Share Facebook
Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender » My boyfriend has Crohn's and I'm fully supportive!


04-16-2013, 06:01 PM   #1
cedargonzalez
 
cedargonzalez's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah

My Support Groups:
My boyfriend has Crohn's and I'm fully supportive!

Hello all,
My name is Cedar and my boyfriend has Crohn's. Now, I know that I suppose I can't give you "first hand experience" because I don't have it myself, I think that I might be able to shed a little light for those of you afraid to have a relationship with Crohn's.
As a partner of someone with the disease, I'm not going to lie, it is really hard. However, if you find the right person, it won't be a deciding factor. I understand that it is detrimental to your confidence and it may make you embarrassed to think about sex or sexuality in general with what seems like such an icky thing to deal with all of the time. However, if you find the right person, it won't matter. Each and every person needs someone who is understanding, patient, and loving, Crohn's or no. If you are with someone that isn't, then they aren't worth your time anyways, right? So, when you focus on that, you will find someone that is willing to understand what is going on with you, and help you work through it.
Instead of looking for someone who is going to be tolerable of your sexual needs, find someone who isn't worried about sex as a priority, someone who you connect with on a PERSONAL level, and then, I promise, the sexual part will follow, and because of that connection and trust, the sex won't be a big deal at all!
Priority numero uno: you and your health!
I hope that this was of some use to someone...
Anyways, keep your head up guys!
04-17-2013, 05:00 PM   #2
nogutsnoglory
Moderator
 
nogutsnoglory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: New York

My Support Groups:
Hello all,
My name is Cedar and my boyfriend has Crohn's. Now, I know that I suppose I can't give you "first hand experience" because I don't have it myself, I think that I might be able to shed a little light for those of you afraid to have a relationship with Crohn's.
As a partner of someone with the disease, I'm not going to lie, it is really hard. However, if you find the right person, it won't be a deciding factor. I understand that it is detrimental to your confidence and it may make you embarrassed to think about sex or sexuality in general with what seems like such an icky thing to deal with all of the time. However, if you find the right person, it won't matter. Each and every person needs someone who is understanding, patient, and loving, Crohn's or no. If you are with someone that isn't, then they aren't worth your time anyways, right? So, when you focus on that, you will find someone that is willing to understand what is going on with you, and help you work through it.
Instead of looking for someone who is going to be tolerable of your sexual needs, find someone who isn't worried about sex as a priority, someone who you connect with on a PERSONAL level, and then, I promise, the sexual part will follow, and because of that connection and trust, the sex won't be a big deal at all!
Priority numero uno: you and your health!
I hope that this was of some use to someone...
Anyways, keep your head up guys!
First off thank you so much for being a supportive partner. It's really heart warming and reassuring to know there are good people like you out there who can see past someone's disease and love them for who they are in spite of their battles.

May I ask if you knew about his IBD from the start or he got diagnosed later? How did he come around to sharing it with you?

I'm sure it's hard on both of you, him as the patient but you seeing him struggle as well. What kinds of challenges are you finding?

We are here to support both of you and of course answer any questions we can. Hope your bf can join CF as well!
04-17-2013, 07:58 PM   #3
cedargonzalez
 
cedargonzalez's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah

My Support Groups:
We were actually dating before he was ever diagnosed. He went on a trip and got salmonella, and we've been told that things like that can bring out dormant Crohn's. So, when he wasn't feeling any better, we went through the whole frustrating process of being diagnosed -- colonoscopies, scans, you know the drill. Finally, about six or so months ago, they were able to decide that's what it was.
Some of the biggest struggles that we have found are not being able to go out and do a lot of the things that we want to do as young adults. Most of the time he is to tired or feels to sick to go out and party, or when he is not sick, he still can't drink because he will be sick. Things like that.
Another thing that has been very hard is just trying to get him to exercise and be more active. It's hard for him to try to be active, but we both know that it would help him a lot.
Also, being so close to each other, and spending most of our time together, when he is in a bad mood because he is feeling sick, it can put me in a bad mood because I can't help him, and feel so frustrated.
However, we are working hard together so that he might feel better soon, and figuring out what it is that we can control to help him. It's a rough road but we all have to keep strong!
04-17-2013, 09:37 PM   #4
Artisan105
Yondaime
 
Artisan105's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Avondale/Phoenix, Arizona

My Support Groups:
Thank you for being so understanding for him and his condition. Please remember how much you love him when things get really bad. It could be years before he gets better or it could be soon that remission is possible.

