I'm finally coming around to the fact that I've done a great disservice to myself and my friends & family by hiding/denying my condition for so long. I was diagnosed with Crohn's (lower ileum) when I was 24 years old in 2002. One day after lunch at work I was bent over in pain at my desk; like I had been shot in the abdomen. I remember lying in a hospital bed listening to a doctor tell me I can never again drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes. "Yeah right," I thought, "No f****** chance!" I had a colonoscopy and a lower GI / barium what-have-you, and the official word was, "Well, it might be Crohn's, it might be a bad sandwich you ate." I voted for the sandwich and carried on with life as usual, with a decent degree of success, I guess. Success with diarrhea, anyway. And heartburn. And hemorrhoids. So I just accepted that my insides were rotten, and I just have to carry baby wipes at all times, no exceptions. And sure, I can go out to eat, but I have to go home afterwards, no exceptions. Sure, I made a couple exceptions; ALL BAD. You know when you start sweating and blacking out and you wish you weren't in a Record Store?
I never see a doctor unless it's an emergency, and sometimes even then. When I was 30 I waited until Day 2 of bleeding out my a$$, Bubonic-style, before I picked up the phone (from work) and hooked myself up with another colonoscopy to eventually be told an internal roid had burst. What? Now, this was a surprise. I asked the doctor what I could do to avoid this in the future, or what I had done to bring it about, and he said, "Nothing dude. Just going to happen sometimes." Note to self, this reinforced your tendency to avoid treatment.
I did the best I could to hide all of this entirely from my girlfriend, whom I met when I was 30. I actually pulled it off for a couple years too, but eventually... By the way, how are you supposed to think about sex when you're focusing so much of your attention on not s******* yourself? (Can we talk about that, forum?)
So this brings me to where I am now, 33 with another flareup. I'm no stranger to spending a few days / weeks effectively out of order, but this is the first time I haven't had pot during a flareup. I never before realized how much this was helping me; in fact, I honestly thought that I only believed it helped because I'm a pothead and I wanted it to. <------- (actual quote from the voices in my head)
Being without my medicine this time, and "coming out" to my girlfriend (Crohn's Closet, anyone?) about the nature and severity of my condition have led me to give "doctors" another shot. (And by "doctors" I probably mean another colonoscopy but whatever) I have since moved out of state and don't have a doctor where I live, but I'm having my records faxed here and I'm hoping to find a doctor that will tell me something besides, "Eh, you like kinda maybe, so just whatever." And if not, at least I tried. Might have to pack up and move to a Medical Marijuana state, because I'd rather have diarrhea than have diarrhea in jail.
Sorry for being weird. I feel weird. Thanks.
I never see a doctor unless it's an emergency, and sometimes even then. When I was 30 I waited until Day 2 of bleeding out my a$$, Bubonic-style, before I picked up the phone (from work) and hooked myself up with another colonoscopy to eventually be told an internal roid had burst. What? Now, this was a surprise. I asked the doctor what I could do to avoid this in the future, or what I had done to bring it about, and he said, "Nothing dude. Just going to happen sometimes." Note to self, this reinforced your tendency to avoid treatment.
I did the best I could to hide all of this entirely from my girlfriend, whom I met when I was 30. I actually pulled it off for a couple years too, but eventually... By the way, how are you supposed to think about sex when you're focusing so much of your attention on not s******* yourself? (Can we talk about that, forum?)
So this brings me to where I am now, 33 with another flareup. I'm no stranger to spending a few days / weeks effectively out of order, but this is the first time I haven't had pot during a flareup. I never before realized how much this was helping me; in fact, I honestly thought that I only believed it helped because I'm a pothead and I wanted it to. <------- (actual quote from the voices in my head)
Being without my medicine this time, and "coming out" to my girlfriend (Crohn's Closet, anyone?) about the nature and severity of my condition have led me to give "doctors" another shot. (And by "doctors" I probably mean another colonoscopy but whatever) I have since moved out of state and don't have a doctor where I live, but I'm having my records faxed here and I'm hoping to find a doctor that will tell me something besides, "Eh, you like kinda maybe, so just whatever." And if not, at least I tried. Might have to pack up and move to a Medical Marijuana state, because I'd rather have diarrhea than have diarrhea in jail.
Sorry for being weird. I feel weird. Thanks.
I'm sorry to hear you're having another flareup.
