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Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » What is wrong with some people!!??


09-02-2008, 10:04 PM   #1
Chrismom
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What is wrong with some people!!??

My son has started taking 6mp, so I took him for his weekly blood test to get his levels checked. A women (busy body) in the waiting room asked him what he was doing there. He explained to her that he was diagnosed with Crohn's and he has started a new medication that needs to be monitored. SHE proceeded to tell him that her cousin has Crohn's and that she has a tube to feed herself and her kidneys are starting to fail and she will probably die!!!!! What is wrong with this kind of person!! Isn't it enough that he is starting to deal with this on his own?? What would make someone say that to another person let alone a 16 year old!!! Like I said in the beggining WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOME PEOPLE!!
09-02-2008, 10:13 PM   #2
Isla
 
Most of the time in our attempts to relate to other people we can have farther reaching effects than we ever could have anticipated. I am sure she was just trying to relate what she knows about the disease and is outwardly showing her concern for someone so young with it.

So in short I don't think anything is wrong with her, I doubt she is even insensitive more like she didn't realize that what she said could have been taken any other way then the way she intended it. With an open and honest heart.

PS - Sorry my MO on this forum is trying to press tolerance and understanding of things, people, and ideas far different than your own. Even if all you are looking for is a "Ya, people suck." What can I say I am not into the whole tell people what they want to hear
09-02-2008, 11:45 PM   #3
RHOV
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I agree completely with everything Isla said. People are always going to rattle off some story about their aunt's cousin's brother-in-law's Crohn's and about their surgery/medication/etc. They're usually annoying, but they mean well. You can't control what other people do, but it's probably best to not let it get under your skin. If you stay calm and refuse to react to situations like that, it will probably help your son be more accepting of the fact that he was just diagnosed. It will make the transition to "life with Crohn's" go more smoothly. It sounds like he's okay with what's happening to him, but every bit helps!
09-03-2008, 01:14 AM   #4
jed
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i agree with RHOV and Isla, but also completely understand where chrismom is coming from.

surely its not to hard for someone to think that maybe relating crohns to death is not the wisest thing to say to a 16 year old. doesnt take to much to think. fools.
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09-03-2008, 01:55 AM   #5
BWS1982
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The road to hell is paved with good intentions...or something like that...make sure you tell your son that's worst case scenario, and he's got a whole different situation. Maybe relay that "a car accident" can be either a fender bender at 5 mph, or, it can be fatal, just like Crohns, if that helps him cope....
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09-03-2008, 07:05 AM   #6
mommy1st
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Chrismom said:
My son has started taking 6mp, so I took him for his weekly blood test to get his levels checked. A women (busy body) in the waiting room asked him what he was doing there. He explained to her that he was diagnosed with Crohn's and he has started a new medication that needs to be monitored. SHE proceeded to tell him that her cousin has Crohn's and that she has a tube to feed herself and her kidneys are starting to fail and she will probably die!!!!! What is wrong with this kind of person!! Isn't it enough that he is starting to deal with this on his own?? What would make someone say that to another person let alone a 16 year old!!! Like I said in the beggining WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOME PEOPLE!!
I always run into people who are more then happy to tell me the horror stories of relatives or someone they know. When I was in high school and having my first surgery a "friend" told me that her Uncle died from Crohns. Of course I was scared and upset. Turns out he didn't even have Crohns let alone died from it. He had liver cancer. Not even close. Good luck.
09-03-2008, 07:20 AM   #7
Agent X20
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Well.. the woman in the post sounds like a real PITA and is to be avoided!
If you really want to revel in other people's misfortunes, stick to watching soaps on TV...

PS... when I was 16 I was told I'd have to be fed through a tube and I had a 50% chance I was going to die... and I was told that by the doctors!!! Just look at me now (well... don't look too closely)!
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Last edited by Agent X20; 09-03-2008 at 07:29 AM.
09-03-2008, 09:24 AM   #8
GoJohnnyGo
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I think there's three things going on here...

First off, there's "some people." You'll find them in more than just the waiting rooms of life, and embellishing whatever personal predicament you relate to them.

Secondly, understandably, the current psyche of the recently-diagnosed -- especially one so young such as Chrismom's son. At 16, a young man is more interested in exploring personal boundaries instead of being told to adapt to a strict lifestyle regimen. I guess helping the boy understand that there are people who successfully manage the disease and some of them would be his age.