Things to understand:
1) He is a sick person. He can't do things like what normal people do. He can't travel to random places or go camping at anytime. This is because he needs to plan things out so the bathroom is always close by. When we need to go to the bathroom... we need to go to the bathroom. Purchase a lot of tissue paper. Keep the place clean.

2) He can't eat anything like before. This means there is no more going out to eat. Especially fast food places or like Olive Garden etc. These foods will upset his stomach. You both should learn how to cook healthy meals. Research. make a journal of what hurts him or not. Some of the food might be bland but a healthy spouse is a happy spouse right? :]

3) Motivate him positively. He is going to be depressed or always feel like there is a heavy burden on him. The best thing to do is to force him to work out. Make him eat healthy meals. Watch over his medicine- make sure he doesn't over medicate. He is going to get moody because some of the medicine so please try to be understanding, forgive him, and move on. Give him a hug, kiss, and other things to make him happy.

4) You might have some difficult times financially. This is because of all the hospital visits, surgeries, ER visits; but most of the trouble will occur because he can't work. When he is flaring, he won't be able to support you properly. You might have to work more hours or get help from family. It might be a fast phase, he might get better fast, then he can work right away. However, if you read the forum... most people have difficulty working.

5) Sex life might not be so frequent. This is because he is in pain or flaring. The last thing he wants to do is have sex. He just wants to be healthy without any pain. This doesn't mean he doesn't love you or doesn't find you attractive. It's just with all the medicine the desire is not there... well not so much. Who knows, maybe wear something nice for him and sparks might fly. :]

Like I said before... most Crohn's or IBS patients suffer for a long time. They lose their jobs. They take a lot of medicine. There is constant ER visits. Constant hospital stays. Many financial difficulties. The road is a difficult one. This will test your love for each other to the max. I pray you guys stick together. Work things out through the difficult times.

Oh also remember... we battle this disease each day. Some days he will be healthy, happy, and energetic. However, there will me many days when he is hurting or bed ridden. You might think he is being lazy but he is not. Crohn's people get tired easily, get depressed, or feel like poo because of the medicine or just might have a bad case of diarrhea/constipation. Hang in there.

Much love :]
__________________
Steven

Current Meds:
(Remission)
-Asacol 400mg 2/day.
-Remicade 500mg 8weeks(IV).

My Crohn's Story:
http://www.crohnsforum.com/showpost....29&postcount=1

My Suggestions:
http://www.crohnsforum.com/showpost....43&postcount=2

My Music List:
http://www.crohnsforum.com/showpost....72&postcount=1
04-18-2013, 05:03 PM   #5
nogutsnoglory
Moderator
 
nogutsnoglory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: New York

My Support Groups:
Artisan I think these are all great points and the truth of the matter is life changes completely after an IBD diagnosis. Everyone is different and life may not be as drastically altered. I have a very aggressive Crohn's but I can go out to eat, I just need to be careful.

Cedar please know that life will be challenging but if your partner goes into remission his Crohn's might not be on your minds at all. People with Crohn's can go into remission for years at a time, sometimes even decades.

IBD severity depends on the individual. I have heard stories of people with Crohn's who eat everything and take no meds and feel fine while the other extreme I met a man in his 30's who has had more surgeries for Crohn's than years of his life. The poor man can't eat anything and he is incredibly weak and sick.
04-19-2013, 11:51 AM   #6
cedargonzalez
 
cedargonzalez's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah

My Support Groups:
Thanks for your words guys!
Artisan105,
Most of what you said is true. However, we are very fortunate that his condition is not as bad as it could be. We are able to eat out, just carefully. We haven't had any hospital trips or surgeries yet, and hopefully it doesn't get to that point.
Mostly he is able to work, it is good that we have student jobs that are generally very laid back, and it is easy for him to trade shifts when he wakes up feeling very sick.
We have been cooking more healthy things for dinners, lunches, snacks, etc and I think he is feeling better! We spoke about it yesterday and he seems to be feeling less crummy in general.
nogutsnoglory,
Though his condition is a crappy one (no pun intended heh heh), I still feel very fortunate. There are so many things that could make this whole situation worse (like getting all of those surgeries!) that I can't help but feel glad that we got lucky. I'm also glad that he didn't have to go through all of this on his own, I am glad (even though it is hard) that I met him before he went through all of this.
04-19-2013, 04:25 PM   #7
Artisan105
Yondaime
 
