Share Facebook


 
01-12-2013, 08:56 PM   #1
Jaano711
Forum Monitor
 
Jaano711's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: South Australia

My Support Groups:
Awful people!

I went out last night for a good friends birthday. Was a gathering of about 30 ladies, no partners, at a lovely garden restaurant. I drove and picked up a friend, was feeling a little anxious a have yet to go out socially with out my hubby anyway, cut to the chase, a friend of a friend drank a lot of champagne, and then at the top of her voice started telling me that she knew I had 'bag' and how awful it is. Asked me how I coped with something s awful and when was I getting rid of it.

I felt so humiliated a I didn't know a lot of people and they were all staring and talking about me, and when I told this lady tha actually I was not able to have it reversed she kept saying why. I told her it was physically impossible and to mind her own business. I don't want to go out anymore. I felt so violated and different. How dare this woman hack into my newly developing sense of self.

Now I don't want to leave the house anymore. In fact I don't want to get out of bed today
__________________
__________________________________________

: Janette


I meant to have Jano as my user name, but did a typo!
01-12-2013, 09:08 PM   #2
Laura44
 
Laura44's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Arkansas

My Support Groups:
Oh gosh I am so sorry Janette! I know that must have felt awful - but I bet that lady you were with feels even worse this morning...as she should. I hope she has called to apologize...not that it will fix what is done but it would be the right thing for her to do. Most of the people staring were probably more talking about how stupid she was than you. I wouldn't let it bother you too much.

You should still continue to go out and have fun - probably just not with her! lol Sounds like she isn't very smart or mature.

Hang in there!!
__________________
LDN 3 mg
01-12-2013, 09:17 PM   #3
smallfry
Senior Member
 
smallfry's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ontario

My Support Groups:
Hi Janette,
It sucks to hear about ignorant people but they do exist. You should try not to let her under your skin, you are a stonger person than she ever will be! That is where you need to try and educate as much as you can. I'm not saying you need to tell your whole story but maybe start by talking about why you have it and how it helps you, and so many others have a better quality of life because of it. Maybe instead of shutting people down try educating them. It's hard at first, I used to get nervous and get my back up but i'm getting used to explaining my stoma and crohn's. Most people are very curious and receptive and maybe some ask the wrong way but that's where we have to keep our cool and make stoma's not seem so tabo. Please still go out. That drunk lady is not worth your time.
__________________


Crohn's disease since 2001
abscessing/fistula since 2006
seton placement for 8 months
4 cases of crohn's related iritis


Diverting Loop Ileostomy Sept.19 2012
Proctocolectomy April 16th, 2014 and off all major meds

Meds
Past - asacol, prednisone, imuran, Remicade from 2001-2008, flagyl, cipro, Humira 2011-2013, 10 months of IV meropenem
Current - T3's, prozac, clonazepam, probiotics, caltrate plus, multivitamin, vitamin D
01-12-2013, 09:17 PM   #4
Ihurt
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: United States

My Support Groups:
Wow, That is just awful. People can be so rude and ignorant. Please dont feel like you never want to go out again. Not all people are as stupid as that woman. I agree with the other poster, they others were probably thinking what an asshole that lady was( please excuse my french!). You did not deserve that. Dont let one idiot make you feel down. Yeah you have a bag, So what, you are still the same person you were before you had one. Dont let what she did keep you from going out and enjoying yourself. I am sorry you had to go through that though.
01-12-2013, 09:30 PM   #5
DustyKat
Super Moderator
 
DustyKat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New South Wales, Australia
Good grief! How awful for you!

What also annoys me about this is why no one else stood up and told her to shut the hell up. I can well understand that you would be shocked and humiliated and therefore at somewhat of a loss for words but there is no excuse for others when they realised what was happening. UGH!

I would speak to your friend, whose birthday it was, as she no doubt knows who this woman is and tell her just how humiliating this whole episode was for you and expect that this other woman be told. But that is me and perhaps that is not how you want things done.

I so hope this doesn't spoil things for you. I don't have Crohn's, my children do. My daughter found at one point she had to 'drop' some friends as in her words...she needed to surround herself by positive people. Perhaps start slowly when going out socially and at first ensure that you surround by people that know and understand your journey and appreciate who you are. As times moves on and you become more comfortable with both yourself and others then you can start to expand and experiment with various social scenarios. I hate I am suggesting that shouldn't just go out and do what you want but I also hate that these sort of insensitive people will ruin things for you and not wanting to go out at all becomes the norm.

