I have lost everything in the last 6 months

I have lost everything in the last 6 months (POST UPDATE - Scroll to bottom)

This is more of a therapeutic post for me. I have had so much shit happen to me in the last 6 months that I am so depressed and have no idea what to do. I feel so alone right now.

Obviously this all started when I first got diagnosed with crohns back in December, I had a horrible experience, you can read about my entire experiance with getting crohns by reading this post.

http://www.crohnsforum.com/showthread.php?p=558410&posted=1#post558410

Since I got home, I have been out of work since then, I have been in pain ever since, having to take percocets, and im even on fentenyl patches and having to see a pain specialist for all the cramping and pain. But thats not the worst of it. My life has fallen apart since I have been home.

A little about me, I was managing the cooperate office for the Home Depot, making excellent money, and the job was wonderful. I am also an entertainer, I perform magic for company events, trade shows, private parites, restaurants, etc... Well a few weeks after getting out of the hospital, My manager called me and informed me that the entire division across the country has been shut down, and we all lost our jobs. So I was laid off. (yay for added stress!) on top of that, my insurance had denied my Humira injections and wanted 1700 bux per injection.

Wonderful...

So time goes on, and I keep seeing my doc for my blood tests, and my inflammation markers were getting worse, so now im doing injections every week instead of every 2 weeks. (I got my insurance to cover the injections now, but back then it was a nightmare)

As more time went on, with my health getting worse, I was just laying in bed every day, depressed and sad, and I looked to my girlfriend of 4 years (we have been living together for 4 years) for support, and she was very supportive in the begging, but after only a few weeks, started getting over trying to help me out, and would blame me, and put me down all the time... Which was messed up, but I felt her frustration because she was in the process of starting up her own company and working really hard on her new business. So i figured her stress was already high enough from that.. But her stress was causing me stress, so it was a very hard time..

This is too hard for me to type all the details. so long story short.

The 15th of this month, was my 4 year anniversary with my girlfriend. Well on the 14th. the day before our 4 year.. she admitted to me that she has been seeing with guy since I got out of the hospital and she slept with him.

I came to my parents house and have been here for the last 5 days, and she has been calling and texting me non-stop crying saying how she fucked up and loves me more than anything and wants me back.

Since I got this fucking crohns I have lost my job, my hobbies, friends, and now my girlfriend fucked another guy.

We still have our condo together and I have no clue what to do, Half of me want to forgive her because I really do love and care about her, but the other half of me says fuck this, I should find a person that loves and cares about me.


I hate life at the moment.

I am sorry for all you have gone thru. I truly hope it gets better. And, since you asked, I would take your GF back, if you love her - and it does help to have someone to cheer you up. Go to counseling together, it helps.

Hi Derek,

As a female Crohn's survivor, I can relate to what you are going through as I've been cheated on myself years ago.

As for being able to pay for the Humira, the drug company that makes it has a program for those who have no insurance. They can assist you in paying for your treatment. I know because I called them myself for help.

Also, if you do not have health insurance, go to the billing office at the hospital you frequent the most and ask for a UCC form. (Uncompensated Care Form). It's based upon your income on a sliding fee scale. You'd either be responsible for a portion of all bills or none at all. It's good for an entire year and covers inpatient, outpatient, ER, xrays, scan, blood work, etc. I use to do medicaid billing at a local hospital and I'd get calls every day for UCC forms and I'd mail them out to clients. If you have any questions when filling out the forms, call the billing office and make an appointment ASAP before your next test at the hospital so this way it can be approved ahead of time and you won't have any hassles.

If for some reason you are denied UCC, most hospitals have Charity Care forms. Ask to fill out those forms to see if you qualify.

Look at the wiki here for information on dealing with Crohn's and check out CCFA.org. You can find a local support chapter near you and meet others in person like yourself and swap "war stories", find out which GIs are the best where you live, the educational meetings can teach you about being protected by the American Disability Act, you can hear the drug reps come in and talk about the latest treatments, talk to dietitians in regards to a diet that's easy on the gut, listen to surgeons on the latest updated procedures, etc.

Talk with your GI and pain mgt. specialist to get a game plan going to get you in remission and even talk to a GI surgeon if the pain is caused by strictures, adhesions, or a possible abscess or fistula that can't be seen unless you are scanned. I'm speaking from LOTS of experience.