Artisan105's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Avondale/Phoenix, Arizona

My Support Groups:
Thanks for your words guys!
Artisan105,
Most of what you said is true. However, we are very fortunate that his condition is not as bad as it could be. We are able to eat out, just carefully. We haven't had any hospital trips or surgeries yet, and hopefully it doesn't get to that point.
Mostly he is able to work, it is good that we have student jobs that are generally very laid back, and it is easy for him to trade shifts when he wakes up feeling very sick.
We have been cooking more healthy things for dinners, lunches, snacks, etc and I think he is feeling better! We spoke about it yesterday and he seems to be feeling less crummy in general.
nogutsnoglory,
Though his condition is a crappy one (no pun intended heh heh), I still feel very fortunate. There are so many things that could make this whole situation worse (like getting all of those surgeries!) that I can't help but feel glad that we got lucky. I'm also glad that he didn't have to go through all of this on his own, I am glad (even though it is hard) that I met him before he went through all of this.
I say these things not just to say negative things. I am just saying it because of my past experience with my ex. We been together for a long time. We were suppose to get married. I proposed. Everything was good. However, I got sick. I don't think she ever encountered a sick person before. It took a while for her to figure out what to do but she did. She stayed with me through years of surgery, doctor visits, hospital stays, the wound changes, and picking up medicines. We had to adjust our finances because I couldn't work anymore. We lost our house, car, and the old lifestyle we were used to. I felt so bad but I tried to get back on my feet but couldn't. After so many years of suffering... after many years of mood swings by me because of the medicine... I think she had enough. We are both young and she wanted to be with someone with a brighter future. I don't blame her. I understand her decision although it was difficult at first. I am healthy now. We are still friends. I don't mind talking with her or hanging out with her. However my family doesn't like her for leaving me. I still love her so much but I don't think we can ever be together again.

I pray you guys don't have to go through anything so severe. I hope you guys get through it without any problems. Work through it together. Always talk- communicate your feelings. Don't hold anything back. When you start holding things back, keeping pain, or holding grudges... then things will get bad.

Praying for you both. Much love & grace.
04-20-2013, 05:37 PM   #8
KWalker
Moderator
 
KWalker's Avatar
Thank you for being so understanding for him and his condition. Please remember how much you love him when things get really bad. It could be years before he gets better or it could be soon that remission is possible.

Things to understand:
1) He is a sick person. He can't do things like what normal people do. He can't travel to random places or go camping at anytime. This is because he needs to plan things out so the bathroom is always close by. When we need to go to the bathroom... we need to go to the bathroom. Purchase a lot of tissue paper. Keep the place clean.

2) He can't eat anything like before. This means there is no more going out to eat. Especially fast food places or like Olive Garden etc. These foods will upset his stomach. You both should learn how to cook healthy meals. Research. make a journal of what hurts him or not. Some of the food might be bland but a healthy spouse is a happy spouse right? :]

3) Motivate him positively. He is going to be depressed or always feel like there is a heavy burden on him. The best thing to do is to force him to work out. Make him eat healthy meals. Watch over his medicine- make sure he doesn't over medicate. He is going to get moody because some of the medicine so please try to be understanding, forgive him, and move on. Give him a hug, kiss, and other things to make him happy.

4) You might have some difficult times financially. This is because of all the hospital visits, surgeries, ER visits; but most of the trouble will occur because he can't work. When he is flaring, he won't be able to support you properly. You might have to work more hours or get help from family. It might be a fast phase, he might get better fast, then he can work right away. However, if you read the forum... most people have difficulty working.

5) Sex life might not be so frequent. This is because he is in pain or flaring. The last thing he wants to do is have sex. He just wants to be healthy without any pain. This doesn't mean he doesn't love you or doesn't find you attractive. It's just with all the medicine the desire is not there... well not so much. Who knows, maybe wear something nice for him and sparks might fly. :]

Like I said before... most Crohn's or IBS patients suffer for a long time. They lose their jobs. They take a lot of medicine. There is constant ER visits. Constant hospital stays. Many financial difficulties. The road is a difficult one. This will test your love for each other to the max. I pray you guys stick together. Work things out through the difficult times.

