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Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Vent Away » Needing some support after abuse.


07-01-2013, 03:23 PM   #1
charlottevet
 
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Needing some support after abuse.

When I was little, I was a very innocent child. I believed that everyone was good and kind, dreamed of being a vet and saving all the animals I could get my hands on. I thought life was a wonderful adventure and I could never wait to get to sleep so that I could wake up the next day and have some new experiences.
When I was 17 I met a guy I thought I would spend the rest of my life with- naive I guess- but I loved him so incredibly much, we were with really shy and had never been in love before. We lived 200 miles apart and would talk for hours every night online. We got into the same uni, on the same course and we were both so happy. But things changed, he was placed in a flat with some louder more outgoing people, and he seemed to really idolise them. When I came over to see him in uni he would sort of blow me off and make me feel small, wouldnt talk to me as much, I backed off to let him have space with them, but then he stopped really having much to do with me at all.

I tried so hard, but he only ever came to me when he was very drunk, wanted sex or was drunk and vomiting and needed help or his friends told him to invite me to something. I still loved him very much and really didnt know how to act. At the end of the year he came to me and told me he didnt love me anymore, that if I were truly special he would actually want to spend time with me, that i embarrassed him, he hated asking me to hang out with his new friends as I simply didnt fit in with them and him anymore, He told me that when i wore certain clothes I looked ugly and fat. It completely broke my heart.

Things went down hill from there, I was in a lot of emotional pain, watching my now ex trying it on with any girl he could egged on by his new friends, I went off the rails a little and had a one night stand with one of the gang he hung out with (stupid I know...) people in my year latched on to this and made up a story about it all that painted me as a whore, and during the annual stage show the vet school puts on then made up a section about me and this guy, told vicious lies, called me a whore and put up explicit photoshopped pictures of me and him having sex. This was shown infront of the whole campus and the staff. I complained to my tutor and he laughed in my face, told me that if i reported it any further my "life would be made very difficult", told me to "take it as the joke it was intended to be and get a sense of humor" Again, i felt hurt and betrayed by people I trusted.

I dated a new guy in my year. it turned out he was a stalker and was stalking his ex whilst he was with me, writing her daily emails, comparing me to her and then he cheated on me with some American girl whilst on a 2 week course in Ireland. He came to stay at m house and accidentally left his skype logged on to my pc. I was about to go to sleep as he had told me he was going to sleep to and it beeped. there infrotn of me unfolded a convo where he was telling this girl how much he loved her the second he saw her, how I simply didn't compare, that she was beautiful and he wanted her so badly, that he would get rid of me asap to be with her. I ran in to his room and gave him a black eye; being me (meek and mild).

I tried to forgive and forget and maintained a slight friendship with him, however for the following year he invited her over and tried to push her in my face... i was very stressed out by it all, but couldnt escape it. He told her lies about me and as a result she and her mother thought I as trying to win him back?! so sent vicious, slanderous threatening emails. I told him to back off and he began to stalk me after realizing what vindictive little cows she and her mother were he tried to win me back... oh and to add insult to injury all of the above was made into yet another section during the next annual stage show by people I thought I could trust, which upset me greatly, having my picture on the stage being compared to this girl he left me for, told how I wasn't worth anything, that I was ugly and unwanted.

So, following all this I was a little broken.... i wanted to come back and start a new, be the best I could be, then suddenly I got very sick with none stop diarrhoea and stomach pain. I collapsed in my exams and couldn't finish the paper, but by some miracle managed to get bang on 50% and pass. My weight dropped, i couldnt make it into uni because i had such bad diarrhoea and felt so nauseous, my housemates didnt know how to cope so they moved in with their bfs and left me all alone. I got severely depressed and spent a week shut away just crying about how badly my life had turned out. Eventually, I realised I needed help and Granny and Grandpa rescued me, taking me home. Since then.... almost a year ago that was.... I have been trying to plough through the sluggish NHS system, getting tested for many diseases and yet nothing conclusive has been found.