Thirdly (and not the least) is Chrismom herself. I think she needs a peer group as well, and I do know that there are several parents of Crohn's patients who post here. So, I think she's come to the right online place.
09-03-2008, 10:37 AM   #9
Chrismom
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Go Johnny go...you are absolutely right I do need a group. I can't take this, I am having a great deal of difficulty with this. Normally I would have brushed her off and said "everyone has a right to their opinion" BUT I can't do that now...this is slowly eating away at me. It is very hard for me to understand that my son has a chronic disease and not just something that you take an antibiotic for and call it a day. I feel like screaming
09-03-2008, 10:53 AM   #10
D Bergy
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When you ride a motorcycle you hear a lot of stories about horrible motorcycle accidents.

"Yeah, I knew a guy that rode one. He slid off the road straight into a threshing machine, after the barb wire tore him to shreds".

They do not mean anything by it. They are just relating to the subject at hand, and whatever experience they have, you are going to hear it. good or bad.

I don't think they really consider how you are going to feel about the horrible story. I know I have done this on occasion, only later to realize how inappropriate my comments were given the circumstances. Not thinking before speaking is usually the cause.

One good thing is it does make you very aware of possible consequences of not taking the disease seriously. It is not a very polite way to go about it.

Dan
09-03-2008, 10:55 AM   #11
ladyB
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Sometimes the screaming helps...
Check the ccfa for a support group.
09-03-2008, 11:28 AM   #12
Chrismom
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Thank you ladyB I will. I just want to tell you guys that I am normally very even tempered and will make lemonade out of all the lemons you throw at me. It is just this situation that although I will get a handle on, in the near future, I am sure of it. RIGHT NOW....I am thrown into deep water that I can't tread very well in right now. There is so much to absorb, read, talk about, etc...and then when I hear things from the extremes like she said to us about death, all the way down to others who have said "Oh just don't eat nuts and seeds and everything will be fine...I want to scream. I am Not looking for sympathy or to be a martor just to get informed, be informed and come to terms with the situation on hand.
09-03-2008, 11:32 AM   #13
teeny5
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When I had my wisdom teeth taken out people told me all their horror stories too.

It's like why do people always do dumb stuff like say "here smell this...it stinks!" If it stinks why would I want to smell it too!?
lol
09-03-2008, 11:33 AM   #14
ladyB
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When a mama bears cubs are being threatened, even the nicest bear will draw out the claws...
I think all the parents, even if thay don't have children with crohn's, can relate to having there children threatened in some way.
09-03-2008, 01:24 PM   #15
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hmm i know how strong that mother's instinct is when someone highlights their child's illness, and proceeds to cast the doom & gloom possible prognosis... for a different condition, i have actually had to keep my fingernails deep in my pockets as they have many times wanted to scratch some insensitive or downright rude stranger's eyes out after comments about my kid.

basically it comes down to ignorance, i think. ignorance about the condition, and sometimes ignorance regarding social behaviour. so.. maybe thats the way to go - take a deep breath, smile, and suggest the person goes away and researches a little bit...
09-03-2008, 11:39 PM   #16
GoJohnnyGo
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When I was in the hospital recuperating from my resection. another patient told me about exploratory Crohn's surgery and how entailed the doctors unravelling all your intestines on the table and going over it inch by inch until they found the blockage. When they found success, one doctor would stick his hand up your ass, and the other his hand through the gaping incision and they would shake hands. He was trying to be funny (and probably in retrospect he was), but at that point I was probably three or four days into my Crohn's diagnosis and still not knowing anything about it really. Anyway, I'm not really the squeamish sort but I ended up fainting.

Last edited by GoJohnnyGo; 09-03-2008 at 11:42 PM.
09-04-2008, 02:15 AM   #17
Agent X20
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I agree with Mike!!!
09-04-2008, 09:15 PM   #18
My Butt Hurts
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People don't know when to shut up.
First mistake - asking why he was there. At a blood lab?!? SO not ANYone's business!! How could she EVER think that was friendly conversation, or helpful, or anything? Glad you were there with your son.
Just about every day I go out in public I say "What is wrong with people??" about some whack-ball that I see doing something stupid.
Don't stress mom, you're doing your best. He just started 6MP, maybe this will do the trick and give him a nice long remission. Remission is oh so nice - he has it coming.
Good luck.
09-04-2008, 10:15 PM   #19
Isla
 
I have to agree with you Butt Groove (sorry every time I see your name now that is what I think, anyway) that it isn't anyone else's business what you are doing there. I think from now on I am going to say "routine testing." It is very vague and implies nothing.
09-04-2008, 10:18 PM   #20
jed
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Isla said:
I think from now on I am going to say "routine testing." It is very vague and implies nothing.
think i'll go with servere contagious herpes, should be able to have a few seats around me all to myself then
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