Hang in there and know you are not alone. (HUGS) Gutless Wonderwoman

Totally understand your position. I went through everything you just posted. Well 99% of it.

I was a financial accountant/ finance manager for Kobe Investments. I made a nice sum of money. I bought a house, nice two luxury cars, and other things. I had a long-term girlfriend. We lived together eventually I proposed to her and she said yes. Everything was going great.

Then my Crohn's decided to flare. I had 3 surgeries out of 6. I had so much internal bleeding, had blood infusions every day, stuck to a PCA pain pump- dilaudid 8-10 mg every 4 hours, Fentynal patch 100 mcg, steroids 100mg a day, Pentasa, Zoloft (Anti-depressant medicine), etc. After the surgery had complications with a fistula, had to cut open my stomach again but this time did an "open wound" healing (This is when you leave the surgery wound open and let it heal itself from the bottom up, you have to clean/replace the gauze stuck to the inside of your flesh every day 2-3 times a day to get rid of the puss), then I developed a hernia, then ulcer, then a colostomy bag. Then I was on a TPN- this is where they have a long-term line so they can feed liquid food in you. I wasn't allowed to eat normal food for a year and had to get liquid food from a bag, pump it in me every night for 6-8 hours. Later I was hospitalized again for massive blood loss. I was in the ICU for 3 days in a coma. All of this was too much for my fiance. This made her rethink about her commitment to me because the future did not look so bright for me.

I lost my house and my cars because I couldn't keep up with the payments. My insurance covered 80% of my medical bills for a year then they dropped me. I owed over $380,000 in bills after I gave up everything. I was in a jam. My family helped out as much as they could. I felt so bad. I felt like a failure. Eventually I had to get government insurance and they covered almost 100% of it. I was so thankful.

My EX went out with another guy which made me super sad and more depressed. I wanted to kill myself so I grabbed a bottle of my dilaudid pain meds and swollowed like 30 pills. My family found me in bed not moving so called 911. They managed to pump my stomach. I was placed on watch for a month in the hospital.

After a while I just got sick of being sick. I started to research on other remedies. Then I found a book about healing yourself with food. I did everything in the book. I ate only wholesome natural organic foods. I never ate at fast foods anymore nor did I eat anything processed from the market. I started to work out- Insanity workout program, played more basketball. I had to force myself to workout because my body was naturally and mentally fatigued. I had to get real with my pain issue- most of the time I medicated myself even if I had no pain. I started to realize the pain medicine was doing havoc on my body- constipation which lead to more infection/flares/pain also it messes with your mind + emotions. So I stopped taking it and ONLY took it when a regular tylenol wouldn't work. I stayed away from stressful situations, people, or foods. I kept a journal on healthy foods I liked and foods that made me run to the bathroom with pain.

Now I am back on my feet. I am working but only part-time because I know my body, I know it will get stressed out if I worked the same hours I used to. My Ex broke up with that guy. We talk often. We go out to eat sometimes. I know she wants me back but it is difficult to open my heart to her again. So I am just taking my time. I am enjoying life one day at a time. I got my car back but not my house yet. I want a different one.

Anyways what I am trying to say is... there is hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You might be just at the entrance of the tunnel but hang in there. You will get to a happy conclusion. I hope I helped out a little. I totally understand your situation. I will be praying for you Bro. Much love & grace.

I am so sorry. You have gone through a very rough time, which is an understatement, and you would hope that the people around you could support you emotionally. I think it's hard for people who knew you when your health was good, and they keep thinking that you are going to get back to the person again. And hopefully you can, but it may take time. I know my spouse gets tired of me sometimes, that we want to do stuff that sometimes I can't follow through with, but I'm lucky that for some reason she's always there for me. I've realized being sick sometimes tears me apart, but it tears her apart too. I'm really more the personality to tell myself to buck up and just do what I need to, and she tells me maybe I should rest a bit. It's a relief sometimes.

Bottom line is, if you want to consider taking your girlfriend back, she should agree to go to counseling with you. Your relationship has changed, at least for a while, and it takes work to get through these tough times. Some people can handle challenges, some cannot. I think counseling would help figure it out if you both want to move forward together.