I feel as if I have reached rock bottom, and although I am so determined to go back and LIVE my life and make the most of it, being as sick as I am is the only thing stopping me now. My mind is better, but my body seems to have given up on me... Im 21 and Im scared my life is already in tatters if I cannot be diagnosed and treated. I cant remember what its like to feel well and... happy.

Sorry its so long, feel better after having written it down

Last edited by Jennifer; 07-01-2013 at 11:05 PM.
07-01-2013, 10:38 PM   #2
Clash
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I'm so sorry to hear of all you have been through. It truly sounds as if you have a strong spirit to have endured what you have. I am sorry to hear the way you were treated on campus, it is deplorable.

I do hope that you are soon able to find answers soon! I know it can seem a lifetime as you are going through all the testing but hopefully one of the tests will give you a dx soon!

Sending hugs and support your way!!
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Clash
Mom to
C age 19
dx March 2012 CD

CURRENT MEDS: MTX injections, Stelara


Dx May 2014: JSpA
8/2014 ileocecectomy
9/2017 G tube

PAST MEDS: remicade, oral mtx, humira
07-01-2013, 11:13 PM   #3
Jennifer
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I'm so sorry to hear that you were living some crazy high school drama in college of all places. That's just crazy. Once you get proper treatment I hope you're able to go back to college to finish but hopefully a different one because that one sounds awful.

Stress is a HUGE issue when it comes to Crohn's so if you do in fact have it, those stressful events may have been the trigger. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14998732

I hope you get a diagnosis soon so you can get proper treatment. Mind if I ask what tests you've had done already?
__________________
Diagnosis: Crohn's in 1991 at age 9
Surgeries: 1 Small Bowel Resection in 1999; Central IV in 1991-92
Meds for CD: 6MP 50mg
Things I take: Tenormin 25mg (PVCs and Tachycardia), Junel, Tylenol 3, Omeprazole 20mg 2/day, Klonopin 1mg 2/day (anxiety), Restoril 15mg (insomnia), Claritin 20mg
Currently in: REMISSION Thought it was a flare but it's just scar tissue from my resection. Dealing with a stricture. Remission from my resection, 17 years and counting.
07-01-2013, 11:20 PM   #4
CrohnsChicago
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That sounds like a heck of a lot to go through. I'm very sorry you had to experience what you did. I hope that you are able to move past it and find something and someone more deserving of your time and attention in the future

I can kind of relate to what you have been through in the sense that there were MANY stress factors I had little control over prior to getting sick with crohn's. I was in a position where I thought my life was getting back on track and then I was also hit with diarrhea, bleeding and illness. And eventually a diagnosis. And yes, stress can aggravate symptoms and make things feel FAR worse. I am so glad to hear you say that you are in a better place mentally. Do you have anything that you do in your free time to help you try to wind down and relax?

On the plus side, being single gives you the opportunity to put majority of your attention on trying to get answers and improve your health situation. I hope that your tests can bring a diagnosis to you very soon. In the meantime please be very gentle with yourself and make sure to reduce and eliminate as much stress from your environment as you possibly can. Wishing you all the best and a brighter future ahead!
__________________
Crohn's-Colitis May 2012
Current Meds:
6-MP (100mg) / Asacol (4800mg)
Past Meds:
Prednisone/ Entocort / Flagyl
Current Supplements:
B12 Shot (1cc/mo) / Multivitamin / Vitamin D (1000iu) / Calcium (1200mg) / Omega 3 Fish Oil (4800mg)
Additional Info:
Anemia/Borderline Anemia - whole life
Generalized Anxiety Disorder - 2009 (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, mindfulness meditation)

07-01-2013, 11:34 PM   #5
Hope345
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Charlotte: You are going to be an awesome vet. I am SO SORRY that you went through all of that too. Your ex apparently had not grown up yet and you did not need that!!!! You will find the perfect person for you one of these days and he will love and adore YOU!!!!! It is not naive to think that can happen. It does happen, so dont give up. But right now, your health needs to come first. But do things for yourself and your life as well. You deserve it!!!!!

So have you been to a GI doctor and set up a colonoscopy? I am so glad your grandparents have stepped in to help you. Once your GI gets you diagnosed, they will start you on medications that will help you get back on track. To be honest, it could take a while so look into maybe taking a year off of school so you can get you healthy again.

