eyes and keep him close to my heart. I also keep that dying old man close. I'm no longer a child, the old dying man in me makes sure of that. But I'm no longer an old dying man, the child helps me with that. I'm no longer young or dying, but something wonderful in between.
To tell you the truth, I can't wait for what's going to happen tomorrow.
Want to know why?
I'll tell you about it, tomorrow...
I spent the first half of my 20s trying to get to rock bottom. There's only so much passing more blood in one month than most people see in a life time, that a person can take mentally. I dropped out of college due to anxiety, feeling weak, and the constant stressing about how far away the closest bathroom was. I felt more physically weak than I had ever felt. I was in my 20s and I felt like a very old man. I stayed at a horrible job that I hated, only because I thought that I couldn't do any better. During this time, the doctors tried several different meds and combinations of different meds, none of which helped the symptoms at all. I continued to pass massive amounts of blood every single day.
After a time of this, I was 100% convinced, that I was never going to reach the age of 30. It was a fact, written in stone, that I was going to die soon. I knew for certain that it was all down hill from that point on. Amazingly I never became suicidal. I was actually very happy, in a dark kind of way. Most people can only dream of living like they were dying. Well I was. I was, however, not doing it in the most productive way. I started drinking massive amounts of alcohol every week. I put my financial goals on hold. I avoided any women who I could have long term relationships with, instead concentrating on short term hookups. After all, who would want a person like me? I was a dying old man, in a young person's skin. I'm not sure how to describe it, but there was a general feeling that I couldn't ever get married. After all, how could I be so cruel to let someone marry me, when I was going to die? So I put on a fake mask and hid my rotting insides from everyone. Including myself. Time passed by very quickly and I honestly had some of the best and worst times of my life.
I woke up very slowly one morning and became MAD AS HELL!!! There had been something wrong with my stomach for a while now, a tightness, stress, and pressure that I hadn't felt before. I woke up, tired and weary right down to my damn bones. I HAD to relieve my self very soon. Light headed and weak, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I didn't recognize the person looking back at me. Thinning hair, dark circles under my eyes, cheekbones pointing out, and dead eyes. I didn't see a dying old man. Instead I saw a stupid little child in a man's body. I said to myself,"I'm sick and tired, of being sick and tired" I was sick and tired being sad all the time. I was tired of feeling weak and having no control. I was sick and tired of not having any long term goals and plans.
Somethings you know before you learn them. And that day, even though I already knew it, I learned that deep down people don't grow up automatically. I decided, at the age of 25, I wanted to become an adult.
I started going back to the doctor, being more vocal about every problem I was having with my health. I started researching my own my problems and how to treat them. I put the doctors in charge of the prescription medicine and put my self in charge of treating all areas of my well being with anything that worked. What I found was that there were no set rules. What worked for some people, didn't work for others.
I tried several different types of diets. Most of which didn't work or I reacted badly to. I cut out some things and started including others. I completely stopped drinking. I had never been a smoker, but I found that a good quality cigar once or twice a month would calm my lower digestive track. The Oliva Series V is still my favorite cigar. I found out that spicy food really didn't effect me at all, but kept it out of my diet to be on the safe side. I could eat raw tomatoes with no problems, but would react badly to any type of red spaghetti type sauce.
I started looking for ways to improve myself financially and realized I had to change jobs. I had been only half seriously looking for jobs up until this point. But I seriously started searching and finally got in touch with an amazing professional recruiter. I explained that I had to have a better job and would need one within two weeks. It had to pay more money, offer health insurance, and be relevant to the direction I wanted to head in professionally. One week later I took an extended lunch to sign papers to start a new job the following Monday. I took a huge risk went for three months with no health insurance, and started in a full time job at an amazing and growing company.
I started looking for ways to improve my self mentally. I read any book, website, and new article I caught my eye. Most of it was all BS or didn't apply to me. But I took one or two things from them all and applied them to my life. I started dating an amazing younger woman, who I decided was a person I wanted to put the work in with.
It all came to a head when I turned 30 years old. I was the most content I had ever been in my life. I was living in a small 1 bedroom apartment with the younger woman, who admitted that she was nervous about me turning 30. She was joking out about me no longer being in my 20s and me being an "old man". A very close friend of mine, who's birthday was close to mine, called me and explained that he was very depressed about turning 30. He felt he had very little to nothing to show for himself and felt sad. I explained that I didn't feel the same way. It was less than a week away and I was getting happier everyday. I told him, exactly what I had told my gf.
The following is what I told them both, and what I tell you now:
There was a time in my life, when I knew, beyond a shadow of doubt, that I was going to die before I turned 30. I was very scared by this idea, and reacted badly. Over time I decided to reject this idea, and that I wanted more out of life than 30 years. I had spent the last 5 years growing up from a child into a man. I thought I would never catch up, even though I didn't know what I was trying to catch up with. I realize now, that I was trying to catch up with myself. I explained that I was the healthiest and happiest I had ever been in my life. I explained that I was better today in all areas of my life, then in any point in the past. I explained that because of this, that this year and every year, is the best year of my life.
In the past I was a young, stupid, sad, and dying child. And that at the age of 25 I had torn myself down to the very foundation of my soul. And I started building. I started to build walls on that foundation, to protect my self from bad and negative things getting at me. I built doors into the walls, so I could go out and let others in. I built in windows, so I could always see and be aware of world around me. I built a strong roof to protect my self from the harsh storms to come, because they always come. I explained that starting with very little, I had to build myself, brick by brick, into the man I am today. I explained that I had a lot of help along the way from people, and that I am eternally grateful to them. I explained that most men in my family don't reach 70. Add in my health issues and I don't expect to reach 60. Did that mean my life was half over I asked? No, it meant that I had half of my life to come. Some times I get sick, or have a flare up, but in the long run, that doesn't matter. Besides, I may decide that 60 years isn't enough and aim higher. Because my life has improved every single year, since that morning I looked in the mirror so many years ago.
I still remember that child looking back at me through my eyes and keep him close to my heart. I also keep that dying old man close. I'm no longer a child, the old dying man in me makes sure of that. But I'm no longer an old dying man, the child helps me with that. I'm no longer young or dying, but something wonderful in between.
To tell you the truth, I can't wait for what's going to happen tomorrow.
Want to know why?
I'll tell you about it, tomorrow...
