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Better but Angry

C

cbiddle79

I have crohns disease......10 year ago started with proctitis, little blood, suppositories to help. Few years later got worse, suppositories did not work, had to use enemas etc...lay on your side for 30 min so it goes down the colon....got better....5 years ago....met the love of my life...so happy...had to do that mid day halftime bathroom break for a half hour....not TOO BAD....4 years ago one break turned into a few, then a half dozen, then a dozen, sometimes more....got married......had a child.....all of this was still happening......I am a teacher/or was.....having to run out of the room many times leaving kids alone.....CRIED IN THE BATHROOM.....then THE ABSCESSES, 5 requiring surgery....couldn't sit normal for many months, pain killers come into my life....oh they helped but not after a while.....you become desperate....so tired...not hungry, constantly thinking about the bathroom.....THE PAIN....PEOPLE DONT GET IT.....YOU LOSE FRENDS BECAUSE YOU ARE SCARED to go out to dinner....nevermind a 5 minute dog walk outside.....remicade, humira did not work....saw one of the best gastros in NYC....nothing worked...opted for a colostomy.....in dec of 11....stoma prolapsed a year later...ileostomy then needed....MORE ABSCESSES....I quit teaching....I gave up....I couldn't take it...even though I was tenured etc....I worked so hard to get where I was....all gone...good news is....I don't feel sick anymore....ive adjusted to the different lifestyle.....but now I cant get an entry level job.....ive had a few teaching interviews, but nothing....they all ask why I left work....idk what to say....I feel like I wont get hired because of my disease......my family is suffering because I left my job.....no one understands why I did something so stupid.....you feel like you are on an island of your own....I need help.....mentally AND FINANCIALLY...that is a job :) I have my 2 year old daughter who I love to death, but I want to give her more...and I cant, that goes for my wife and what she has been through..
 
Ckoenig

Ckoenig

cbiddle79 said:
I have crohns disease......10 year ago started with proctitis, little blood, suppositories to help. Few years later got worse, suppositories did not work, had to use enemas etc...lay on your side for 30 min so it goes down the colon....got better....5 years ago....met the love of my life...so happy...had to do that mid day halftime bathroom break for a half hour....not TOO BAD....4 years ago one break turned into a few, then a half dozen, then a dozen, sometimes more....got married......had a child.....all of this was still happening......I am a teacher/or was.....having to run out of the room many times leaving kids alone.....CRIED IN THE BATHROOM.....then THE ABSCESSES, 5 requiring surgery....couldn't sit normal for many months, pain killers come into my life....oh they helped but not after a while.....you become desperate....so tired...not hungry, constantly thinking about the bathroom.....THE PAIN....PEOPLE DONT GET IT.....YOU LOSE FRENDS BECAUSE YOU ARE SCARED to go out to dinner....nevermind a 5 minute dog walk outside.....remicade, humira did not work....saw one of the best gastros in NYC....nothing worked...opted for a colostomy.....in dec of 11....stoma prolapsed a year later...ileostomy then needed....MORE ABSCESSES....I quit teaching....I gave up....I couldn't take it...even though I was tenured etc....I worked so hard to get where I was....all gone...good news is....I don't feel sick anymore....ive adjusted to the different lifestyle.....but now I cant get an entry level job.....ive had a few teaching interviews, but nothing....they all ask why I left work....idk what to say....I feel like I wont get hired because of my disease......my family is suffering because I left my job.....no one understands why I did something so stupid.....you feel like you are on an island of your own....I need help.....mentally AND FINANCIALLY...that is a job :) I have my 2 year old daughter who I love to death, but I want to give her more...and I cant, that goes for my wife and what she has been through..
Click to expand...
I live in CT as well. I have been considering attending the support group that meets the last tuesday of every month I believe?

Also I happen to know a great counselor if you are interested in any info.

Until then. I can read the pain and frustration in your post. Please hang in there. hugs
 
C

cbiddle79

you live two towns from me? I think the last wed at Norwalk hospital...I know of that one.....what has it been like for you?
 
Ckoenig

Ckoenig

Well I have a chronic illness support group on my facebook page you are welcome to join. You can look me up Christina Koenig (Babcock). Also is there a way you can see more of my posts like my intro etc without me linking? I just started so I don't know how all this works.

It has been emotionally draining and I feel very nervous because I am at the beginning of this road, conveniently just as I am at the culmination of 8 years of higher education I never imagined I would make it to. I feel like just as everything comes together, have found the love of my life, about to finish my degree in a field that is more a calling than a job, and have turned my life completely around... this happens. It is threatening my faith. I am crying a lot, withdrawing from my family off and on. I am still trying constantly and fighting it, but I am DEAD tired, and scared often. I have weird and miserable symptoms almost daily of one variety or another... and I have anxiety. How can you not be anxious when within an hour you can be feeling like shit, running for the bathroom, have a horrific headache, or a host of other possible neurological issue. Doctors have different opinions you are your own best advocate, but also not an expert. How do you know if the meds help or hurt more as they each come with a host of side effects. The quality of life is a whole new adjustment. When you begin to look at things like a good few hours is a gift. In contrast if you don't look at it like that you will be in trouble. I am adjusting. I was just recently diagnosed. I am struggling right now. :(
 
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