Oh also remember... we battle this disease each day. Some days he will be healthy, happy, and energetic. However, there will me many days when he is hurting or bed ridden. You might think he is being lazy but he is not. Crohn's people get tired easily, get depressed, or feel like poo because of the medicine or just might have a bad case of diarrhea/constipation. Hang in there.

Much love :]



Holy cow, you make sound crohns so much worse than it really is! You can still travel, camp, back pack, jump out of a plane, or whatever else you want to do with crohns. I think what you were trying to say is that we might not always feel up to taking vacations, and that is okay but crohn's certainly doesn't have to hold you back from living your life.

You and your boyfriend can still go out to eat, and yes, even fast food lol. Diet is one of the most controversial topics with crohn's and while some people have "trigger foods" which can affect their crohns, there are also a large variety of members here that eat whatever they want and don't feel food affects their crohns at all. However, that's not to justify eating crappy fast food because in reality, it isn't healthy for anybody. There are many restaurants that has real food prepared properly that you and your boyfriend could eat at every single night and not have to worry.

Crohns doesn't cause depression. As we all handle life differently, some of us do have a harder time coping with serious issues such as crohns which is perfectly normal after learning you have a life long illness to deal with now, but crohns itself doesn't make some moody or depressed. Certain medications are possible side effects of mood swings or depression (prednisone) but again, not everybody experiences those. Like Artisan said, it is always good to motivate positive attitudes, but odds are your boyfriend isn't going to tornado into depression just because he has crohns. It takes some getting used too, but once you've had it for as long as some of, we even forget we have it sometimes.

Financially, you may have problems at some point, but you also might not. You said your boyfriends crohns is pretty mild so odds are he's not going to be at home on disability because he can't work. I've had crohns for 21 years now and I study full time at university and also have a full time job when I'm not at school. A normal life. Yes medication can be expensive, but that all depends on where you are, your health coverage (if any), etc. I don't think most people have difficulty working at all. Most of us live absolutely normal lives and you wouldn't even know we have crohns. I'd say there are significantly less members on here who actually have crohns severe enough that they are on social assistance or disability because of their crohns. Yes crohns can be serious, but I wouldn't consider it something that's going to ruin your life. Make the necessary changes (if any), pay attention to your body/health, and live your life.

Geeze, there's so much to address, and I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm ripping you apart but some of your information is pretty general and making assumptions that everybody with crohns is like you mentioned. *If* we flare, because some people rarely have flares, we can get tired, but that's when we are flaring. The word remission means you have no active disease. That means you're normal, healthy, etc. To say that he will spend most days in bed or in pain is just insane!


Now, to the OP. What Artisan said does have truth to it, but as I've said we all react differently. I've had crohns since I was 2 (now 23) and I live a completely normal life, without medicine. I couldn't tell you the last time I flared, nor spent the day in bed in pain. I have a full time job and am going to University full time, and everything else you could imagine a normal person does. I live a normal life....and I'm not even in remission. You don't become a vegetable the day you get crohns, so please, don't worry about that.

Some of us go through some tough times because of our crohns, but with the help of doctors, medicine (if needed), and proper treatment many of us are able to get our crohns under control and go back to living our lives.
__________________
Diagnosed:
Age 2 (1992)

Previous Meds:
Prednisone
Remicade
Humira
Methotrexate (oral)
Methotrexate (injections)
Cipro
Flagyl

Current Treatment:
200mg Simponi, Psyllium
04-20-2013, 06:18 PM   #9
Artisan105
Yondaime
 
Artisan105's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Avondale/Phoenix, Arizona

