Feeling so angry and alone

hi all, my hubby has soemthing going on with his bowels and has not been diag with any thing yet , but at the moment he has cdif , second time around, I cant stand the smell, the cleaning up, not be able to go out anywhere, do anyhting, he was in hospital and expected me there every day every minute, he has sever diabtetis along with 2 strokes, I am a young 63 and never thought i would be doing this at this time in my life, we have been married for 40 years . he is very demanding yet i know he doesnt want to be, this damn cdif is really getting to me. he is on his second round of that vic med. I hate hate hate it. I just want a life. so tired of my house smelling like an outhouse, if there is any of them still around so glad i have a place to vent since i live in a little town in nb canada where there is no support groups or anyone that has even had this before. no friends come to the house or family so it is pretty lonely and I only have him to take it out on , and then i feel bad afterwards because i know it is not his fault but why me ?????????? thanks for listening

I'm sorry you feel frustrated and upset. It's completely normal to feel like you are being robbed of your life. Who wants to be a full time caretaker? Who wants the smells and the struggles of a bowel disease?

You are doing it because you love him and know this is not life, this is a chapter in life and will come to an end. Hopefully the doctors will be able to treat his c-diff shortly. If he continues to not respond, have you considered fecal transplants? They are very successful for eliminating c-diff.

where I live in Canada they have probably not even heard of that although I have read up on it, I got some Vancomycin (second dose) today for him, hope this works

You are so brave. "Everyone needs a floor they can fall through"( pink lyrics)
So...where is your "floor",dear? I gently encourage you solicit the help of someone to give you a break. Prayers of comfort to you.

Your husband is probably asking "why me?" also.

I think sometimes we take frustrations out on those who look after us. When I've been recovering from surgery, I've gotten annoyed with my parents, not because they did anything wrong, but because they were caring for me even though I'm an adult, and so they were a constant reminder of how dependent I can be. If your husband appears demanding or ungrateful, it may be because he's struggling with adjusting to being dependent, especially if he's used to fulfilling the typical male/protector role, and doesn't want to have to admit he needs looking after.

You at least can get away from the illness and are not tied to the physical symptoms, and it would probably be a good idea to take advantage of this and give yourself some time out regularly, get out of the house and spend some time on yourself.

Maybe also talk to your husband about how you're feeling? If there's anything he could do to make things easier for you, suggest them, and ask him if there's anything you're doing that he finds difficult and try to accommodate each other more.

I know how hard this is on you~ being a caregiver is tough work. Cleaning up the mess and smell too. I used to be a creagiver for elderly. But noone knows better than him what a burden he is and I know deep down he must feel so frustrated and in adequate. As hard as this is on you, try to remember, he never asked for this either and part of marriage is in sickness and in health. Believe me, he will love and appreciate you so much more after this is over and hopefully never happens again. Do try to get a break from someone who will fill in for you once a week at least.I'm sure he would understand and realize it is very much needed. God bless hon!!!:ghug: