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05-02-2006, 07:46 PM   #1
Jeff D.
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Depression and anxiety

Do not know if this goes here or not but I have been battling with depression and anxiety for a few months but right now my anxiety levels are through the roof. Last week I get my report card and I find I have C's in my first period class and my third period class. All of the rest of them are B's. I have not shown my report card to my parents yet because I am afraid to tell them the reason why I am getting these grades. My parents have known that I have had a horrible time sleeping for the past two months and they blamed it on my anti-depression medication. But the reason why I could not sleep was that I was so depressed that I did not want to live anymore. I am Catholic so I have asked God to kill me while I was asleep. I have gotten over this for the meantime but it caused me not to sleep until around four in the morning; I would normally wake up at 6:20 in the morning except on weekends. This caused me to have more anxiety and depression. My parents have given me ample times to tell them I really am depressed because they found out that I have written on some medical forms that I have depression so they asked me and all I could tell them was that was what my medication was for so I have to be depresssed. I was wondering if anyone could help me out with this.

Thanks yall

Jeff
05-02-2006, 08:23 PM   #2
Kossy
 
Hey Jeff. I know know what your going through. I had the same problem going through high school. It's really tough. I know it's hard talking to your parents about it. I actaully wrote them a note about my feels and what was going through my head. It helped writting it down because I felt so guilty to come out and just say it to them. Have you seeked consouling? It does help in some screw up way to just vent to a Doctor for a while.
If your medication is making to problem worse you should tell the doctor.

If you need to talk anymore about anything. I am sure any of us will be here for you. If you want a talk on this thread or in a private message we're here for you.
05-02-2006, 08:31 PM   #3
Jeff D.
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Thanks, I should have said the reason my medication was screwing me up was because I was on such a low dose it did not help so now I am off of it. My parents have tried to find a psychiatrist to talk to but nothing has happened yet.

Thanks

J
05-02-2006, 08:38 PM   #4
Kossy
 
Well it sounds like things are going in the right direction, seeing that your parents are searching for you. I wish you the best. I don't know how much you talk to your parents but I do suggest to try to open up the lines of communication more then it already is.
Just remember you're not alone as a depressed teen. I've coached JV high school baseball for many years. A lot of my players have come to me about problems, worries, everything. Even though it wasn't my position to give them strong advice they've told me it made them feel better talking to someone that would listen to them and not just pass them off as a "teen" and "it will pass" attitude towards them. So keep your spirits up. From one catholic boy to another...catholic guilt is enough to deal with!
05-02-2006, 08:46 PM   #5
Jeff D.
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Yeah, I can talk to my parents about anything but this is just one thing that I cannot talk to them about.

Thanks for your support

Jeff
05-02-2006, 08:53 PM   #6
Kossy
 
Well, I don't know exactly what is getting you down but that's why seeing a doctor to talk about it helps out a lot. I do understand what you mean about "you can't talk to you them about." I've heard a lot of stories that would freak me out if I were in their shoes and I tried to talk to my parents about them. Try to find someone that you feel comfortable to talk to. Wheather it be a family memeber, a friend, a teacher.. someone that you can trust. I know I am beating the drum to death but they best way to start to feel better is to talk about it with someone you trust.
05-02-2006, 08:59 PM   #7
Jeff D.
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
I used to talk to my friend in New Orleans but she has been dealing with school a lot. I think she might have graduated or is graduating so I will email her tonight. She has always been there for me since she was my next door neighbor and we have been friends since I was like 2 or something.

Thanks

Jeff
05-02-2006, 09:02 PM   #8
Kossy
 
There you go, that should help you out some typing your feelings out. If you need anything else or any other questions for be shy to ask.
05-03-2006, 03:10 PM   #9
mikeyarmo
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Location: Toronto, Ontario
Yes Jeff, as Kossy rightly said finding anyone who you can speak to will help (including anyone on the board). It may be easier to right things down online, but you may find that it feels better to hear the advice from a professional. Do whatever feels best for you. We all hope you can overcome this and can find some relief.
05-03-2006, 06:52 PM   #10
Tami Lynn
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Location: Ocala, Florida
Hey Jeff!

