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03-10-2013, 11:01 PM   #61
WadeszWorld
 
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Hi all!

I am South African (Cape Town) and have been living with diagnosed Crohn's for about 2.5 years now, and symptoms possibly for about 4, or so, years.

I am gay, and have not "come out" to any specialist/GP, as the issue has never arisen for me. I guess I am excited to find a group who shares similar interests whilst struggling with the disease.

Not quite sure what to say at the moment. I am in my final year of studies, which involves quite a hectic workload (busy from 7am-6pm), so juggling symptoms and studies is probably a priority in my life at the moment. However, I have been lucky not to have had bad symptoms for a while now. Just the occassional bad week or so.

In what instances would people advise coming out to your local GP, other than obvious sexually-related issues? Do you folk feel more comfortable around one who knows of your sexual identity? It has crossed my mind before, but I have never felt the need (or been pressed in the situation) to come out, or bring up my sexuality.

I also have not come out to my gastroenterologist about my sexuality. I feel like opening up to my GI about it will eventually have to come into play here. I need to know what I can and cannot do. I was diagnosed a little bit over two years ago myself and it has never come in conversation. I guess the reason for me personally is that I am single, so I do not in my mind have the need to bring it up to him just yet. I wish in all reality that my GI would bring up relationships because it is hard to just come and say it to someone out of nowhere. I do feel more comfortable around people who know my sexual identity and I feel like when the time is right, I will reveal it to my doctor. Like when I am faced with a committed relationship and the topic of sex arises, that is when I will have to ask my GI for advice.

I am glad to hear that you have not been having too many bad days and that you have been managing to deal with the symptoms while studying. I know how you feel because I was diagnosed while in college myself so I know about having to deal with the symptoms on top of the pressure and stress that comes along with studying and preparing oneself for an exam or a paper. I remember the deadlines and the due dates of all my work. I feel like the only way to reveal something like this is when you need the advice about it. You would want to know the potential health risks or what not. I hope that when it comes time for me to reveal it, I am able to so that way I can be better informed as a patient and take that knowledge with me into my relationship. When the situation calls for it, I think you will know how to go about it.
03-10-2013, 11:11 PM   #62
WadeszWorld
 
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Hi everyone! Straight ally here, diagnosed with Crohn's 7 years ago. Showing my support
Thanks so much for showing your support Kayla. I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease a little bit over two years ago. I hope you are feeling okay.
03-10-2013, 11:14 PM   #63
WadeszWorld
 
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Straight ally here. Just wanting to show some support!
Thanks for showing your support Katie to everyone here. Hope you are doing well.
03-10-2013, 11:16 PM   #64
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Subscribing to show my support.

Go team GLBT!
Thank you for showing your support David. Go Team LGBT is right.
03-11-2013, 01:56 PM   #65
nogutsnoglory
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Wadeszworld, I'm confused by your saying your single. Didn't you say in an earlier post that you have a loving boyfriend for a year and a half?
03-11-2013, 08:02 PM   #66
WadeszWorld
 
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Wadeszworld, I'm confused by your saying your single. Didn't you say in an earlier post that you have a loving boyfriend for a year and a half?
Nope, I think I was referencing someone else's post and you might have mistaken that for saying that I had someone. I am single and have been for quite some time. I am very nervous about dating in general and am anxious about revealing to whoever I end up dating in the future about my disease.
03-11-2013, 08:19 PM   #67
nogutsnoglory
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Sorry about that, it's hard to follow all of the threads especially when someone quotes someone else.

I am in the same boat, single and lonely. I have "come out" with Crohn's to past boyfriends and they were supportive but I also wasn't flaring like I am now. I am scared to go on a date, find someone I like and break the news but I always ease them in.

Ie: "I have a sensitive stomach on the 2nd date. Then third date maybe say something like "I have Crohn's, have you heard of it? Basically I need to be careful with what I eat or I have a lot of pain."

If they stick with me and don't run the other way I will over time explain the true complexity of the disease. Hopefully they will be supportive.
03-11-2013, 10:03 PM   #68
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Sorry about that, it's hard to follow all of the threads especially when someone quotes someone else.

I am in the same boat, single and lonely. I have "come out" with Crohn's to past boyfriends and they were supportive but I also wasn't flaring like I am now. I am scared to go on a date, find someone I like and break the news but I always ease them in.

Ie: "I have a sensitive stomach on the 2nd date. Then third date maybe say something like "I have Crohn's, have you heard of it? Basically I need to be careful with what I eat or I have a lot of pain."

