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Crohn's Disease Forum » Support Forum » Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender » The Advocate Op-ed: Dating With a Disability


08-06-2013, 06:43 AM   #1
nogutsnoglory
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The Advocate Op-ed: Dating With a Disability

This article is written from a lesbian perspective but can apply to other identities as well. I like that the article addresses invisible disabilities because I think the disabled world often does not give much credence to those of us who don't look disabled. Perhaps they fear we are taking advantage?

I think the article is justified in suggesting most would be hesitant if not outright opposed to dating someone disabled even if they consider themselves openminded. I think especially in the LGBT community there is often a sense of being progressive but also a superficial self-centered attitude. With the images of young healthy perfect looking people we are exposed to in ads, it makes it even harder for us to compete.

http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2...ing-disability
08-06-2013, 05:42 PM   #2
Kev
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It is a... I dunno.. idiosyncracy (sp?) of humanity... "we" expect those who have been subject to discrimination in their past would be more... understanding.. forgiving... of others.. but I 'think' (and my thought processes aren't what they used to be) that there is evidence... that this isn't a failing.. or a weakness... but something deeper. If one looks at... well, that children of abusers are most likely to become abusers.. or even .....hmmm, what is it called... Stockholm syndrome... kidnap victims 'connect' to their abducters.. as in Patricia Hearst. So, be it straight or gay, handicapped or healthy, 'we' all seem to be hard wired in some way to turn a blind eye to the things that make us... similar.. and focus on the things, ways, whatever.. that separate us. It is almost (yeah, I know this is an over simplification) like some remnant of the mentality of the 'pack' still lurks within us. Like, I strive not to judge... but to be brutally honest, it is a struggle (and more often than I like to admit, I fail miserably) not to judge. Either one way or the other... you know? For example, I don't consider myself handicapped, or even disabled... but I'll be the first to acknowledge my... limitations. And, I'm not sure in my own head whether that is because I'm uncomfortable (there's the judging thing) with either term... or admitting I'm not the man I was before illness came along. I grew up... 'aclimated'... 'comfortable'... 'accepting'... of my loving grandfather with only 1 arm, or a great uncle with only 1 leg, or a sweet cousin with only 1 eye, or a sweeter cousin with Downs Syndrome... AND their... 'handicaps'... 'disabilities' did absolutely nada to diminish them in my eyes.. or to limit them in their lives.. so.. I don't know. I'm rambling. Or maybe I'm trying to defend humanity for being frail, weak and imperfect.
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08-19-2013, 11:52 AM   #3
nogutsnoglory
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There are certainly instances where those who have been wronged become horrible abusive people themselves but there are also so many who are completely the opposite. How many people have faced tragedy and hardship only to become stronger and more compassioniate human beings who set out to change the world.

It baffles me when someone who has faced hardship isn't more open and understanding of others who are battling things. Maybe it's human nature to always find a scapegoat. Think of all the minority groups, instead of banding together and supporting one another you find dislike or outright hate. If only blacks, Jews, gays, Hispanics, Asians, disabled people, and other minorities who face discrimination joined forces for good.

I think human nature is selfish and driven by ego and that's why it's the rare soul who will date someone new with a disability. They don't want the burden, the image on them.
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