My Support Groups:
You know I was just giving her my experience from when I was diagnosed since I was 7 years old till now. I never had it lucky like you did. I was just giving my opinion. If you understood my statements as a negative generalization I am sorry, but most people who have Crohn's or IBS have difficulties with traveling, eating out(because the food will irritate their bowels), and of course the disease doesn't have to hold you back, and it shouldn't, like I said I was just telling her some of my first hand experience that she might encounter with her boyfriend. I don't know anyone with Crohn's who is ok with eating out like fast food. Most will tell you they try to eat healthy while staying away from fast food as much as possible. If you want to get technical, you can eat at restuarants as long as they do their research on what they are serving.
I am glad you didn't go through the hardships the majority of us faced. I hope you continue to stay healthy.
You don't think Crohn's or IBS causes depression? I guess it doesn't for you. But it totally did for me. Maybe you are a lot stronger than I am but if you faced what I did I don't think you would stay positive for long.
Finance wise, I think if you are healthy you won't have issues but I didn't. It is difficult for me to watch you bash what I said without not even knowing what happened to me. And most of my days when I was ill for the past 3 years I was bed ridden.
What you said was correct. People react differently. I was just expressing what happened to me. My life was not smooth sailing.
I am glad you point out the positives. Now I am in remission and I think just like you. You can live a normal life. Just research in the food you eat. Find your balance. Listen to your doctors. Work out. Stay away from stressful situations.
Really I was just telling her what happened with me in relation to what happened with me and my EX because that was the topic of the thread. Anyways... sorry for over generalizing. Sorry for being negative. Sorry for telling my side of the story without telling the positives as well.
04-20-2013, 06:33 PM   #10
KWalker
Moderator
 
KWalker's Avatar
Life hasn't exactly been a cake walk for me either but I wouldn't consider it hell either. I spent my share of time in the hospital and I had two surgeries for an abscess that were so big you wouldn't believe were real which resulted in me having a nice 7.5 inch scar on my ass (lol), but I did what I needed to do so I can get on with my life. I never said crohns was easy, but I certainly think you went a little far and made crohns seem terrifying to the OP.

I wasn't bashing you at all, I was just fixing you're inaccurate information. I'm sorry you've had a hard go with crohns, many of us have, but many also live their whole lives with mild crohns and no problems.

I understand when you say you were bedridden from crohns, but when you say her boyfriend will be bedridden or everybody experiences something, that's where you're wrong.
04-20-2013, 06:56 PM   #11
Artisan105
Yondaime
 
Artisan105's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Avondale/Phoenix, Arizona

My Support Groups:
What I don't understand is I was talking to her and trying to help her. She thanked me for the info and also someone else. But you came in to criticize what I said. A third party came into the conversation? And plus you could have told me what you just said that I went over board in a private message or something but you decided to publicly post it and go over each point you thought was wrong? If you don't see anything wrong in this then I don't know what else to say. I joined this forum to help people and I have tried my best to help others but now I don't really want to say anything else in this website. Since I go overboard I am glad you are here to make sure everyone says the right thing.
04-20-2013, 07:06 PM   #12
KWalker
Moderator
 
KWalker's Avatar
I decided to come and correct some of the information you posted so others find the proper information. Of course the OP is going to thank you, it probably took a long time for you to post that, but it sounds like she's also knew to crohns and doesn't know different from what you told her and she's probably terrified now.

Last edited by Jennifer; 04-21-2013 at 12:15 AM. Reason: Unsupportive comments deleted.
04-20-2013, 07:16 PM   #13
Artisan105
Yondaime
 
Artisan105's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Avondale/Phoenix, Arizona

My Support Groups:
I don't get why I am the ass? Everything was fine until you posted things. I am friends with a lot of people here. I go out of my way to email with them and help them as much as I can. I am not a scientist or a doctor so my information will not be accurate most of the time but neither are you. If you think I scared her I will message her to ask her. If I did I will totally apologize to her. Anyways lets just end the conversation. I don't want to turn this into a negative thread of swearing. Feel free to look at all my reply posts I made to people. If there are wrong I will say it is wrong, but if it is just my opinion I hope you just respect it as it is. Thanks.
04-20-2013, 08:02 PM   #14
nogutsnoglory
Moderator
 
nogutsnoglory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: New York

My Support Groups:
Artisan we appreciate you trying to help people. We are an online community trying to learn, grow and support one another. The danger though of the Internet is that there is a lot of inaccurate info. The last thing we want is for someone to get misinformation. Most of us here are not doctors or scientists. Even those of us that know a lot about IBD are bound to make mistakes. I know I certainly don't know it all which is part of why I'm here to both get support and support others.

I appreciate your post to Cedar and as my reply said there is a lot of truth but there are some generalizations that can't be applied broadly since our conditions and the severity of them vary throughout our lives. One thing I learned from being a peer counselor is that it's best to speak from the "I" so instead of saying people with crohns can never eat out say "I am unable to eat out".

