I'm so over this

Hi everybody. I'm tired of this. Have always known something was "off" with my gut. Diarrhea has always been my normal. Hospitalized for 10 days with severe pancreatitis secondary to hypertriglyceridemia in 2003. Chronic ULQ pain since then. Have had at least half a dozen docs in 9 years do at least 2 dozen tests and get either, "We don't know" or "You are med seeking." Started feeling LRQ sharp pains in 2009 thinking my appendix was about to go but it never did. Kept telling doctors something was wrong. First colonoscopy June 2009 was fine. 2nd one in Feb 2010 showed two ulcers in terminal ileum with dx of Crohn's. To summarize my last 3 years:

Aug 09: tremendous headache; confusion; memory loss; MRI = "something" on my pituitary.
Sep 09: oldest brother attempts suicide
Oct 09: oldest brother's wife (my best friend) finally admits to affair with her boss; we all work in the same bldg; she schemes to get me fired.
Nov 09: youngest brother dies from accidental overdose
Mar 10: 8 weeks leave for mental breakdown
June 10: move
(Keep in mind I'm still battling for gut diagnosis; near-constant pain/symptoms; no pain meds since last doc accused me of med seeking)
Fall/winter 10-11: new state, new drs, new tests, ulcers in terminal ileum = Crohn's dx.
All 2010-11: struggle to keep my oldest brother sane after collapse of his marriage/assets/loss of custody
All 2010-11: have to witness my parents collapse after losing youngest child (of 5)
Apr 11: endometrial ablation; dx endometriosis
May 11: massive tonic clonic seizure from two prescription meds interacting; can't drive for 6 months
Aug 11: oldest brother accuses me of helping his wife have an affair; we stop talking
Oct 11: ER after 5+ days of rectal bleed; emergency colonoscopy dx internal hemmorrhoids.
Dec 11: total hysterectomy after failed ablation. Never wanted kids anyway and decided to get rid of the girl parts since I don't need them, they've always given me problems and hysterectomy will remove at least one painful problem so I can concentrate on Crohn's pain.
Jan 12: oldest brother commits suicide; witnessing parents further collapse now losing two children in 26 months.
Jan 12: visit oldest brother's young children (in DC) after brother is buried in Boston and his unfaithful ex-wife is drunk (alone with kids) and slaps me across my gut--FOUR WEEKS after hysterectomy; police are called; they do nothing and I have to leave. Commence non-stop worry over children and CPS calls.
Jan 12: move to MN; live in staff housing at federal prison; inmates everywhere; do not want to leave the house; thank goodness I telework.
Feb 12: new state, new drs, new tests
Mar-Apr 12: massive overhaul with work policy; 3 business trips in 4 weeks (2 to DC one to LA); 12 hour work days.

Did I forget anything? This is just the last few years--I can go way back on "things that happen to me" if anyone cares to hear it. The basement is flooding, my headaches are picking up again, I'm passing undigested medication, I just want to run away, my parents live in Louisiana, my remaining brother lives in England and my sister is in Florida. MN was my 39th move/9th state and I'm only 36. I'm just so done.

I'm not posting this to win the award for Bad Things That Happen and I don't want to talk about it and it's frightening to type this out and see it in print. I think typing this up is cathartic and that's it.

:hang:
welcome!! i hope you did find sharing was helpful in some way and hope that you find some solitude on this forum. people on here are so full of knowledge about crohns and don't do too badly on the rest of life's stuggles either!
things have been freaking tough for you, really tough..but maybe they can only get better. welcome to the club

anda-wave-t:I've had periods of my life where it seemed that there was no letting up, but I made it through and I'm still alive. All I can say is that I'm glad that you made it here onto this Forum. You will get plenty of help and feedback about IBD and, as the other poster has already said, all kind of life situations. Not giving up is what's important, but maybe "letting go" might help some. I know how hard it is to "let go" when so many parts of my life might be in a perilous state, but sometimes that's the healthiest thing that we can do for ourselves. Good luck and you will be in my prayers.

Hi cbrew

Wow, you've been on a rollercoaster ride that never goes up, haven't you? I'm really sorry that you lost your brother and the troubling path you've had with your oldest brother while dealing with your own physical health issues. I'm sure its been hellish trying to keep sane/maintain a job in all of the chaos and turmoil surrounding your life for the past three years.

You're long overdue for more positive things to happen in your life. None of the chaos in your life can be helpful for your Crohn's---just a spiral of bad+bad+bad=bad.

I do want to welcome you to the forum, and I know you'll find lots of positive support from the folks on this forum...they're an amazing bunch of people.

Stay as well as you can...

Kismet

Thanks, guys. I think it was entirely too overwhelming to put everything on "paper" here. Your thoughts and commiserations do mean a lot to me, though, and I sincerely thank you for them.