I'm sorry to hear you've been battling so much depression and anxiety lately.
I agree with what Kossy said about finding someone you can talk to-that is probably be the best thing you can do and it should help you be able to sort through things to figure out what's really going on.

I know that personally, when I feel anxious or depressed, many times just being able to talk things over with someone who is willing to really listen and hear me out helps me tremendously. It's not so much the fact that they give me good advice, as it is me hearing myself talk...I often give solutions to my own problems when I verbalize my thoughts/feelings. It gives me a chance to analyze myself and things generally begin to come together and make more sense.

Please don't feel condemned for your thoughts/feelings (Catholic or not)... God knows they are just feelings and that you're human. Thankfully He doesn't answer many of our prayers (for good reason), and in fact I'm sure He cares very much about what you're going through. I'm sure He's not sitting up in heaven waiting to beat you over the head with a big stick every time you do or say the "wrong thing."

God can forgive virtually anything, but sometimes the hardest part is being able to forgive ourselves.

I think I speak for most here when I say that many of us have battled depression with this illness (for one reason or another - not always disease related, but the two never mix well).

I like to remind myself of one very important thing when I feel overwhelmed/anxious/depressed and that is... "This too shall pass."
It only FEELS overwhelming and like it will never end at the moment and time you're feeling it, but it certainly will not last forever. As sure as the rain falls, the sun will shine again.

I know I'm am older, a female, and married... but please know that my computer screen is always available to "listen" to any member from this forum.

Hang in there and please keep us posted - Best wishes!

{{Jeff}}
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-Tami

"The only thing worse than being diagnosed with Crohn's disease 25 years ago, was when my daughter got diagnosed with this dreaded disease 4 years ago and having to stand by and watch her suffer with the same things I've dealt with for most of my life and feeling so utterly helpless to do anything about it!"
05-03-2006, 08:24 PM   #11
Jeff D.
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Thanks guys for your support, yesterday I was a little freaked. I am better today though although not everything is perfect.

Thanks again yall

Jeff
05-04-2006, 02:47 PM   #12
ncgirl
 
I was depressed for quite some time when first diagnosed and then after my surgery. My depression wasn't a huge major thing.
BUT, I do have a husband who is bipolar and I have been with him when his medications haven't been right. He's had panic attacks, anxiety, anger, depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. I know it's not fun. And every time he gets stabilized he tells me that the best thing that helps him is knowing that I'm there. And if your dr puts you on medication for depression or whatever...it may not work immediately and they may have to try a few things, but don't give up. My hubby has been stable for about three years now.
05-04-2006, 06:57 PM   #13
Jeff D.
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Yeah I need a new medication but not many of them are cobered by my insurance which sucks since my doctor wants to put me on Lexapro next.

Thanks

Jeff
05-04-2006, 09:38 PM   #14
Tami Lynn
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Location: Ocala, Florida
Jeff,

Please be careful if you're considering taking Lexapro!

My husband went on it for awhile and it can have some REALLY bad side effects! PLEASE, do some research on it and tell your parents to research it before you actually take it, ok?

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, only suggesting that you check into it a bit first before taking "the plunge."

Best wishes!
05-05-2006, 09:40 AM   #15
ncgirl
 
Tami Lynn said:
Jeff,

Please be careful if you're considering taking Lexapro!

My husband went on it for awhile and it can have some REALLY bad side effects! PLEASE, do some research on it and tell your parents to research it before you actually take it, ok?

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, only suggesting that you check into it a bit first before taking "the plunge."

Best wishes!
Tami's right, do your research, but also keep in mind that side effects for one person may not be side effects for another. My husband has some minor side effects from his medications but they are small compared to the advantages of the meds.
05-05-2006, 08:03 PM   #16
Jeff D.
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Yeah I have rea countless research documents on Lexapro and I have found one thing that I have in common with all of the experiments. I have taken Celexa previously and have had horrible side affects with it. But I have found that if you have had side affects with Celexa then most likely you will not have side affects with Lexapro and vice versa. Thanks guys again for you concern.

