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Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Vent Away » Older and living at home


07-17-2007, 12:35 AM   #1
Sojourn
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Older and living at home

I've been a truck driver for some time now and have spent most of my time on the road and would rent a motel, or stay with my parents during time off. I must admit, I haven't been exceptionally wise in my use of money and have had to pay off some debts in addition to the college tuition for the online classes I've been taking.

So when I was hospitalized recently, I was not prepared financially for all the overhead expenses to get moved into an apartment. I've been out of work for a month now and have been staying with my parents. I'm not married and don't have kids so that's not an issue. Though it has been kind of a blow to my self-esteem. Since I've been ill, I've felt it's been okay for while but once I start feeling better I know I'll feel like I need to get out. I'm 37.

Yet, I think my parents want me to stay. They're retired and I think they like having the extra company around and I enjoy their company as well. They live here in Norman, OK where the university is and have offered to pay all my college expenses, except an apartment, until I graduate which should take about a year and a half. I've pretty much decided to give this a try through the Fall semester. I'll work part-time also.

Of course, the way I am right now, I don't plan on getting into any romantic relationships soon, but that could be an issue down the road. I guess I'm worried about the general attitude people will have towards me also when they find out I'm living with my parents. It's not like I've been living at home since high school. I've been all over the country and world since then. But I think there will still be some sort of stigma there.

I'm just kind of curious what the general thoughts are here that you would have about someone my age living at home. Be honest. I could sell my SUV, it's paid for, and have enough money for a year's worth of apartment rent. But if I got sick again and had to go in for surgery it could cause problems. Maybe the medical explanation will work for now when people ask why I'm living at home. Also so I can to go to college full time.
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Hospitalized & Diagnosed: 2004
Mission trip to India: 2004
Mission trip to Philippines: 2005
Contract job in Iraq: 2006
Abscess drained, temp. ostomy: June 2007
Lap-right-hemicolectomy: October 2007

Done
07-17-2007, 11:01 AM   #2
soupdragon69
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Hey Sojourn,

You could use this time to recover and re-evaluate your direction in life or you could strike out on your own not knowing if you will fall....

I spent about 18mths at home when in my late 20's due to health probs and am a year older than you. Had lost everything at that point, house, car, job etc and was pretty demoralised. However, I used the time to do the above and then went off on a career change once on my feet. Best thing I ever did!

My parents are older too and liked having me around and I liked being with them too. The flip side is you can end up living your life for your parents to help them etc whether you or they want that to happen or not. Weigh up the college aspects and what it will help you achieve. Are you better hanging onto your SUV and utilising the money later down the line when you are in better health to maximize it? OOh Devils advocate or what! :-)

I wouldnt worry what others think about you. You are your own person, you have travelled, you have been away from home (have seen your zoints too). So what have you to prove to anyone?? Live your life for who YOU are not because you think someone else may expect different of you! Do what you feel is right for you ok?

Sorry if its a bit of a ramble - hard to put into words how I feel about this when I understand what you are going through and am not the best at chosing the right words at the right time. Hope you get the general meaning.

Jan

Last edited by soupdragon69; 07-17-2007 at 11:06 AM.
07-17-2007, 11:07 AM   #3
JUNE
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go for it. stay at home and get a new start in life. who gives a crap what other people think. Till they walk in your shoes who are they to talk.
good luck
07-17-2007, 11:35 AM   #4
Kev
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Here's my 2 cents worth.. Life, with or w/o crohnic illness, is tuff enuff. If 1 of my 2 boys needed a little help along the way, regardless of their age, I wouldn't even stop to think about it. nothing more important than family. As for explaining it to the rest of the world, from a parents perspective, no explanation is required. those needing 1 have the problem.. do u want to connect with someone who doesn't recognize that family is family... as 4 any embarrassment or ego issues u face, that's your problem! There's no free lunch.. your parents offer is totally understandable/commendable, & if I were in your shoes, it's probably the route i'd take... but realistically, your fears are genuine, u have to either accept that 'some' will judge you pretty critically, and decide if that price is too high for you to pay OR (for want of a better term) 'man up', take the offer, and make good use of it. like, if this gets you thru college & totally self sufficient, u can always do something to pay your parents back (not that they probably expect it/want it) Think it would be good for your id/ego... (but I think just being successful would be payment enuff). But if you screw up, blow this opportunity, then u would have something to feel shame for... regardless of who else knew. As 4 how long.. only u will know that!
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Dx'd July, 2006
Meds: Flagyl, Cipro, Pred, AZA.. to no effect
Low Dose Naltrexone Nov 2007 - May 2014
Remicade June 17th, 2014
07-17-2007, 09:36 PM   #5
Sojourn
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Thanks for the replies and support. And you're right Kev, about not blowing this opportunity, especially, if I were to start and not finish. I appreciate the candor on your other thoughts also.