If they stick with me and don't run the other way I will over time explain the true complexity of the disease. Hopefully they will be supportive.
It is okay. I know there are many threads and I want to be very active in this particular support group because I know eventually I am going to need a ton of advice whenever I do start dating. I am single yes and at times it might get lonely, but I always remind myself that one day love will find me. I hopefully can be up front and honest with the person because I don't want to waste my time with someone who might not accept it later on in the relationship. I think for me that would hurt even worse. You go steady with someone for a few dates and you begin to develop feelings for them and then you have to reveal your health issue to the other person. It is truly overwhelming.

I wish I could say revealing to someone I've dated about my Crohn's Disease had a positive experience. I feel like when someone hears the word "disease" they often get the wrong idea. Yes it is something I am seriously scared about doing and having to feel the sense of rejection I have felt before from it. I guess that's what the dating scene is all about really. You never know what kind of reaction you are going to get, so I am trying to go into situations with an open mind. I feel like the ones that stick by you will show you how special of a person he is. If he is willing to want to learn more about your disease and how it affects you, then he really cares. Our disease definitely helps us in the instance that it shows us who are the compassionate and understanding people and who are not. Think of our disease as a compass. It points us in the right direction of that special someone and at times it will point us in the opposite direction signifying that said person is not for us.
03-11-2013, 10:24 PM   #69
nogutsnoglory
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Please participate as much as you like, I want this support group to really grow and be active. I think it's so tough being gay in a straight mans world and then to add to the puzzle have a cruel disease in a world that is obsessed with and has food play an integral part in our culture, social settings and happiness.

I think with regards to telling someone you are dating about IBD the keyword is "disease". You aren't lying by just saying Crohn's. I think adding on disease is a really scary term for most. It's one thing if you have been with the person for a while and they are invested in your relationship but most people who are new will be scared and not want to get started with someone who could have a lot of issues.

I find that when I have told people I have a "disease" I never heard from them again. When I told people I have Crohn's and eased them into my "sensitive belly" problem they were ok with it. I'm not hiding it I'm just making it more digestible. I also don't need to share such details with someone whom I might not be making part of my life.
03-11-2013, 10:34 PM   #70
sickofcrohns
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I wish I could say revealing to someone I've dated about my Crohn's Disease had a positive experience. I feel like when someone hears the word "disease" they often get the wrong idea. Yes it is something I am seriously scared about doing and having to feel the sense of rejection I have felt before from it. I guess that's what the dating scene is all about really. You never know what kind of reaction you are going to get.
OK, here are a few of my stories, just so you have an idea of some of the less-than-negative reactions. (I'm straight, but I don't think this matters in this context). These take place over about 6 years.

1. I met someone I really liked at a conference. We spent lots of time together over several days, then communicated very frequently for several months before I had a chance to visit him. When we met again, the feelings were there, but we were both really nervous. I told him that in the morning I would have to wake up at a specific time to take a bunch of pills for a medical condition. He looked seriously relieved, then said that he is also taking pills for a medical condition -- he'd been stressing about hiding them from me at each meal! Telling each other the truth about our health issues was a huge relief for both of us. Now, this guy has a completely different condition, and because of where we live (different countries), things didn't work out between us, but that was probably the nicest way things could have gone.

2. Met a guy I liked, told him after about 4 or 5 dates that I have Crohn's. It turns out that he had Crohn's too, though his was very mild (occasional use of pentasa) and mine is very severe (various meds, now Remicade)! We had a long discussion about esophagoscopies and other stuff over a beer. A few weeks later, the relationship was toast because this guy just couldn't figure out what the hell he was doing.

3. Went on a date with a guy from the Remicade clinic! Nice enough, and no awkward discussion about Crohn's or Remicade, but no sparks.

4. I met someone else and told him after 3 dates about the Crohn's. He said that he had wondered why I seemed so "grounded." It turns out that a close member of his family had been seriously disabled in a freak accident years ago, and he'd spent a lot of time dealing with the fallout from that. This partner was stellar in dealing with my Crohn's-related fatigue and illnesses. We broke up (after 2 years) for other reasons.

5. Just got back on the dating scene after breaking up with guy #4, and met someone I really liked. I told him about the Crohn's on date #3. We had a 4th date scheduled, but he emailed me to move it and then to cancel it because, according to him, there was no chemistry. At first I thought it might have been because of me telling him about the Crohn's, but it is probably more likely because I told him that I would not sleep with him until he submitted his divorce papers! (I have no interest in being dragged through someone's messy divorce, regardless of whether he considers being separated to be the same as divorced).

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that Crohn's is just one part of what can make a relationship go right or wrong. It is an extra stressful thing to deal with both at the beginning of a relationship (bringing it up) and as a relationship progresses (and your partner gets a better sense of how it affects both of your lives), but relationships can and do tank at various stages for many other reasons. So, chin up! There are great guys out there (gay & straight) and people can be assholes regardless of whether or not you have Crohn's, so don't let the Crohn's hold you back psychologically from meeting people.

<hug>
03-11-2013, 10:43 PM   #71
nogutsnoglory
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Sickofcrohns, it's so nice to hear positive and successful stories about dating with Crohn's! It reminds me that we all have our own issues. Someone might accept the Crohn's in us if we can accept whatever their negative is. Nobody is perfect!

I went out with 2 guys, one that I met through friends and the other I met online through a dating site. I noticed that they were kind of weird when they ate so I pryed a bit. I asked why they were making picky choices and asked if they had a food allergy. Turns out they both had Crohn's too! It was really cool to have that off the table and be a non-issue. They both had mild Crohn's and we didn't hit it off as more than friends but it was cool to meet another gay person with the disease. I really like one of the guys but he wasn't into me. He is now engaged to his partner. So there are people out there who will marry someone with Crohn's lol.

My last boyfriend also was kind of relieved by my IBD. He had IBS and felt that I was the first person to truly understand his issues. We accommodated one another when it came to going out and were often in sync when it came to feeling lousy.

Thanks for helping reframe the issue. It can be depressing and scary going out in the dating world but there may be some pleasant surprises like before.
03-12-2013, 12:56 AM   #72
jlm
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I've never had an issue with telling someone about my crohns disease. I've had two long term relationships. And a handful of short term ones that ended for various reasons My current being at 4 years. I'm with the most caring and supportive person. She helps me through everything. The first two years I was healthy as a horse. The last two years that's a whole other story. I believe you just have to find the right mature individual. The type of relationship I have now is completely different then my previous ones. It's what I like to call an adult relationship lol. We even have a code red drill where sometimes I'm nauseous and end up not making it to the washroom. She is up and out of bed so fast. It's amazing lol
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03-12-2013, 04:06 AM   #73
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Hi everyone I am a Bi woman and I am very happily married to a wonderful man.

I am and always have been very comfortable with my own sexuality, but find others - from both sides of the fence - can be judgemental at times.
I guess it is understandable as alot of lesbians have been hurt by Bi women.

As I/we haven't had any female partners in the last couple of years, my Crohns hasn't been an issue in that way yet. But I do worry about it being an issue in the future if I became intimate with someone new.


In the meantime, I just wanted to send my support to everyone here.

Ditto! I mean to a T!
03-12-2013, 05:33 AM   #74
Beach bum
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Ditto! I mean to a T!

Hehe. That's weird - I love Doctor Who too !
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Switching to : Azathioprine and started Infliximab 14/08/12
Juicing every morning.
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And Probio 7 probiotic.
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Being given a "drugs rest" from Aza - 17/9/14
03-12-2013, 09:00 AM   #75
nogutsnoglory
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I've never had an issue with telling someone about my crohns disease. I've had two long term relationships. And a handful of short term ones that ended for various reasons My current being at 4 years. I'm with the most caring and supportive person. She helps me through everything. The first two years I was healthy as a horse. The last two years that's a whole other story. I believe you just have to find the right mature individual. The type of relationship I have now is completely different then my previous ones. It's what I like to call an adult relationship lol. We even have a code red drill where sometimes I'm nauseous and end up not making it to the washroom. She is up and out of bed so fast. It's amazing lol
Code red drill! That is hilarious. I would need a code brown drill since I do sometimes have an accident in bed. I'd feel awful if someone was sleeping in my bed and I accidentally had diarrhea. What a nightmare.
03-12-2013, 07:44 PM   #76
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Straight Ally and Doctor Who fan as well
03-13-2013, 11:48 PM   #77
nogutsnoglory
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My itchiness may be related to dry skin. I've had some problems with dehydration since the Crohn's started, before going on Humira. I get headaches sometimes, too, but I think I have them under control now.

My boyfriend seems to be handling things pretty well. We've talked about it some along the way. I feel bad about it, though. I have enough libido that I still masturbate regularly, although I suppose getting up to something with him would take more energy. Plus I'm afraid to try what I had enjoyed the most with him :P
I have issues with dehydration too. I find coconut water really helps replenish me. It's also refreshing and healthy.