Also, it's a public forum so it's not a private convo and Kwalker is not butting in. It's only private when it's a private message but otherwise others are reading it and may respond.

We appreciate your contributions but just want to ensure that we provide the best information and support we can.
04-20-2013, 08:05 PM   #15
SarahBear
Moderator
 
SarahBear's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Charleston, West Virginia

My Support Groups:
Let's try to focus on Cedar for now, everyone. Any other issues can be addressed via PM.

Cedar, you sound like such an incredible and supportive partner. Your boyfriend is definitely lucky to have someone like you. Your relationship is very inspiring to many forum members.
__________________


Sarah.
Diagnosed with Crohn's disease 12/6/08.
Have taken: Prednisone, 6mp, methotrexate, Pentasa.
Currently waiting for a new medication!

Check out the Crohn's forum chat!

04-20-2013, 08:20 PM   #16
Artisan105
Yondaime
 
Artisan105's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Avondale/Phoenix, Arizona

My Support Groups:
I apologize. I will try my best in the future to provide accurate information. I was trying to focus on her from what I knew. I think everyone does that in the forum. I am just confused on what accurate information is I guess because everyone's experience is different. So this is where I was kinda upset on because I was trying my best and someone was telling me my experience was not correct. I wasn't trying to state what was wrong or right. I was just telling her what I went through with my ex and what to look out for in the future. If I offended anyone I apologize. I felt like I was just being picked on when everyone else was free to say whatever they wanted. It was just weird for me. But I will try my best not to over generalize in the future. I will tell them both sides of the story.
04-20-2013, 08:26 PM   #17
KWalker
Moderator
 
KWalker's Avatar
Arty, all is well. Nobodys mad at you, we just had no idea you were referring to your own experience in your initial post, which is why I responded the way I did and why others were concerned at the misinformation.

In the future if you wouldn't mind, we just ask that you use words like "for me" and "in my experience" instead of generalizing through words like "you will" or "people with crohns" because as we all know, not everybody with crohns has the same experiences. That's all. We appreciated your input on the forum and value your experience, we just want to know when you're referring to experience.
04-21-2013, 01:33 AM   #18
Jennifer
Adminstrator
 
Jennifer's Avatar
Crohns doesn't cause depression.
I disagree.

"CONCLUSIONS: Compared with matched CD-free controls, young patients with CD had significantly greater risks of developing anxiety disorders and depression, were more likely to receive psychotropic treatments, and had significantly greater risks of developing persistent anxiety and depression." http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21537359

"CONCLUSIONS: despite clinical remission, an important number of CD patients present with anxiety or depressive symptoms. Infliximab therapy in CD patients is associated to more anxiety but fewer depressive symptoms. CD patients in remission would probably benefit from psychological support." http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19492900

"CONCLUSION: This study suggests that many patients with perianal Crohn's disease experience significant emotional distress that impairs their overall quality of life. Further controlled studies are required to assess the impact of perianal disease and to address the need to target interventions to meet the mental health needs of this population." http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21689304

There are many more studies than just these three.

Medications, diagnosis, sleep patterns, vitamin deficiencies etc all play a role in causing patients with Crohn's disease to possibly deal with depression at some point.


I'm glad you're supportive cedargonzalez. Thank you for sharing.
__________________
Diagnosis: Crohn's in 1991 at age 9
Surgeries: 1 Small Bowel Resection in 1999; Central IV in 1991-92
Meds for CD: 6MP 50mg
Things I take: Tenormin 25mg (PVCs and Tachycardia), Junel, Tylenol 3, Omeprazole 20mg 2/day, Klonopin 1mg 2/day (anxiety), Restoril 15mg (insomnia), Claritin 20mg
Currently in: REMISSION Thought it was a flare but it's just scar tissue from my resection. Dealing with a stricture. Remission from my resection, 17 years and counting.
04-21-2013, 05:58 AM   #19
KWalker
Moderator
 
KWalker's Avatar
That's not a cause though, that's simply a correlation. People with crohns sometimes develop depression as a result of the situation, not the disease itself.
04-21-2013, 06:23 AM   #20
nogutsnoglory
Moderator
 
nogutsnoglory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: New York

My Support Groups:
I think even with these studies, the operative word is sometimes. I definitely am more depressed because of my disease and inability to live life the way I'd like to. Someone else may see the glass as more half full. I don't think anyone says geez Crohn's is fun but how we perceive our troubles is very individual. I think it's more likely the consequences of the disease that causes the depressive symptoms rather than the disease itself. I could see however someone whose life has yet to be altered by the illness who gets depressed by an IBD diagnosis.
04-21-2013, 06:46 AM   #21
KWalker
Moderator
 