Please keep talking with us and send any of us private messages if you want to talk privately. There are many caring people on this site, some of us mothers, many others going through what you are. There is lots of information as well.

take care and glad you found us.
Julie
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Daughter (age 17) diagnosed with Crohns Colitis/UC 1/2012 Mod/severe changed to U.C.: 11/7/2014 anemia:blood transfusion current: Flare, weaning from Prednisone, still bloating: Meds ,Pentesa: 2000mg twice daily, Vegan diet, mesalamine enemas .Previous: mercaptopurine, Remicade (13 treatments), Imuran, prednisone ), Flagyl, iron infusions, cortifoam,
Continue to be hopeful
Daughter: age 21, undiagnosed: GI issues
07-05-2013, 04:38 PM   #6
charlottevet
 
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I'm so sorry to hear that you were living some crazy high school drama in college of all places. That's just crazy. Once you get proper treatment I hope you're able to go back to college to finish but hopefully a different one because that one sounds awful.

Stress is a HUGE issue when it comes to Crohn's so if you do in fact have it, those stressful events may have been the trigger. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14998732

I hope you get a diagnosis soon so you can get proper treatment. Mind if I ask what tests you've had done already?
thank you for the very kind post, so far i have had:

- colonoscopy,
- colonic biospsy,
-gastric emptying/ transit study,
-bloods
-stool sample (came back with high calprotectin)
-small bowel MRI
07-05-2013, 04:39 PM   #7
charlottevet
 
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Preston, United Kingdom

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Charlotte: You are going to be an awesome vet. I am SO SORRY that you went through all of that too. Your ex apparently had not grown up yet and you did not need that!!!! You will find the perfect person for you one of these days and he will love and adore YOU!!!!! It is not naive to think that can happen. It does happen, so dont give up. But right now, your health needs to come first. But do things for yourself and your life as well. You deserve it!!!!!

So have you been to a GI doctor and set up a colonoscopy? I am so glad your grandparents have stepped in to help you. Once your GI gets you diagnosed, they will start you on medications that will help you get back on track. To be honest, it could take a while so look into maybe taking a year off of school so you can get you healthy again.

Please keep talking with us and send any of us private messages if you want to talk privately. There are many caring people on this site, some of us mothers, many others going through what you are. There is lots of information as well.

take care and glad you found us.
Julie
thank you for such a kind post, im hoping they can sort me out, i have already had a year out of uni and will be going back come september no matter how i feel... gotta get back in there and work!! I couldnt bare not doing anything for a second year, ill go stir crazy :P xx
07-12-2013, 11:02 PM   #8
Hope345
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Charlottevet
just touching bases with you to see how you are doing.

I sure hope you can jump back into school and feel well again.
have you made friends on this site and found helpful information?

talk soon.
Julie
07-13-2013, 10:59 AM   #9
charlottevet
 
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Charlottevet
just touching bases with you to see how you are doing.

I sure hope you can jump back into school and feel well again.
have you made friends on this site and found helpful information?

talk soon.
Julie
Hello Hope,

thanks that's very kind of you to check up on me Im doing ok at the moment thank you I have cut out soya milk and diary from my diet and cut my omeprazole dosage in half and suddenly I feel a lot lot better!!

As for all the issues with the stuff that happened to me... Im getting there slowly. I have days where it doesn't really matter to me and I feel strong, but other days I think about the past and how I was treated and it really gets me down, wondering if I will be able to go back and fit in to my new year, and not have panic attacks like I did after all the bull they put me though. Or if I'll ever find a man who will love me and take care of me, so that I wont be alone forever watching everyone else get on with their lives. Its hard having put my life on hold living at home for a year. All of my close friends are paired up with long term partners, moving in with them, graduating soon and feeling healthy 24/7, all they ever talk about is how loved up they are and how they are doing this, that and the other with their men/ women. lol, perhaps im just bitter

But I am feeling optimistic today I can't wait for my life to start again and to move on to new adventures, new people, new attitude I believe that my life will be good again very soon....just got to keep on smiling really :P
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