Libby,
Hi, I am Janet. I am so sorry to hear about all you and your fiance are going through. I was recently diagnosed the end of march, after almost a year of being wrongly diagnosed. When I first learned I had Crohns..a crohnic illness I felt very hopless. :ywow: The more I educated myself, the more I realized what could be in store for me ( like it or not, scared or not) the more I shut down. I went through a time of horrible depression and anxiety. Why? Because for crohnies, our lives are not what they once were. I was exhausted all the time I slept around 15 hours a day, I had no energy, no drive and then complicate that with the mental health component. well it's tough. I am a mom and wife. Sleeping meant missing out on many things, playing with kids, not going to activities or for a while had to have them not enroll because we had so much going on. I missed my children dearly and my husband, so much of what I could no longer do ( for the moment) landed on his shoulders. I felt as if I was a HUGE burden and that my children deserved a better mom, onw who was healthy and could be a mom to them. Instead of a sick person who was bed ridden. I am on disability now, which is nice for the income, however that carries with it a huge feeling of thinking I am 38 and the state deems me no longer to be an active person who can hold a job, work, help others etc. I even thought about suicide I hate to say, that's how much I hated myself for what this was doing to my family. I started seeing a counselor and take meds to help. I am vigilant in my care now. But at first I just shut down due to sham, i was once active, independent, working, an involved mom and active wife. What good was this lump anymore to anyone. It took a while to snap out of it but my husband was so so patient with me and loved me as always that I realized they need me no matter which way, anyway..but they needed me. So I started to accept it, educate myself, follow through with apts and advocate for myself, but at first all that landed on my husband shoulders because I was so shut down. I just wanted to sleep to forget about it. See this illness is one that everyone is diffrent and you can go into remission for reasons unknown then also out of remission in the blick of an eye and much of the time it was out of my control. Thats what so scary a disease unkown to the cause and can be problematic, hospital visits, blood draws all the time, infusions for everything because crohnies have trouble digesting. Its alot but there comes a time you accept the life change and it just becomes part of you. Yes I can't eat foods that I once liked, no dairy, little bread, gluten free and at times soft foods and no raw veggies. But it is healthier for you if you choose to see it like that. O and no no no alchol. :stinks: kills the tummy! Now when in a flare as I am now it does suck but it's my life and I need to care for myself and do my part. Since then I have lost 25lbs, and feel healthier. I am also proud of how well I stick to my dietary lifestyle change. Now. for you. My husband felt weak and worthless because he couldnt make me better and it hurt him to see what was becoming of his once outgoing, fun and active wife. He started attending a support group and that helped. I always thanked him for his support, patience and love. :kiss: I have to say it was hell at first but since then I and my husband both feel closer and stronger then ever. Marriage is commitment, good or bad, healthy or sick. I am sure you both feel overwhelmed and each are struggling with your own individual feelings. Once they figure out what works for him, that might take a few months, you start feeling better and more in control of your own life. I am so sorry this is happening to you at this time. I could say he might be distancing himself almost as if sabatoging the relationship because the expectations of a man and husband well at times he will struggle to met that and he knows that now and its hard to accept. So this is a view from what I went through and many crohnies go though. But you get stronger. I like the saying you don't know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice. Be there for the other, be patient that for you will be the biggest challenge but when he sees you are not going to leave him because of this and you are in it together, good or bad, doesn't matter you are in love and love is holding eachother up during times of struggle. I hope this helps I know it;s lengthy but if you ever have questions or just need to rant, feel free! :ghug: God be with you, stay positive. You will get through this together!
). Our whole life has been turned upside-down and I really don't know how to best support him (and how to best cope myself) The first few months were tough but he now seems to be improving, he has attempted to go to work every now and then but then seems to go down hill again, he doesn't want to be around others only me and his family are not really in the picture to support him. He isnt opening up to me with how he feels about it. I cant seem to communicate with him like we used to, he just seems sit be slipping away and I just want advice on how I can best support him and be there for him and help the two of us get our lives back together. We have been together for 5 years and we are only 22. I am just to young to know what how to hold everything all together for the both of us.
