Days like these are days that make it hard to smile without trying. As I write this I am crying. Don't get it wrong I am so blessed to have 2 kids and amazing husband however I am not me and have not been me for some time, and when I do feel me it doesn't stay for long. I feel I am not living my life, I am surviving it, dealing with it.... Fighting with it. At times I can loose hope becasue no matter what I do, Dr. apts., tests, blood work, eating healthy, naps, and journaling and lifestyle change, it doesn't change. :ybatty: I hurt because I miss out on all these beautiful blessings God has given me, many! I am thankfull for them and know it could be so much worse and I am rather fortunate. It is these these reasons make it frutrating to hurt the way many of us do. I just for ONE day would be so happy :dance: to not have to take a 2 hour nap or cancel on an event or make up somthing low key and easy to do as a family here at home. (thank the Lord my kids like family/popcorn movie night 
. I would love to not have to take ANY meds (wow whats that like) I want to have enregy to go skiing with my kids which was our Christmas break goal, however my body won't allow it. This is what has made today more difficult then most. Today was about taking control of my body, my life and not feeling as if I were getting the best of me. I wanted it to feel like a normal day for my family. I couldn't give that to them, this makes me hard on myself. This is what hurts more the any physical pain. So to all of you. Thanks for the time you give to read and at times post. I hate to know I am not alone and would love to wrap my arms around all those hurting today as say " it will get better, maybe not today, but it will get better." :hug:
. I would love to not have to take ANY meds (wow whats that like) I want to have enregy to go skiing with my kids which was our Christmas break goal, however my body won't allow it. This is what has made today more difficult then most. Today was about taking control of my body, my life and not feeling as if I were getting the best of me. I wanted it to feel like a normal day for my family. I couldn't give that to them, this makes me hard on myself. This is what hurts more the any physical pain. So to all of you. Thanks for the time you give to read and at times post. I hate to know I am not alone and would love to wrap my arms around all those hurting today as say " it will get better, maybe not today, but it will get better." :hug: