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01-14-2012, 08:07 PM   #1
Gabismommy
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Update! :)

Hey guys, just an update about surgery. For those who don't know I was scheduled for my first ever surgery Friday morning. I had many gall stones so I had my gall bladder removed. I was very nervous since I have never had any sort of surgery. The surgery was done laparoscopic. Things went as perfect as they possibly could according to my doctor. He even said that he could barely see any signs of my Crohns!! I am so excited. I'm not very sore since he never had to actually give me a cut and I am hoping that my Crohns is going in to remission since he couldn't see much. I know he wasn't right next to where all it could be but I am still excited! The only down side is that I can't lift anything over 5 pounds for 6 weeks!! That makes me sad since I have a 1 year old little girl. My family has been taking great care of me and helping me move around. My poor boyfriend is about to drive me crazy though!!!! He laid down onmy incisions today and got mad at ME cause it hurt me. Ugh! Thank you guys for the support, it really made me feel much better entering surgery. You guys are great!!
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Diagnosed with Crohns Jan 2012

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01-14-2012, 08:44 PM   #2
kimmidwife
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Hi Gabismommy,
Glad to hear you are doing better. Hopefully you will make a swift recovery and be able to pick up your little girl again soon. The more you rest now the faster you will heal. Tell that boyfriend of yours to behave himself after all he was not the one who just had surgery!
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Crohn's Dx'ed Sept 08
Allerg Imuran Sept 08
Fail Remicade Jan 09
Methotrex Oct 09-Aug 11
Pentasa stopped - nosebleeds
EENOct 31 - Nov 28th. Too hard!
Retried Remicade Dec 11
Stopped due 2 Anaphylactic Reaction
LDN Jan 2012-June 2014 Got My daughter back!
New secondary diagnosis: Gastroporesis Dec 2013
Lost remission June 2014
Started Entyvio April 2015. Decreased to every 4 weeks October 2015. Praying for remission.
01-14-2012, 08:49 PM   #3
Gabismommy
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Thank you! He is just in a bad mood. ALL THE TIME!!!! He was like that before I got sick. My mom says we are going to have an intervention! No matter what he is always negative and we are very happy people. It brings us down!
01-15-2012, 05:47 AM   #4
bozzylozzy
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thats great news about your surgery. and kimmidwife is right.. tell your boyfriend to behave himself! (easier said than done lol)
hopefully your little girl and family can keep you feeling positive x
01-15-2012, 06:01 AM   #5
Artificial
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yay! glad to hear you're doing well :-) x
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Rachel :-)

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Pentasa 4g
Azathioprine 100mg

Surgery:

Small bowel resection 3rd May 2012
01-15-2012, 06:24 AM   #6
Angrybird
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Yay! Really chuffed to hear it went well My first thought regarding the boyf is to tell him to buck up or naff off but then you could have been together a long time etc and you would really rather try and sort things out. Therefore I will just send gentle healing hugs
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DX: Crohns July 2002
Surgery: Ileocecal Resection Sept 2011
Now:Tummy behaving itself and new mummy to baby Nicholas
Current Meds: 6-MP 75mg,B12 injections every 3 months
Previous Meds: Budesonide, Prednisone, Remicade, Pentesa,Hydroxychlorequine,Azathioprine (tried twice) and Methotrexate
01-15-2012, 06:44 AM   #7
Gabismommy
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Thanks guys!! Means a lot. I try to be nice to the bf but he is getting very frustrating. I have been with him for years and he is my daughter's father but he is just SO negative. It's driving me and my family crazy. No matter what he is always mad. Dragging is down and it puts my poor little girl in a bad mood. :/ I'm gonna end up beating him up one of these days guys!! Ahh! Not really, I'm too tiny. Haha.
01-15-2012, 07:28 AM   #8
bozzylozzy
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The stress of him being so negative wont be helping your illness and vice versa.
i hope he realises soon that he needs to buck up his ideas!
(Or we can help u beat him up lol!)
01-15-2012, 11:05 AM   #9
Gabismommy
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Haha you are right! We may need to beat him up! He is drivin my poor momma insane. All he wants to do is sleep and he gets mad when he has to help with our daughter. I Think the most frustrating thing is that he can't stand not having the attention on him. Now that I am sick he is saying he is and he does that anytime someone is sick. Why would you want to be sick?!
01-15-2012, 04:20 PM   #10
Angrybird
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How old is this man, nope sorry I mean BOY?!? Sounds to me like he neeeds to grow the f!?k up! Might need to be careful here, when I hear about inconsiderate plonkers I tend to graduate from an angrybird into a sweary mary
01-15-2012, 06:57 PM   #11
Gabismommy
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He is 22. He was being really now but now he is in a mood again because he has to go to work. Ugh!!!!!
01-16-2012, 02:54 AM   #12
bozzylozzy
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Have you had a frank talk with him?
Im 24 and im a moody cow at the best of times (but thats a woman's perogative and im ill most of the time) lol! But i try to hide it from my 11mth old.
He needs to man up and realise that he needs to calm down for your daughters and your sake!