Thinking of you,
Dusty. xxx
__________________
Mum of 2 kids with Crohn's.
01-13-2013, 12:30 AM   #6
Nyx
Moderator
 
Nyx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Barrie, Ontario

My Support Groups:
Don't let one ignorant, drunk woman keep you from living your life to the fullest! There are always going to be people who don't or won't understand...you can't let them get you down. Think of the positives that your stoma has given you and focus on those. Focus on the friends that know and understand you and what you've been through. Sorry this happened to you...you may have a bag, but at least you're not an asshole (most of us don't even have assholes...bad joke, I know...lol)
__________________
Cindy

Crohn's Diagnosis: May 2006
Current meds: none
Surgeries: Colostomy, December 2009

"Never trust a fart." Jack Nicholson, The Bucket List

Oscar is awesome! Loving my life with my stoma (with a hint of poo)!!

01-13-2013, 01:42 AM   #7
PVail
Senior Member
 
PVail's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Ireland

My Support Groups:
Well there are some ignorant silly people but look what you have achieved on a daily basis coping with this disease. How many people at the party could even get out of bed in the morning after with a sore head.
Anyone who has this dieseas4e or similar is a far stronger person in many ways .
Peter
__________________
Peter


DX March 2012 IBD - Inflammation of the Terminal Ileum with inflammed appendix
Asacol 800mg 4 x day
Amitriptyline 50mg
Omeprazole 20 mg when needed.
01-13-2013, 04:45 AM   #8
Grumbletum
Senior Member
 
Grumbletum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Western Isles, United Kingdom

My Support Groups:
I'm really sorry you had to go through this and I agree with Dusty that either you or your friend should speak to that woman about how wrong what she did is. You would hope that she'd realise herself, but I think she needs to be made aware just how bad it made you feel.
Discussing anyone's personal and private business, be it health or otherwise, is not on and I think that tackling her one way or the other over it will help you to gain the confidence to get right back out there.
__________________
Dx Crohn's terminal ileum April 2011
Ileocaecal resection & partial cystectomy Sept 2012
3.5 years happy remission, in mild flare since Feb 2016 with related Portal Vein Thrombosis

Previous: Prednisolone, Mesren, Omeprazole, Infliximab, Azathioprine
Current: Pentasa, Librax, Warfarin
Helen x
01-13-2013, 05:19 AM   #9
Absentminded
Forum Monitor
 
Absentminded's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Bristol, United Kingdom
Oh Janette, I'm so sorry that you had to deal with such an ignorant person!
No extra advice to add, I agree with everything everyone had said already.
I just wanted to add my support and a big hug! Don't let one stupid woman spoil your confidence. To deal with IBD and a stoma every day makes you super strong, don't forget that!
*Hug*
__________________
Lucinda x

Diagnosed: July 2009

Resection and removal of Enterocutaneous Fistula: Jan 2014
Pelvic infection Drainage: April 2013
Ileostomy reversal: February 2013
Ileocecal resection and temp. ileostomy (Say hello to Norman!): Nov 2012
Current Medication: NONE!

Past medications: Humira, Infliximab, Azapthioprine, Asacol, Budesonide, Prednisolone, Flagyl, Cipro, Cholestyramine (Questran), Fortisips.
01-13-2013, 06:38 AM   #10
Moe.
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: sydney, New South Wales, Australia
This will cheer you up
im sure it will

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0daM97RT0k
01-13-2013, 07:04 AM   #11
Jaano711
Forum Monitor
 
Jaano711's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: South Australia

My Support Groups:
Thanks all. Feeling less alone. Great bit of vision there moe. I know I often need to be reminded of all the things I have to be thankful for.
01-13-2013, 01:31 PM   #12
Terriernut
Moderator
 
Terriernut's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: United Kingdom

My Support Groups:
I am at a loss for words at that horrid woman. I think the hostess should have a word, or should've had a word at the time.

You don't need people like this in your life. I had a 'friend' who told everyone at my job that I had an ostomy. I left that job and those people behind. Life is too short to be around ANYONE who isn't supportive of you. And sometimes that is our own families too.

You are going to be taking off soon in your health and happiness, and you will leave the idiots in the dirt where they belong!

__________________
Misty
DX Crohns Feb 2011, symtoms 1997, 2009 and then WHAM! Emergency surgery for perforated sigmoid, fistula through fallopian tube, septic and near dead: Colostomy-Stan was born 22/12/10. Another parastomal hernia, his name is Ollie and he is MONSTER size!
4gm Pentasa
6MP 50mg
01-13-2013, 06:38 PM   #13
KazT17
Senior Member
 
KazT17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: United Kingdom
I would imagine she has something in her life that she can't cope with. She was using you to make herself feel better. I have a friend who said it was karma, and asked me what I have done for this to happen to me! You are doing really well Janette, don't give this stupid woman another thought xxx
__________________


Crohn's diagnosed 2010
Ileostomy 2011.
Completion Proctectomy 2012
01-13-2013, 09:28 PM   #14
tots
Senior Member
 
tots's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Austin, Texas

My Support Groups:
Some people just shouldn't be allowed to drink .