KWalker's Avatar
Exactly, you don't go to the doctors prior to getting diagnosed and say "I have diarrhea, stomach cramps, depression, etc" and he say "yep, its crohns". It's not a symptom of crohns, it's something that has the possibility to occur with any life change.
04-21-2013, 07:15 AM   #22
nogutsnoglory
Moderator
 
nogutsnoglory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: New York

My Support Groups:
Just to change the convo back to Cedar... I found this interesting article for people with IBD in regards to dating. It might be worth your looking at as the partner of someone with the illness.

http://www.health.com/health/m/galle...500291,00.html
04-21-2013, 09:54 AM   #23
cedargonzalez
 
cedargonzalez's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah

My Support Groups:
Wow, guys! I was gone for a day or two and look what you get yourselves into.
Look, some of what both of you said can be applied to everyone, and some of it can be applied to no one but you! However, I appreciate the info from both of you (and everyone else who has stopped by to show me your support of course!!). I know all information that I get, even from doctors, is not going to be completely accurate or applicable to our situation.
Artisan, I really appreciate your comments, and though I don't think that our situation will be quite as hard as yours, it's still good information to know, especially because we don't know what is going to happen. It's always nice to be prepared for the worst, or to at least know what it may be.
KWalker, I also appreciate your comments. You're right, not all cases are so severe, and I am so glad to hear that people like you are out there that give my boyfriend and I hope that it is totally possible for him to live a normal life.
The truth is, he has been depressed, and whatever the actual cause, it is very miuch tied to the crohns, and it is just something else that we need to work on. The food that we eat does need to be healthier, not simply for the healthy-ness of it, but because eating things like fast food does upset his stomach and make him sick.
Noguts, thanks for the article, I really appreciate that! Lots of good suggestions there. What we were thinking of trying next was cutting out dairy, to see if perhaps that is something that makes him feel worse, as kind of just a test. He's not looking forward to that, because he loves dairy!
Let me ask you all a question... do you all see a doctor regularly, only sometimes? Because he doesn't see any doctors regularly, and my mom mentioned that it would be a really good thing to do. I started thinking about it and realized that it certainly would, especially in these beginning stages when we are still new to the affliction and trying to work everything out... thoughts?
04-21-2013, 10:01 AM   #24
SarahBear
Moderator
 
SarahBear's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Charleston, West Virginia

My Support Groups:
I see both my GI and GP regularly. The GP usually has appointments set up every six months just to check up on things (and I make appointments and can walk in if I'm having any problems) and the GI seems to run at about every four months (and I'm in remission). Is he having a colonoscopy done regularly? Most people get it done once a year or so while they have active disease, and one every two years or so while in remission.
04-21-2013, 10:13 AM   #25
cedargonzalez
 
cedargonzalez's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah

My Support Groups:
The only colonoscopies that he has gotten are the ones from when they were trying to diagnose him. I wasn't aware that he had to get them regularly.
Another thing that I have been kind of frustrated with is the lack of.... I'm going to say knowledge and helpfulness, from doctors. He went and got the colonoscopy, they diagnosed him, and then they didn't give him any kind of follow up advice, or tell him to come back regularly... nothing like that. I feel kind of irritated at the way that they just threw him back out without any kind of long term support. No GI doctor suggestions, no therapist suggestions, nothing!
I will let him know that a regular GI doc and colonoscopies should be a regular thing.
04-21-2013, 10:15 AM   #26
SarahBear
Moderator
 
SarahBear's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Charleston, West Virginia

My Support Groups:
Did he get started on medication, or did they just diagnose him and throw him out the door? Does he have a GI? If so, I'd probably be looking for a new one, if that's the way they acted.
04-21-2013, 10:15 AM   #27
KWalker
Moderator
 