Wish i could help..
01-16-2012, 04:03 AM   #13
Jin
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I'm glad to hear your surgery went well!!

As for your boyfriend, I hope he changes soon for your recovery and peace of mind as well for your families. As mentioned before, we can beat him up for ya! lol
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Dx'd w/ Crohn's in 2010
Past Meds: Flagyl, Librax, Asacol, Levsin & Entocort
Past Treatment: Pentasa 4x2 (1/5/2012) didn't help
Last Treatment: Remicade & Prednisone (8 month trial... To no avail)
Supplements: Probiotics, Vitamin D, Fish oil, and B12

"When you wholeheartedly adopt a "with all your heart" attitude and go out with the positive principle, you can do incredible things."
- Norman Vincent Peale
01-16-2012, 05:33 AM   #14
Gabismommy
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Thank you guys.

He and I have had many talks about things like this. The problem is that every time myself or family tries to say anything he just gets quiet and shuts down. He is one o those I have to be the victim kind o people so then he starts with saying we are attacking him and he is never able to do anything right maybe we re better off, etc. I love him very much it just seems as if there is NO getting through to him. He doesn't want to grow up but that is life. We all have to and he has a beautiful baby girl now. It just gets very upsetting at times. I have loved him for years but I want to make myself better than the drive thru girl at Sonic and he is content with us stayin pay check to pay check forever. His parents have always bailed him out so he thinks he doesn't have to do anything and should get a gold medal for working at all. He is mad because I have not let him move back in with myself and our daughter but I don't want to be stuck being his momma again. Isn't the man supposed to take care of us?! I do it all. Sorry to write a book about it, it just gets to be more than I can take at times.

Btw, my shoulder is really sore. Is that a problem or just my body being sore from surgery?
01-16-2012, 05:35 AM   #15
Gabismommy
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Plus he got MAD because I told him I wanted to go back to school soon so I can get a better job. I need insurance and I can't stay on Dad's forever. Wouldn't you think he should be proud I want to do better?
01-16-2012, 06:13 AM   #16
bozzylozzy
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He sounds like my mum.. only problem is she's 50 and never gonna change
maybe he will? But u cant wait forever. i just hate it when they become all defensive and make u feel guilty!
01-16-2012, 06:39 AM   #17
Gabismommy
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I know!! I'm starting to get tired of waiting on him to change though. :/
01-16-2012, 11:21 AM   #18
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Gabismommy,
I hate to say this but he is never going to change especially if he doesn't want to change. Look at his family is his Dad the same way? The apple does not fall far from the tree as they say. You need to sit down and have a frank talk with him and say this is the last straw either shape up or ship out!
01-16-2012, 11:39 AM   #19
Gabismommy
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Actually his father committed suicide when he was 12 so idk what to compare him to. He was raised by his grand parents. Basically, both of his parents are worthless. His grandma was a druggie and his grandpa was always at work. He had a rough childhood but after a certain point you are old enough to know what is right, ya know? We all have problems and a lot more people had terrible child hoods than you think. It's not a reason to ruin your life.He likes to use it as an excuse. Like I said, he thinks he is a victim in everything. I really wish he would see a psychiatrist but he refuses. He won't listen to us when we try to talk to him. I am just running out of ideas/options. I have loved him for years but I don't want to be held back by him and I DEFINATELY don't want my baby held back by him. It's so conflicting..
01-16-2012, 12:06 PM   #20
Slim Johnson
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It sounds like your BF has depression. Maybe bipolar. My beautiful wife has bipolar 1, and until we got her on medication that worked (which was only last week), my marriage was quickly becoming unmanageable. Like your Bf, any time I became ill, she would get very withdrawn, moody, and even pick fights with me! I finally gave her an ultimatum; get help, or it's over. She chose to get help because she realized the issue was her, and she loves me enough to do what is right for the both of us, and our family. I can't yet say that things are perfect, but it is getting better day by day.

Sometimes, when people feel vulnerable, they get angry and take that out on those closest to them. I am not condoning him being a bummer, I am just trying to give you perspective. I also can't speak for him, so I am basing my statements on my own experience.