I am so sorry you paid the price for her poor choice!

Just don't let a drunk make you hide in your house . Karma will get her when she left as t expects it. I really believe that.


I hope things look up soon!


Lauren
__________________


Diagnosed= 1992 and again Feb 2012 Confirmed with
CT enterography May 2015 !!


Waiting for the ok from my Ins company to restart Remicade. Will also start Imuron to get into remission!
I know it's out there somewhere and I WILL find it!


:


Ok, my family Dr told me to cut down on the stress- a husband, 3 kids, and 3 dogs!
01-13-2013, 09:52 PM   #15
Samboi
Senior Member
 
Samboi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Australia

My Support Groups:
Janette I am so sorry that this has happened.
Having a bag can really dent your confidence.
Having a drunk fool carry on like this can exacerbate that.
You're doing great and have made so much progress.
It's sad for her that she is a sad and angry drunk.
It's awesome for you that you're a survivor and you kick arse.
You've shown such strength and determination to get where you are.
Don't let one imbecile undermine the amazing things you have achieved.
You rock.
__________________
Dx - Crohns Disease - 1992
Ileostomy - Jan 2012, Reversed Aug 2013
Pred works, all else seems to fail
Trying Vedoluzimab - running out of options
Neupogen
01-14-2013, 01:11 AM   #16
glum chump
Senior Member
 
glum chump's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: British Columbia

My Support Groups:
This chick seriously needs her a$$ kicked. Really. Like there aren't enough issues to deal with around self-image and self-confidence, that you need the likes of this ignoramus getting her drunk nose into your business. Gah.

I hope you never have to see her again...and don't let her get you down. For every fool that's out there, there's a lovely person who deserves your fabulousness a whole heck of a lot more.

Kismet
01-14-2013, 01:22 AM   #17
Torontoguy
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Hi,

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for what happened to you, and I understand why your angry and feel the need to isolate yourself, but trust me, as someone who has pretty much done that for the better part of 2 plus yrs, I can tell you it only makes things worse
The person who said those awful things was drunk, stupid, inconsiderate, and hopefully feeling like utter $%it right now, so please don't hide away...Take a deep breath...Lift your head up high...And walk out that door knowing that this disease doesn't define who you are...And neither does the comments of one stupid drunk Also know that you always have the support of all the good people here with you at all times

I wish you hope, strength, and love to get you through this difficult time...

Stephen
01-14-2013, 02:23 AM   #18
Jaano711
Forum Monitor
 
Jaano711's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: South Australia

My Support Groups:
Thanks Again
I had to leave the house today, our 15year old Rosie puppy had a bad turn and ended up passing away at the vets. Absolutely gutted. we have had Rosie since before we got married. Paul, the kids and I are just devestated.
01-14-2013, 02:27 AM   #19
Samboi
Senior Member
 
Samboi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Australia

My Support Groups:
I'm sorry for your loss Janette.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
01-14-2013, 02:43 AM   #20
Terriernut
Moderator
 
Terriernut's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: United Kingdom

My Support Groups:
I'm so sorry. It's losing a family member. Dogs have only one fault..their lives are too short.

Hugs to you and your family.
01-14-2013, 11:31 AM   #21
amandaerin
 
amandaerin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
I'm so sorry...
01-14-2013, 12:19 PM   #22
poppets mum
Senior Member
 
poppets mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: calgary, Alberta

My Support Groups:
If I was one of those ladies sitting there, I would be thinking what an amazing strong brave person to venture outside of the comfort and security of her home to be here with us all. Unfortunately there are quite a few people out there who have no idea what it is like to live with a difficult chronic condition. For this particular woman it was probably ignorant curiosity. I think the next time you go to a social gathering it will be easier because you will be prepared for the comments, which more than likely won't happen again.
Sorry to hear about your Doggie.
01-14-2013, 01:20 PM   #23
Johnnysmom
Forum Monitor
 
Johnnysmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio

My Support Groups:
Some people are so thoughtless and cruel!!!!

Given the choice I would much rather have you for a friend than that idiot! Anyone who feels any different isn't worth your time. You might have a smaller circle of friends but they will be better friends. So don't be afraid to get back out there and enjoy yourself.

