New to the Forum Please read my Story:)

Unfortunately there is not a lot you can do except just support him and be there for him when he needs you. Crohn's is a tough disease there is obviously no cure which is very frustrating and flare ups come out of no where. Just make sure he is eating the right foods, taking his meds on time, I know its hard but stay away from alcohol and smoking if he does (I struggled a lot with that you just have to make choices) and beyond that I was on remicade and it worked great. Then I went into remission and now am back again on Humira, feeling pretty good for the most part.
I wish you luck, my now husband didn't know how to deal with me either, its hard to understand a disease if you don't have it, just try and keep him on track and be there for him when he needs to vent!!

Hi there! I think you are just lovely for wanting to learn all you can to be a support to your bf. So sorry to hear about his clots - I had clots myself a few years back and am now on blood thinners indefinately.

I think reading up on treatment options/asking questions on this forum will really help you help him - it's really hard to deal with your own care when you're sick, and if you can have lists of questions for his docs/write down their answers, that will really help. Wish I could think of more advice, but I'm no prednisone right now and my brain is totally non-functioning. Just wanted to let you know he's lucky to have you!

Thanks you guys. I really appricate the feed back. He doesn't drink at all anymore hasn't for over a year i'm not sure whats going on he eats right and everything just something we are going to have to deal with. I believe his doctors are concidering doing surgery and giving him a bag but i'm not all sure whats going on with that just yet.

When hes sick he doesn't like to be around anyone or talk to anyone it's hard on me .... I am a very caring person and just want to be there to support him.

Hi Secrets,,
You are a great person to be standing by your boyfriend like this.
It is a difficult disease and symptoms can differ from one crohn's patient to another. It is very frustrating in that one can think they are better for it to strike out of the blue again.Unfortunately it can be a progressive disease and therefore the need for appropriate treatments and diets etc.Sometimes I don't want anyone around me either till I feel I can cope with events. Don't be hurt or take it personally, just keep visits brief when he is like this. It will help. There is a lot of information on the forum and it could help if you peruse each angle and types of treatments. There will be something to make him better than he is presently, but it takes time, trials and patience.
Hopefully, they will soon find the treatment best for him.
Hugs
Trysha

Hi,

I see your in Calgary, I am quite close to you, I am in Cranbrook.

I also agree that you are a wonderful person to be seeking advice and support so that you can better understand how to support your boyfriend. One thing I would like to mention, is, that it's just as important that you take care of yourself so that you can offer effective support. By learning more about this disease, it can help you communicate with your boyfriend about his symptoms, challenges, etc.

If you check out the different posts around here, you will learn a TON!!!

Happy to have you here,

Take care

Thanks you guys so much i'm definitly not as strong as everyone says I am being beleive me... its hard. But the support is great I appricate it and if I can help in anyway im here or just to talk I am researching as much as I can aswell as getting other peoples opinions on things its making the process abit easier to cope with

It's amazing you're standing by your boyfriend through all this, my boyfriend does the same for me and I couldn't do it without him so you're definitely a wonderful girlfriend and your support will help him more than you can imagine.

xxxx

Hi again! I just noticed that there is a new subforum under the support forum for friends/family/caregivers - http://www.crohnsforum.com/forumdisplay.php?f=90 - if you haven't seen it already check it out. The great thing about this forum is that you never have to pretend that you are "strong enough" or "holding it all together" when you actually need help/support! :hug:

Thanks for that I haven't checked it out yet but i'm going to right away. Thanks everybody for being so supportive if there's anything I can do or say let me know

Hi! My boyfriend of 5 years has Crohn's too. I am 23 and he is 36. So I can understand what you are going through. In the beginning he didn't like to show how much pain he was in, or even talk about what was going on with his doctors. But back then his problems weren't as bad because he was in remission. Things have been different since we have been living together. There is a lot less he can hide from me, such as being in the bathroom constantly or the types of food that help/hurt him.
All I can say is be supportive. Its hard for someone with bathroom problems to talk about what is going on, so it can be very helpful for him to have someone to talk to about it without the fear of embarrassment. And let him know that you are helping him not out of pity, but because you love him. Being a part of his life now means being a part of this disease, and anything he goes through, he doesnt have to go through it alone.
Be strong, it can be tough to see the one you love in so much pain. If you ever need someone to chat with, I will be around.

Hey alcameron i'd love to chat with you more message me for my contact info?

Hi Secrets,

You are lucky to be in a big city like Calgary, your boyfriend will get very good care there. I live in rural BC, the doctors and little hospitals suck, my GI is a five hour drive, I get to go once a year.

My husband was my rock when I was really sick. Just be there and keep up a postive attitude. I'm sure he's getting the best care that Alberta has to offer.

He actually went back to Sask to where his GI is hes in the hospital in Lloydminster right now.

Hey Secretsaskgurl, it is really great to hear of someone who's bf has Crohn's. I agree your bf is a lucky guy to have someone like you who wants to learn as much about the disease as possible and help in any way.

My bf of roughly 4.5 years was diagnosed when he was 15; he's 24 now. And I still have plenty of times where I feel so...helpless because I can't begin to feel the kind of pain he goes through.

Imo, I think you're doing lots of things right; learning about the disease and just being there for him can go wonders. Staying in and watching movies on the days when he's too tired to go out but still wants to see you, surprise visits in the hospital, etc; I think stuff like that goes a long way.

Thank you so much for this post!

Hey there. One thing I would suggest is to be very patient with your BF. The fear, anxiety, and pain can be unnerving. This is likely why he is sometimes distant. I would guess that if he is like me (which I have no idea) he does not want to lash out at you, just because you are in the room. I too will isolate myself from my wife, and kids when things are beyond my scope.

Also remember that there is not much that you can do to eliminate his suffering, so don't beat yourself up over that fact. Just be supportive, understanding, and give him his space when he asks for it. Sometimes, I feel absolutely terrible when I see my wife heartbroken because she wants to help me, and she can't. I also hate to have her see me suffer when my pain is at 11 out of 10, another reason I take my space. The look of sadness on her face is sometimes more than I can bear, because I know that I am the reason she is hurting emotionally.

You are already doing so much by being at his side, so keep it up!

I appriacate you writing your the first male to respond to anything ive wrote and everything your saying is dead on.

My pleasure.

After reading your thread, I suggested to my wife that she read into the forum as well. Seeing your thread brought home so much of what we deal with, it was a great thing to see that we aren't the only ones that struggle with such difficulties.

It really takes a strong person to support a lover, friend, child etc.. with CD on a candid level. It is an ugly disease, that takes no prisoners. You are wonderful to be so concerned, that you would even post up what you are dealing with. I have had several GF's before my Wife just walk away, rather than take the time to understand what is really going on. One in particular thought I was lying when I explained that the Prednisone was making me crazy... Her loss.

Be strong, and remember to be patient. I am sure your BF appreciates you more than he tells you. If he doesn't then he is nuts!!

I am just happy to have people that are so sweet and open to listening on here. Like I said I am very happy I had a male's response and perspective it really did open my eyes abit. Your wife is a strong woman and seems like a very supportive person. I could never walk away from my bf... alot of my friends ask me why im with him im so young (20) ect ... I may be young but I love him ... it may sound weird but him being sick has made me fall in love with him more... I dont expect anyone to understand that statement but he is my world. He is in the hospital back home right now so im going up to spend the weekend with him I haven't seen him since August 22nd so im very nervous and what not hes been keeping to himself alot. I appricate you saying that I hope he does appricate me everyone says im such a strong person but lately ive felt so weak nobody sees it.