It sucks that he is being so terrible, and getting him into therapy would be best for all involved. Maybe suggesting that you both go to therapy because YOU want to, and that you would like him to go (but mention that you are going regardless) may be what works to get him to take a proactive role in getting help. He is likely angry because the mother of his child is hurting, and he feels powerless in helping you get better. It is a terrible thing to see the one you love suffer knowing that there is nothing you can do about it. I have been there myself.

It is great that you stay with him in spite of his bummer attitude. It shows your love for him for sure. I hope for the both of you that he comes around before it's too late. If I have learned anything from being married; it's that you never give up on the one who means the most to you. These issues are only temporary, and your daughter only has one father. That alone makes him special.
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01-16-2012, 12:18 PM   #21
Gabismommy
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I completely agree with you, love is worth fighting for. The big problem is that he has been this way for a very long time. It began before I got sick. I guess me getting sick is kind of everyone's breaking point as far as wanting to deal with it anymore. I have tried to take him to therapy and have been myself. I actually fight depression as well so I understand a good amount of what he feels. He just doesn't want to help himself and refuses to let anyone else try. Its kind of one of those you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink things I guess. I told him once about a week ago that I don't think I can take the negativity much longer. I am genuinely a fairly happy person. I just don't think he will ever change and I don't want to lose him. When we break up he drops off the face of the earth. He won't help with Gabi (the baby) financially or physically. He just goes back to partying and being EXTREMELY irresponsible if I'm not around to keep him in line basically. It is very stressful to feel like you never know if you will be enough to keep someone sober or if they are just going to run out on you again.

Thank you guys for listening to all of my ranting about him by the way, I just don't know what to do. He is slowly pushing all of us that care about him away and it seems that it does not bother him in the slightest. He never had a family and when we try to give him one he shuns us.

Anyways, you guys are AMAZING! You have been keeping me sane here lately now that I finally have somewhere to post/vent guilt free. Thank you all so much for the support and advice!
01-16-2012, 12:30 PM   #22
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Whoa! Just read through this thread now. Gabismommy, even though i agree w a lot of the posts ITT about your BF, i know if i was you i wouldn't really want to keep hearing people telling me to tell him to shape up or ship out.

But i feel like i have to point out that the mental factors for illnesses like Crohn's such as stress and negativity can be devastating to the recovery process, and to retaining remission.

There have been people in my life who have brought me down, but i have actively tried to shut those people out of my life for the last few years. I am single right now , but at least there is no one bringing me down. Good luck, whatever you do
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01-16-2012, 12:41 PM   #23
Gabismommy
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Thank you very much. It is all very frustrating. I don't know how much more I can take. Haha. It's getting to where everyone is avoiding him and I feel bad about I but he just ruins happiness..
01-16-2012, 01:16 PM   #24
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It may be that your boyfriend has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) or Bipolar Disorder. I'm so sorry you have to put up with him. But remember that your priority is your daughter and your health as well as both of your happiness. Crohn's plays a lot on stress and any unnecessary stress in your life needs to be left alone and behind you. You have a lot going for you through your motivation and the fact that you have a gorgeous little girl that doesn't need to be around a negative environment like that of which your boyfriend brings.

A lot of patience and remember to do things for YOU and you baby girl's happy lives
01-16-2012, 01:58 PM   #25
Gabismommy
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Thank you so much Jin! I think I am goin to have to give in and try another talk and let him know that this really isn't going to work out like this! I'll probably have my mother help so he doesn't think it is just me attacking him. I hope it works. Gabi even seems more upset just when he is here. It's not fair to her!
01-16-2012, 02:34 PM   #26
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You're welcome! I think the intervention will benefit you more than anything and it'll help in the long run! My prayers are with you and I hope all goes well. It's definitely not fair for Gabi and certainly not to you nor your family.
01-16-2012, 02:37 PM   #27
Gabismommy
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I agree. I just don't know how to make him listen.. He completely shuts down when confronted about things.
01-16-2012, 02:57 PM   #28
Jin
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Apart from the fact that most men don't listen, period lol, one that seems to have a mental/emotional battle with himself is also hard. My ex has BPD and the struggle was intense. My flare ups got worse because my stress levels were all too high when I was with him. I don't want the same to happen to you given that you have your health and precious daughter to look after. Take it a day at a time, though
01-16-2012, 07:16 PM   #29
Gabismommy
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I just don't have the energy to take care of him, myself, and the baby. Not to mention I am hopin to go back to work next week after my post op appointment and then I will be really tired! I just hope we can work this stuff out. It's just super hard when he doesn't want the help!
01-16-2012, 07:48 PM   #30
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I definitely understand. Stay strong and have a good stern talk with him having your mom with you and do what you feel is the best for you and your family. I honestly hope it all works out for the best. We're here for you
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