Strap in.
Sometimes I read this message board, and I think to myself, "Man... all of these people seem like they are far better at coping with their disease."
By nearly all metrics, my disease is about as mild as it gets, from what I understand. Inflammation? Mild, and it apparently hasn't been there all that long. And I've had multiple tests confirming that it's mild; I even had an MRE after the initial diagnosis via colonoscopy. For all I know it could be close to gone by this point, now that I've been on a full dose of Entocort for a month and I'm nearly a month into a taper. Blood levels? Aside from a woefully low Vitamin D level, everything looks pretty OK.
So why am I still sick? Why do my symptoms, which tend to ebb and flow, keep reappearing every few days? And why do I find myself so upset?
I seriously feel like I'm trying to do everything right. I stick to my meds. I research my condition so I can make informed decisions. I supplement with vitamin D to bring those levels up; I take B12 as well, just to err on the side of caution... hell, I even eat sardines a few days a week for the fish oil. I walk or bike to work daily, and I've even been going to the gym with my wife, trying to improve. I've cut out alcohol, coffee, and spicy food -- my diet is bland, and I try to keep it relatively healthy. While I haven't jumped on SCD or Paleo or anything like that, I don't feel like I'm poisoning myself or making myself any worse via food. I even keep a food and symptom diary, but nothing really stands out. I just feel lousy sometimes, and it's tough to pinpoint why.
So here I am, a 32-year-old man, crying at work, getting up every 45 minutes or so to go to the bathroom. I've been trying to get my stress, anxiety, and depression under control, but it doesn't seem to be working. I go to therapy regularly, I started a low dose of antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication... and yet, here I am.
Last night, I finished up my final project for my final course in graduate school. I thought that I'd feel happy, and I'd immediately feel this wave of relief to have the stress off my shoulders... but it hasn't happened yet. I'm starting to wonder if it's going to happen at all.
Anyways, sorry to complain. If you've made it this far, thank you for reading.
Sometimes I read this message board, and I think to myself, "Man... all of these people seem like they are far better at coping with their disease."
By nearly all metrics, my disease is about as mild as it gets, from what I understand. Inflammation? Mild, and it apparently hasn't been there all that long. And I've had multiple tests confirming that it's mild; I even had an MRE after the initial diagnosis via colonoscopy. For all I know it could be close to gone by this point, now that I've been on a full dose of Entocort for a month and I'm nearly a month into a taper. Blood levels? Aside from a woefully low Vitamin D level, everything looks pretty OK.
So why am I still sick? Why do my symptoms, which tend to ebb and flow, keep reappearing every few days? And why do I find myself so upset?
I seriously feel like I'm trying to do everything right. I stick to my meds. I research my condition so I can make informed decisions. I supplement with vitamin D to bring those levels up; I take B12 as well, just to err on the side of caution... hell, I even eat sardines a few days a week for the fish oil. I walk or bike to work daily, and I've even been going to the gym with my wife, trying to improve. I've cut out alcohol, coffee, and spicy food -- my diet is bland, and I try to keep it relatively healthy. While I haven't jumped on SCD or Paleo or anything like that, I don't feel like I'm poisoning myself or making myself any worse via food. I even keep a food and symptom diary, but nothing really stands out. I just feel lousy sometimes, and it's tough to pinpoint why.
So here I am, a 32-year-old man, crying at work, getting up every 45 minutes or so to go to the bathroom. I've been trying to get my stress, anxiety, and depression under control, but it doesn't seem to be working. I go to therapy regularly, I started a low dose of antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication... and yet, here I am.
Last night, I finished up my final project for my final course in graduate school. I thought that I'd feel happy, and I'd immediately feel this wave of relief to have the stress off my shoulders... but it hasn't happened yet. I'm starting to wonder if it's going to happen at all.
Anyways, sorry to complain. If you've made it this far, thank you for reading.