I have done really well with keeping my feelings to myself. I do not like to bring attention to myself, so even when I feel awful, I pretend all is well. Partly because that is how I try to not burden others. It is also because on the rare occasion I do voice how I feel, I get such negative responses that I always end up crying alone and wishing I had never spoke.
I do not have many friends. I would not say I have much time outside of my job and being a full time mother to meet many. I have a few that I know will be there through anything. But they have their own lives, and I cannot seem to bring myself to call on them when I need to talk
Right now my partner is not working. I work 8-4 during the week, and my job is very demanding. I am responsible for 154 retail stores across Canada from a Network perspective. If one store loses connectivity to the Internet / debit system, I am the one they call. I have done this for 7 years now, and my job is the least of my stressors even though it is a lot of responsibility. My stress stems from coming home at lunch break to do all the dishes, make the bed, start a load of laundry, and sweep or some other chore that does not get done while I work every day. I have been so tired, and if I let anything go, it is called on and complained about. I come home in the evening to a man in a robe, who has spent his entire day watching TV, sleeping, or playing video games. I don't mind hid hobbies, I support them. But doing all the physical chores, working full time, and having the occasional sick stomach, constant joint pain and depression is all starting to eat at me.
I was told once by my partner that it was a waste to attach yourself to someone who is just going to die. It was just punishing yourself if you let yourself do just that. Those words will not leave my mind. I want so badly to just be hugged, and have him kiss my forehead and tell me everything will be ok. I no longer feel that everything will be ok at all
I want so badly to call my mom, or someone who will actually listen. I have not felt this low in a long time. Tomorrow is back to work again, and after two days off to clean my entire house from top to bottom, get all the laundry done and cook and clean up after 6 meals, I am so exhausted. Why can't the *wiggle your nose* theory really exist?
I know I must sound so pitiful. I am so sorry, but as I sit here alone and crying without even being checked on to see if I am ok, I just needed an ear.
I do not have many friends. I would not say I have much time outside of my job and being a full time mother to meet many. I have a few that I know will be there through anything. But they have their own lives, and I cannot seem to bring myself to call on them when I need to talk
Right now my partner is not working. I work 8-4 during the week, and my job is very demanding. I am responsible for 154 retail stores across Canada from a Network perspective. If one store loses connectivity to the Internet / debit system, I am the one they call. I have done this for 7 years now, and my job is the least of my stressors even though it is a lot of responsibility. My stress stems from coming home at lunch break to do all the dishes, make the bed, start a load of laundry, and sweep or some other chore that does not get done while I work every day. I have been so tired, and if I let anything go, it is called on and complained about. I come home in the evening to a man in a robe, who has spent his entire day watching TV, sleeping, or playing video games. I don't mind hid hobbies, I support them. But doing all the physical chores, working full time, and having the occasional sick stomach, constant joint pain and depression is all starting to eat at me.
I was told once by my partner that it was a waste to attach yourself to someone who is just going to die. It was just punishing yourself if you let yourself do just that. Those words will not leave my mind. I want so badly to just be hugged, and have him kiss my forehead and tell me everything will be ok. I no longer feel that everything will be ok at all
I want so badly to call my mom, or someone who will actually listen. I have not felt this low in a long time. Tomorrow is back to work again, and after two days off to clean my entire house from top to bottom, get all the laundry done and cook and clean up after 6 meals, I am so exhausted. Why can't the *wiggle your nose* theory really exist?
I know I must sound so pitiful. I am so sorry, but as I sit here alone and crying without even being checked on to see if I am ok, I just needed an ear.