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01-27-2009, 11:22 PM   #1
Gustav2127
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Sexuality & Crohns

I just have doubts . . .

Because of my Crohn's I get bad anal fissures, even in remission; but not as bad when in remission. But this really affects my relationships because most gay people i know (not many, and yes, i'm gay) are all sex crazed. It seems to me it will be harder to find a guy when i can have sex with him, but he cant have sex with me (bc of anal fissures). it's unbalanced, unfair . . . to my partner, i mean-- but that's the problem. who would want to be in a serious relationship when the person can't have sex with you. I'm not crazy at all about sex, i could live with out it, personally, but most people don't think that way. i just feel lonely and fear that i may not find someone because i don't know any gay people who are not all about sex Urghh . . .
01-28-2009, 12:20 AM   #2
jed
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you'll be pleased to know this disease doesnt discriminate against gays

my lovely arthritus in my hip makes me an incredibly boring person to have sex with these days. a thread on here from the ladies recently was discussing some kind of fissure (or similar) in there vagina's which ruled out sex.

aside from the genital area physical problems we suffer from, we then have to think about the energy levels, or the threat of pooping our selves half way through.

so thankyou to crohns from the the straights, bi's and gays, you've ruined our sex as well.

hurray for crohns!

....



we know your pain.
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01-28-2009, 12:44 AM   #3
jed
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oh, and welcome to the forums gustav!
01-28-2009, 02:53 AM   #4
jed
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Gustav2127 said:
i just feel lonely and fear that i may not find someone because i don't know any gay people who are not all about sex Urghh . . .
oh, forgot to mention, me and wifey used to have crazy sex sessions, these days its a very different thing due to how my crohns is at the moment.

But that "someone" you mention doesnt necessarily have to be the greatest sex for the rest of your life.

That "person" will be there because of love, understanding, friendship and more love, not just sex.

Give it time gustav, concentrate firstly on your health, the rest can come later.

Jed
01-28-2009, 03:24 AM   #5
Agent X20
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Hi Gustav, welcome to the forum
Jed said it all. Straight or gay, male or female, the disease affects a lot of people in different ways. all the anxieties and insecurities about finding a partner seem to crop up a lot.... you'll find it recurring in a lot of threads.
I think it's a lot to do with self-confidence, and crohns is not good for self-confidence, amongst other things
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01-28-2009, 01:05 PM   #6
Gustav2127
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Thank you everyone for the welcome!

Jed- thank you for that; I should just give it some time.

agent x20- Crohns really isn't good for self confidence.
04-29-2009, 06:30 AM   #7
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aw im sorry to hear that im still a virgin so i dont have to worry about any of that yet and when i do find a guy i want to do that with i will sit him down and tell him everything that goes on with me.
04-29-2009, 07:30 AM   #8
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a little thought here..... us Crohnies might actually be better sexual partners as we sometimes have to be a little more inventive......
05-31-2009, 09:30 AM   #9
fromthegut
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Gustav.. thanks for writing on this subject. I had a huge sob after reading this section. I too have avoided relationships because of my fears around not being accepted. I feel that I am damaged goods. It is something you have really helped me with today. I see I am not alone. I actaully prayed to be gay... I thought that would solve my problems. But alas... I like men

Last edited by fromthegut; 05-31-2009 at 11:56 AM.
05-31-2009, 06:51 PM   #10
Colt
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Yes dingbat, but unfortunately not all of us have partners who like it when we're inventive.
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05-31-2009, 07:47 PM   #11
jamie2462
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*sigh* occasionally things can be quite painful so it's best to wait for an understanding partner who will understand when you have flare ups and really as "starved" as you may be...it's best to wait and take care of your health first.

Us crohnies have soooo much fun some times. :P
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06-05-2009, 09:47 AM   #12
xX_LittleMissValentine_Xx
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Why does it feel like you are going to 'have an accident'? is it the pressure or something? I hate it
My boyfriend is rly great and understanding tho, thankfully
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06-03-2010, 12:22 PM   #13
Jshuah72
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Old post, but I completely relate. My Crohn's has been in remission for year, but I got my first anal fissure. It is not painful at all, but unsightly (of course) and slightly bloody. It certainly puts me at a higher risk for contracting something. I just started low dose steroids, antibiotics and a cream. It has less puss, but is still there. I hope it goes away on its own really really soon, but if not I now there a lots of other remedies and surgery is really promising too. The waiting though is killing me.
09-01-2010, 01:36 PM   #14
Billie Selene
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Just read Gustav's rant from Wayyyyyy Back When..... but I have to say something now! I am Transgendered.. think "gay" but in hi heels! LOL! You all have such an upbeat look at waiting for someone who will come along and be the perfect guy... but what about the fact that since I have exploded into the CD scene...... meaning I had some minor symptoms less than 6 month ago and now I am bleeding significantly.... cramping.... meds don' seem to be working.. and a GI who has all the bed side manner of Alfred E Nueman ( for the older ones out there).... I have lost all desire to and ability to even go out to a movie or restaurant or a bar to meet any one.. how am I supposed to find the "Guy" I need in my life..... does Amazon deliver to the home!?!?!?! Can I just order one from some foreign clone lab some where! See... I TRY to be positive but damn it when it gets down to being honest with myself and anyone else.... I will live with this alone and will die alone..... and it is hard enough to be 60 in such a youth oriented community.. but be unable to have sex.... well, just dig the hole and pull it in after you!
09-01-2010, 03:57 PM   #15
ameslouise
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Hi Gustav - We all find ways of coping with our Crohn's and sex life, or lack thereof as it is for a lot of us. There are still lots of other things you can do, and once you find the right partner, he will understand that. In the meantime, I understand it must be very difficult to be out there on the dating scene. Sending a hug for you!

Good luck and hang in there. - Amy
09-02-2010, 04:38 AM   #16
Lucy
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Relationships single or married are hard enough, but with CD your partner needs to be a very understanding person. When you find the right one you will wonder why you ever worried to begin with. My husband came to me the other day and said "honey I scrubbed the toilet you messed up". No that's true love when your partner scrubs your poop for you. Lol. Hang in there and don't give up on love it might be just around the corner.
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04-16-2013, 12:50 AM   #17
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I just have doubts . . .

Because of my Crohn's I get bad anal fissures, even in remission; but not as bad when in remission. But this really affects my relationships because most gay people i know (not many, and yes, i'm gay) are all sex crazed. It seems to me it will be harder to find a guy when i can have sex with him, but he cant have sex with me (bc of anal fissures). it's unbalanced, unfair . . . to my partner, i mean-- but that's the problem. who would want to be in a serious relationship when the person can't have sex with you. I'm not crazy at all about sex, i could live with out it, personally, but most people don't think that way. i just feel lonely and fear that i may not find someone because i don't know any gay people who are not all about sex Urghh . . .
I self-identify as bisexual and let me be the one to say that sex is not a priority to me in a relationship. I feel like when someone really cares about you, they will see past your disease and understand what you can and cannot do. There are people out there who will understand, we just have to find them. I am definitely not sex crazed. A relationship where the other person wants to have sex all the time to me does not have any substance. I don't want someone like that to be with me. There are way more to relationships than just sex. So HUGS to you and you are not alone.
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