Jeff
05-08-2006, 03:26 PM   #17
cagfire
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Trafalgar South, Victoria, Australia
Hi Jeff,

Like Tami Lynn, I'm married and an 'older' woman...not fossilised yet.

I know what you are going through with depression and anxiety and it isn't good. I've battled it since a child, I've had 3 suicide attempts and several major depressive episodes in my 42 years.

As a teenager I had a really rough time and I was always depressed or anxious and it made my life hell.

Depression is not something that you 'just get over.'

You are doing all the right things, you have a family that is supportive and I really understand where you are coming from about not being able to discuss this with your parents...at least they have found out and are helping you.

Take heart in the knowledge that depression is treatable, although when you are having an attack it doesn't seem like it at the time.

Depression doesn't make you mad, bad or stupid, it simply is. Sometimes it's a stress reaction, sometimes it just happens.

Knowing early like you do, is a huge bonus! Most people don't know why they are feeling so bad and hide it, at least you have had the courage to seek out help, give yourself a great big hug.

Sometimes our problems can be or seem so overwhelming that we work ourselves up to a state where we find it difficult to climb back down, that's when you need someone to talk to...your doctor, a friend, a school counsellor or your parents. I know that this happens to me...I get anxious or maybe angry, I get worked up, my mind goes into overdrive and suddenly I can't sleep, my mind is stressing, I have nightmares, I've got constant white noise in my head and I know that I'm getting stressed and likely to spiral into a depressive episode. If I can break that cycle then I am more likely to dissipate the episode and reduce the intensity. I make myself talk to my counsellor who is also a good friend, I talk to my doctor, my husband.

I suffered depression for over 30 years before being put on medication and that was because I asked for it! I've been on a maintenance dose now for the past 6 years and I'm still alive.

Medication can take up to 3 months to really start to have an effect and sometimes you may have to change meds to find the one that is right for you.

Medication isn't for everyone and I'm not saying you should or shouldn't be on them, or preaching any option to you, just giving you something to think about.

Suicide is always in my mind and I know that it will never, ever go away. The depression that leads me to it I can help to control though, and by being informed and knowledgable about depression I can recognise what is happening and why, and take the appropriate steps that work for me.

I worked with our local hospital to run and develop a series of depression workshops in our community and I have heaps of info I could email you if you are interested.

I'm not sure where you live but in Australia we have a depression website called 'beyond blue' which has an amazing amount of resources you can view, read and download.

http://www.beyondblue.org.au/

I've also included some other good sites here in Australia from the Beyond Blue site:

www.ybblue.com.au
moodgym.anu.edu.au
bluepages.anu.edu.au
www.crufad.unsw.edu.au
www.infrapsych.com

Depression is like crohns...one day at a time.

Hang in there buddy and take one day at a time. It isn't easy, I know, but you have the love and support of your parents...grab it and hang on to it and use it to ground you in today so you can reach for tomorrow. And when you get to tomorrow, use that to reach for the next day and the next.

Take care.

Lisa
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Indulge in everything, because something's gonna get you sooner or later.

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05-08-2006, 08:46 PM   #18
Jeff D.
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Thanks Lisa. It is weird my episodes just come and go. It may be a week or it may be a month. My last episode I got and I always know when I have an episode because I think about suicide but I could never ever do that I would feel horrible about what my parents would have to go though. I find it funny that some people say "I am stressed out" or "I am feeling depressed right now" or something like that. But I always ask to myself how are you feeling stressed all you have to deal with is school or girl friends. I have a disease that I will have for the rest of my life and I will never have my freshman year back and actually part of my sophmore year. I have not been able to do what my friends have done. I have not been able to talk to people or have a girlfriend for two years because I have had crap coming out of my butt for the past two years. But worst of all I will always remember that horid pain I felt in the hospital.

