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Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Mental Health Support » I wish I could feel like living and not surviving.


12-30-2011, 02:54 PM   #1
social me
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: columbus, Ohio
I wish I could feel like living and not surviving.

Days like these are days that make it hard to smile without trying. As I write this I am crying. Don't get it wrong I am so blessed to have 2 kids and amazing husband however I am not me and have not been me for some time, and when I do feel me it doesn't stay for long. I feel I am not living my life, I am surviving it, dealing with it.... Fighting with it. At times I can loose hope becasue no matter what I do, Dr. apts., tests, blood work, eating healthy, naps, and journaling and lifestyle change, it doesn't change. I hurt because I miss out on all these beautiful blessings God has given me, many! I am thankfull for them and know it could be so much worse and I am rather fortunate. It is these these reasons make it frutrating to hurt the way many of us do. I just for ONE day would be so happy to not have to take a 2 hour nap or cancel on an event or make up somthing low key and easy to do as a family here at home. (thank the Lord my kids like family/popcorn movie night . I would love to not have to take ANY meds (wow whats that like) I want to have enregy to go skiing with my kids which was our Christmas break goal, however my body won't allow it. This is what has made today more difficult then most. Today was about taking control of my body, my life and not feeling as if I were getting the best of me. I wanted it to feel like a normal day for my family. I couldn't give that to them, this makes me hard on myself. This is what hurts more the any physical pain. So to all of you. Thanks for the time you give to read and at times post. I hate to know I am not alone and would love to wrap my arms around all those hurting today as say " it will get better, maybe not today, but it will get better."
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Meds:
Pristique- Anti dep.
Lamictal- Anxiety
Asacol 400mg 2pills 3x daily
Remicade First treatment for Crohns 4-12-11
B12 shots once a week

Been on Remicade for over 2 years for other immune disorder I have. Docs not sure this treatment will be effective for me as a treatment for Crohns.

Come to me and I will give you rest -- all of you who work so hard beneath a heavy yoke for I am gentle and humble, and you shall find rest for your souls; Matthew 11: 28-29 TLB
12-30-2011, 03:51 PM   #2
mickey
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Illinois
So sorry to hear you are not feeling well. They say it gets worse before it gets better, right? So, keep positive thoughts of it getting better. One day at a time! It took a while to get it and it will take a while to get rid of it. Read Deut. 31.6 for a smile.
12-30-2011, 05:03 PM   #3
Gwen pippy
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ireland
Hey honey
I'm sending a big hug your way. I lost count of the amount of times I have felt that way especially since I've had my two little miracles but those children love the ground you walk on and if you have to take it easy their feeling won't change one bit because they have the best mommy ever. You will get back on your feet and you will get to do all the things you want to do with your family, please don't beat yourself up over this, crohns can take so much from us if we let it. I have let crohns take so much from my life over the years but I feel it's time for me to fight back, I hope you will join me in the fight.
Gwen xxxx
07-15-2013, 09:48 PM   #4
DJW
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Ontario

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My heart goes out to you. Crohn's is a very distructive disease.
Do what you can when you can and give yourself grace the rest of the time.
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Crohn's Disease
DX 1978 (12 yrs old)
Ileostomy at 19

Visit Crohn's and Colitis Canada:
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Dave
07-15-2013, 10:24 PM   #5
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Daysland, Alberta
Social me... I can totally relate to how you are feeling in this post! I would love to be just an average joe for awhile! Hugs and prayers!

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