KWalker's Avatar
I'm personally more of a "I'll go to the doctor when I need too" kind of person. I think some people really rely on doctors and medicine for even the smallest things, and that's fine for them but I've always been more of a wait and see if it passes first. It's all personal preference and there's no right or wrong answer.
04-21-2013, 10:28 AM   #28
afidz
Super Moderator
 
afidz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Mckinney, Texas

My Support Groups:
I see my GI about every 6 months. Lately its been about every 6 weeks but When I first moved to Texas I had a really bad flare, I saw him once a week to make sure I wasn't getting worse and that the meds are working.
__________________
Crohn's since 2007
15 Abdominal Surgeries since 2008
Severe Non-repairable abdominal hernia
Ankilosing Spondylitis
Inflammatory Arthritis

Failed meds:
Humira
Remicade
Asacol HD
Cimzia
Methotrexate
04-21-2013, 10:28 AM   #29
Ya noy
Senior Member
 
Ya noy's Avatar
Again, everyone's different, experiences vary and are unique to the individual. So there is no one right and one wrong.

I kind of LOLed at the "lack of sex drive" though. Yes, meds and illness can have that effect, but well, aside from making him irrational and totally psychotic, prednisone has the exact opposite effect on my husband. It's a steroid, and sends his testosterone levels right through the roof. I really, really tried to warn the doctors at that hospital of the dangers of that prednisone IV. He may have been covered with chemical burns covering 75% of his body, but not where it would effect his ability to have sex, and there aren't really any rules prohibiting visitors fom having sex with patients in hospitals. Although as his cousin found out, they do get annoyed if you nail your nurse in their employee break room. PROTIP: There are no video cameras in hospital bathrooms, which is good to know if you feel the urge...


@Artisan, Your experience with your ex? My guess is that if it hadn't been crohns, it would have been something else. Maybe she was young, maybe somewhat naive, and maybe she just didn't have enough life experience that might have enabled her to deal with the situation better. I don't know, and I'm certainly not in any position to judge. Not her, or anyone else. but everyone is different.

I personally didn't marry a paycheck and as an independent woman, define my "bright future" by my own earning potential. Why would anyone want to spend their life with someone who's in it for the money? Seems rather dehumanizing, as if reduced to a walking ATM machine. My husband would be the first to tell you that our very best memories are of the times we were our poorest. When we had the luxury of time, to take long walks, stay home at night and just play cards, and spend days on end in bed. Others may feel differently, but I'm not married to them.

When my husband can't work? Oh well. We intentionally live way below our means, so it doesn't make that much of a difference. He was able to work long enough to help pay off our house, and we don't have that many bills. Going to family for money? Too many strings attached, we'd cut back and do whatever it took to avoid that, at all costs. Motivating him? He's a grown man, I'm not his mom and he wouldn't listen anyway. Monitor his Meds or force him to work out? I can't make him do anything. Again, grown man. Took years of pain and agony before he finally decided to give my kefir a try, and has been in remission ever since. Making him healthy meals? I would, but he doesn't let me in his kitchen that often, at least not without his supervision, but we do cook everything from scratch. Never cared much for Olive Garden anyway. I'd help keep the place clean too, if he'd clue me in on where he keeps the vaccum. He doesn't like me messing up his organization, and I'm fine with that.

He may have a number of health issues, but that doesn't define who he is, and I have enough flaws and problems of my own to worry about. Which is worse? It's not a contest. We both have our strengths and weaknesses, and support each other in many ways, and in every way that is important to our relationship in our marriage.
04-21-2013, 09:53 PM   #30
Jennifer
Adminstrator
 
Jennifer's Avatar
Let me ask you all a question... do you all see a doctor regularly, only sometimes? Because he doesn't see any doctors regularly, and my mom mentioned that it would be a really good thing to do. I started thinking about it and realized that it certainly would, especially in these beginning stages when we are still new to the affliction and trying to work everything out... thoughts?
I see my GI on a regular basis. Crohn's disease can put you at a higher risk of colon cancer so even while in remission its good to have scopes done every few years as maintenance to make sure everything is ok inside. Many members have mentioned having few to no symptoms before they had to have emergency surgery so to me its important to stay on top of your health by at least having regular tests done.

When it comes to a GP, Cardiologist, Rheumatologist, Urologist, and Neurologist I see them as needed because my health conditions that require these doctors aren't as demanding as the Crohn's.
Reply

Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender » My boyfriend has Crohn's and I'm fully supportive!
Thread Tools


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:16 AM.
Copyright 2006-2017 Crohnsforum.com