I met with an adviser at the college today and got started on working out a graduation plan. I also met with the surgeon to go over the Cat scan I had yesterday. The abscess is looking better and the fistula is draining like it's supposed to. So he's taking me off anti-biotics and will do another scan in two weeks. If it's continuing to improve, then on to steroids, and hopefully maintenance drugs. With the possibility of another surgery, though, I think the decision to stay at home makes even more sense.

If there's one thing illness and disability will do to you, it's humility.
07-18-2007, 02:08 AM   #6
soupdragon69
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Hey Sojourn,

Sounds like positive progress on all fronts. Great news! Fingers crossed for you in the next couple of weeks.

Another thing illness and disability does is makes you appreciate the "uncomplicated and simple" things in life. A little window where you feel more like your old self and less tired for instance. All the little windows eventually add up to the bigger picture window though. So keep building we are all at the same game with you!!

Jan
07-18-2007, 11:43 AM   #7
Cara Fusinato
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I'm also glad to hear you took the opportunity to get stablized. Don't say to people, "I live with my parents" and then drool; no one will think twice, and if they do, they aren't worth knowing. You are accepting of local college housing and your parents' desire to help you get a career that will earn you a good income, retirement, and benefits for the rest of your life. Nothing wrong with that at all. . .
08-10-2007, 07:26 AM   #8
Sojourn
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It turns out that going back to school full time is not going to work out. The part-time University job that I was offered could not guarantee that they would be able to work around my class schedule. It's one of the only university jobs, bus driver, where the workers are not students. And it's also one of the only part-time jobs that offers full benefits. I couldn't find another part-time job that offered full benefits so full-time school at this point will not be an option.

I've been applying for other jobs the past couple of weeks and got an offer for a bus driving job that runs between Tulsa and Kansas City. I passed the physical yesterday with a note from my surgeon saying I was okay to work. Of course I'll have to be very careful about when I eat and the timing of restroom stops. On prednisone now, I'm not having so much of a problem with that, but the day will come when I taper off of it.

So it turns out that I'll not be living with my parents after all. It would have been good to be able to go to school full-time, but I really value my independence as well. I'll keep taking classes online, a little at a time, and maybe I'll finish before I'm 40.

Then there's always the possibility that the fistula will not seal off and I'll be back in for surgery in a couple of months. I'm sure my new employer would love that . But it appears to be draining less now, and the surgeon is impressed that I'm doing so well, so I could be in the clear for awhile.

Orientation starts here in OKC on the 20th, then after a couple of weeks I'll move to Tulsa.

Last edited by Sojourn; 08-10-2007 at 08:23 AM.
08-10-2007, 08:41 AM   #9
Kev
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Well, best wishes Sojourn... My work puts me behind the wheel for hours at a time as well periodically.. I plan for it, adjust in emergencies... and it has worked out OK for the past few months. When I stop and think about it, even if I was healthy, the future is always unpredictable. People w/o a chronic illness may take the future for granted, but none of us have guarrantees of what tomorrow, or the next day, has in store for us. I take it one day at a time, and life will work it's way out regardless. In your case, I'll keep my fingers crossed, but I think you've got a handle on things, and that whatever happens you'll get to where you want to be.
08-10-2007, 09:01 AM   #10
soupdragon69
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Hey Sojourn,

Great news on the job and study front even if its different to how you thought it may turn out.

Stay away from that surgeon too with the good progress on pred!
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