I know it sometimes seems hard to believe, but you will get better. Continue to see your specialists and they will help get you through. It does get better.

Good luck and I wish you strength for the days ahead.

I totally understand your position as the same thing happened to me only it was my wife that slept with my brother and the affair lasted for three years. I caught them in the hot tub. I lost my companies from a hostile takeover from my business partner and I am going to lose my home. I had to take disability and I am fighting in court for the companies. I am so sorry to hear what has happened I to went through depression and bad anxiety. I would recommend that you see your physician about the depression and counseling as it has helped me. This forum support has been wonderful and I hope you find the peace you deserve. As for my wife and I we are going through a divorce and stress is at an all time high. I wish you all the luck and I'll be praying for you

mwkwmn said:

I totally understand your position as the same thing happened to me only it was my wife that slept with my brother and the affair lasted for three years. I caught them in the hot tub. I lost my companies from a hostile takeover from my business partner and I am going to lose my home. I had to take disability and I am fighting in court for the companies. I am so sorry to hear what has happened I to went through depression and bad anxiety. I would recommend that you see your physician about the depression and counseling as it has helped me. This forum support has been wonderful and I hope you find the peace you deserve. As for my wife and I we are going through a divorce and stress is at an all time high. I wish you all the luck and I'll be praying for you

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OMG... Hang in there bro. Geez your BROTHER? -_-

Yeah my brother it really sucks to be honest with you. I know your feeling
Down right now but the gloom does fade away and younstart to see the light bat the end of the tunnel. You hang in there and just know we all have our stories that differ in some ways but the one common thing we all have is support for one another. Good luck to you and keep your chin up.

I just want to give you a huge hug. =( Sorry Bro. I will be praying for you. Yes lets support one another.

Not too many people go through such hard times... especially with an ex gf or an ex fiance. But I really think everything happens for a reason. Things will get better. We will get stronger. We will meet our match made in heaven.We will love her and really appreciate her.

Much love & grace.

I've seen it happen to members in our local ostomy support group where the spouse, fiance', girl/boyfriend have left the member due to their bag which just goes to show you how immature these people really are.

I've even seen member lose friends due to the hospitalizations and surgeries needed to save their lives. That just shows what a phony person they were as someone who's suppose to be a friend. A true friend stands by you, no matter what.

Our group is like a family as we are always there for one another in good times as well as the rough spots. If someone is sick or has a death in the family, the officers, including myself will visit to see if they need any supplies or pay our respects. That's just how we are.

As one member put it, "if someone can't accept you for you, rearranged plumbing and all, then move on. They weren't a real friend to begin with." So very true as I've lost several friends due to my CD and migraines.

hugs to you!!

We've all have our stories and it's twice as bad when your fighting a chronic illness. We are very fortunate to have this forum for friendship and support. I am so glad I became a member and have made many friends on here.

Wow- it's a lot to take in, in such a short period of time.
I am so sorry it's all hitting at once.

I used to live in Calif. and I know that some of the Temples in
calif have support grps for Crohns patients. You may want to
check your local paper. I am not Jewish but, I went to a few
before moving to Seattle (it was the WORST move of my life!)
It's hard to deal with all this plus a disease not many understand
My mom still thinks after being diagnosed 21 hrs ago more salads
in my diet would fix me right up!

I hope you feel better soon!

Lauren

PS. I would give just about anything to be sitting on the beach right now!

I was just checking in on you to see how you were doing. I hope you have found a little peace with everything your going through.

@mwkwmn

Each day it gets better and better, im back at my condo right now, and its hard sleeping in the same bed as her at the moment, im trying to feel things out and see how it goes, but her attitude really hasnt changed, and I dont get the feeling that she is sorry and wants to make it work so bad like she said while she was crying to me on the phone while I was at my parents. Shes acting almost like nothing happened. So im playing it by ear at the moment.

I was finally invited out with a few of my friends that are going to help keep an eye on me, so I can get out of the house and finally perform some magic again tonight and feel good, and of course when I told her I was going out, I got nothing but static, and a FINE! Then im going out too, screw you! from her basically.

