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07-28-2013, 10:40 PM   #1
Cosmojo
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People asking about "health"

I don't know about the rest of you but I'm from a small town, moved away for college, and despite my CD I have accomplished some amazing things. Yet whenever I come home no one cares about my achievements its always hows your health. If I say bad they give me this look about how disappointed they are. If I say ok (which right now is sugar coating it) they are like well it could be worse so count your blessings. If I say good then they know I'm lying cause I'm really not good at hiding it.
*I did do well for awhile, I just mean as to how I feel now*

#1. I am FAR FAR more than my disease.
#2. there is no good answer!
When has it become ok for almost strangers to ask these things!? Like you go to my parents church I don't even know your name!

I realize some of you think I'm so mean for this, and that these people just care. I promise you 80% of them DONT. it is a very small town and gossip is a huge problem and I know I often am part of it, but I can't just tell people its none of their business because, hey, its a small town and that's rude.

This is really not a big deal I just needed to get it off my chest. I feel much better now.
07-28-2013, 10:52 PM   #2
nogutsnoglory
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I think most people genuinely hope we aren't ill but they don't really wanna hear about it, they are just being nice.

I have just been telling people I'm struggling still but let's talk about something happier or I'd rather not focus on it right now but thanks for asking.
07-29-2013, 04:46 AM   #3
UnXmas
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I think there's one benefit of people asking you about your health: you can tell them what you want to tell them. Rather than worrying that rumours may be going round that you're really sick or whatever - you can set them straight. If you want people to think that you're healthy or at least coping well you can tell them that, and if you're really sick and don't feel you should have to pretend otherwise, you can tell them that instead.

And although you want people to see you as more than your illness, people may be worried that if they don't ask you about your health you'll think they don't care or that they're avoiding it because it's too awkward to talk about. I'm sure there are some chronically sick people who don't mind being asked about it, and there is certainly a social expectation that people should ask after someone's health if they know they've been ill, even if they're not particularly close with that person.

So sometimes it may seem that people just can't win! Perhaps next time someone asks you, you could simply give an honest reply and say "I don't want to talk about my illness, let's talk about [whatever you like to talk about] instead." If you say that a few times people might start getting the right idea. I believe you when you say they're not asking out of genuine concern, but it could also be that they also just don't realise you don't like it.
07-29-2013, 07:42 AM   #4
woops!
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I get a little of this when I go home to see my parents. I have found one of 2 anwsers helps me.

1) when they ask me, I reply.. Why? This stumps them.. coz you turn the question back on them without an anwser. Some people will then say to you 'Well we just worry about you and want to know how you are?' then you can judge if you think they truly mean it and are worried about how you feel.

2) If they are just the town gossip then I give them what they want and this usually makes people back away. Yep I give them all the ugly details. The way I think about it is .. you asked for it!

You just have to decide if you can be this direct with them. Sometimes I think that my family seems to forget that there are other parts to me and that CD is the only thing that I am.
Good luck
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07-29-2013, 04:00 PM   #5
Cat-a-Tonic
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I've been flaring the past couple months, and a lot of people - both co-workers and family members - have been asking me lately if I'm feeling okay. I'd rather not discuss it with those people lately because it just brings me more problems - if I tell my boss that I'm not feeling well lately, she freaks out and wonders who will cover my job if I have to go to the hospital or be out sick for an extended period of time. And if I tell my parents that I'm doing poorly, my mom will blame my diet and my dad will threaten to go yell at my doctors - none of this is helpful in the least and just adds more stress to my interactions with people. So in order to avoid that type of reaction, I just say I'm fine. "You're looking pale, are you okay?" I'm fine. "You don't seem like yourself, how is your health lately?" It's fine. "Are you sure you're okay?" Yep, fine! Stop asking!

Because people are asking more than usual if I'm okay lately, I find I've been shutting myself off from people more than usual (I'm a big introvert and am socially awkward, but I'm finding myself wanting to be a hermit lately). Hopefully if I just say "I'm fine" about 1000 times, people will finally get the hint that I'm not fine but I'm also not going to spill any of the gory details. I wish there were a way to tell people that without actually saying it. It seems like no matter how you say it, if you tell people you're not okay, they seem to want details or to offer advice or whatever. I wish I could just say "I'm doing pretty badly" without having to go further into it or listen to the other person's misguided diet advice or whatever. "How are you?" I'm bad, conversation over.
07-29-2013, 06:15 PM   #6
Crohn's gal since 1989
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Smile and say, "Same as yesterday, just a day older!" And turn it to their health.