((((((Hugs))))))
__________________
Mom of Johnny
Dx Oct 11 2011 Crohns disease
Prednisone done 12/30/11
6mp 50mg every day
Allopurinol 50mg -discontinued per new G.I. on 11/01/12
Multi Vitamin
Vitamin D3 1000mg
Prayer
01-14-2013, 02:12 PM   #24
Gav
Senior Member
 
Gav's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: United Kingdom

My Support Groups:
Sorry for your loss

And the friend of a friend who decided to announce to the world that you have a stoma...sounds like a sign she has massive insecurities, if she feels she has to to try to embarrass others to make herself feel better. I wish her luck with that, as it's the road to ruin.

I hope it doesn't affect your confidence too much in the long run.
__________________
UC diagnosed 2003. Sub total Colectomy resulting in ileostomy July 2007. Proctectomy February 2008. Late 2008...finally back in business!
Wish You Were Here
01-14-2013, 02:31 PM   #25
CrohnsChicago
Super Moderator
 
CrohnsChicago's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago, Illinois

My Support Groups:
Wow. I'm so so sorry. That's a lot to deal with in a matter of days

With regards to the woman, she's a complete idiot. I hope that she at least is feeling some remorse on her own for what she did at that party. And I hope you never have to cross paths in the future.

And I am so sorry to hear about your dog, pets are family just as much as humans.
I hope both you and your family can find comfort very soon and that you eventually find the strength to get back out there socially sooner rather than later. Don't let this one woman dictate how you live the rest of your life. Stay strong.
__________________
Crohn's-Colitis May 2012
Current Meds:
6-MP (100mg) / Asacol (4800mg)
Past Meds:
Prednisone/ Entocort / Flagyl
Current Supplements:
B12 Shot (1cc/mo) / Multivitamin / Vitamin D (1000iu) / Calcium (1200mg) / Omega 3 Fish Oil (4800mg)
Additional Info:
Anemia/Borderline Anemia - whole life
Generalized Anxiety Disorder - 2009 (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, mindfulness meditation)

01-14-2013, 03:41 PM   #26
Nyx
Moderator
 
Nyx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Barrie, Ontario

My Support Groups:
I'm sorry to hear about your dog, they really are part of the family and it hurts when they pass away. Love to you and your family at this time.
01-14-2013, 04:15 PM   #27
Trysha
Senior Member
 
Trysha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009

My Support Groups:
Hello Janette
You are certainly going through the wringer right now, but it will get better.
Walk away from ignorant and uncaring people they don't deserve your company.
How sad that you lost your dog, I really know how that feels, and such a shock.
Maybe later on you will be able to adopt an unwanted dog, they would be so grateful and forever friends. May be a little soon yet, but its a thought.
Feel better soon
Hugs and best wishes
Trysha
01-14-2013, 04:32 PM   #28
ron50
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: nambour, Queensland, Australia

My Support Groups:
Ther are a seemingly a lot of rude insensitive people out there. Mostly it is just ignorance. Genuine ignorance. If something is outside their scope and they cannot understand it ,it can lead to situations like yours. I have always talked about my problems. I had stage 3 bowel cancer,I was at work one day when one of the machine company reps dropped in. She looked me up and down and said you don't look like you are dying. I was in the middle of chemo and said it's too early to tell but some days I feel like I am. Then I asked her if she had a colonoscopy lately ,at your age it is advisable. She never bugged me again. Sorry about your puppy,the more I see of people,the more I love dogs..Ron.
01-14-2013, 06:41 PM   #29
2thFairy
Senior Member
 
2thFairy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Dallas, Texas

My Support Groups:
So very sorry for your loss, Janette. Puppies are the best medicine and losing them really sets us back.
__________________
Ulcerative colitis

Total colectomy with ileostomy featuring Sideshow Bob since January 2012

"The colon seems an unlikely candidate for dramatic effect, but now and then it serves that purpose well." The Associated Press Guide to Punctuation
01-15-2013, 02:08 PM   #30
Misty-Eyed
Forum Monitor
 
Misty-Eyed's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: United Kingdom

My Support Groups:
Oh Janette, what a horrible week!! And what a truly horrible woman! I hope your mutual friend gave her a right ear bashing for that! But Gav is right, I'm sure she did it to make her feel better about herself.

You just have to remember that you took the courage to go out to dinner to lead an normal life. If you're scared to go out socially again, I'd just go out a few times on a one on one basis with a friend that you truly trust and build it up. I really hope this doesn't put you off completely!!!
__________________
Michelle

'You can't change the past but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future.'

Diagnosed with Crohn's colitis aged 9, 1992.

Panproctocolectomy and terminal end ileostomy October 2011.
Reply

Thread Tools


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:37 PM.
Copyright 2006-2017 Crohnsforum.com