The job and everything else i have come to terms with and Im ok... Its just my relationship thats bearing down on me still. I dont know what to do. I still keep going back and forth.

I wish she had crohns so she could know where im coming from and be more of a supportive loving person towards me.

Really though. I am doing better overall. Iv managed to get most of my medical stuff, SDI, and medications locked down so that has been a lot of pressure that's been taken off of me.

Thanks for checking in.

I'm glad to hear you are some better. As far as the relationship I totally understand my wife is trying to blame me for what she did and doesn't even want to talk to me. I to am sleeping in our bed alone and it's weird. Good luck to you.

Man...
I am praying for both Derek andyou Mwkwmn. I really understand both of your situations. It sucks so bad while being totally awkward, frustrating, depressing, and stressful.

When I am around my ex things get so weird. It doesn't feel the same anymore. The trust is gone. There is some anger because of the betrayal or lack of commitment when you didn't do anything wrong. I am more upset because I treated her so good but at the end she stopped being there for me. I think it was due to her age or lack of maturity to handle someone with a complicated disease like Crohn's.

The worst is when she calls to meet up and I see her getting a text from a guy she is going out with or whenever I see pictures of them in the house or facebook. It gets me more mad when she brings up old memories telling me she misses them or she misses me. =( Our love was real (OR I thought it was genuine). We been together for so long. I even proposed. Got her a ring. =*( Then after my last surgery...she just couldn't handle it anymore. All the surgeries, the hospital visits, the crappy days, the medication etc. She left me at my darkest moment. It broke my heart badly. I thought for sure we could have worked it out... but I don't think she could envision herself with someone who was sick all the time and had a possibility of dieing (After my last surgery I was in the I.C.U.in the hospital for 3 days because I went into a coma after losing so much blood from my surgery wound opening up).

Well hang in there you two. Much love :]

I hear you I am so sorry for what your going through. Keep your head up high and hang in there. I'm praying for you

I just can't believe that so many of you have had to go through this. What is wrong with people these days? The word commitment involves more than just sticking with someone when things are going well. Sometimes the strongest bond can be formed by working together and supporting each other when everything seems to be going wrong! I hope for all three of you that you get these miserable women out of your lives for good and find someone who will love and support you through everything. I can't imagine walking away from someone I love just because things got tough.:ghug:

That's messed up man.

I'm glad you are doing a bit better from the original post and if you decide to break up w/ your GF I know you can find someone better. So cruel to cheat on someone when they are already so low and dealing with so much.

PS, magic is awesome! I just saw Penn and Teller a couple weeks ago.

This is Dereks Girlfriend-

I wanted to write my side of this situation and where I am coming from. Hopefully people can give some advice and input after hearing both sides.

Before Derek was diagnosed with crohn's, our relationship was already turning downwards. It was still very fixable but a lot of important things I feel you need in a relationship I was not getting. We had little to NO affection towards one another (kissing, touching, sex, ect.), we hardly went out and did things together as a couple, he was working over full time and very speratic hours cause his job was open 24/7 even his corporate job at Home Dept, and we had more miner issues but those were the biggest problems.

This next part I'm going to start off by saying that I really can not stand Dereks parents and most of all his Mother. She is a hard headed stubborn I know everything and im right type of person. Impossible to get along with. Not only that, Derek is an only child and he is her only son.

When Derek was first admitted into the hospital, the doctors gave him 2 weeks to live. I completely stopped my entire life and was with him the entire time. I would even spend the night with him there. I only left to shower and take a nap for a few hours. Then I would be back at the hospital. As Derek started to progress I never once missed a day he was in there. I would always see him for long periods of time before or after work or sometimes both. Dealing with his parents in the hospital was extremely hard. They have never included me in the family or treated me fairly. They have always belittled me and are very degrading. While derek was in the hospital, I was always battling his Mother. I could also tell at times she was jealous because I would help Derek in the bathroom or wash him down in the bed with the wash cloths. I was doing things his mother shouldn't. My biggest problem with his parents is. They wouldn't want me in the room with the doctors came to give up dates. Or they would walk out and talk privatly. They left me out of the loop 100%. Then Derek was turning me away all the time. I couldn't hug him, kiss him, sit next to him, or anything 80% of the time. When I would come home I would feel lonely and depressed. I felt I was being thrown out of the an important part in Dereks life by Derek, his mom, and his dad. The doctors wouldn't even talk to me.

