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Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender » "Coming out" with Crohn's to girl I'm dating


06-13-2013, 10:07 AM   #1
lost kitten
 
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"Coming out" with Crohn's to girl I'm dating

OK so I've been seeing someone for going on 3 months now and I guess I should probably "come out" as a Crohnie sometime soon- I want to be as open as possible as I really like her.
I have already had to do a Humira shot when she was over once and just explained it by saying it helps to keep me from getting sick and left it at that.

It's kind of stressing me out because my last 2 relationships ended partly due to flare ups where they couldn't handle my being sick and unable to go out and do things etc. Both were around a year long and the first actually started when I was in hospital, so I was a bit surprised at the reaction when I got sick again later on.

Any advice?
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06-13-2013, 11:23 AM   #2
nogutsnoglory
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I understand that it's really difficult to tell people about this condition especially when it's preceded by bad experiences, you want to avoid getting hurt. Honesty is the best policy and critical if a relationship is going to work. You can't hide your IBD nor should you, if you want to continue with this girlfriend she needs to know this big part of your life. She already knows something is up because nobody just takes an injection to keep feeling well. Maybe she just isn't pressuring you to tell her.

I think 3 months of dating is a long time to hold this back from someone. She could be upset that you didn't trust her and weren't upfront from the start. If she likes you and cares about you hopefully she will accept it and stick with you.

Is your disease under control with the drugs? It's easier for her if she sees you are just maintaining health as opposed to struggling with active disease. I think getting this off your chest will reduce your stress and you may be pleasantly surprised. If you see a future with this woman it's just something that you need to get done.
06-13-2013, 11:37 AM   #3
kel
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You just have to go ahead and tell her. If she can't handle you having a non contagious disease that you were born with, she's not worth your time. Be honest with her, if she cares about you it won't even phase her.
06-13-2013, 07:18 PM   #4
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I should've probably added we're not in a relationship at the moment, I just think I should tell her at this point as it seems to be headed that way.

Thanks for the responses guys, it's hard being so introverted!
06-15-2013, 09:46 AM   #5
nogutsnoglory
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What is your biggest fear in telling her? Are you afraid she will leave you? If you are going to become more serious this is not something you can keep secret? Also, would you want to be with someone who couldn't overlook this and be supportive?

What did she say when you took the Humira shot to prevent being "sick"?

What is your game plan for telling her? Please keep us posted I'd love to know your technique since its always hard to say it.
06-15-2013, 10:13 AM   #6
lost kitten
 
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The thing that's getting me is the actual telling her part- I'm just really bad with verbal communication and a complete introvert.
I'm not all that worried about how she'll react- 90% sure she'll be supportive etc., and if not I won't waste my time.
It's just finding the words and being able to say them!
06-15-2013, 10:48 AM   #7
PsychoJane
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Just go with the flow! Don't go too much into details, likely, she knows someone that has IBD or knows someone that knows someone! Most of my partners already were aware of my condition or had been in contact with sickness at some point (would it be one relative afflicted by cancer or else). Compassion is believed to be in everyone (welllll we could debate on that) but I believe most people are open to that. Just bring back the why you were using the injection, or find a moment where you have to inject to tell her. Like NGNG said, she is most likely aware that no one take injection without a good reason.

Good luck with that!
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Diagnosed UC 1999 then refractory CD.
Past Meds: Prednisone, asacol, cyclosporine, cyclophosphamide, mp6, Humira

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~~Oh! n sorry if what I write seems strange at times, English is not my main language!~~

You'd like to chat and feel facebook would ease this point,
send me a private message and i'll do so =)
06-15-2013, 10:52 AM   #8
nogutsnoglory
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It doesn't have to be a big announcement or speech and you can have it come up organically. When you sit down to eat you can explain you have issues or just say I don't feel we'll today, I have Crohn's... I think it can be a simple getting the words I have Crohn's out there. Let her ask any questions and you can bring up whatever you like later at your own pace.

If you are really introverted and scared to say it maybe you can write a letter or email? I don't think that's a good option since its important and personal but it is an option.
07-02-2013, 11:38 AM   #9
nogutsnoglory
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Just wanted to check in lost kitten haven't heard from you. Have you been able to tell her or make progress in that direction since you posted?
07-04-2013, 05:30 AM   #10
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Hey, I haven't been able to find the right moment just yet as we've both had other stuff going on. I'm seeing her tomorrow night so I'll probably bring it up then
07-04-2013, 07:19 AM   #11
Aphrodite_x
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Can I ask, maybe this is just me, but why make such a big deal about it? If it was me, I would have told her a long time ago, but wouldnt have made an issue about it, maybe just brought it up in conversation. Sure you have a chronic disease, but she cant catch it, it wont affect her health in anyway. Its part of who you are, and if she makes a massive deal out of it, she's not worth it at all.

Most people have something wrong with them these days, sadly enough.

My current partner knew right from the start. I cant even remember now how I told him now, but he doesnt make a big deal about it. Yeah when I'm flaring he's awesome and really looks after me, its just part of our relationship.

Good luck with it though xx
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07-04-2013, 07:40 AM   #12
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I'm not making a big deal about it, I'm just really bad at bringing things up
07-04-2013, 08:07 AM   #13
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I'm not making a big deal about it, I'm just really bad at bringing things up

I agree with you. Don't make a big deal about it. I would start by saying, "Remember that time I gave myself a shot? I have something called Crohn's Disease." I would explain CD in a very matter-of-fact manner without explaining the nuances of your personal experience. It will come across as a big deal if you tell her a long dramatic story. Keep it simple. Just my opinion, I may be wrong!
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07-26-2013, 03:51 PM   #14
nogutsnoglory
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Did you ever get around to it lost kitten? Definitely tell us how you did it and how things went. Hopefully smoothly.
07-27-2013, 12:00 AM   #15
Jennifer
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Since this thread was just bumped I'm interested too if you were able to talk about it. While reading your posts I figured a great way to bring it up might be to say something like, "remember when I gave myself a shot..." I'm sure she hasn't forgotten about that and is probably waiting for you to talk about it whenever you're ready. This advise is awfully late of course so I'm curious how you went about it lost kitten.
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Diagnosis: Crohn's in 1991 at age 9
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Things I take: Tenormin 25mg (PVCs and Tachycardia), Junel, Tylenol 3, Omeprazole 20mg 2/day, Klonopin 1mg 2/day (anxiety), Restoril 15mg (insomnia), Claritin 20mg
Currently in: REMISSION Thought it was a flare but it's just scar tissue from my resection. Dealing with a stricture. Remission from my resection, 17 years and counting.
07-27-2013, 09:48 PM   #16
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I actually haven't seen her all that much this last month- it's definitely been one I'd rather forget!
I mentioned last night that I had to do my Humira injection and we talked for a bit.
07-27-2013, 09:50 PM   #17
nogutsnoglory
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I'm sorry you have been feeling so lousy this past month. She has gotta know something is up with all these injections.
07-27-2013, 10:01 PM   #18
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Yeah, that's what we talked about! I'm pretty sure she already had some idea anyway as she's friends with a couple of my friends, but it felt good to talk about it.
07-27-2013, 10:04 PM   #19
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I haven't felt lousy- not much more than usual anyway Just had some family stuff happen and then she got pneumonia so I hadn't seen her for a couple of weeks because of that.
07-28-2013, 08:56 PM   #20
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I don't really know what to tell you. I mean, I haven't really been in a relationship enough. I don't tend to mind telling because (though I do add 'it's like stomach issues kind of'). Funny story, though. When my brother told his girlfriend she replied 'ME TOO!!!' She happened to have crohn's as well.
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