Thanks I just had to rant right there

Thanks again

Jeff
05-08-2006, 09:33 PM   #19
cagfire
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Trafalgar South, Victoria, Australia
Jeff D. said:
Thanks Lisa. It is weird my episodes just come and go. It may be a week or it may be a month. My last episode I got and I always know when I have an episode because I think about suicide but I could never ever do that I would feel horrible about what my parents would have to go though. I find it funny that some people say "I am stressed out" or "I am feeling depressed right now" or something like that. But I always ask to myself how are you feeling stressed all you have to deal with is school or girl friends. I have a disease that I will have for the rest of my life and I will never have my freshman year back and actually part of my sophmore year. I have not been able to do what my friends have done. I have not been able to talk to people or have a girlfriend for two years because I have had crap coming out of my butt for the past two years. But worst of all I will always remember that horid pain I felt in the hospital.
Hey Jeff,

here's the thing with depression...just because you and I have a bad disease doesn't invalidate another person's experience of depression. People get depressed because relationships fail, school is tough, losing a job, a death, a disease in fact anything can trigger depression. It's all relative. The person who is depressed due to bad school grades is just as depressed as someone who has, say, cancer. The feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness are the same, it's us, on the outside of their heads who make these judgement calls of 'what have you got to be depressed about?'

You may not be able to do what your friends have done but you'll probably end up stronger in the long run.

You know the saying...what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger? Well there is truth to that.

Go on and vent because it's good for you to get these feelings out...you are in a safe environment and amongst people who know what you are going through.

I'm here if you want to 'chat' privately.

Lisa
05-09-2006, 08:33 PM   #20
Jeff D.
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Sorry yesterday was really rough on me and kids now days just say I am depressed but they really are not they are just having a bad day. One of my aquaintances was like I am so depressed I just got an A instead of a A+. This is everyone at my school for the most part and I just do not understand how these rich kids live when all they worry about is a half point on a quiz. I get B's and I am so happy. I put enough pressure on myself to get these grades but not so much that I am killing myself. I had to learn this the hard way by getting CD from being so stressed out. I can understand about being stressed out for a day or so but I just have a hard time comprehending(I probably spelled that wrong) how they say they are depressed. Sorry I have just had a couple of bad days. A kid on my volleyball team's dad is in the hospital and my friend who has always been my main support system has not returned my email in a few days and I have been freaking out.

Thanks guys for talking to me

Jeff
05-11-2006, 08:21 AM   #21
Anyalee
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Why don't you let your parents read all about all of our problems with our diseases via this forum so they understand some of what you're going through. Then you may find talking to them easier because they will have a better idea of what you're going through. That is one of the purposes of this site - for family and friends to understand how to help.
P.s - grades don't reflect your true aptitude in life. I've always been a C/D student and have accomplished so much more in life (thus far) than anyone I went to school with.
05-11-2006, 08:11 PM   #22
Jeff D.
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Yeah I know but I like to have my own space and that is why I like these forums so I can talk about these kinds of things without my parents. I see your point but I still do not feel comfortable about letting them know. Next time I go to my doctor I am going to get his email address to email him my problems and then I will ask him to talk to my parents about what I am going through.

Thanks for your suggestion
05-11-2006, 08:13 PM   #23
Kate
 
jeff have you ever thought of letting them read a forum you havent joined so that they can still see what you are going through but you still have you space???
05-11-2006, 08:37 PM   #24
Jeff D.
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Have not thought of that. I will look up a site and show them. THat is a great idea.

Thanks


Jeff
05-11-2006, 08:40 PM   #25
Kate
 
are you part of crohns zone?

its crohnszone.org

If your not already joind there then that place should be excelant they have places to post for family members etc
05-12-2006, 08:22 PM   #26
Jeff D.
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Cool I will tell my parents about that but how should I tell them to check it out. Should I just send my dad an email late at night so he cannot ask me questions or what. This whole thing confuses me.

Thanks

Jeff
05-13-2006, 01:33 AM   #27
Kate
 
well i would be quite open about it even if you eamil it (prob best to do it person but if its to hard email) but tell them y you want them to go there and what you want them to get out of the site
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