When derek got out of the hospital. It was the same. Battling his Mother and dealing with Derek. I was taking care of him and doing everything. Being a caring loving partner like I should. While is Mother was barging in our condo and getting in the way. I feel like Derek doesn't understand that cause his Mother pretty much wanted to control everything and take over and that it left me with nothing to do anymore. His Mother didn't trust that I could care for him. That really hurt.

So after our relationship was having major problems before derek got sick. It seemed like the problems got 10x worse and I was still feeling that way I felt. I started going out with friends and having a good time outside of dealing with everything at home. I ended up talking to a guy that was keeping me comfort at a time i needed. I wanted to feel wanted and appreciated. So I ended up cheating on Derek with him.

I feel very bad for what I did and I hate myself for it. Not to mention all the problems I was complaining about we still have 10x worse and now more problems obviously because I cheated.

Since Derek has been back from his parents house, he has expected a lot from me. Witch is understandable. But I'm still running a business that I just started and working over full time. Also I am having me own set of health issues at the moment and I go in for surgery this coming Thursday. Derek expects more then I can try and give at this point.

Anyways I'm missing a lot cause its hard to type it all down. At least you guys can get the jist of my side.

I hope your doing better and I know you have a lot to deal with. People that do not have to deal with a chronic illness do not understand what we go through. I wish you the best and hope you have some happy times ahead..

Derek and girlfriend - I hope that you can work things out, if that is what you both want. It sounds like a lot of your trouble is coming from a serious lack of communication. Especially when times are hard, it's very important to keep talking to each other. It might be hard to tell each other what is wrong, or what is bothering you, or something that needs to change, but if you don't, how will the other person even know? It sounds like mom and dad need to realize that Derek is an adult and has more people in his life who are important to him than just them. It's time to communicate with them as well.

Hey Derek I was just checking in on you to see how things were going. I hope everything has settled down and you've been able to find peace. Hang in there and good luck.

Hey you two.
Everyone in a relationship goes thru some rough patches and even sometimes one is unfaithful. The important thing to ask yourself now is, do I still love this person? Is this the person I want to share the rest of my life with? Do I still respect them? If you say no to any of those, then I would say either get counseling if you really want it to work. Or move on and stop torturing yourselves trying to save something that wasn't good to begin with. My first marriage was horrible. I went into it with a dream and that dream was shattered so quickly by drugs and alcohol. I stayed with him and wasted 20 yrs. of my life. We had two kids who suffered because I did stay with him and eventually when I found the courage to leave him, he committed suicide. Just to punish us all, he did it on my grandson's birthday.
My two kids ended up on drugs for yrs. because of all the pain and we still all have memories that should never have happened.
My point being, if it's over, move on before it hurts any worse. May you both find the happiness you deserve with eachother or someone else.:rosette2:

Just a quick update. Things are still shaky all the way around, Im stll not getting better, Im back at home, my insurance is dicking me around, My EX girlfriend has not stepped up to the plate like I thought she would when I gave her a second chance. Now im up every night, alone, and depressed. Im trying to start working out again and tanning just to try and kill a little stress but other then that its the same eat, hurt, poop, painkillers, depression, cry, repeat. Really sucks. No I have really bad insomnia AGAIN. I was doing better with that when I was smoking weed, but My pain specialist said I had to stop smoking pot (im talking the REAL expensive medical stuff) if I want to continue to see him. Aparently if I get blood tested (I dunno why I would) and they find pot, he legally cant see me?

Funny part is too, was that during the period of time I was smoking this High CBD low THC medical weed, my inflammation markers were dropping every test.. once I stopped, the shot back up and now i looking at switching to remicade maybe or surgery.

Thoght that was a bit trippy.

I have reconnected with some old friends (Guys and Girls) that have been helping me out a bunch so I feel a lot better most of the times. Its just these times that I wake up at 2am and roll over to hug someone thats not there anymore.

And its not like finding someone is the easiest when I cant go out and drink, Im super skinny, pale white, and feel like crap... that doesn't put off that whole Alpha Male confidence that attracts the ladies.

