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08-02-2008, 04:47 AM   #1
Babe123
 
Rant Rant Rant :)

i need a rant to get everything off my chest so it might not make any sense at all

im tired of being tired and sick of feeling sick. i dont want to go out because im scared i will throw up whilst im out. im meant to be going a concert tonight and i dont want to go but i cant let my friend down. the hospital cant bring my hpital appointment forward because im not classed as an emergency.. which fair enough im not as ill as most people but they dont think of how feeling constantly nauseated, unable to eat and not being able to go out and having a sore tummy for the past 2 months with the runs can make a eprson feel.

i waited at my doctors for an hour to see my gp and all he said was to have a blood test for ceoliac disease and gave me nothing in the mean time. im so tired its unreal. waking up in the early hours every morning cos i feel sick then being unable to go back to sleep is making me grouchy. my boyfriend thinks about sex all of the time and is constantly groping me even though he knows how ill i feel he just thinks about himself. he doesnt think i dont want something poking me whilst my stomach is really sore. and he keeps asking em to stay his house and he doesnt listen when i say id rather be in my own bed ( no offence to him but i dont wanna be ill in another persons house. atleast in my house i can do what i want at have to drink what i want)

im just really really fed up
x
08-02-2008, 05:12 AM   #2
Agent X20
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Hi Babe123
Now I'm quite new to this forum and this may have been mentioned before, and you probably know about it anyway... but as you live in the UK, have you joined NACC (National Association for Crohns and Colitis). They have a load of leaflets on all kinds of stuff related to Crohns... including "Crohns and Sex"... it's available on line... just google NACC. All kinds of local support groups as well. As I said, sorry if you already know about this.

I like your line about saying "I'm fine"... personally I hate being asked how I feel, as I usually feel sh*t. After my frequent periods off sick from work, my boss usually says "Are you feeling better now?" ... now I just reply: "No, I still feel sh*t." In his world, if you're not actually at death's door, you should be bursting with good health and vitality... never had a day off sick in his life... lucky him. Now I'm ranting!!!
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08-02-2008, 05:26 AM   #3
Babe123
 
he must be lucky not having a day off sick! most of thetime im off sick as i work in a kitchen and the smell of food doesnt help at all. its probably better being honest. my boyfriend asks me all the time and i tell him im ok cos he worries about me and i dont want anyone to worry about me but i suppose i should jsut tell every one how i feel. i feel like crap most of the time. ur boss needs to undertsand that people get ill and they dont feel amazing most of the time. i think i have a card from the nacc that my mum got for me for when im out and i need the loo.

xx
08-02-2008, 05:43 AM   #4
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lol i have the "can't wait loo card" too - has come in very handy over the years.

Laura, i have learnt that valuable lesson, to not try to appear as if you're fine and coping... all that false pretense brought me was a lack of people coming forward to help, and putting expectations on me. you need to be honest, especially with people as close to you as your boyfriend.

one of the down (or some may see it as a plus) sides to Crohns, is that i hardly ever look poorly, except when i am really really shattered... but most days i am having symptoms people would rush to A&E with, yet still i'm putting my make-up on, doing my hair, getting the shopping done etc etc - & when i bump into people i know, and they say "wow - you look really well!!" i feel like growling at them lol
08-02-2008, 06:00 AM   #5
Agent X20
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I have the card... I call it the "let me through, I need a poo" card!

I don't know if it's an "age" thing... but I find it becomes easier to tell it like it is. But it helps.. especially at work... if I deliver it with whatever degree of humour I can muster. Honesty is essential... there's no point soldiering on if everyone else just thinks you're being grumpy! I look rather well-fed and robust most of the time (except for the effects of extreme tiredness), so I know what you mean, Dingbat!
08-02-2008, 06:09 AM   #6
Babe123
 
ive used my card a few times aswell. dont know wht i would do without it. ya know when ya get to a certain poitn and think what the hell is the point? im havin gone of those moments. where ya just wanna curl up in a ball and cry til everythings better.. but it isnt going to get completley better.

i actually got told i looked poorly the other day.. i didnt know what to say back to them. im so tired i may fall asleep at the concert. all of my clothes are falling off me and im finding it quite annoying.. although my nana told me i look really good skinny.. i didnt know whether to be pleased or not cos i shouldnt be this skinny!
x
08-02-2008, 06:33 AM   #7
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Aww Babe I hope things perk up for you. It seems we're having a rash of "I'm feeling really shitty lately and nobody seems to notice" things lately.
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08-02-2008, 06:50 AM   #8
Babe123
 
thank you ..maybe its the weather?.. ya never know. its just really annoying. i hear people moan cos they have a spot thats huuuge ( when its tiny) and that they have a cold and i dont mean for it to get me annoyed but ijust think to my self. i wish i jsut had a cold!

xx
08-02-2008, 06:59 AM   #9
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I definitely know what you mean. I was talking to my parents about this subject today since I've had the work related issues come up. The only way to outwardly show something is wrong is to lose a lot of weight and end up looking sickly and gaunt. Sure you could toss your cookies or drop your bowels but that would be way too embarrassing and we have enough to deal with.

