Husband is in bad shape today. 9x to the toilet since 7am. Hes in a bad mood again. Understandably so. Hes in such bad pain. He said hes done with doctors and that whatever happens from now on is how its going to be. Idk if hes expecting to die or what but I dont think hes going to. Hes just gonna have a lot of pain. I told him to go to the ER but he say its a waste of time. Hes probably right .
Hes being kinda mean in his attitude. I know its from his pain but its vert hard for me to not give it right back to him. If we didnt have 12 1/2 years together, I might not even be here. But I love him. And Im all he has.
I miss the was things were BC (before Crohns). He worked, he was healthy and so sweet. AD (after dx. Thats how I decribe our time. Before and after), hes turned in to someone that I dont even recognize. This is not the man I knew. And its sad as hell. Cause hes one hell of a man. But the CD is slowly stealing him away from me. Even if there was a cure tomarrow, I dont think he will ever be the same man he was BC.
And its changed me. I used to have friends. A job. Optimism. Now everything is different. I dont want to leave him alone. I have panic attacks worse than ever before. Ive turned into this Crohns obsessive control freak. Always trying to get him to try different things. I think he hates me.for that. Not that he listens to my suggestions. I barely eat anymore. The only thing on my mind is CD 24/7. And how to fix him and make him whole again. Back to the man I used to know.
Hes being kinda mean in his attitude. I know its from his pain but its vert hard for me to not give it right back to him. If we didnt have 12 1/2 years together, I might not even be here. But I love him. And Im all he has.
I miss the was things were BC (before Crohns). He worked, he was healthy and so sweet. AD (after dx. Thats how I decribe our time. Before and after), hes turned in to someone that I dont even recognize. This is not the man I knew. And its sad as hell. Cause hes one hell of a man. But the CD is slowly stealing him away from me. Even if there was a cure tomarrow, I dont think he will ever be the same man he was BC.
And its changed me. I used to have friends. A job. Optimism. Now everything is different. I dont want to leave him alone. I have panic attacks worse than ever before. Ive turned into this Crohns obsessive control freak. Always trying to get him to try different things. I think he hates me.for that. Not that he listens to my suggestions. I barely eat anymore. The only thing on my mind is CD 24/7. And how to fix him and make him whole again. Back to the man I used to know.