Or start telling them about your latest accomplishment
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Diagnosed 1989
Asacol,Pentasa and Entocort (didn't work in 2005 and didn't work now)
Done with Prednisone 09/07/13
Azathioprine (Imuran)150mg no longer working
Developed allergic reaction to Humira injection!
Currently trying Remicade with Methotrexate
Still trying to get into remission!

Ileocecol resection surgery
September 14th, 2013.
55cm small bowel removed!
08-05-2013, 10:49 PM   #7
723crossroads
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I've been flaring the past couple months, and a lot of people - both co-workers and family members - have been asking me lately if I'm feeling okay. I'd rather not discuss it with those people lately because it just brings me more problems - if I tell my boss that I'm not feeling well lately, she freaks out and wonders who will cover my job if I have to go to the hospital or be out sick for an extended period of time. And if I tell my parents that I'm doing poorly, my mom will blame my diet and my dad will threaten to go yell at my doctors - none of this is helpful in the least and just adds more stress to my interactions with people. So in order to avoid that type of reaction, I just say I'm fine. "You're looking pale, are you okay?" I'm fine. "You don't seem like yourself, how is your health lately?" It's fine. "Are you sure you're okay?" Yep, fine! Stop asking!

Because people are asking more than usual if I'm okay lately, I find I've been shutting myself off from people more than usual (I'm a big introvert and am socially awkward, but I'm finding myself wanting to be a hermit lately). Hopefully if I just say "I'm fine" about 1000 times, people will finally get the hint that I'm not fine but I'm also not going to spill any of the gory details. I wish there were a way to tell people that without actually saying it. It seems like no matter how you say it, if you tell people you're not okay, they seem to want details or to offer advice or whatever. I wish I could just say "I'm doing pretty badly" without having to go further into it or listen to the other person's misguided diet advice or whatever. "How are you?" I'm bad, conversation over.
Most people in my family are not into talking about it at all. They know I have it, but don't seem to want to acknowledge it. When I don't show up for a family function and say I was too sick, I get UH HUH!!! I totally get how you are though, the hermit thing! That is me too. I just have no desire to go out and do things anymore. I'm just tired and want to rest. I used to be up for anything. I hate it!
08-06-2013, 06:26 AM   #8
lizbeth
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I don't know about the rest of you but I'm from a small town, moved away for college, and despite my CD I have accomplished some amazing things. Yet whenever I come home no one cares about my achievements its always hows your health. If I say bad they give me this look about how disappointed they are. If I say ok (which right now is sugar coating it) they are like well it could be worse so count your blessings. If I say good then they know I'm lying cause I'm really not good at hiding it.
*I did do well for awhile, I just mean as to how I feel now*

#1. I am FAR FAR more than my disease.
#2. there is no good answer!
When has it become ok for almost strangers to ask these things!? Like you go to my parents church I don't even know your name!

I realize some of you think I'm so mean for this, and that these people just care. I promise you 80% of them DONT. it is a very small town and gossip is a huge problem and I know I often am part of it, but I can't just tell people its none of their business because, hey, its a small town and that's rude.

This is really not a big deal I just needed to get it off my chest. I feel much better now.
I think I'm lucky in a way, where I live people don't use `hello` as a greeting, instead they say "how are you", but they really aren't asking to enquire about my health. I found it really strange that they asked but when I would begin to reply they had already started to walk on. After it had happened I realised what was going on.....weird, least I don't have to bother thinking of an answer. I get what you mean about the gossip and small town thing, my mother-in-law is the worst culprit!! But that's a whole other vent lol .
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08-06-2013, 09:21 AM   #9
723crossroads
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Smile and say, "Same as yesterday, just a day older!" And turn it to their health.

Or start telling them about your latest accomplishment
So true, most love to talk about themselves!
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