I was introduced to someone else just the other day who has vasculitis which is another auto-immune disorder and he's done the prednisone dance and is on imuran and he was telling the friend who introduced us he felt all alone and that nobody understood what he was going through. I've since introduced myself and we've started emailing back and forth so he doesn't feel so alone. I think we all suffer from that at times. The fact we feel misunderstood and alone. I think you hit the nail on the head Babe, just coil up under some covers and cry until its all better.
08-02-2008, 07:15 AM   #10
Babe123
 
i dont think some people realise that most of the time brave faces are put on. doctors only really listen if you loose weight or if you are actually sick. sometimes they dont really help unless you physically have something wrong. my doctors dont want to know about my sore tummy and feeling nauseated for the past 2 months. they only listen when i am actually sick and because ive lsot a stone and cant put it back on.

im dreading going back to college. the people in my class see me as someone who gets 'special attention' becasue i am allowed to eat in class and i can leave the classroom whenever i want to and i get extra time with my work.

people who dont actually understand what you are going to cant fully understand. i dont fully understand what mostly everyone on here is going through because im still relitivly new to this. its easy enough for people to say.. stop thinking about the fact that you are feeling sick.. its much harder to do
x
08-02-2008, 09:47 AM   #11
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my biggest annoyance is when people are like...just try to eat more...duh! Like I hadn't thought of that. I am right there with you Babe...none of my clothes fit anymore and I think I am too thin. Don't want to buy a new wardrobe though...still in denial that I am not going to gain the weight back. Seems like no matter how hard I try I just can't keep weight on anymore...totally frustrating.

I have a bad habit of say "I'm fine" when I feel like crap too. Which is fine at work...I mean for people I am not close to I feel like it is none of their business, but I have been trying to be more honest with family and close friends. You guys are all right...no one thinks there is something wrong till you look like walking death.
08-02-2008, 03:58 PM   #12
Colt
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My big concern is that I'm going to lose my job for being sick. If I call in too much or if I look too weak they're going to say that I'm not healthy enough to get the job done and since my job is to be responsible for the direct care of others who are considered more important than me (old rich people with clearly visible illnesses) it's pretty easy to dump me at will the moment they think I'm more trouble than I'm worth. So, I try my hardest to act like nothing is wrong. It just gets really difficult at times. According to my wife I don't cover it up anywhere as well as I think I do either.
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08-03-2008, 06:26 AM   #13
Agent X20
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I've clocked up rather a lot of time off sick, even though it's usually certified by a doctor. I've been sent for an Occupational Health assessment... so they've obviously got their eye on me. But the other side of the problem is when I decide to drag myself in and clearly "underperform". Some days I don't feel bad enough to stay off, but I don't feel well enough to do a good job either. When I feel OK, I just have to get as much done as possible. In my job, what you don't get done just waits for you... and if you're away it piles up!
08-03-2008, 05:19 PM   #14
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I wish mine would wait for me to have a good day and catch up. Unfortunately I just have to keep working. Meanwhile the day shift gets offended that I haven't done mine and their work before they came in 30 minutes late. So then I've got people on the day shift conspiring to get me charged with neglect or otherwise have me fired. Then I get to work an additional 15-30 minutes while the day shift drags along behind me looking for minute things to pick on. I hate working in shifts. Give me a 9 to 5 any day.
08-04-2008, 04:19 PM   #15
Babe123
 
teeny5 said:
my biggest annoyance is when people are like...just try to eat more...duh! Like I hadn't thought of that. I am right there with you Babe...none of my clothes fit anymore and I think I am too thin. Don't want to buy a new wardrobe though...still in denial that I am not going to gain the weight back. Seems like no matter how hard I try I just can't keep weight on anymore...totally frustrating.