I know sex involves energy but there must be a book out there for people with low energy or who are lazy. I'm sure there are ways to be intimate that aren't too taxing.
03-13-2013, 11:51 PM   #78
nogutsnoglory
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I will definitely copy and paste a link to my blog that describes my story with Crohn's Disease up until this point. I actually had my colonoscopy the night before New Year's Eve and I just remember being in so much pain that night. I got a phone call the next day confirming my diagnosis, so every time we are about to start a new year, I always get reminded that I was diagnosed on the turn of a New Year. I pretty much underwent many tests leading up to the colonoscopy. They all happened within days of each other. Thanks for the warm welcome to the forum. Hope you are doing well.
I definitely would love to check out the blog. What a horrible time to get diagnosed. I am always deathly scared of needing to be hospitalized during the holidays. I know that the regular doctors and staff aren't there and I'd be afraid of mistakes being made.
03-14-2013, 07:15 AM   #79
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Just to let you all know that I'm rooting for you all. You all sound as if you have your lives 'sussed' so congrats for that!
Bit of a fag hag myself but nothing for anyone to worry about LOL
I'm Paddy from Northern Ireland but am an Englishwoman so work that one out!!!
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03-14-2013, 07:56 PM   #80
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I have issues with dehydration too. I find coconut water really helps replenish me. It's also refreshing and healthy.

I know sex involves energy but there must be a book out there for people with low energy or who are lazy. I'm sure there are ways to be intimate that aren't too taxing.
I'll have to check out coconut water. I'm not a big fan of coconut desserts generally, but I do like coconut shrimp. I probably won't like it, but it's still worth a try. I don't have too much trouble drinking about 64oz of water daily, plus some other assorted beverages, though. Variety (without adding too many calories) would be nice.

Also, noting what you said on another post, I was admitted to the hospital on July 3rd, which I think was a Wednesday. So, nothing got done on the 4th, and not much was done the next day since it was Friday, and then the weekend hit. So, it wasn't a long holiday, but it did slow things down. Still, I made out ok. I actually liked one of the "holiday" doctors (who I saw again when the regular one was off or it was a weekend or something) better than the regular one who had the same role.
03-16-2013, 06:59 PM   #81
nogutsnoglory
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The brand you buy will make a huge difference. The company Real Coconut Water is the best in my opinion followed by Zico.

Holiday medical staff might be nice but are they qualified? Furthermore are they qualified to deal with IBD?
03-17-2013, 09:58 AM   #82
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In a general sense, the staff over the holidays are qualified. As far as dealing with IBD that may be more hit-or-miss. In my case they did have a GI doctor around, but I'm not sure every hospital will be the same. Doctors and nurses are at least real doctors and nurses.
03-17-2013, 10:20 AM   #83
nogutsnoglory
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The thing is, what are they doing when not subbing for doctors on holiday?

It makes me think they are second grade and wouldn't be hired for regular situations.

I know I had a family member in the hospital during Christmas and the nurses were trying to get an IV into her and it was miserable. They kept poking and had no clue what they were doing.
03-17-2013, 11:24 AM   #84
KWalker
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Do you guys have any more room for some straight allies who support equal rights for all despite sexuality?
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Methotrexate (oral)
Methotrexate (injections)
Cipro
Flagyl

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200mg Simponi, Psyllium
03-17-2013, 12:09 PM   #85
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Just to let you all know that I'm rooting for you all. You all sound as if you have your lives 'sussed' so congrats for that!
Bit of a fag hag myself but nothing for anyone to worry about LOL
I'm Paddy from Northern Ireland but am an Englishwoman so work that one out!!!
Hahaha! Fag hag here as well!
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03-17-2013, 01:48 PM   #86
nogutsnoglory
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Do you guys have any more room for some straight allies who support equal rights for all despite sexuality?
More than enough room! We don't discriminate
03-17-2013, 03:23 PM   #87
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Can I join in too?
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DX - June 2012 with mild/moderate Crohns. In July 2012 bowel perforated unexpectedly and needed emergency surgery.
Current meds/supplements - Budesonide (reducing dose over 3 months), B12 injections (every 10 wks), Vit D tabs 800iu x daily, Ferrous Sulphate 200mg every day, Folic Acid once a week
Previous meds - Allergic to Azathioprine, 6MP, Pentasa & Asacol, Methotrexate injections (didn't work). Stopped Humira after 2 years due to ineffectiveness.
03-17-2013, 03:25 PM   #88
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03-18-2013, 09:19 PM   #89
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I just wanted to give a shout out and thank you to all of the straight allies who have kindly stopped by to show their support and for all of those out there who stand by us.

Without straight allies, the gay community would get nowhere socially and politically. It's our straight friends, family, co-workers and neighbors who stand up for us that helps change people's hearts and minds about equal rights.

Hugs and cheers to you guys!
03-19-2013, 03:23 AM   #90
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Happy to be here with you all 😎
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