So now all im obsessed with is wanting to work out, take roids, fix my teeth and do whatever I can to make myself feel better about myself.

In reality, I just lay around the couch all day on the phone fighting with insurance, the state for my disability, reading all these crazy contradicting diets, watching movies and sleeping random hours.

I did start juicing, which has turned my pee really really dark, and poops red, (Didnt realize it was the beets haha) but all in all just trying to get my nutrients in and self esteem back up enough to get out and start making movies out in the world again.

Any my ex.. She just doesn't get it, Im coming to the realization that her brain literally cant comprehend what showing sorry means or even how to apologize all on her own without me having to tell her what to do.

And im getting over that real fast. If Im not worth fighting for, then move on. It should be that simple. I haven't seen her step out of her comfort zone once and do something mind blowing to prove how much I mean to her. And that's what I expect.

As of now id be happy just finding someone intelligent and compassionate that comes over and cooks with me and watches moves and what not.

Hey Derek sorry to hear about all the crap your going through. I can relate to what your having to deal with. My divorce should be final in a few days and my soon to be ex hasn't called and she wouldn't come see me while I was in the hospital. I agree with you in that I just want someone to love and care for me like I would them. I wish you luck and hope everything turns around for you. Hang in there

Just an update for everyone! Im still SICK! haha.. But really though, I got the ex out of my life, and im am so happy that she is gone, totally over her. She was toxic, selfish and just a huge stress in my life. I feel sorry for her new boyfriend that she lives with (yeah she jumped straight from living with me to this new guy pretty much). I feel sooooo sorry for that dude, he has no clue what he is in for. And why would you stay with a girl that cheated on her bf with you? That means, She’s a cheater. lol… ugh, not my problem anymore.

Anyway..

I was still really depressed up until the other day.. something awesome happened. I forced my lazy ass to get off the couch and go out for a halloween party, and I met this girl. This AMAZING cute little asian girl. She wasn't a one night stand or anything like that. She just simply came up to me and told me that I am cute. and I thought that was adorable. haha.

She lives kinda far away, (not too far) so we have just been talking online and facetime. But just purley from talking to this girl, and her being so sweet, has pulled me right out of my depression. Maybe not all the way.. but shes just this genuinely nice person. and I am not use to that, So every day that I talk to her, I feel better and better. Im going to try and hang out with her this weekend. She is so sweet. The total opposite of slutty stripper hoes that have half a brain that im use to seeing. THIS girl is awesome. Just purely awesome.

So to anyone out there still battling the ex issues. Just remember like people say, Just put yourself out there, be yourself and the right people will find you. And thats something new I’m trying too with the people I meet, especially this girl. Im be 100% open and honest with her, nor trying to build myself up, or try to impress her. Im just being myself and talking to her like I would talk to a family member (Well, minus the parts where I tell her she is adorable haha) and taking an honest interest in getting to know her.

I have no plans to try and hit it and quit it, and I’m not trying to throw some game at her. Im not even trying to make a relationship with her (its still too soon, shes way too nice of a girl to be a rebound chick).. Its just simply me, being me. And she has responded by telling me that she likes me. And I swear. That is the best feeling in the world, especially because I just put myself out there completely truthfully.

Im pretty happy at the moment.

Sorry for all you are going through.

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Hello Derek, I am glad things are starting to workout and you are finding ways to get rid of the stress. I hope you feel much much better physically and emotionally. From your original post, I just want to let you know that its ok to feel lost but remember that it will all work out and eventually you will find peace. I am glad you are over the ex, you need someone to support you and back you up 100% and understand what you are going through and not be self-centred when you are in pain and you will find that! you deserve it! Surround your self with awesome, happy and positive people who are there for you! and its ok if you feel like crap. Tough days don't last but tough people do. I don't have Crohn so I can't imagine what you are going through. But I promise you that you will have good days and it will make you stronger and you will have "real" and truly loving people in your life. Good luck with the girl, she sounds awesome

I wish you joy, well being, health and stability.

Wish you better things in the days ahead.

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Derek, that's pretty cool. Sounds like you've resolved a lot of the negativity in your life recently, and things are looking up! Best of luck with this new friend, and may things continue to improve for you.