I have a bad habit of say "I'm fine" when I feel like crap too. Which is fine at work...I mean for people I am not close to I feel like it is none of their business, but I have been trying to be more honest with family and close friends. You guys are all right...no one thinks there is something wrong till you look like walking death.
i cant gain the weight.. even though i am eating even though its not much im stil loosing weight. ive had loads of people telling me to 'just eat' and to 'forget about the nausea' i feel like screaming at them that it isnt as easy as that!

x
08-04-2008, 04:22 PM   #16
Babe123
 
Colt said:
My big concern is that I'm going to lose my job for being sick. If I call in too much or if I look too weak they're going to say that I'm not healthy enough to get the job done and since my job is to be responsible for the direct care of others who are considered more important than me (old rich people with clearly visible illnesses) it's pretty easy to dump me at will the moment they think I'm more trouble than I'm worth. So, I try my hardest to act like nothing is wrong. It just gets really difficult at times. According to my wife I don't cover it up anywhere as well as I think I do either.
they cant fire you for being sick. no ones more important than another person.. jsut cos they have avisible illness doesnt mean it has a greater affect on a person than an illness you cant see..most people forget that
x
08-04-2008, 09:52 PM   #17
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They certainly can fire me. In the US there is a usually ignored section of the FMLA that states that you must work for the company for more than 6 months before the FMLA applies to you at all. I've only worked 4 months for these people and they made a point of shoving that clause in our faces on the first day of work.

On top of that they can refuse to allow me to work because I'm not healthy enough to sufficiently do my duties. Unpaid sick leave of course. After 6 months they can officially fire me.

Other than that, if I refuse to leave willingly they can retaliate by messing with my schedule so that I'm bouncing around to all of the shifts unable to get a sleeping schedule, they can put me with the worst residents so that I am beaten up every shift all shift long, they can cut my pay, they can cut my hours down to 6 hours per week, etc.

Besides, even if they openly violate the FMLA all that I can do is file a complaint. An investigation won't even begin until a minimum of 6 months after the complaint is filed. The investigation will usually last an additional 3-6 months. Meanwhile, I don't have a job. After the investigation they do not punish them in any way. They send me a letter stating that there is probable cause with which to file a civil suit. Ok, now I can sue them. That's another year in waiting.

If I win one of two things can happen:

1. I was on unemployment. My employer is now responsible to reimburse the government for my unemployment payments. I get nothing.

2. I was not on unemployment. My employer now must pay the wage difference between what they paid me and what my new employer is paying me for a total of 6 months worth of wages. With a 15 cent difference in wages that would be 150 dollars. If I make the same or a higher wage with my new employer the old one pays nothing.

Protection for sick workers is a bluff. As is most business law. They have no enforcement so it basically just relies on you and your employer not reading the law and assuming that there is enforcement.

As for someone else being worth more than me they certainly are. A resident with any sort of mental impairment (Even slight confusion) is immune from punishment for any crime they might commit. Meanwhile people under the care of others (nursing homes, group homes, etc) have rights far exceeding those of normal people. If I tell a resident to 'Shut up' or tell them 'You're being an asshole lately' I can spend 5 years in jail and pay a $250,000 fine. I'll also be banned from working in any capacity in which I might have contact with children, the elderly, or the disabled. That's everything short of construction work and factories by the way.

Also, if I fail to do anything that person may need to be kept clean, comfortable, and healthy I can get that same 5 years and $250,000. So, if I'm in the bathroom for an hour or otherwise just don't move fast enough down my list of things to do and I don't turn someone right at 5AM I can go to jail. Seriously.

Last edited by Colt; 08-04-2008 at 10:02 PM.
08-05-2008, 02:34 AM   #18
Agent X20
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In the UK we have the Disability Discrimination Act (DDA). One of the results of my recent Occupational Health assessment was that they pronounced (in writing) that I was covered by the act (most likely on the grounds of incontinence)... which was a result I don't think my employers were expecting. This means that I can still be fired (or retired early) for breaking the terms of my contract... like being off sick for over a year... same as any other employee. But it does mean that my employer has to make all reasonable efforts to accommodate my disability (like giving me time off to go home and change my pants!) or even consider things like working at home (obviously some workers don't have the luxury of that option). In reality, it means that my bosses smile beatifically and keep asking if my needs are being met... my main need is to be left alone!
Colt's problem, of having to work a probation period of 6 months (as I understand it) is pretty much the same everyowhere, I had to, but got through it and was well established at work (for years) before I started having bad symptoms again. Of course, Colt has a less forgiving job, too. But, in the UK, if you were being harassed by your employer purely because of your disease, you could have them... although I imagine some employers are a bit more devious than others and try and get around it, but I work in the public sector and they are quite scrupulous about these things
Sorry, I've rambled a bit, and unfortunately it doesn't help Colt's situation, but may throw some light on it for people in the UK... unless I've got my facts wrong, in which case, feel free to correct me.
08-05-2008, 03:58 AM   #19
Babe123
 
Colt said:
They certainly can fire me. In the US there is a usually ignored section of the FMLA that states that you must work for the company for more than 6 months before the FMLA applies to you at all. I've only worked 4 months for these people and they made a point of shoving that clause in our faces on the first day of work.

On top of that they can refuse to allow me to work because I'm not healthy enough to sufficiently do my duties. Unpaid sick leave of course. After 6 months they can officially fire me.

Other than that, if I refuse to leave willingly they can retaliate by messing with my schedule so that I'm bouncing around to all of the shifts unable to get a sleeping schedule, they can put me with the worst residents so that I am beaten up every shift all shift long, they can cut my pay, they can cut my hours down to 6 hours per week, etc.

Besides, even if they openly violate the FMLA all that I can do is file a complaint. An investigation won't even begin until a minimum of 6 months after the complaint is filed. The investigation will usually last an additional 3-6 months. Meanwhile, I don't have a job. After the investigation they do not punish them in any way. They send me a letter stating that there is probable cause with which to file a civil suit. Ok, now I can sue them. That's another year in waiting.

If I win one of two things can happen:

1. I was on unemployment. My employer is now responsible to reimburse the government for my unemployment payments. I get nothing.

2. I was not on unemployment. My employer now must pay the wage difference between what they paid me and what my new employer is paying me for a total of 6 months worth of wages. With a 15 cent difference in wages that would be 150 dollars. If I make the same or a higher wage with my new employer the old one pays nothing.

Protection for sick workers is a bluff. As is most business law. They have no enforcement so it basically just relies on you and your employer not reading the law and assuming that there is enforcement.

As for someone else being worth more than me they certainly are. A resident with any sort of mental impairment (Even slight confusion) is immune from punishment for any crime they might commit. Meanwhile people under the care of others (nursing homes, group homes, etc) have rights far exceeding those of normal people. If I tell a resident to 'Shut up' or tell them 'You're being an asshole lately' I can spend 5 years in jail and pay a $250,000 fine. I'll also be banned from working in any capacity in which I might have contact with children, the elderly, or the disabled. That's everything short of construction work and factories by the way.

Also, if I fail to do anything that person may need to be kept clean, comfortable, and healthy I can get that same 5 years and $250,000. So, if I'm in the bathroom for an hour or otherwise just don't move fast enough down my list of things to do and I don't turn someone right at 5AM I can go to jail. Seriously.
oh gosh i think in the uk we have to work for a year before we get protection from being fired unfairly. but as Agent X2O said we are coverd by the DDA. if the persons needs arnt met then our employers can get sued or taken to court. dont you have the DDA in the US?

my employer treats me differently to the other employers at my workplace ( 2 of which are my brother and sister) and im not sure if its becasue im ill or just because she doesnt like me. i havent worked out which one yet. but im certain she wants me to leave.

x

wel.. i have been on my guten free diet for just over a week now and i must say i havnt felt sick for the past 3 days ( not as bad as usual anyway) still tired but im glad my diet is working
x
08-07-2008, 04:28 AM   #20
Colt
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We have the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) which has that 'reasonable accommodation' clause which can be interpreted any way you want. Again, if it hurts my work performance simply being sick they can say that they can't reasonably accommodate me because I'm still not 100% no matter what they do and I'm in a job where the quality of the work is mandated by law.

The Federal ADA does not allow you to sue for money. All you can get is an injunction telling the company to accommodate you. If they retaliate you have to go through another 1-2 year court case for an order for them to stop that specific type of retaliation. They then retaliate against you in some other way and so on.

Some states allow you to sue for money but there aren't very many. I also don't happen to live in one.

With anything legal you're always going to run into the issue of waiting at least a year before anyone will decide the case and in the mean time they can do whatever they want and if you can't endure it for that entire year you're screwed.

Last edited by Colt; 08-07-2008 at 06:12 AM.
08-07-2008, 05:18 AM   #21
Babe123
 
ooooo
i will have a look at the ADA ive never heard of it. waiting a year is no good. action has to be taken there and then

x
08-09-2008, 03:27 AM   #22
Babe123
 
oh my days i feel so ill again..been upall morning heaving.

i have work in 2 hours and its a 7 hours shift..i dont wanna call in sick cos ive only ben working there 3 weeks
x
08-10-2008, 02:00 PM   #23
Babe123
 
ive jsut about had it with being ill
im seeing the consultant thursday.. weve tried get in to see him sooner but im not an emergency apparently. i hope im better before i have to go back to college cos i cant afford have any more time off

thank you
x
08-14-2008, 11:45 PM   #24
Colt
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My predictions about my work are coming true BTW. Check my other thread on this board.
08-16-2008, 04:43 AM   #25
Babe123
 
theya re going to fire you? i will look for them now.. where are they?
x
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